I slammed the laptop shut, refusing to read anymore. Nothing else mattered. The outcome won't change.
My parents died.
Carson was driving.
What do I do? It obviously was an accident, and Carson would never have kept this from me if he knew those were my parents. I'm sure he doesn't go around telling everyone he meets "When I was fifteen I caused an accident and the other people died!"
I fell back on the bed and closed my eyes. I'm confused. I feel like I should hate him, that he's the reason I don't have my parents anymore. He's caused so much hurt and loneliness over the last ten years, I should easily be able to punch him in the dick and move on.
But I can't, because I love him and I know the person he is. Carson wouldn't hurt anyone intentionally. But can I look at him every day knowing he’s the reason they’re not here any longer?
Twenty minutes later, I was alone in the apartment and my phone was turned back on, as I promised Lexi. The home screen of my iPhone was giving me anxiety. I hated those little red bubbles that informed you of missed calls or messages. In the past, as soon as one would pop up, I would have to immediately check it or my OCD would kick in. The forty-seven texts were making me antsy. I knew some were from Lex this morning, but most from Carson. I finally bit the bullet and tapped on the message tab. As I thought all were from Lexi and Carson. I quickly went through Lexi's first, most of them asking where I was in shouty caps. When I clicked on Carson's name, each were different.
Baby, please pick up. Don't ignore me.
We need to talk. This is killing me. I love you.
I refuse to let our ball drop.
I have a lot that I need to tell you. Please answer your phone.
Please don't shut me out. Call me back, please.
I will buy you fifty manatees and swim with them if you call me.
I chuckled at that one, knowing he really must be desperate. After those notifications were clear, I checked my voicemail. After listening to the first seven, I deleted the rest. His voice grew more and more depressed and tired with each message and it was incredibly hard to hear.
I brought the blankets up to my chin and closed my eyes, wishing more than anything that it were twenty-four hours earlier. I was on an island with the man that brought light back to my life, oblivious to the fact that he was the reason it had been so dark for so long.
Chapter Thirty-Six: Carson
I handed over more cash than necessary to the taxi driver, mumbling to keep the change before the car came to a stop outside Mel's building. I opened the doors to the lobby and ran into Lexi.
Literally.
She stumbled back a few steps until I reached out and steadied her. "Is Melody upstairs?"
I half expected her to kick me in the dick, but instead she put her hand on my arm. "She is. Are you okay?”
“I need to talk to her.”
“You're not going to see her right now."
“The fuck am I.” I began to walk around her. Her grip on my arm tightened, and I looked back at her. "I need to talk to her now, Lexi. This isn’t a goddamn joke."
She shook her head slightly. "Talk to me first, then maybe I'll let you up to see her."
I ran my hands over my face. "I really don't have time for this Lexi."
"If you want Melody back, then you better make time.” She checked the time on her phone before saying “Come on, you're buying me tacos."
Ten minutes later, we were seated on the back patio at Paco's alone. Lexi waited until the waiter was out of earshot to start. "What the actual fuck?"
I rubbed my hands over my face. "I had no clue they were her parents." I took a deep breath, then admitted the secret I've kept over the last ten years. "I wasn't driving that night."
Her eyebrow raised suspiciously. "Stop lying, you dick. I saw the police report, you were listed as the driver. If you want her back, lying is not the way to make it happen you asshole."
I slammed my hand down on the table, making Lexi jump. "I'm not lying. Fuck." I exhaled and ran my hands through my hair. "My dad is a lawyer."
"I know, and apparently a good one to keep you out of trouble from all of this."
"Listen to me, Lex. Ten years ago he was the top criminal defense attorney in the city. That night, there was a huge fundraiser on one of the boats in the harbor. One of his buddies called me and said Dad needed a ride home because he was seasick. Mom was already sleeping so I drove alone to pick him up. I should have woken her up. I had my drivers permit and had no reason to be driving alone, but I didn't want her to have to deal with his shit. When I got there, Dad said he could drive and made me get in the passenger seat. I didn't realize until we were almost out of the city that he wasn't seasick."
Lexi's hand shot to her mouth. "Oh my god...he was drunk."
I nodded. "A storm had passed through earlier, so the roads were still wet and it was foggy. The car started straddling the yellow line in the road, so I told Dad to pull over. He said he was fine, it was just hard to see. The accident happened about a minute later. Dad was driving a little too fast and came up on their car from behind and wasn't able to stop. He rear-ended them and sent them off the road and they hit a tree." I swallowed the nausea that was creeping up my throat. "My dad told me to stay in the car while he checked on them and called 911. When he came back, he said they were okay, that they were just waiting in the car until the police got there. I had no clue they were dead. I swear I didn't."
