I loosen my yellow tie as Reagan and I walk into the apartment. I’m so mentally drained and want to sleep for days. I don’t know how Amanda was able to smile through it all. I sat there staring at the casket, willing Thomas to jump up and say, “Gotcha.” I did enjoy getting to listen to all of the stories about Thomas as a young cop and training other people. We all were laughing so hard at the stories that we had tears running down our cheeks. Thomas would have been proud of that viewing.
I collapse on the bed and cover my face with my hands, groaning in frustration. How am I going to get through the eulogy and the memorial tomorrow? I feel my pant leg of my black dress pants being raised as Reagan takes my shoes and socks off.
“Max, why don’t you go in and shower while I order some Chinese food? I saw a menu for it in one of the drawers.” Reagan’s amazing through all of this, and I’ve been nothing but an ass. I will spend the rest of my life making up for it.
Reagan
This is hard for me because I don’t know how to help Max. I’m learning that when he’s angry, sad, or depressed he gets moody and snappy. I have to remember that I need to be more sympathetic with him, but sometimes I just want to slap him. I breathe a frustrated sigh and punch the seat cushion.
“Reagan,” I hear Max yelling from the shower. I get up and open the door to see what he needs. “Can you get me my basketball shorts? I forgot to grab them.” He peeks his head out of the shower curtain with shampoo on his head.
“Sure.”
“Thanks, babe,” he says, going back to singing off-key—some song I can’t decipher.
I look through his bag to find the shorts, and as I pull them out something catches my eye. I see handcuffs, ties, and a blindfold. I look from the things in his bag to the bathroom door. I know the other night we used my scarf to blindfold me with sex, but this is more than just an occasional blindfold, right? Does he want to try this with me? My stomach does a flip flop in excitement. I hear the shower stop running, and I go in to hand his shorts. He thanks me, and I come up with an idea. The Chinese food arrives, and I place it on the table to start eating when he comes out. Max emerges from the bathroom with just the basketball shorts, tattoos on display, and water dripping off of him. My boyfriend is fucking hot; how did I get so lucky?
“I’m starving.” Max sits down and starts eating the rice since I don’t have all of the food from the bag out on the table. We eat, trying to make small talk, but my mind is swirling with ideas. “Want to watch a movie after dinner?”
“Sure, have one in mind?” I ask, but my mind keeps going back to the fun stuff in Max’s bag.
“I’ll go upstairs to see what they have and pick a couple.”
“Sounds good.” I smile to myself because that’s the opening I need to do what I need to do. “Oh, there’s no popcorn here. We can’t do movies without the popcorn.”
“Exactly.” He kisses me in a way that makes my legs weak. Max leaves, and I race to the bed. I throw off my clothes and rummage through my bag to find my white-lace, see-through teddy. I slide on the matching lace thong and then add the white thigh highs. I fluff up my hair and pull out the handcuffs. I light the candles that Rob and Aaron have around the house on the stands and mantel. I turn the lights off so there is a soft glow all around. I climb on top of the bed and let the handcuffs dangle from my fingers.
I hear the door close and Max call out my name. He stops at the end of the kitchen since it’s all open, and he stares at me. He looks me up and down with a smile on his face then it disappears. I twirl the handcuffs. “Keeping secrets?”
“Where did you get those?” Max stammers.
“I found them in your bag. Something you want to talk to me about?”
“I—” Max pinches the bridge of nose and breathes in deeply. “No, there isn’t anything I want to talk about. Let’s watch a movie.”
“Max.” I stand and walk over to him. My eyes meet his and smile. Max leans his head down to me so our lips can meet. The kiss is different this time—powerful, hard, and possessive. I love it as my back arches into him and my nipples grow harder.
“Reagan,” Max says my name in a hoarse whisper. “I need you.”
