“Hey, old man,” I say as I knock on the door walking in.
“This is a crime scene, get this man out of here,” Thomas shouts to someone as he motions for me to leave. My heart is breaking for the man who saved me all those years ago.
“Oh, I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t realize it. I was looking for my dad. I’ll come back later.” I remember the doctors telling us that when he has these moments where he isn’t in touch with reality it’s best to play along. I turn to leave to come back later on.
“Maxwell,” Thomas says my name, and I take notice of how weak his voice is sounds. He starts to chuckle. “Are those donuts in your hands?”
“Yes, sir. I don't come empty-handed to see you.” Thomas eats two donuts before interrogating me.
“Why aren't you in Florida?” Thomas asks, licking the glaze off his fingers.
“Can't I come back to visit you?”
“Our last conversation, I specifically tell you not to come back but live your life. I bet that daughter of mine called you, didn’t she?” I nod my head. “I told her not to call you. I hope you know how proud I am of you, and I wish you were my son. I tried so hard to protect you, but my hands were tied.” I'm trying really hard to fight the stinging of my eyes, trying to fight the tears.
“Thomas, you'll always be my dad. There is no piece of paper in this world that will ever change that.” I swipe the tears falling from my eyes. I sit on his bed and look around the room that he shares with another man. The room is bleak—a bed, dresser and a TV. There are a few family pictures hung around to make it feel like home, but it’s not. It’s very depressing to know this is how Thomas is spending his last days. I’m looking at him, really looking at him. Thomas’ face is sunken in like he has lost a lot of weight, his skin gray.
“So who is she?” Thomas smirks, and I look confused at the question. I never mentioned Reagan to him.
“How?” Thomas gives me that look of mischief. I shake my head. I don’t know how he does it, but he knows everything before I tell him. “You’ll meet her tomorrow, and that’s all I’m saying for now.” He laughs.
“Heard your sperm donor died.” Thomas gets quiet.
“Felicia came by and gave me an envelope from him. I haven’t read it. Jack had a heart attack.” After Abby married Cash, I told him all about what Jack had been doing. I never knew that Thomas had colorful language until that day. “Abby wants me to go see him. Marshall was up to be with mom.”
“I think you should check on him. He may be a bastard, but he’s still your father.” I roll my eyes. “I’m dying, but I have enough energy to beat your ass for disrespect.”
“Sorry, Sir.” I look to the ground shuffling my feet. I’m thirty years old and still feel like a kid when he reprimands me. Thomas coughs, and I jump up to get him a glass of water. “Should I leave?” He shakes his head.
“Why haven’t you read the letter? I’d want to know what he has to say.” I shrug my shoulders. I don’t even know the answer to the question. I ask myself a lot of questions. “Max, I’m going to need your help. I made you the executor of my will and estate.”
“What? No. I don’t want that, give it to your daughter.” I speak so fast I’m not sure that he can hear what I just said to him.
“Now listen to me. She doesn’t want it but trusts you. She has her things to do, and so do you. My lawyer will be expecting you in a few days to talk to him.” Thomas stands to go over to the nightstand. He pulls out an envelope, and I inwardly groan. “Here, read this when I’m gone. There are some things you need to hear, but I can’t say them right now.” Thomas’s hand is shaking as he holds the envelope out to me. I take it without looking at him.
How do you say goodbye to a man who has been the one who I want to make proud? This man who is dying in front of me is the man I want to be, the parent I want to be, and the husband I want to be.
“So this woman of yours has a kid?”
“She’s raising her nephew. Her sister and brother-in-law were killed in a robbery. Reagan is amazing. I can’t wait until you meet her.”
“It’s nice to see you so happy about a female, other than Abby and Sarah.” Thomas smiles and winks at me. I shake my head. We talk for about a half hour about sports and the weather. Thomas is starting to fall asleep in the chair so I help him into his bed. I kiss his forehead. “I love you, Dad.” Thomas mumbles something then starts snoring.
