by Ruchi Kokcha
Here is a man who has everything I ever wanted: status, money, power, and yet the only things that he has to console him are his tears.
Avik suddenly felt that all the material desires for which he had embarked on this journey were pointless.
How different I am from Mr Rajput. I left my relationships behind to become rich and powerful while this man’s wealth and power became meaningless after the death of the one he loved. For the first time Avik felt that he had spent his adult life in the vain pursuit of the wrong goals, and that receiving and spreading love should be the only objective in life.
‘Mr Rajput, I cannot empathize with you, for I cannot even imagine what you have gone through. Seeing you today, it seems to me that I had a life I could have been content with, but I wanted more. I was always searching for something that would make me happy. But actually I left behind the essence of happiness. I left behind love and relationships that could complete my world. All I want now is to go back and collect the forfeited pieces of my life and live it as a whole. Don’t worry, I am not going to publish Ananki’s story.’
Avik sat on the bed as he spoke, not noticing the tears that trickled down his cheeks as he lamented a lost world of happiness. Mr Rajput was moved by the kind gesture. He collected himself and put a hand on Avik’s shoulder.
‘If you ever need me, feel free to call me.’
‘I will. Thank you.’ Avik stood up and left the room.
As he walked out of the bungalow, he thought about the fact that he would have to return to Sahay empty-handed.
No story will mean no raise. What will I have? No money, no home, no love. But maybe there is something that I can do. If I am able to convince Mr Rajput that Ananki has developed feelings for me and vice versa, then I can take her out of that cell and settle down with her. Of course Mr Rajput would be happy to see Ananki with me, as it would mean the end of Ananki’s obsession that his mind is overburdened with, he thought as he slowly walked towards the main gate.
Avik stopped short of the gate, deciding that it was worth trying out his plan. He returned to the bungalow to tell Mr Rajput that he had thought of a way to make Ananki fall out of love with him.
He found Mr Rajput still sitting in Ananki’s room, lost in thought. Avik’s return startled him, as if he had woken him up from a deep slumber.
‘Mr Rajput, I have a plan that I feel it will solve your problem,’ Avik exclaimed as he re-entered the room.
‘How can you solve my problem, Avik?’ Mr Rajput got up and walked towards him.
‘Because I think I know what your problem is,’ Avik replied with a faint smile.
‘And I feel that you still don’t know what my problem is. Go on anyway,’ Mr Rajput said, leading him towards the living room.
‘I have visited your daughter several times now. We have interacted a lot during our meetings. She told me about her childhood, her experiences with you, her mother and Priyanka. She also told me about how she is different from the rest of the world as far as love is concerned. But I think she behaved as she did out of a need for love. The only person who ever cared about her in her entire life was you. So she focused all her affection and love on you, her father. Now that she has been meeting and spending time with me, she has taken a liking to me. Her feelings for you are most vulnerable at this point. Maybe we can present her with something that will make her love for you fade away,’ Avik said, excited.
‘And what would that be?’ Mr Rajput asked him, sitting on the couch.
‘A letter.’
‘Letter?’
‘Yes, a letter, written by you, that tells her that you are not her real father, that you and your wife adopted her because you were unable to have a baby. She told me you never lie. But this time you have to,’ Avik explained his plan.
‘She is correct. I have never lied in my life. How can I do it now?’ Mr Rajput appeared unsettled.
‘Mr Rajput, one should not think of truth or lies when things of greater importance are at stake. Even the dharamraaj Yudhishthira had to speak a half-lie in order to defeat the evil Kauravas.’
‘True.’ Mr Rajput paused before continuing, ‘Perhaps I will also tell a half-lie, though it is against my character.’
‘How will it be a half-lie?’ Avik was surprised.
‘It is true that Ananki is my blood, but she is not Kalki’s daughter. She is my daughter from my first wife, whom my parents chose for me. We were married for a year, but complications arose when she went into labour with Ananki. She did not survive the internal bleeding after her delivery. She died a few hours after Ananki was born. I was struggling to raise Ananki along with running my business when Kalki came into my life. We fell in love. She wanted to marry me, but I had one condition, that she would never tell Ananki that she was not her real mother. She promised and never told her about it, but she could never love her as a mother. So if I tell Ananki that we are not her real parents, it would be a half-lie, as Kalki is not her real mother while I am her real father,’ Mr Rajput explained.
This was another revelation for Avik.
‘But how can she believe me when we also had Priyanka after her?’ Mr Rajput asked.
‘It can happen. Many people who adopt have babies thereafter. That is not the issue. The thing is that you are the only person Ananki loves and trusts blindly. Once her trust in you is broken after knowing you kept such a big secret about her birth hidden from her all these years, her love will falter as well. It will render her vulnerable. At such a point, I will be there to console her. It might just happen that her feelings for you would even fade away.’
After much contemplation over the language and details to be provided, the two men sat down to write the letter. Avik put great thought into the phrasing of it, for this letter would decide the fate of both of them.
Mr Rajput wrote the letter by hand and put his signature at the end. Ananki knew that signature very well. After he was done, he handed it to Avik to read through one last time, to make sure there were no chinks in the armour.
