“Jealous?” Max sits down next to me, and I crawl into his lap, laying my head on his neck as we entwine our fingers.
“They are your ‘go-to guys’, and I’m not there yet.”
“You have nothing to be jealous of, like I told Abby. I’ve never done anything with them. The hugs and the quick peck on the lips and kisses on the cheek are as far as I have gone. I know Nicarra has never done anything with Cash.” He looks at me with an eyebrow raised, and I can’t help but laugh. “Yes, Shawn and Nic hook up from time to time, that is all I’m going to say about it.”
“Did you call Joan?” Max plays with my hair as I lie in his arms.
“No, Shawn is going to come to the apartment to stay. I told Nic and Shawn about it, and they told me that I was going.” I smile into his neck then kiss it. “Max, you mentioned about your past being bad, do you want to talk about it?”
“Well, you’re going to hear about it in Pennsylvania. I want you to know, it’s not who I am now. I’m just not ready. I need to prepare myself for Thomas. I’ll talk about him and our relationship.” I squeeze his hand that I’m holding to let him know that he isn’t alone. The look of sadness in his eyes makes me think that this is going to be a painful memory for him.
“Max, if you’re not ready, it’s okay.”
“I’m not ready, but how else are you going to learn about me?” He half smiles at me. Max takes a deep breath and begins talking to me, giving me a little bit into the past of Max.
Max
I take a deep breath as I tell Reagan about my biological mother being killed by my biological father and Thomas being the officer to take care of me that night. She has tears coming down her face, which is something that I’m used to when I talk about my past. There are only a few people who know about my past, and I don’t want it getting it around, either.
“Thomas took me to a shelter that was run by the state for kids who didn’t have parents. It was a group home sort of thing, but it was hell. There was a pecking order, and being the new kid on the block, I had to fight my way up the ladder. Thomas always liked to do a surprise visit; he had been doing it for four years. Kids like me didn’t get adopted because I had bruises all over me and a bad attitude. I had just gotten into a fight with the oldest kid there; he was about a foot taller than me. I lost, but I didn’t give up, so I was the second man in charge of the home.” My eyes focus on a candle burning on the entertainment stand.
“Thomas shows up, and I’m a bloody mess. He takes me to the ER right away. I have fractures of the ribs, broken hand, and my knee is so messed up that I need surgery. The state wasn’t going to pay for it, so Thomas paid for it. He got temporary custody of me so I could heal up and he could provide a decent foster home in the process. Thomas’ family was everything I always wanted in life. Amanda, or as I call her, PandaBear, was the same age as me. She didn’t want a brother and wouldn’t speak to me the first two weeks I was there. After a while, she warmed up to me. It’s hard to not be charmed by my good looks and winning personality.”
“Oh, god, ego suffocating me.” Reagan pretends to choke. “Do you have anything to drink?”
“I can make coffee, or I have water.”
“Coffee would be great.”
“Coming right up.” I’m thankful for the distraction. I’m scared that once she hears part of my past that she won’t want to be with me anymore or let me around Jonathan. I make the coffee the way she likes and take the two mugs back into the living room. “Reagan, I need to talk to you about something before I go any further.”
“What is it?” Reagan’s eyes are blinking rapidly, like she’s preparing herself for a slap across the face or something.
“Calm down. I need you to give me something to let me know that after this, I can still be a part of your life and Jonathan’s. I’m not that kid anymore. Abby saved me when her parents took me in as a favor to Thomas,” I plead with her.
“Max, you have nothing to worry about. If there was something to be worried about, I’m sure Cash or Shawn would have found something.”
“What do you mean find something?”
“If they didn’t trust you, you wouldn’t be anywhere near me. Those boys are so freaking protective of me.” I sigh in relief. “Continue on, please.”
“Right, I healed up from my surgery nicely, thanks to Evelyn, Thomas’ wife. She made sure that I didn’t overdo it and followed doctor’s orders. Once I was healed, I was sent back to the group home. Thomas didn’t find anyone that wanted an angry eleven-year-old boy. He came around once a month, but when Evelyn died in a car accident, he was beside himself with grief. Thomas eventually stopped coming around. In school, there was this fight club that was started. I joined and was the undefeated champion. Amanda and I went to the same school so she heard about the fight club, saw the bruises, and even threatened to tell Thomas about it. I told her that he didn’t care so she shouldn’t, either.” I take a sip of my coffee—remembering how I treated Thomas broke my heart.