Once I get back to my truck, I just sit in it staring at the nursing home. I don’t fight the tears pouring down my face, and I just let them fall. I cry like I have never cried before, not even when Evelyn passed away. I feel my heart ripping out, the wind being knocked out of me, and reality hits me—my life will never be the same again. I don’t know how long I sit in my truck, but my phone starts vibrating in the cup holder. I look to see it’s a text from Reagan.
Reagan: I’m checking on you to make sure you’re okay.
Reagan: I miss you <3
I smile as I look for napkins in my glove box to wipe my face to before calling her. I take a deep breath. “Hi”
“Max, are you okay?” To hear the concern in her voice for some reason makes me happy. I have this woman who is not my sister or her best friend, but someone who is mine, just mine.
“No. It’s hard to see him like this, but he’s very excited to meet you tomorrow.”
“I’m looking forward to it. Rob told me to tell you that we’re going out for dinner when they get home from work. They had to put in a few hours.”
“Did you rest any?” I put the key in the ignition to fire up my beast to head back to the house.
“I did and watched a little bit of TV.”
“I’ll be there soon, and we can watch a movie or take a nap together.”
“I’d like that. Be safe. Ugh, Nic is calling in, she got into an argument with Shawn.” I can hear her eye roll in her voice.
“Bye, babe.” I hang up the phone and leave the parking lot. I pray that Thomas makes it through the night to meet the best damn thing that has come out of my life.
Ten minutes later, I park in the driveway. Rob and Aaron’s house is a one-floor house with a full basement that they usually rent out to college students. I make my way to the back of the house where the door to the apartment is located. I grab the door knob to head in but, I stop myself to look at Reagan, lying across the bed, reading a book. She is completely oblivious to me watching her. I see her long, brown hair resting on her back while her feet are dangling off the bed, bouncing to music that I assume is playing in her ears. I quietly turn the knob to come in, but I don’t shut the door. I slip off my sneakers to tiptoe over to her.
“Do it, and you’re going to lose your balls.” Reagan never looks up from her book. She slowly rolls onto her back.
“How?” I climb on top of her and kiss her.
“I have a kid, eyes in the back of my head, baby.” Reagan nuzzles her nose into my neck like a cat wanting some attention. “Are you okay?” I sigh as I pull out the letter from Thomas.
“Now I have two letters that I don’t want to open and read.”
“I’m sorry, baby. How’s Thomas feeling today?”
“Not good. I told him that he’ll get to meet you tomorrow, but I almost want to take you over now in case he doesn’t make it through the night.”
“Why don’t we go tonight and tomorrow? Let’s spend as much time with him as we can.” Reagan pushes on my shoulders so she’s now on top of me. I stare into her beautiful hazel eyes. How did I get this lucky?
Reagan
My heart is breaking for Max. I’m just getting to the surface of his past and knowing a man he treasures is dying. How do I help him?
“Changing the subject from one father to another, any thought on seeing Jack?” I tentatively ask. Max groans. “I’m sorry, but Cash and Abby both have text me asking if we’ve been there yet. I think we should go.”
“Why? Do you not remember him hitting my sister?” He gets up from underneath me and paces the room.
/>
“I didn’t forget, but Abby’s looking into flights. I think despite everything; she loves her dad. I mean, he taught her to spot real love and what kind of parent she’s going to be.”
“Do you believe that bullshit?” Max stares at me like my head just sprouted snakes.
“I have to believe it. Our pasts don’t define us. You can either rise from it or use it as a crutch.” I hold my hand up when he opens his mouth. “I know. I’ve been using it as a crutch, and I’m willing to rise above it to move on. I don’t know how, but it will happen.” He sighs and nods. “Can we do that now and then end our night with Thomas?”
“Yeah. I’ll let Rob and Aaron know what’s going on,” Max says with the look of a condemned man.
I get up to change out of my yoga pants and tank top that I put on while he was gone. I walk into the bathroom to check my hair and makeup thinking, “I’m meeting parents, oh, my god.”