Ananki,
How have you been? Priyanka and I are fine. I hope you are recovering better than expected. I had a word with Dr Neerja regarding your condition. I also had a word with your friend Avik when he came to interview me. From him I learnt what you told him about your childhood, how this strange attraction originated. After listening to all of it I have something to tell you, something that I now think I should have told you long ago. I am not your biological father. My wife and I adopted you because we could not have a child of our own. However, a few years after we adopted you, we had Priyanka. Your mother always preferred her and that was why I was extra considerate towards you, so that you did not feel rejected. You mistook my affection for something else and developed feelings that are totally unacceptable. So now it’s up to you whether you want to carry forward this seemingly shocking one-sided love story about loving a man who is as old as your father, but is NOT your father, or accept the friendship and affections of a person who will make you feel complete in every way possible.
R. Rajput
Satisfied with the letter, Avik smiled confidently at Mr Rajput before leaving. He was sure that his plan would work, but he wanted someone else to reassure him.
He called Khyati and filled her in on everything that had happened since he had been shot. She wanted to see the letter immediately. He rushed to her place and found her immersed in a book. She kept the book aside, stood up and gave him a casual hug.
‘You’re looking much better, Avik,’ she said.
‘Yes, my arm has almost healed. How have you been? The doctor advised me to rest, but you could have come to meet me.’
‘I am sorry, Avik. I know I should have called.’
She could not tell him again that she was tired of being his friend that she wanted more from him, something she knew he could not give her, so she had taken the mature decision not to call him. She was not one to beg for love; she would rather be by herself.
‘May
I see the letter?’ she asked.
Khyati looked at the letter for a long time, as if she was reading it again and again. The letter meant the end of every road that led to Avik. She knew she had lost him.
‘Don’t call your obsession love, Avik. Do you really love Ananki?’ She finally asked, placing the letter in the front pocket of his shirt.
The question gave Avik pause. He was definitely attracted to Ananki, but was it love?
I love the way she speaks, I love her long black curls, I love her big ebony and ivory eyes, I love the scent of her breath, I love the way she moves her hands while writing on the wall of her cell, I love her taste in literature, poetry in particular. But do I really love her?
‘I think so,’ he finally replied.
He could see the pity on Khyati’s countenance. According to her, his love for Ananki meant the end of his existence for the rest of the world. She placed the already folded copy of the FIR in Avik’s pocket and gave him a final hug. It was time to bid him goodbye and shut the door.
16
Losing Khyati was a big blow to Avik. He wanted someone to call his own, even if he saw her as just a friend. It seemed he had only one option.
He called Sonu to ask if he could visit Ananki. He told him it was extremely urgent. Sonu knew Dr Neerja would not come to the NGO for another two days and making Avik meet Ananki would be an easy task. But greed led him to treachery. He knew this time he could ask for whatever amount he wished. He asked Avik to pay him ten thousand rupees.
On reaching the NGO gate, Avik handed the money over to Sonu who was already waiting for him there. He didn’t wait for him to escort him and went straight to Ananki. She was standing at the door, clasping the bars, her face pressed up against them, her ears straining for the sound of footsteps. Seeing that someone was still expecting him eased his mind.
‘How have you been?’ he asked.
‘Very well, what about you?’ she said, looking into his eyes, her lips curving into a big smile.
‘Just as well. I was thinking about you all night,’ he stroked her hair as he told her.
‘Do you wish to tell me what made you think about me all night?’ she asked.
The sound of footsteps on the stairs startled them both. Avik took a step back from the bars and waited for the person to come into the faint light of the bulb in the passage. It was Sonu. Avik felt relieved. Sonu opened the door of the cell.
‘Be quick. My job is at stake,’ he told Avik and disappeared into the dark of the stairs.
Avik went inside and stood in front of Ananki.
‘My mind kept struggling with the fact that someone like you is caged in a place like this. You should not be here. You might be suffering from a condition, but it can be treated while you stay in a decent place. I kept wondering why you do not desire to be free of this dungeon,’ Avik told her, holding her face between his palms.
She could sense the despondency in his tone. She wondered if he genuinely cared for her or if it was all an act, driven by some other motive.
But if it is an act, then he would have showed such concern before knowing my story. Now that he knows everything, there is no need for such pretence. Does he doubt the authenticity of the story I told him about the suicide? she wondered as she held him in her embrace.
‘There are two reasons that I do not wish to break free of this existence and move out into the sane world,’ she replied.
‘And may I have the honour of knowing what they are?’ Avik asked as he kissed her nose.
‘Firstly, I cannot go against the wishes of the person who has chosen this place for me. His wish is my command. If he wants me to spend the rest of my life here, so be it.’ Ananki observed him carefully as she spoke.
‘And what is the second reason?’ Avik asked, keeping his face impassive.
‘The second reason is more of a personal choice. I find myself more restricted in the world outside than in here. All that the so-called sane people do is thrust their definition and choices of normalcy upon those who dare to think and act differently. Most of my poems are on this theme,’ she told him.
