“Right. And you’ll never resent that a night with me changed your life? This is exactly what we were worried would happen. We can’t go back to being friends. I’m not even sure if we can go back to being us.”
He moved to the table, the place that had become his in the past couple of weeks. She met his gaze, the dark eyes that always looked at her as if he knew her better than anyone else knew her.
“Andie, we’ll make this work. We’ll deal with it.”
“Right, that’s what we’ll do, deal with it.” She leaned back away from him, against the cushioned arm of the sofa and she closed her eyes. “I need to take a nap. That’s one of the symptoms of the first trimester of pregnancy, being tired.”
“I’m not leaving.”
He got up and moved to the cushioned rocking chair a short distance away. He looked out of place in Etta’s parlor and in that prissy chair. She smiled, watching him try to get comfortable. He stretched jean-clad legs in front of him and crossed his legs at the ankles. His hat was low over his eyes and he crossed his arms in front of him.
She was the one needing a nap and he’d probably be asleep long before her. If she even fell asleep. Mostly she wanted an excuse to stop talking about their lives and how everything had changed.
One thing hadn’t changed. She loved Ryder. But Ryder thought she was nothing more than his best friend.
And the mother of his baby.
Chapter Thirteen
Something woke Andie up. A bad dream? A bad feeling. She turned and she was on the edge of the sofa. She moved back to keep from falling off. It took her a minute to put it all together, to remember that it was Tuesday and Etta was in Tulsa with Alyson. She sought the person who had been there with her when she fell asleep.
Ryder was still in the rocking chair. His head was bent forward, his hat covering his face. Soft snores drifted across the room. She smiled and curled back into the blanket that hadn’t been on her when she fell asleep. And she tried not to think about it, about him hovering over her, covering her with the afghan that had been folded at the other end of the sofa.
Pain slid through her abdomen, catching her by surprise, taking her breath.
That’s what had awoken her. It hadn’t been a dream. It hadn’t been just a bad feeling. She rubbed her belly and waited for it to end. It didn’t. The cramping wrapped around her lower abdomen and held on.
“No,” she whispered but it woke Ryder.
“What?” His voice was groggy his eyes a little foggy from sleep.
She needed a minute, just a minute to get her thoughts straight.
“I’m cramping again.” She met his gaze and his brow furrowed. “It’s my fault for going out to check on the cow.”
“We left you here alone. I should have stayed with you.” He stood. “We aren’t going to sit and talk about this being someone’s fault. We don’t know what this is, or even if there’s something that could be done to stop it.”
“I know.” Her heart tightened with dread, because she knew that there was nothing a doctor could do, not at this stage in her pregnancy.
He grabbed her shoes and a jacket that she’d left on the other chair. “Come on, let’s go.”
“Go?”
“To the E.R. Andie, we’re not going to sit here and do nothing. We’ll call Etta on our way.”
“I don’t want to call Etta. Alyson deserves to have this day without me interfering.”
“Alyson would want you to interfere if…”
If she lost the baby. Andie slid her feet into the shoes he set on the floor for her and then she let him hold the sweater for her to slide her arms into the sleeves. They felt like a couple. She closed her eyes against another sharp wave of pain, and a similar one that invaded her heart that asked her what became of them tomorrow.
“I don’t want to lose my baby.” She looked up at him, not wanting to need him, but she did.
He sat down on the sofa with her. He touched her cheek and turned her to face him. “I know.”
His kiss was sweet, gentle, and it made her feel strong. It made her feel loved. And she knew that wasn’t what he meant to do with that kiss. She sighed into his shoulder and he hugged her close.
“Let’s go, Andie.”
She walked out the door at his side, her hand on her belly, her baby still safe inside her. And thoughts invaded, because she knew that when she returned to this house, everything might be different. The last thing she saw was the pile of clothes on the table next to the door, the little baby clothes that Etta had found in the attic, and an afghan that Andie’s mom had tried to crochet years ago—when Andie was a baby.