“Leave your hair down.” Max yells from outside the door. I shake my head. I put on my green t-shirt and jean capris because we’re supposed to meet up with Rob and Aaron for dinner. I come out to Max’s back to me. I lean against the doorjamb to really take a good look at my man. His shoulders seem to have the weight of the world on them and with every type on his phone, his back flexes. I clear my throat to get his attention.
“How do you do that?”
“Do what?” I laugh.
“Eyes in the back of your head.”
“Years of practice. You’ll earn them with your niece or nephew.” I can’t read Max’s face, he has a blank look, no emotion at all. Did I say something wrong? I don’t understand his mood swings, maybe being around family and friends will give me a clue. If not, Sarah and Abby are getting some calls this week.
“Ready?” Max’s tone is flat, void of everything. I nod and follow him out as he locks up behind me. We walk to the truck in silence, but I can’t take it anymore.
“Did I say something wrong?” I question him. He shrugs. “If you aren’t going to act like an adult and tell me what your problem is, I’m not going. Let me back in the house.”
“No, you’re coming with me so get in the truck.”
“Go fuck yourself.” I’m not the type of person who does as I’m told especially when there is an argument going on. Right on cue, couldn’t have planned it better, Rob pulls up. “Never mind, Rob is home. He can let me in.” I start to walk toward him, but Max grabs my arm hard. I struggle to get my arm out of his hold. “Damn it, Max. Let me go,” I yell at him. He releases me as Rob comes running over to us.
“What’s going on?” Rob is looking between Max and me.
“A little disagreement,” is all Max says as he climbs into the truck. I rub my arm where he was holding onto me—it’s sore. He starts the truck, talking on the phone with someone, then motions me to get in.
“You can stay here with me until he calms down,” Rob tells me, holding my elbow looking at where Max’s hand was holding. I look to Max and then to Rob.
“I should go with him. Would you come with us?” Rob nods as he opens the door. I climb into the back, and he sits next to Max.
“I need a fucking babysitter?” Max turns to look at me.
“Listen, its either the two of us, or I’m on a plane home and we’re through before we even get started. Take your pick.” I cross my arms and stare at him. Max mumbles under his breath, and I can’t quite hear it, but Rob does.
“Max, shut the fuck up now before you lose the best damn thing in your life.”
“Don’t you think I know that?” Max looks at me through the rearview mirror as we drive down the road to the hospital.
“I don’t even know what I did to get the treatment you were giving me. What did I say?”
“It’s not important.” Max stares out the window like he is on autopilot.
“Max, it’s important to me.” I lean up and put my chin on his shoulder. “I need you to know something, you ever put your hands on me like that again, and it will be the last thing you do. My daddy didn’t raise me to let a guy manhandle me.” I slide back into my seat. Max swerves the truck into a parking spot of a local coffee shop.
“I did what?” Max looks to Rob trying to avoid eye contact with me.
“You grabbed her arm and left a mark on her,” Rob says, keeping eye contact with Max like I’m not even in the truck.
“It is true. I’m like my old man, both of them.” Max pounds the steering wheel.
I scream at the top of my lungs, “You are nothing like them. If you were, do you think that I would let you near Jonathan? Myself? It was one time, and I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose.” I think I scared Rob because he jumps.
Max turns to look at me with such sadness in his eyes. They remind me of a puppy dog being yelled at for peeing on the floor. “I don’t even remember grabbing you.”
“Are you still seeing the therapist?” Therapist? What? Max never mentioned he was seeing one. I mean, from the things I have heard about his past, I would be surprised if he wasn’t seeing one.
“Not since I moved. I need to have Natalie find one.” Max’s eyes connect with mine in the rear view mirror.
“I know a great one that Jonathan and me see. I can give you his name.” The three of us are quiet for a few minutes before I break the silence. “Why did you shut me out earlier?”
“We were talking about the eyes in the back of the head. You mentioned Abby’s kids, but not Jonathan or maybe our kids. It’s silly, but you give me a reason to think I can have that, and I want that with you. I get inside my head and go back to being that worthless guy that no one could love. I’m an instant asshole.” Rob nods in agreement.