I didn't realize I had tears rolling down my face until Lexi handed me a tissue. "How did your name get on the report?"
"Before the police got there, Dad said I needed to tell them I was driving, that I wouldn't get in trouble for the accident since I had my permit. When I told him no, that I would tell the cops the truth, he made a deal with me."
"A deal?"
I nodded. "That he'd give Mom the divorce he knew she wanted. That he would sign all parental rights over to her and we could move out west with her family. She had wanted to do that for years, but he always threatened to fabricate stories about her to take custody of me. I knew he had the power to do so, so I never pushed my mom to leave. I saw it as a way out for her, so I agreed. It wasn't until after the police came and took my statement that I found out that the people in the car were dead."
Lexi covered my hand with her shaky one. "Carson, I'm so sorry."
"I shouldn't have lied for him. I was young and had no clue what in the hell I was doing. I wish I would have told the truth, then he would have gone to jail and Mom would have been able to divorce him anyways. I was so fucking stupid."
"You were fifteen. He's your father and he should have protected you, not offered you a deal. This is his fault, not yours. Does anyone else know this?"
"My mom. We talked about it later that night. She said the only way she would go along with it would be if he found a way for me to not be put in jail and for it to be buried. She didn't want it to affect my college or future. Being ‘the powerful attorney’ he is, he pulled it off. I ended up having to surrender my permit and I was prohibited to get my license until I was twenty-one. A month later, my mom and I were living in New Mexico with my aunt. Although my mom makes me call him once a month, I haven’t seen my father since we left for New Mexico."
She blew out a long breath. "That's fucked up, you know. He should have to pay for what he did to Melody's parents. Even if they weren't Mel's parents, he shouldn't get away with killing someone while drunk."
"I agree. And that's why I'm going to come clean. I'm going to go to the police and tell them the truth."
"It's going to look like you're just trying to cover your ass, Carson. You're going to look like a fucking huge douche. Don't you have a publicist or something to help you with this?"
Poor Pauline. "Yeah, I think she's ready to strangle me. I'll talk to her before I do anything. But I need to tell Melody first."
The waiter came back with a platter full of tacos, setting them in front of Lexi and me. She sat there, l
ooking at the mound of tacos. "I don't think you should see her yet. She needs time to process everything and actually let it sink in that you are connected to the accident. I don’t know if she’s fully accepted it yet. Give her a little more time. Let her call you. I know it's going to be harder than hell to leave her alone, but she needs it right now. When she's ready to hear your side, she'll let you know."
"What if she doesn't? What if she decides she hates me?"
She shrugged. "Then your relationship is over."
Anxiety burned brighter in my chest. “I can’t lose her."
"Have faith. She loves you, Carson. I haven't seen her this happy since before her parents died. For her sake, I hope you both can make this work. I don't know of two people who are more right for each other than you all. Right now, there is just a huge fucking boulder in the middle of the path towards your happy ending. Figuring out how to get around it is going to be a bitch, but do what you need to get around it."
Squeals and screams came from inside Paco's, turning our attention toward the building. "And there is the bachelorette party I was meeting here. I'm heading inside. Do not go see her, do you understand me?"
As much as I wanted to argue with her, I agreed. Mel needs time. “Fine, but if she needs anything-"
"Then I'll be there. You have enough shit to take care of right now. Get your life in order so when she's ready to come back, nothing's in the way." Lexi stood and grabbed her drink and tray of tacos and headed towards the building.
"Do you think she will come back to me?" I asked hopefully.
Lexi turned around, smiling sadly. "I hope so. I really hope so."
***
I pounded on the door for the third time, disregarding the fact that it was after midnight and I was probably waking up every person in the neighborhood. I knew someone was bound to call the police, but I really didn't give a flying fuck. The lights flickered on, shining through the windows onto the lawn. The door opened, half of my DNA staring back at me expectantly. "I'm surprised it took you this long to get here."
He’s aged tremendously since I last saw him. His once jet black hair is now almost completely grey and the smooth skin I remembered is now spotted and wrinkled. Despite the fact that time hasn’t been kind to him, I wanted to punch my father in the face. I wanted to cause him as much pain as I've felt in the last twelve hours, but that still wouldn't be enough. "You knew who she was from the beginning. That's why you told me to avoid her. You didn't want the secret to be leaked."
He exhaled loudly as if I was an inconvenience. "Do you really want to have this conversation on the doorstep?"
"Answer me."
"Yes, Carson. I knew who she was when she checked in at the hospital to get treated. I was trying to save you from all of this."
"You were trying to save me? Shouldn't you have done that ten years ago?"
"I'm not proud of what happened, of who I was...but it's in the past. It can't be changed."
“How did that reporter get ahold of the information? I thought you buried this shit.”