“Thomas shows up at school, and finds me. I can feel the disappointment, as he took Amanda and I out of school for the rest of the week. I fell asleep in the back seat of the car since Thomas wasn’t talking to me but looking at me with those sad eyes. Thomas and Evelyn had a cabin, which I thought was a mansion, about three hours from town. It was rustic looking, reminding me of ‘Little House on the Prairie’. Four bedrooms, a huge kitchen, living room, game room, and campfire pit in the back of the house. Amanda went straight to her room, and Thomas motioned for me to sit down in the living room. I refused, I was angry. I walked around the room looking at the pictures on the walls and mantle. I stopped when I saw a picture of me, then Amanda and me, and then the four of us. I picked up the picture of Evelyn and myself and cried. When my mom was killed, I never thought that I would find someone who loved me like that, but God, Evelyn was so special. I think that was the first time that I just cried, everything that I was feeling—hate, anger, sadness, empty, lost and lonely—for so long until I felt arms around me. Thomas was on the floor with me, crying and holding me.” I feel Reagan wipe the tears that I hadn’t realized that were streaming down my face away.
“Thomas and I talked all night. He apologized for abandoning me because he didn’t know how to handle his grief, Amanda’s, and mine. I went to bed for the first time, feeling whole for the first time because I was going to be a part of a family.”
“I thought Abby’s parents’ adopted you?”
“Oh, they did, and it crushed me after that weekend when Thomas told me that he found me a family. I thought he was going to take me in, but he took me over to the Stephens’ house that night. I was so mean to them and especially Abby. I hated her. I called her names and did everything to get her to tell on me. She never did.”
“Why didn’t she tell on you?” Reagan questioned.
“I don’t know even to this day. I saw Amanda at school a month after they dropped me off, and she told me that Thomas tried everything to get me to live with them, but with Evelyn dying, and some other stuff that she didn’t know, the Stephens’ were the next choice.”
“Seems like it all worked out for you. I know from the lunches with Cash and Shawn that you’re really close to Abby. Hence, moving here to be close to her.” Reagan’s hazel eyes are staring at me with a hint of twinkle in her eye and I blush. I yawn as I look at the TV and notice that it’s almost six in the morning.
“What time was Shawn coming over again?”
“The afternoon is all he said, what time did you want to leave?”
“Why don’t we leave about six so you can spend some time with Jonathan before leaving?” She nods, then stands up. Reagan’s hand is in front of me and wiggles her fingers. I put my hand in hers as she pulls me up. My arms instantly go to her hips as I pull her closer to me. “Your place or mine?”
“Your place.” I lead her to my room, taking the blue t-shirt that I was wearing and tossing it to her. “You want me to wear clothes to bed?”
>
“I just want to hold you tonight.” She puts my shirt on after standing there naked in front of me. I’m such an idiot for not wanting to fuck her senseless. She’s on her cell phone and peers up from her phone, winking at me. Reagan climbs into my bed, lies on her side, and waits for me to slide in behind her.
“I let Shawn know that I’m at your place and that I set my alarm for eleven so he can bring Jonathan over at noon.” I grunt my response because having Reagan see me so vulnerable tonight will only be worse once I say goodbye to Thomas. I don’t know if I’m ready.
Reagan
My heart just broke for Max. We both have suffered losses that have such an impact, but now he is going to be dealing with another. I hope I can be the support he needs this week. Am I going crazy, leaving with a guy that I’ve only known for three days? I mean, longer if I take in account all the stories I have heard about him since January. Will Jonathan be okay with it? I hear Max snoring in my ear as I lie staring in the dark. I know I have the support of Nicarra and Shawn, but how is his sister going to react to this? How am I going to get her to like me? Cash is a dead man when I see him. I can’t believe he never told her about me being a female.