“Max, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you felt that way. I said it because of the aunt/uncle thing. When I would watch Jonathan when he was a toddler, I had to grow arms and eyes.” I chuckle at the picture of Jonathan getting into everything when he learned to walk on his own. “As far as our future, baby, one day at a time.” Max starts to turn to face the front of the truck. I sigh. “I’m not saying the words right. Max, I don’t know what’s going to happen in a month, let alone three years from now. I want you and me to live in the moment.” I grab his face to make him look at me. “Got it?” Max nods as he smiles. “Good. Now let’s go get some coffee. You’re exhausting me.” We all laugh as we get out of the truck.
I sigh as we walk to the coffee shop holding hands while he talks to Rob about Abby being so hormonal. They talk about how bad they feel for Cash, but I snicker because I’m enjoying it.
I take a deep breath as I walk in and smell the coffee. “Now this is heaven.” I let go of Max’s hands to walk around the little shop to see and smell. Places like this get me excited to live out Kennedy’s and my dream. There are shelves along the wall where there are different types of coffee flavors. The other wall has different types of teas and mugs with the café’s logo on it. I like to see what people are selling and how I can be unique. I pick up some different coffee beans to try, see some pastries that I have to have, and I take a look at the board for what kind of coffee they sell. “Did you guys order already?” They both nod, and I place my order for a caramel vanilla coffee. Max starts to pay as I bump him out of the way. I hurry to swipe me card and stick my tongue out at him.
“I’m really sorry about earlier. I don’t ever want to put a hand on you unless I’m making that ass nice and pink with my handprint on it.” He nips at my ear, and I shiver.
“Well, Mr. Max, I think I’ll take that punishment on all fours.” I wink as I walk away when the barista calls my name. “Are we eating here or in the truck?” Max coughs when the bell over the door goes off, and I see an older woman standing there looking around.
Max
“Fuck!” I forgot this coffee shop is near the hospital. “Mom.” I walk over to her and give her a hug.
“Maxwell. I didn’t know you were in town.”
“I just got here a few hours ago. We’re actually on the way over to
the hospital to see Dad. Abby and Marshall filled me in. How are you doing?”
“My husband almost died, and no one was there for me. How do you think I’m doing?”
“I’m sorry, Mom. Marshall came right away. I heard that Mark was going to try to get some time off.”
“Wait, you said we. Is Abbigail with you?” My mom, Maggie, looks so much older than her fifty-nine years of age. My dad almost dying must’ve really shook her hard.
“No, Abby can’t travel with her pregnancy. I brought my girlfriend and Rob with me.” I motion for Reagan and Rob to come stand with me. Reagan looks apprehensive, and Rob’s avoiding eye contact with me.
Reagan comes to stand next to me. “Hello, Mrs. Stephens.”
My mom makes no movement, but her eyes move up and down to look Reagan over. “Hello.”
“I’m sorry about your husband. How’s he doing today?” I give Reagan ten for effort, and I’m going to have to be her slave for days to get her on my side again.
“He’s struggling, but I’m hopeful he’ll get to come home soon. It’s very lonely in that big house by myself. Where are you staying?”
“Rob and Aaron’s house,” Reagan gets out before I can stop her. I squeeze her hand because she notices the smile from my mother’s face fades to the facial expression of someone who just stepped in dog shit while wearing their fancy heels.
“Oh, I see. Well, I need to get coffee. Make sure your friend isn’t there. You know your dad doesn’t like him.”
“And he doesn’t like him. Don’t worry, I won’t be going.” Rob smiles at my mother as he walks out the door. I hang my head.
“I hate them,” Rob says when I reach my truck.
“I hate them most of the time too, and I’m sorry, man.” I clap him on his back. “I forgot this was her and Lizzie’s favorite coffee shop.”
“New girl on the scene,” Reagan interrupts, raising her hand. “What was that back there?” I notice that the picnic tables are available, so we go over there to sit. Reagan is sitting with her back on my chest and Rob is across the table from us as we sit sideways so I can feel her close to me.
Love Me Like You Mean It Page 13
