by Sarah Price
“Priscilla!”someone called out.
She spun around, startled by the interruption. But, when she saw it was Stephen, she smiled and immediately approached him.“Gut mariye!”she called out, waving.
He waved back but did not speak. His face looked serious and she wondered if something was wrong. When they stood before each other, he averted his eyes and shuffled his feet, apparently nervous about whatever he wanted to say. She had never seen him look like this and it worried her.
“Are you not well?”she asked, her own anxiety starting to rise in her throat.
“Nee, that’s not it,”he said, his voice catching on itself.“I have something for you.”He glanced around to make certain no one was watching and he reached into his jacket pocket for a folded piece of white paper.“I want you to read this when you can during the service…not before, ja?”he said, thrusting the paper into her hand before, his eyes still not meeting hers, he hurried back to rejoin the men.
She stared at the piece of paper, her heart pounding. Was it a letter containing bad news? Was he canceling their upcoming marriage? Had the stress of Susie Byler and her lies gotten to Stephen? She lifted her eyes and sought out Stephen in the crowd of men, but she couldn’t see him. His back must have been to her and, despite his height, she couldn’t find where he stood.
Clutching the letter, she made her way to the buggy to find her devotional. With a heavy heart, she walked back to the farmhouse where the church service was going to be held. He had told her to read it during the service. She knew that she couldn’t read it first. He had been very specific about that. The next fifteen minutes would feel like an hour as she worried that her future was about to be turned upside down.
“What happened?”Polly asked when Priscilla finally returned.“You are drained white as a sheet!”
“You ill?”Sarah asked, concern on her face for her friend.
“Nee, nee,”she said, shaking her head. She couldn’t possibly tell her friends about the letter and how she suspected that Stephen Esh was breaking off their engagement. Frankly, Priscilla didn’t know which would be worse: the humiliation or the heartache of losing Stephen Esh after all that they had been through.
The room grew silent as the bishop and deacons entered the room, followed by the host and his older brother and aging father. Hosting church Sunday was often a big day for the family and their parents and siblings often came to help them set up prior to the event and they almost always attended the service.
The men walked along the line of women and shook each woman’s hand in greeting. They looked stern and serious, no smiles or warmth in the ritual reception. Once the bishop and deacons finished greeting the women, they walked into the room where the benches were lined up and took their seats in the middle, facing each other.
The older and married women walked into the room next, the elderly leading the line with the oldest women at the head. It was an honor to be the oldest woman, a position of great respect among the community.
Next, the older and married men entered the room and sat down on the opposite side of the room from the woman. They sat facing each other, not the front of the building. They would sit for almost three hours on hard, wooden benches in a room that had no fans or air conditioning. By the end of the service, the room would be stifling hot and most of the worshippers would have fought off sleep at least once or twice during the past hour.
When the single people had filed into the room and taken their places at the back of the respective sides, which were separated by gender, the bishop gave a signal and all of the men took of their hats, placing them under the bench where they were seated. It was a fluid movement as they all did it at the same time and the official indication that service was now beginning.
The opening hymn was started by a man seated in the back. He began the hymn by singing the first syllable to a special tune. The rest of the congregation would join in to complete the entire line. Then, the man would begin the next sentence in the hymn. Priscilla loved listening to the voices of the church meld together, lifted up in praise of their God and savior Jesus Christ. While she enjoyed the sermons, too, she found herself anticipating the singing the most.
All you Christians, you who are pure, rejoice from your hearts,
Through Jesus Christ, that God is granting us faith, love, and hope.
Because of this we constantly hope without ceasing,
That what God promises through His Spirit shall soon be revealed to us.
The promise in Jesus Christ is to live with Him eternally.
Yes, all those who here believe, and do not resist His Word,
For them He has prepared a city. Those who are received by the Father,
For them there is joy forever. Its light shines as the sun[10].
It was the perfect hymn to start the service. After all, today was the day when she would give herself to Christ by starting her baptism instructional. The words touched her heart and she looked around the room at the serene faces that stared at the bishop as they lifted their voices together, unified in verse and faith.
She smiled as she watched some of the smaller children begin to fidget. Seated ahead of her, Martha Yoder had her smallest child on her lap, the little girl’s head pressed against her shoulder. Her two older daughters sat on either side of her while her son, Melvin, sat across the room next to his father, Menno. It always amazed Priscilla how the children always behaved during church service. Rarely were their outbursts and those were limited to the infants and youngest toddlers.
The song ended and the bishop signaled that it was time for the instructional class to leave the room while one of the deacons gave a sermon. This was the moment when those members of the community made public their commitment to join the church to the entire congregation. Parents would learn for the first time about their child’s decision to take the kneeling vow and officially become Amish. It was a beautiful moment for those parents who, with joy in their hearts, watched as their children made the public decision to begin the journey toward baptism.
Priscilla clutched her devotional in her hand and felt the edge of the white paper that Stephen had given to her. She had forgotten about the letter and she wondered if she would have a moment to read it while in the other room.
Best not, she told herself. She didn’t want to fight tears while in the other room with the bishop.