I don’t know what time sleep claimed me, but I hear my annoying alarm on my phone going off. I search for it on the nightstand but can’t find it. I sit up and notice that I’m alone in the room. I hear Max on the phone in the living room. I find my phone on the floor so I can shut the damn thing off and head to get coffee. My head is pounding from the crying and lack of sleep.
“I don’t care, Abby. Be mad at Cash not Reagan. How was she supposed to know that he didn’t tell you about her having boobs?” Max is on speakerphone when I hear Abby respond.
“Max, is it true that she’s going to Pennsylvania with you?”
“Yes, I asked her last night to go with me, and she said yes.”
“Why?”
“I like her, Abby, a lot. I called her my girlfriend last night.”
“You didn’t have a heart attack with those words?” Abby laughs.
“No, it felt great to call her my girlfriend.” I smile as I walk into the kitchen. I try to be quiet as not to disturb the conversation. Max is kissing me on my neck. “Good morning.”
“Hi.”
“Who are you talking to, Max?” Abby breaks the kiss that I started with him.
“Reagan. She stayed over last night.”
“What?”
“Abby, play nice.”
“Reagan, I’m sorry for my behavior last night. I was surprised that the famous Reggy was well … you.”
“Abby, I’m sorry that your husband is an ass at times.” We both laugh. “I love Cash. He has been there for me when my life went to hell, and I can’t lose him.” I sniffle and wipe the tears from my face. “I’ll do anything to make it up to you, but please don’t take him from my life.” I hear a sniffle into the phone and some static.
“What’s going on? Why is Abby crying? Max, what the fuck did you do?”
“It was me, Cash, not Max.”
“Reggy? Are you crying too?”
“Of course. I just told Abby that I can’t lose you.”
“Reagan, no one can take me from you or Jonathan. Abby will come around, just give her time. I’m going to go check on her. I love you, but I love Abby more, so please give her time.”
“I love you too, Cash.” We hang up the phone, and I cry into Max’s arms. Max kisses my forehead and tells me to head over to my apartment to get ready, take a shower, and wait for Shawn and Jonathan that he will be over in a little bit.
“I need to check on Abby. Is that okay?” Max holds my face in his hands.
“Of course. I didn’t mean to make her cry; I will do anything to fix it except selling my business.” I smile. I walk into my apartment, emotionally spent. I want to jump into the shower before they get here. I step into the hot shower and let it flow over me. I cry because I know no one can hear me, and I need to just release it. Releasing the baggage from the emotions that I was feeling yesterday and today.
As I’m rinsing my hair, I hear a knock on the bathroom door, and I jump, nearly falling in the shower.
“Reagan, it’s me.” The familiar voice on the other side of the door speaks first.
“Jesus Christ, Cash. I just about had a heart attack. What do you want?” I thought I locked my front door, but now I’m not certain.
“I came to check on you. Max is checking on Abby, so she told me to come check on you. We need to talk about some things.”
“What if I don’t want to talk?”
“I don’t care. You can come out and get dressed, or I will come in there.” I roll my eyes because I know he is serious about it.
“Okay, no need to come in here, perv. Give me ten minutes, please.” He must be satisfied with that answer as I shut the water off and start to dry my body after I wrap my hair in a towel. I finally throw my robe on, knowing that I can’t be too long or he’ll be in my bathroom. I walk out, and I’m stopped dead in my tracks as I see Shawn, Cash, Abby, Max, Nicarra, and Jonathan standing in my living room. “What is this, an intervention?” I bark, not wanting to be harsh, but it’s thrown me off.
“Aunt Reagan, are you drinking? Do you need an intervention?” Jonathan’s voice is full of concern.
“The only intervention I need is for Facebook.” I smile at him as he comes over to hug me. “I missed you last night. Did you have fun at Granny J’s?”
“It was the best time ever! Uncle Shawn came over and woke Cooper and I up. We played all night until Granny got up to yell at us.” I can’t help but laugh at him and his excitement. Nicarra slaps Shawn in the back of the head with threats of him keeping Cooper if he is a bear to wake up in the morning.
“I’m glad. I need to talk to you.” I ignore Cash’s clearing his throat. He’s getting impatient. “What?”