“I’m here for you in any way that you need me.” Max bends down to pick me up as he throws me over his shoulder and smacks my ass. I yelp in excitement. Max tosses me onto the bed, and I bounce a couple of times before placing my back against the headboard waiting in anticipation for Max’s next move.
“I want to tie you up, have my way with you, but right now, I just need to be inside you, feeling you with you screaming my name. Once we get back to Miami, we will explore the chains and whips.” He winks at me, and I shiver in anticipation.
Max kisses my neck, my collarbone, as I run my hands through his hair and over his shoulders. “Nice and slow, no rushing tonight. No wild animals, only love making,” Max tells me in a whisper in my ear. I smile because Max told me that he doesn’t make love, it’s fucking and nothing more. I sigh in pleasure as his strong hands start to knead my chest. Max’s touch is an addiction that I crave. I constantly need his touch.
“I love you, Reagan,” Max says into my breast as he grabs my nipple by his teeth. He tugs on it, and I yelp in pleasurable pain. Max gives equal attention to both of my nipples as he decides to slide down my body kissing my stomach and stops right at my pussy. He slides a finger in and feels how wet I am. “So ready for me.”
“Always, baby.”
“Do I keep finger fucking you, or should I just fuck you with my cock?”
“I think you should fuck me with your cock.” I wink at him with a smile on my face. Max grabs the back of my legs and pushes them up in the air then I feel him slide in me and my legs are now touching my shoulders. Max slides out then slam into me, and I can feel him so deep inside me that I can’t help but moan out loud. Max keeps moving swiftly in and out of me so that his breathing is in sync with his movements. I start to lift my hips in rhythm to Max so I can feel him going deeper, I think any deeper and he’ll be in my throat through the inside. “Oh, my God, Max, I’m going to come soon.”
“Come for me. Tighten against my cock,” Max grunts. My pussy starts to contract around his cock as my hands grab ahold of the sheets on the bed. I scream out his name as I close my eyes to experience this high. My breathing starts to slow and I’m coming back from another amazing orgasm by this man. Max doesn’t slow even though my pussy is very sensitive. I can feel him growing harder inside me. Max starts to move faster as he drives himself into me with such a possessiveness. He has to be in me, faster and harder. I’m going to be sore tomorrow, but whatever Max needs, I will give him. My fingernails are starting to dig into his hips as I get close to another orgasm. I can feel his butt flexing knowing he’s getting closer. “Max, lets come together.” He grunts as he nods. “I’m close.” Max picks up his speed, and I feel his cock flinch inside me so I let go. I feel him shooting his load into me as we both swear and try to get our breathing under control.
When Max pulls out of me, he releases my legs, but he collapses on top of me so I wrap my long legs around him. Max is lying on my heart as he runs his finger up and down my side. “We keep getting better.”
“We have a connection, and every day it gets stronger,” I whisper into his head as I kiss it.
“I like that.”
“What am I going to do next week when you’re not my sexy neighbor?” I chuckle.
“You call me when you want me,” Max mumbles.
“Or you could move in with Jonathan and me. The apartment is pretty big. Four bedrooms, living room, and kitchen slash dining room.” I can’t believe I just blurted out him moving in with me. Max rolls off of me and props himself up on his elbow.
“Are you serious?” Max doesn’t sound convinced.
“I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t, so what do you think?”
“It would be awesome, but we’ll talk to Jonathan together.” I climb onto him and pin his arms down.
“Oh, the answer is yes, but I need Jonathan to be okay with it.” Max smirks and I kiss him. “Reagan, movie?” I laugh at him. “We watch naked wrapped up in each other.”
I can deal with that as I get off the bed and head to the table to see what movies he brought down. I’m confident in my body because I work hard to keep it this way. Max comes up behind me, and I feel his semi hard cock at my ass. “Not happening, Mr. Stephens.” He winks at me and grabs Harry Potter to watch. I shake my head as I follow him into the living room to curl up on the makeshift bed of blankets and pillows from the bed and living room in the middle of the floor. I fall asleep halfway through the second movie. The nightmares stay away when I’m close to him, and I’m thankful for that.