Several other young men and women stood up and began to walk out of the worship room, following the bishop into a private room where he would talk to them about the importance of baptism and what it meant to commit to a Plain life. Priscilla smiled as she recognized one of the young men as her brother’s friend, Jacob. She hadn’t looked around at the women, feeling too conspicuous of the eyes that were watching her leave the room.
And then she saw her.
Susie Byler had stood up and was walking to join the small group. Priscilla glanced around the room and noticed that her daed and brothers were watching the procession. They, too, had noticed Susie Byler and realized that Susie Byler had requested to attend the baptismal instructions, too.
Priscilla felt the color drain from her face. How could she face the next twelve weeks of instruction, seated in the same room as Susie? How could she kneel next to her on that very special day and take her vow to join the church with Susie Byler at her side? For a second, she panicked but, in that moment, her eyes caught sight of Stephen. He was staring directly at her, a serene look on his face. His eyes shone and he smiled at her, the solemn expression on his face from before completely transformed into one of peace and tranquility.
She glanced at the letter in her hand. What had he written to her? Why had he been so nervous? Perhaps she had misunderstood his intention. She vowed to read that letter as soon as she had a moment’s peace to see what it was that Stephen wanted her to know.
“Not you,”the bishop said.
Priscilla looked up, startled by the words that came from the bishop’s mouth. He was blocking the doorway i
nto the other room and she couldn’t walk past him.“Me?”she asked, her voice almost squeaking in disbelief. Was the bishop not permitting her to take her baptismal instruction after all? She felt a wave of heat cross her cheeks at the shame of such a thought.
“Nee,”he said and glanced over her shoulder. Priscilla was confused and turned to look in the direction of his gaze. To her surprise, Susie Byler was standing right behind her. Priscilla felt her heart lurch when she realized that the bishop was speaking directly to Susie.
“What do you mean?”Susie asked, her eyes flashing angrily, first at the bishop then at Priscilla.
“Nee, Susie Byler,”the bishop repeated.“You will not be taking your instruction this year.”
Several people in the congregation had overhead this statement and there was some whispering among the women. Priscilla glanced over at her family, first at her mamm then to the other side of the room at her daed, brothers, and Stephen. They were watching the scene unfold with intense curiosity.
“Why ever not?”she demanded.
“You know exactly why not!”The bishop’s voice boomed loud enough for everyone in the room to hear. Priscilla shrank against the wall, not liking being in the middle of this conversation.“Your lies have caught up with you for what needs to be the last time. Until you repent and apologize to everyone for what you have done, you will be denied your baptism. Only the pure of heart can receive the Lord and I have heard how impure your heart truly is!”
“It’s her,”Susie hissed under her breath.“She has that lying serpent tongue!”
“Enough,”the bishop warned.“You’ve slandered her for the last time with your false claims of threats and lies about legal restraints.”
“They aren’t lies!”she demanded but the color was flooding to her cheeks.
“Then where are they?”He raised an eyebrow.“You’ve been claiming this restraint for weeks now. Oh ja, I have been aware of it. But I also know how the Englische system works. There has been no restraining order against Priscilla! Perhaps you made one up, signed a piece of paper or something, but it has never been confirmed or delivered by the Englische authorities…nor will it.”
“They couldn’t find her,”Susie said meekly, trying to salvage some shred of dignity.“It will come.”
“Nee,”the bishop said.“It will not come.”
Susie lifted her chin defiantly, staring at the bishop.
“Furthermore, if you had gone to the authorities,”he continued.“The Englische authorities, it just shows that you are not prepared to follow the Ordnungand shun worldliness. Had these things truly happened, you would have handled them as a Christian, a true Christian. Instead, you have hidden behind lie after lie for years.”
“She is not the true Christian,”Susie said, her voice sharp and angry.“Why is no one doing something about her?”
“Perhaps it is because you have shown everyone in this congregation that what you claim against Priscilla is actually a projection of yourself. Of your own shortcomings!”He looked around the room at the other members.“A house divided cannot stand,”he said.“And I will no longer have strife and division in our district. While Susie Byler has not taken her baptism yet and, therefore, cannot be shunned, she will, however, be denied the kneeling vow and asked to not attend our worship services. The bishop of the next district has agreed that the Byler family may attend there.”He leveled his gaze at Susie, enunciating his last words with strength and conviction“But no longer here.”
There was a collective gasp in the room and the murmuring continued in the background, followed by a heavy silence. Priscilla felt her heart start to race as she heard all of this. Once again, the bishop was protecting her against Susie’s vicious attacks. She was grateful for his support but she felt pity for the shell of the woman that had just been all but shunned, banished from her community and church district.
Out of respect, Priscilla lowered her eyes. She couldn’t look at Susie Byler, knowing that the girl had been publicly shamed for her deeds.
Her eyes fell on the white paper that was poking out from the devotional. She unfolded it and skimmed over the lines written in a very neat ink:
My dearest Priscilla,
Today is the beginning of the rest of your life, a life that will be bound to God and our Christ. It is an honor to know that in less than six months, you will be my wife. I will watch you today with both pride and love as you begin this journey to commit yourself to the church as I know that your next commitment will be to me. I am humbled by your choices.
