Her hands grabbed his thick hair and flung him onto his back before she mounted him and once again, he was in the sheer tightness that was her fiery hot pussy. She wanted him so bad she rode him hard and fierce, her slender body bounced up and down as he was treated to paradise and then some.
Kaz couldn’t take any more of her working him over, no matter how delicious it was; he grabbed her by the neck with his right hand and guided her onto her back. His cock was so hard, he could hardly stand it and his balls were heavy with an orgasm that was well overdue and driving him crazy with need in the meantime.
He continued to hold her by the neck as he plunged inside her again and thrust hard against her. Every time his dick hit her cervix, she mewled like a kitten and he pounded her like she’d never been fucked in her life. His orgasm built, the tension increased and he finally came in waves of great pleasure. He felt drunk and exhausted by the time he stopped thrusting and slid off her body.
Syd stretched like a cat, stood and got off the bed. “I’m going to take a shower. My female parts are so sore but damn do they hurt good. Thank you.” She kissed his lips ever so quickly and strolled to the shower.
His heart thundered in his chest and he wasn’t surprised his cock was ready for more action. She drove him to these insatiable heights but he knew better than to push his luck.
Kaz understood she was his for the taking but he would wait a little while longer before he asserted rights that were his to claim. His eyes slowly closed and he fell asleep with the scent of Sydney still covering his worn out body.
Chapter Eight
Concert Two: MGM Grand Garden Arena
After the first night in Las Vegas when Kaz proved to me once again I had yet to reach his heart and the only part of me he desired was between my legs where he could have his way with me, I chilled out on the public displays of affection.
The following night, there was a party held at their personal financial advisor’s home in Summerlin, an upscale suburban community in Las Vegas, and while Kaz acted like the mega rock god he was, I remained quiet and tried to blend in. Paul Branson was engaged to the beautifully damaged Jerrica Peterson; everyone in our social circle knew about her last semester at Vassar when her boyfriend knocked her up and she had a botched abortion that left her unable to have children.
They actually had one on the way in the form of a young woman who was gang-raped so they would soon be parents after all. I stayed mostly outside next to a beautiful pool with a gorgeous hot tub attached to it. I sat on one of the luxurious pieces of pool furniture and drank in silence. There was plenty of champagne and I stuck to the delicious expensive beverage all evening. God forbid I got drunk and made an ass out of myself because my behavior would reflect badly on Kaz too.
This man confused me more than life itself. Was there a such thing as a Kasper Gillian when he was at home and recording versus Kaz Gillian, a rough and hungry lover who was demanding and needed everything from me but gave nothing in return? My emotions were a lot like my tender sex between my legs—raw, sore yet if he touched me, all the pain would melt away and we would pick right back up where we left off.
I hated feeling this way because whether I wanted to admit it or not, I was falling in love with him and I hated I was so fucking weak. I should have been able to control the situation and be an adult about everything. We were having a good time and perhaps when the tour was over, when he’d fucked me sideways—front and backdoor action—he’d tire of me and would dispatch me like yesterday’s trash.
“Are you all right?” a feminine voice inquired.
I looked up to see Talia and realized my cheeks were wet. I was crying like some little bitch teeny-bopper out of a goddamn Taylor Swift video. Jesus Christ, when had I been reduced to this?
I gently wiped my cheeks, careful not to smudge my waterproof mascara but one could never be too sure. “I’m fine.”
Talia continued to stare at me as if she actually felt sorry for me and I would rather have been hated than pitied. What a useless fucking emotion pity was and she didn’t know me. She couldn’t possibly understand what I was going through.
She finally sat beside me and sipped from her mojito. “You don’t look it. Is Kaz putting you through an emotional hurricane? It looks like it from where I’m sitting.”
I sat up and glared at her with cold eyes. “Kaz and I are fine. I can assure you he’s not doing anything to me.”
“Hey, I’m from south Boston so don’t you ever try to bullshit a bullshitter. Your heart is a battered, bloody pulp beating in your chest and you don’t know whether you’re coming or going. One minute, you’re flying high and the next, you feel like the lowest piece of dog shit on earth. I know what you’re going through because I’ve been going through it with Seth since my sophomore year at Vassar. The man drives me absolutely crazy and I love and hate him at the same time.”
Her candid honesty was too close to home but would I admit it to myself let alone her?
“Yeah, that pretty much sums up my feelings for him,” I whispered as I picked invisible lint from my expensive, black cocktail dress courtesy of Chanel.
“Want some advice? Whether you want it or not, I’m gonna give it to you anyway. Kaz and Seth are kindred spirits except he hides his through endless sexual escapades and my lover’s favorite escape is a combination of cocaine and Oxy. They are damaged goods and sometimes…you have to know when to let go and do what is best for you.”