‘How would I know? You do not find me worthy enough of your poetry,’ Avik said, lifting her chin with his finger so he could look at her face.
She raised her eyebrows, making her eyes look even bigger, freed herself from their embrace and went to pick up her diary. She searched for a page and held out the diary, showing him the poem written on the yellow page.
‘No, I want you to recite it to me,’ he said.
‘I have recited my poems to only one man till now,’ she said, holding out the diary insistently.
He took it this time. As he read the poem, he felt sorrier for her than ever. He asked her if he could keep the poem. She tore the page from her diary and gave it to him. He kept it in his pocket and then took out the letter from his other pocket.
She was happily surprised. ‘Aha, you have already started the love letter game, not bad!’
‘I am not its author, Ananki. Someone else has sent it for you,’ Avik said, handing her the letter.
He noticed that his words had a jarring effect on her. She knew immediately who the author was. She quickly opened it and moved to the rear wall. Avik stood where he was. He wanted her to read the letter without any distraction. As he waited for her to finish reading it, he thought of what might happen.
It is either black or white for me. Today there can be no grey patches hovering in the middle. He just hoped for the plan to work as he wanted.
She cleared her throat as she walked back towards him.
‘I think you know what he has written in this letter?’ she asked.
‘Yes, I read it on the way,’ he lied.
‘Do you think it is true?’ she asked.
‘How would I know? But it must be true if he has written it.’
Her expression did not show shock, much to Avik’s dismay; he was nervous about the success of his plan.
Her skills as an actress surpassed anything he could imagine. She did not show him the turmoil that the letter had caused within her. The information had collided with the world she had built for herself. She could act composed only because there was still hope in her mind that the letter was a lie.
‘Do you really love me, Avik?’ she asked him, holding his face between her palms and locking her eyes with his.
‘Yes, I do, and I want you out of this place. I want you to live in the world outside, if possible with me. You do not belong here. I feel we belong together,’ he replied.
‘I want you to talk to Dr Neerja about it then.’
‘But you have always said that you do not wish to leave this place,’ Avik questioned her to gauge if she was serious about getting out.
‘Yes, because earlier I had no one to leave for,’ she replied.
Avik nodded. ‘Very well, I will speak to Dr Neerja.’
Before Avik could bid her goodbye, Sonu came running down the stairs. He informed Avik that Dr Neerja’s car had arrived in the parking outside the NGO and he must either find a way to leave the premises without her noticing or devise a plan.
Avik thought that it might not be possible for him to leave the NGO without her noticing, as there was only one exit. It was better to pretend that he had come to meet her to inform her about his meeting with Mr Rajput. Before she parked the car and entered the NGO, he rushed to Dr Neerja’s cabin. He sat on the chair opposite Dr Neerja’s, trying to look as calm as possible.
Dr Neerja had come for an emergency situation in another ward and went straight to the patient concerned. Avik had asked Sonu not to inform her about his waiting, as he wanted to read her instantaneous reactions on being told about the meeting with Mr Rajput.
After seeing the patient for whom she had come to the NGO she went to see Ananki. To her surprise, she noticed a lot of difference in her countenance.
Before she could say anything, Ananki said to her, ‘I want to go out, doctor. I want to get out of this place as soon as
possible.’
Dr Neerja was stunned but clever enough not to show it. She smiled and told Ananki that she would try her best and left for her cabin.
In the cabin, Avik had waited for about an hour but Dr Neerja still hadn’t arrived. He felt an urgent need to use the washroom. Avik went inside and locked the washroom door when he heard footsteps outside and then the sound of the cabin door being locked from inside. Must be Dr Neerja, he thought. But why has she locked the door?
Dr Neerja called her husband. Avik realized she was talking on the phone. He tiptoed to the washroom door to overhear what she was saying.
‘Avik has always shown a great deal of interest in Ananki. What disturbs me is Ananki reciprocating the interest…
‘She wants to leave the NGO. Maybe Avik is behind this change in her decision. That is why I have always kept journalists away from her, even though it made me go to the extent of keeping one on drugs and hiring a killer for another…
‘…I would not have let Avik meet her, had you not asked me to because of your assistant Khyati…
‘…He crossed the limit, influencing Ananki to a great extent, which is why I had to have him shot. He was jeopardizing the arrangement I had with Mr Rajput for keeping his mad daughter. But luckily for him, he survived…
‘… I am telling you, Tarun, do something about him, before he takes the goose that lays the golden egg from our hands.’
Avik froze with shock. He could not move. He decided it was best to stay hidden inside the washroom till she left.
But what if Dr Neerja finds out that the washroom door is locked from the inside? he thought.
Avik immediately put his phone on silent mode and texted Sonu.
‘Dr Neerja was the one who tried to kill me. I am hiding inside the washroom while she is sitting outside. Do anything to make her leave so that I can be free,’ he sent him.
Sonu was standing outside the cabin itself, thinking that Avik was briefing her about the meeting as planned. On reading his message he knocked on the door with a sense of urgency. Dr Neerja got up from her chair and opened it. Sonu pretended that he was panting, as if he had rushed to inform her of something.