“Don’t ask questions you don’t want answered, Carson.”
I grabbed onto the edges of his open robe and pushed him against the siding of the house. “What the fuck do you know?”
“Put me down.” He growled.
“You don’t scare me anymore. What.the.fuck.do.you.know?”
“That reporter, the red head with big tits, came sniffing around here looking for dirt on you. Things aren’t good for me financially right now, Carson, and the monetary offer she threw at me was significant.”
I let him go and took a step backwards. “You sold me out?”
“I had no choice. That money-”
“You sick son of a bitch. You haven’t changed, and you never will.”
“You need to learn that you have to do what is needed to take care of yourself. You should always be your own first priority. I needed money.” He said it all as if it were the norm. That a father should take care of himself before his own child. That getting ahead financially is more important that your own flesh and blood’s wellbeing.
“I’m never going to be a selfish prick.” I clenched my fists and closed my eyes. "You need to fix this. Tell the truth. You made this mess, now you have to clean it up. If not, I'm going to the police and telling them everything."
"Son, you'll be charged with falsifying a police report. You could face jail time for that. Kiss your career goodbye."
"I don't give a shit. They can lock me up forever. At least my girlfriend will know I'm not the one responsible for her parents’ deaths. I can't live with this. Not anymore. It’s been ten years too long."
He crossed his arms and sighed. "You don't know what you're asking me to do."
"I'm asking you to be a fucking man. Admit you’re wrong. Face consequences for your actions without blaming others to save your reputation. If there is any part of you in that conceded mind of yours that has even an ounce of a conscious, I'm begging you to do the right thing."
He stared at me, not a word leaving his lips. I let out a hard chuckle and shook my end. “You’re a piece of shit.” I turned my back on him and walked to my car, knowing I just wasted my time and breathe.
Chapter Thirty-Seven: Melody
Eight days.
That’s how long it’s been since I’ve talked to Carson. Seen him. Touched him. Loved him.
Each day when I wake up, I think it’s possibly the day to unblock his number and call him...but I never do. I haven’t gone to the games or watched them on TV. I’m not sure I’m ready to see him yet. I don’t know if I would run into his arms or beat the shit out of him. To be honest, I still don’t know how I feel about the situation. It’s been a week, and I’m no closer to deciding what I should do. I hope I figure this out soon, because I miss him so much it hurts. My heart and brain physically ache from the constant pull of the decision I need to make.
Lexi took my tickets for the game tonight so they wouldn’t go to waste. She’s been my rock during this entire ordeal. She hasn’t complained once over my bitchiness, crying spells or rants. She’s listened to it all, but hasn’t given me advice, which is exactly what I’ve needed. I don’t need the opinions of others when this is a situation that I have to figure out on my own.
I was on my second episode of Criminal Minds when my phone played Lexi’s ringtone. “Hey Lex, what’s up?”
“Mel, I’m fine, but I need you to meet me at University of Maryland Medical Center now.” Her voice panicked.
I was up on my feet instantly. “What happened?”
She let out a shaky breath. “It’s Uncle Clay.”
***
The ride of the hospital was the longest ride of my life. My Uber driver ended up being a woman in her late fifties who drove at a snail’s pace. When I asked if there was any way possible she could drive any faster due to an emergency at the hospital, she declined with the reason that she couldn’t afford to get any more points on her license.
“Sugar Bean, I accidently side swiped a car a few months back and totaled my car. I was given my first points on my license, and I vowed that I would never get anymore. I am very observant when I drive now. I promise you’re in good hands and I’ll get you to the hospital safely.”
Great.
Lexi was pacing outside of the emergency room entrance when I finally arrived. "What the hell happened?"
"After the game was over, Clay tripped going up the stairs. He hit his head on one of the concrete steps and has a huge gash on his forehead. He was complaining of leg pain too."
I felt my nauseous. "Oh no. Did he lose consciousness?"
“No, he said his head was too hard for that.” She laughed lightly.
“Where is he now?”
"He's being examined right now. You can go back and check on him, he was asking for you."
The nurse at the desk in the ER took me back to his room and I knocked before entering. Clay was propped up in the bed, a nurse putting a brace on h
is leg. "Should I come back?"
"Little Mel, get your ass in here."
I shut the door quietly behind me. I was trying like hell not to break down. "Are you okay?"
A large bandage covered most of his forehead and he had scratches and a large bruise on his cheek. "Besides this here broken leg and seven stitches, I'm just fine."
I leaned down and kissed his cheek gently. "I'm so sorry this happened."
"It's nobody's fault but my own. These legs don't work like they used to, but I refused to believe it. Sit down, Mel."
Falling for the Rookie (Fan Girl Book 1) Page 18