“Can we talk first?” I roll my eyes and nod. Jonathan heads to his room, and I hear him put in a movie. The kid is smart; he knows to make himself scarce when the adults needed to talk.
“Can I get changed?” Nicarra comes over to me and pulls me into the bedroom. I hear Shawn telling Nic to keep her mouth shut. “What the fuck is going on?”
“Abby wanted to talk to you. I just came to talk to you about leaving for Pennsylvania.” I get dressed in my jean capris and my Miranda Lambert concert t-shirt.
“So you all just happened to show up at the same time?” Nicarra nods as she keeps eye contact. I let out a sigh of relief. “Let’s get this over with. Are you staying?”
“Whore, I wouldn’t miss this for a million bucks.” I laugh as we walk out of my room. I see everyone sitting but Abby. She is looking around the apartment. She stops at a picture of Cash, Shawn, Nicarra, and me. Max comes over to kiss me and whispers, “Hi” into my hair. I take it out of the towel so I have a tangled rats nest on my back. Abby picks up a picture of Kennedy, Jason, a young Jonathan, and me. I walk over to stand next to her.
“My sister, Kennedy, brother-in-law, Jason. Jonathan’s parents. This was the day we signed the lease to Books a Latte.”
“I heard about the murder. Cash told me after I hired the P.I. and before Max told me to drop it.”
“I’m still not selling it. I’m thinking about reopening it. So what can I do for you?” My voice is shaky because I have a lot to lose and it’s all in the hands of Abby.
“The three of you are family to my husband. You are the girlfriend to my brother.” I hear Nicarra gasp. She knows that I didn’t want to date because my heart was closed off to it. Don left a bad taste in my mouth.
“Shut up,” I say, looking over my shoulder to Nicarra who has a smile on her face. Max is in the kitchen with Shawn, talking about something. Abby is about to continue when there’s a knock on the door. “I don’t think I’ve had this many people come to my apartment in one day. Excuse me.” I pull open the door to see the blonde from last night. “Can I help you?”
“I’m looking
for Abby.” I let the door swing all the way open so she walks in. “Abby, here you are. I got a message to meet you here. Is everything okay?”
“Yes, but, Sarah, you need to be here for this conversation.” Sarah turns to look at me and instantly gets a dirty look to Cash. “Don’t do that. Sarah and I need to apologize to you and Cash.”
“We do?” Sarah clearly didn’t know that was the plan. I watch Cash to gage his attitude, body language.
“Yes, we are the mean girls that we hated in school. Cash knew my insecurities but didn’t think I would be bothered by him having another hot female friend.” I blush at the compliment, and Nic smiles. “Sarah calling you a slut and the two of us bashing you all night was childish. I’m sorry. I would never keep Cash from you, he told me about your relationship in-depth this morning.”
“Relationship?” Sarah and Max both say as I roll my eyes.
“Cash is the godfather to Jonathan. He is my best friend as is Nicarra and Shawn. Cash lived with me right after Kennedy’s murder. He helped through my divorce and made sure that I didn’t hurt myself,” I say, staring at Cash who has a smile on his face.
“Abby has nothing to worry about with Reagan and I. There has never been, and never will be, anything because my heart belongs to you.” Cash stands up to take his beautiful wife into his arms. “You have me, body, mind, spirit, soul, and heart. I only see you and no one else.” Cash dips Abby and kisses her as she laughs and swats at him. Max comes over and tugs me into his chest.
“Reagan, my name is Sarah. It’s nice to meet you.” She holds out her hand for me to shake, and I hug her instead. I think I surprised her.
“It’s nice to meet you. I have heard a lot about you. Is anyone thirsty or hungry? I can order pizza.” Everyone nods their head as I go into my room to grab my cell phone. I look up to see Cash and Shawn in my doorway. “There is more, isn’t there?” They both nod their head. “Nic, I’m getting the talk from Shawn and Cash.” I snicker. “The menus are in the drawer. Ask Jonathan what he wants, please. My card is in my wallet.” I back into my room to sit on my bed. I’m in the middle of the bed sitting Indian-style waiting for it, head down staring at my hands.
Love Me Like You Mean It Page 9