Your loving brother in Christ,
Stephen
Her eyes shot up and she scanned the congregation until she saw Stephen. She wished that she could talk to him, to apologize for having doubted him. She felt ashamed that she had thought he was ending their relationship. Tears came to her eyes and she had to blink them away. She held the letter against her chest and knew that it was something she would treasure forever. She tucked it into the devotional as she followed the bishop into the room, leaving Susie Byler standing outside the door, her mouth hanging open and the rest of the congregation staring at her.
After the worship service, Priscilla found a moment to bend her head next to Sarah.“What happened?”she whispered, not wanting anyone to know that she was talking about what had happened earlier. However, she also knew that most everyone was whispering about how Susie had been banished from the church district.
“She wouldn’t leave at first but the congregation just sat there, averting their eyes,”Sarah said.“Her daed finally got up to leave, yanking her by the arm. If it was anyone else but Susie, I would have felt bad for her.”
“I’ve never heard of a bishop doing such a thing,”Priscilla whispered back.“Have you?”
“Nee! But at least now you don’t have to worry about Susie Byler!”
“One would hope,”Priscilla responded, not exactly agreeing that anything would stop Susie.
Polly joined them as they stood by the table with the pitchers of water. While the first seating ate, the younger women would refill bowls with food and glasses with water. For the moment, no one needed anything.
“You won’t believe what that Naomi Miller just said to me,”Polly said in a hushed voice.“She told me that she had never believed Susie and not once said an unkind word about Priscilla!”
“Oh help!”Priscilla mumbled.
“She said that, then?”Sarah asked in complete disbelief that Naomi would deny having been involved.“Why, I’ve heard her myself! Her and that horrid cousin of hers, Dorothy, have supported Susie Byler from day one!”
“Her version of the truth seems to change from one day to the next, ain’t so?”Polly added, clicking her tongue and shaking her head.“Funny thing is that she can’t even be shunned properly, not as a true Amish woman.”
For the rest of the fellowship hour, the girls tried to avoid the topic of Susie Byler. There was a general tension in the air because of what had just happened. No one was certain how to react. However, most people knew the underlying reasons for the bishop’s decision. The history of how Susie had continually attacked Priscilla was certainly not unknown.
After the members of the church had finished their dinner meal, the women scurried to clean up the dishes while the men disassembled the tables, converting them back into the wooden church benches and folding the legs underneath. Now that they were flattened, the benches could be stacked neatly into the plain, grey wagon outside where they would be stored until the next church service.
The children were outside playing, chasing each other throughout the front yard. Slowly, people began to say their good-byes and gather up their young ones to return to their own farms. There would be an afternoon of games or visiting with others before the evening chores would need to be completed. As to Priscilla, she knew that Stephen would pick her up later and take her to the singing, which many among the other young adults from their district would attend.
“You read my letter, then, ja?”a voic
e whispered in her ear.
Startled, Priscilla spun around and accidentally bumped into Stephen who was standing behind her. He reached out to grab her arm so that she wouldn’t stumble backwards.“Oh Stephen!”she gasped.“You gave me quite the fright!”
A smile crossed his lips.“You read it, ja?”
She blushed.“Ja,”she admitted, her hand clasping the book in her hand where the letter was safely stored.“I will treasure your words forever. I will put this letter in my hope chest with all of my other important memories.”
That pleased him. She could tell by the way he looked at her.“I am so humbled, Priscilla,”he started.“We have such an amazing future together and it officially began today. You have started your journey to yield to your higher authority.”
She hadn’t thought of it that way.“Gelassenheit,”she whispered, referencing the cornerstone of the Amish way of life: the yielding to God in complete self-surrender, with contentment and a quiet spirit.
He nodded in agreement.“Ja, Gelassenheit.”
Chapter Nine
The sun was shining for the end-of-year picnic at the little schoolhouse. Priscilla had made certain that the one large classroom had shone, sparkling clean. She had spent all day on Saturday scrubbing the floor, walls, and windows. Stephen had even come to help her, making sure that the furniture was moved so that every inch of the floor shone as bright as the sun.
When the parents had arrived, they sat at their children’s desk, anxiously awaiting the end- of- year concert of hymns and poems that Priscilla had taught their children. On each desk was a folder of the children’s work that had been done during the year. Priscilla had managed to find samples of the students’work from early in the year and added these in the folders.
Stephen and her parents had come, too, eager to see young Katie and Ben but also to support Priscilla on her final day as the substitute teacher for the school.
The pageant had gone flawlessly, despite Ben forgetting a line of his poem. All of the parents had applauded each child’s efforts and, when the event was over, the students had shyly presented Priscilla with a handmade book, each page consisting of a personal letter from each student, thanking her for being such a great teacher to them. The gift had touched her in a way that she couldn’t explain. Each one of the students held a very special place in her heart. She would never forget her short stint as a teacher and was ever so glad Bishop Zook had asked her to take over the position.