She paused and set her right hand on my left folded in my lap while my right clutched the Cristal-filled flute like it would run away from me if given the opportunity to escape. “I know you can’t leave the tour because you’re the official photographer. Concentrate on that and make him come to you. Don’t you dare fucking beg him for anything either. He’s just going to get meaner and uglier to you as the tour goes on and you’ll be packing your bags the moment you’ve set foot back in his L.A. pad. Don’t ever make a man the center of your universe because the moment you do, they take that bloody pulp of a heart you have and squeeze until they have used up the best of you. Do you want to take that bitter, evil bitch you will become after the fact into your future relationships?”
The tears returned again and I sniffled as a sob escaped my lips. “That’s the point…I don’t want anyone else and I would rather he treated me like his fuck toy than leave him.”
Talia laughed out loud. “That’s your vagina talking, not your mind, your heart or your soul. Love fucking bites but it also bleeds and it dies. You won’t feel like that forever about him and by the end, you’ll hate him with such a passion, you’ll feel like Damira. Are you gonna have a bun in the oven by that time? Probably but he will leave you so scarred, you won’t ever trust another man with your heart again.”
The situation sounded too similar to my mother’s and now I had an inkling of what she must have gone through with my biological father. Is this what sex brought? These extreme emotions where you either felt too much or nothing at all? Perhaps I should have stayed a freak virgin. It would definitely be a better alternative to my current situation where my snatch ruled every emotion I felt and led me around on a short leash.
By the time the night of the concert arrived, Talia and I were closer than I could have ever imagined and I did the job I was supposed to. I took candid pre-concert photos of the guys from both Winter’s Regret and Scarlet Fever. I also took photos of the roadies and the venue just to get a feel for the massive space that made up the Garden Arena.
My mind was firmly off Kaz, which was a good thing, and as I backed up to get a better shot of the stage, I bumped into someone.
“Watch where you’re walking,” Damira’s unmistakable voice snapped.
I turned toward her and smiled. “Sorry, I should get my head out of the clouds.”
Her surly personality softened and she glared at me with those gorgeous amber eyes. “I didn’t realize he’d did such a number on you…I can be so insensitive sometimes and I know what you’re go
ing through because I was married to him.”
My mind raced with unanswered questions. “You mean…he was like he is now when you were married?”
She laughed out loud and it was a lyrical sound. “Yes, he was. Kaz…has always been an enigma and when I met him, he did a number on me I have yet to recover from. I loved that about him because every other man had been like playing with a toy. They were disposable and then…all the sudden, I became disposable.”
I couldn’t hide my embarrassment and felt my face heat up. “I had no idea…he’s very closed off about his past but he always…insinuates his marriage caused his current…condition.”
Damira shook her head softly. “No, it didn’t, and he damn well knows that. Unfortunately, Kaz’s issues are from a lot farther back and he never really told me everything but his adolescent years were very traumatic. I don’t know what happened but it damaged him beyond repair. He’s…a hard person to love and even when you think you give him everything, he’s like a rattlesnake. He’ll turn on you in a heartbeat. I refused to raise our son in that kind of atmosphere and divorce became my one and only option…” She closed her eyes and exhaled. “If only to be able to breathe again.”
It was my turn to laugh. “Being with Kaz is the only time I feel like I can breathe…”
Tears threatened to pour from her eyes before she blinked them away. “Yeah, I know how that is. I have to give you props because you’re a lot stronger than you look. I’m sorry about the whole ‘Paris Hilton’ comment. That was out of line and with you being the photographer and me the documentary filmmaker, we need to get along.”
“You do know that is Kaz’s worst nightmare?”
Damira wrapped an arm around my waist as we began to walk, “We’ll let him sweat a little. He knows I won’t tell you anything because it’s not my place. I grew up in a violent household and I know how to keep secrets. If you…ever mean anything to him, eventually, he’ll tell you what happened.”
“The problem with that scenario is that I don’t think he will ever love me…not like he loved you at least. He’s…fond of me…but he doesn’t really care about me.”
“Give him some time. You’re a dead-ringer for his mother. When she killed herself, it was an extremely traumatic time for him and it happened when he was eight and at a boarding school in Switzerland. His father wouldn’t even allow him to come home to attend the funeral,” she murmured softly.
My heart felt a jolt. Mostly because in our social circles, the current woman Mr. Gillian was married to had always been referred to as Kaz’s mother.
“I know you can’t tell me much but…how did she…?”
“She was a cutter. One day, she ran a bath and began to cut major arteries. She bled out in the bath and his bastard father delayed calling the paramedics until he knew she’d lost too much blood to be saved. He learned this from his favorite nanny.”
And I thought my life had some low points.
We talked until we came upon the guys all gathered around chatting and having a good time.
“This is where we part. I have to find my fiancé.”