Max
I watch Reagan sleeping as the credits roll on the screen. I’m trying to figure out if I should fall asleep or watch another movie. I move to stand up without disturbing Reagan, and something catches my eye on the floor under the sofa. I reach for it and see it’s the letter from Thomas that I need to read. I walk into the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee; I know I’m going to regret it but I need to be awake and alert for this. I pour my coffee and head to the couch. I want to wake Reagan up, but I don’t have the heart. This journey has not only been emotionally draining for me but for her as well. I stare at her, lying on her right side as her nose crinkles with whatever dream she is having, her long, brown hair spread out where I was lying. I’m thankful that she hasn’t given up on me. My heart is beating so loud in my ears, I would have thought it would wake Reagan up. I take the plunge and open the letter. My hands are shaking pulling out the letter as I see Thomas’s shaky handwriting.
Son,
I want you to find peace in yourself. You struggle so much and it kills me that I can’t help you. When I walked into that apartment watching you trying to revive your mom, my heart broke. I spent the rest of my life trying to protect you. I failed at times but I always had the best intentions when it came to you. Forgive Jack for what he did to Abby, she will heal from this and you will be a better man for it. Forgive your biological father for being an asshole who let the drugs take over his life. I truly wish you could have met him when he got off the drugs and found religion. You would be proud of him. Forgive me for not being strong enough to let you in on everything. I kept secrets from you and I’m sure they will start coming to light. Be open to love and embrace it with everything that you are. I know you will find the woman who makes you want to be better and fight for your relationship. I’m enclosing the ring I gave my precious Evelyn, give it to the love of your life. It will make me proud to have her wearing it. These two days are going to be hard for you and Amanda, lean on each other. Thank you for keeping my life interesting.
I chuckle through the tears because I can see him laughing as he wrote this letter to me.
I love you Max and remember that love is worth fighting for.”
I tip the envelope over as two rings fall out. It’s a one-karat single diamond on a silver band and a silver wedding band with a single diamond on it lies in the palm of my hand. Marriage was something I never thought about accomplishing in my life, but now, it’s all I think about. I love Reagan, and I want her to be my wife, pregnant with my kids while raising Jonathan together.
I don’t remember when I fell asleep. “Max? Baby, wake up.” Reagan is touching my shoulder and giving me a little shake. I open one eye to look around, and it’s bright in the room. I don’t know where Reagan is because she’s no longer lying on the floor. “Want some coffee?” I hear her say behind me. I nod my head as I run my hands over my face. I stretch my arms over my head as I stand and remember that I’m naked. “Hey, I like this view and could get used to it.” Reagan chuckles. I open my mouth to say something but she cuts me off. “Rob and Aaron are bringing breakfast down, so you might want to get dressed.” I mumble under my breath about cock blockers. I throw on my boxers and walk into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. I kiss Reagan on the cheek.
“Sleep okay?”
“No, I missed my boyfriend cuddled up to me. You okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You were mumbling in your sleep about you’re sorry that you let him down. I tried to wake you, but you were out.”
“Hmm, I don’t even remember my dream. I read Thomas’s final letter to me, so maybe I was dreaming of him.” I pull my bottom lip into my mouth as I chew it trying to figure out what my dream was about. Reagan stares at me with concern in her eyes. We talk about leaving this evening and stopping for the night or driving straight through when there is a knock on the door. I push my chair back, scraping it on the floor, and answer the door. It was my mom standing there.
“Mom, everything okay?”
“You’re leaving today?” I open the door wider for her to come in, and she stands in the kitchen doorway. I close the door as I ask her if she wants a cup of coffee. “No, I’m fine. Is it true that you’re leaving today?”
“Yes, we need to get back. Reagan’s nephew is missing her pretty bad.”
“Can’t he wait until this weekend to see her?”