Damira turned on her heels quickly and sauntered out. I walked past the guys and sat down on a comfortable sofa. The photos were great as I quickly viewed them on the Nikon D3 DSLR. My eyes studied the photos I had taken of the guys when they weren’t paying attention and I smiled to myself.
“What are you looking at?” Kaz wondered as he sat next to me and slid his arm around my shoulders.
I set the camera down and crossed my arms against my breasts. “Just photos I’ve taken. You’re not allowed to see them so don’t ask.”
He nuzzled my neck before his tongue traced my jawline. “What’s the matter, baby? You’ve been…cold.”
I smirked at him. “Well, you did tell me not to get emotionally involved and…I am hanging on by a fucking thread, Kaz. Don’t tease me like this in front of your band mates when you don’t mean anything you do or say.”
My eyes watered and I could have cursed myself and my whole worthless sex for making me so vulnerable at that moment. Not in front of Jaden, Grant and Will who continued to converse among one another while stealing glances our way.
I stood and walked out of the room before the tears could fall and down a long hallway. By the time I got to the end, I hyperventilated violently as the tears fell down my cheeks and I tried to choke back pitiful sobs.
Kaz embraced me from behind and rested his head on my shoulder. “Sweetheart, it’s going to be okay. What the hell did I do this time?”
“It’s not you…it’s me and my fucking female hormones. I don’t want to just fuck you…I need something more than that and I explained it to you from the beginning. I’m not some hard nut who has been around for ages and knows how to act around rockers or any kind of guy who wants a ‘casual’ relationship. I’ve bonded to your dumb ass and you don’t even care! My emotions mean nothing to you and I feel like a fool because it wasn’t something that was supposed to happen,” I explained between sniffles.
“What are you talking about? I said I cared about you. I don’t have to love you for you to mean something to me, Syd. Emotions don’t work that way.”
“For you maybe but I am falling in love with you and you couldn’t a shit. Perhaps I should fuck all your bandmates so you’ll dump me and we can just end the torture for the both of us or at least for me.”
Kaz whipped me around to face him with cold blue-green eyes. “If you did something like that, I swear to God I would break your fucking neck, Syd. You’re mine and no one gets to have you unless I say it’s okay. You got that?”
“You’re making it pretty crystal clear so yes, I got it.”
“Good. Now be a good girl and do what you’re supposed to do but I don’t want you consorting with my ex-wife. It feels too intimate and I don’t like it one bit.”
I smiled sweetly before I kissed his lips. “Have a great concert, babe.”
Kaz grinned in triumph before he turned and strolled down the hallway. He didn’t know me very well if he thought he could tell me who I could be friends with because I didn’t listen to anyone where that was concerned.
The concert was a success beyond my wildest dreams. Both Damira and I were able to do our jobs efficiently and afterwards, there was huge party where groupies were invited galore.
It was in an official MGM Grand Conference room so no suites were involved and if the groupies intended to get lucky, they would have to take their business to one of the many public restrooms.
I had gone upstairs after Kaz and Co. had finished their set, showered and changed clothes. I wore a pair of black skinny jeans and a black lace tank top with a scarlet bra underneath that was clearly seen through the flimsy material. I paired my outfit with a sky-high pair of Christian Louboutin platform sandals in scarlet red.
By the time I arrived to the after party, it was in full swing. Kaz was surrounded by adoring fans of both sexes and instead of interrupting, I walked over to the refreshment table and poured a glass of Cristal champagne.
“How are you holding up?” a husky female voice inquired.
I almost choked on my champagne as I turned around to face Talia. “Do you make it a habit of sneaking up on people?”
“Sorry. I didn’t know you were so jumpy. Kaz seems happy and content. Did you talk to him about how you’re feeling?”
I looked down at the golden liquid before I sipped from the fluted glass. “Yes and no. His life is pretty closed off and so is he as a person. He insists he has feelings for me though he doesn’t love me. I guess it could be worse. He could have said something insulting to me but when he caught up with me, I was an emotional mess.”
“Well, he understands he can’t use you so that’s progress right there.” She stared at me with intense pale green eyes. “What exactly are you afraid of and why can’t you state the truth?”
I looked away before I faced her again. “I don’t want to lose him.”
Unfo
rtunately, it was as honest as I’d ever been with myself or anyone else and to have my genuine feelings revealed felt great. I finally heaved a sigh of relief and realized admitting my addiction to Kaz was one step closer to recovery.
Chapter Nine
The Afterparty
Kaz pretended like he was so involved with the sycophants that surrounded him like their prey. They were hungry vultures circling like they wanted to eat the rest of the meat from his bones but he actually spent most of his time watching Syd closely.
She spoke to Talia and their conversation appeared to be serious instead of playful. Syd smiled slightly at something the young woman said before she looked his way nonchalantly and when their eyes locked with such a fierce intensity, he wanted her more than he’d ever desired another woman.
Falling Into Us Page 8