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Stephens, but, no, he can’t,” Reagan speaks up in a mousy tone. She seems intimidated by my mother.
“Max, can’t she get a plane ticket and you stay the weekend. I could really use your help at the diner and the house. Marshall is coming in to help.”
“I know he is, and so is his fiancé Patty.” Mom lets out a frustrated sigh at me.
“Maxwell, I need you.” I look to my mom with a shocked expression of wide eyes and open mouth. She has never uttered those words before. Reagan gets up from her chair and pulls me into the bedroom.
“Take me to the airport, and I’ll have someone pick me up. I’m sure your family needs you,” Reagan whispers.
“I don’t want to be apart from you. My brother can handle this stuff,” I whisper trying not to let my mom know that I don’t want to stay because once she gets the hooks in me, I’m done.
“Family first.”
“You’re my family too.” I grab her hips to pull her closer to me. I need to feel her close to me.
“I know, and that isn’t changing, baby.”
“I’ll think about it. Once I talk to Abby and see how she is doing with the baby, I’ll decide.” I kiss her nose and head back into the kitchen. Reagan smacks me on the ass and giggles.
“I need to talk to Abby about her doctor’s appointment today. I don’t want to miss the birth of my niece or nephew. Would you like to stay for breakfast? Aaron and Rob are cooking for us.” I know she won’t stay because my friends offend her.
“No.” She leaves without any other words. I shake my head in disbelief.
Rob, Aaron, Reagan and I eat a huge breakfast of eggs, French toast, bacon, sausage and pancakes. Aaron is adamant that I need to have a hearty breakfast for the day ahead of me. I’m lucky to have such an amazing support system. I do miss not having Abby and Sarah by my side. It’s always been the five of us against the world. Life is funny how we all start to grow up and have relationships, careers, and family.
“We better get ready. Amanda wants to meet early,” Reagan says as she starts cleaning up the dishes. Rob tells her to leave them, but she shushes him.
“What time does the service start?” Rob asks me, but I’m staring at Reagan’s ass in the tight leggings that she wears for running. Rob chuckles as he notices where I’m staring. I mouth, “What?” to him and we laugh.
“The service at the funeral home is at eleven. Amanda is heading up to the cabin right after with the family for the rest of the week and weekend.”
“Who gets the cabin?” Aaron asks me.
“We both do. He left it to us because he knows that we would never get rid of it.” I smile because some of my best family memories were up at that cabin. I felt whole.
“We will meet you there about 10:45,” Rob s
ays, standing up and grabbing the dishes of food to take back upstairs.
“I appreciate you being there.” I hug him.
“Thomas accepted us when Jack and Maggie wouldn’t. He was a great man. I’m honored to have known him.” Rob slaps me on the back and they head upstairs.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” I say to Reagan with my head on the doorframe.
“Do what?” I hear a softness in her voice that melts my heart.
“Say goodbye to him. I don’t want to do it.” I turn to look at her with tears threatening my vision. “I can’t accept that he’s gone.”
“He’s never gone. He may not be here physically, but traits of him are in you plus all the memories you have of him. You can’t live like I did. Embrace the fact that he isn’t suffering, he’s at peace, and with the love of his life.”
“Those words mean nothing to my heart right now.” I laugh as I start to dry the plates as she finishes washing them.
“I know, baby.” She lays her head on my shoulder. This small gesture of hers means the world to me. I’m going to be okay. I can say see you later to Thomas.
Reagan
Max is hurting and there is nothing that I can do about it. My phone starts to ring, and I look to see its Cash. “I need to take this; I’ll be right in.” Max kisses me and heads into the funeral home to find Amanda.
“Hey, Cash.”
“Reagan?” Cash’s voice has a hint of crying and chaos of people yelling in the background.
“Yes, what’s wrong?” My stomach churns as I feel myself getting ready to throw up. Something happened, and I wasn’t there.
Love Me Like You Mean It Page 18