The E.R. was bustling with late afternoon activity. Rush hour in Grove always resulted in plenty of minor fend-benders the nurse informed them as they got Andie settled in a bed.
“You can’t leave me this time.” Andie waited until the nurse left and then she grabbed Ryder’s hands. “Don’t leave me.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Please, don’t be angry with me.”
He sat down on the edge of the bed. “I’m not angry, Andie, I’m worried. This is my baby, too.”
“I know.”
“Do you? Because sometimes you act like you’re in this alone. And you’re not. We were both surprised by this, but I’m no less invested in this pregnancy than you are.” His voice cracked. “That’s my kid. It isn’t something I planned, but after a couple of weeks, a guy starts to get used to the idea.”
“I’m so afraid that this is God’s way of punishing me.”
He rubbed his thumb over her fingers. “Andie, you thought being pregnant was punishment. Now you think God’s punishing you with problems. Why? Do you think God is sitting up there waiting for you and you alone to mess up so He can come up with new ways to punish you?”
“Consequences?”
“Yeah, okay, consequences. But you’re wrong about this.” He leaned close, touching her cheek. “Your whole life you’ve worried about being good enough. That’s your mom’s fault. And your fault for blaming yourself for her skipping out on you.”
“If I’d been easier…” She choked on sobs that came in waves and Ryder grabbed her up and held her close.
“She messed up, not you.”
“How does a mom walk out on a kid?” She leaned into his shoulder and all of the pain of her childhood came out, all of the feelings of being defective. Ryder held her tight, rubbing her back.
“You’re not your mom.”
“No, I’m not.” She wiped at her eyes and moved away from him. “But if I lose the baby, you’re off the hook.”
“Oh, so now I’m your mom?”
“I don’t know, Ryder. I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now.” More tears rolled down her cheeks and this time Ryder didn’t hold her. “This could be the last day that I’m pregnant.”
“I choose to have some faith, Andie. So, I’m not going to play this game with you.”
The curtain opened and Dr. Ashford walked in. Ryder moved off the edge of the bed as the doctor washed her hands and pulled gloves out of the box on the table next to the bed.
“When did this start?” Dr. Ashford glanced at the curtain and motioned a tech into the room with a portable ultrasound.
“An hour or so. I woke up and was cramping then.”
“Have you been staying down?”
“As much as possible. I had a cow get down today.”
“She called me.” Ryder shot her a look. “Andie, you walked out into the yard and then back to the house. This isn’t your fault.”
Dr. Ashford smiled at him and then turned her attention back to Andie. “He’s right. Now isn’t the time to blame yourself. Now is the time to see what’s going on. Any bleeding?”
Ryder stood up. “I’ll wait outside.”
“No. And, Ryder, stay. I don’t want to be alone.”
He sat back down. “I’ll stay for the ultrasound.”
Dr. Ashford slid a heart monitor o
ver her belly and smiled.
“There’s that heartbeat.” She paused, frowned and moved it again. “Oh.”
“What?” Andie’s heart squeezed painfully and she watched, waiting for Dr. Ashford to smile, to say something.
“Let’s get that ultrasound in here before I make any big announcements.”
Andie leaned, waiting. And praying. Because she needed faith. And she needed God. She wasn’t going to believe lies that she was being punished or tossed aside because she wasn’t good enough. Old wounds. She tried to tell herself it was time to let them heal. It wasn’t easy.
Dr. Ashford squeezed cold gel on her belly and reached for the ultrasound. The tech stood back as the doctor moved the gizmo over her belly, finding the baby, settling on the heartbeat. The doctor nodded and moved the ultrasound a little to the right. Another heartbeat.
“You’re a twin, aren’t you?”
“Yes.” Her heartbeat was echoing in her ears, beating in unison with the two heartbeats on the ultrasound.
“Andie, you’re having twins.”
“But there was only one.”
“Yes, well, there wasn’t only one, but we didn’t hear baby number two the last time we checked.”
“But they’re okay?”
“Andie, they seem to be very okay. I want to do a blood test and keep you here tonight.”
“Here, in the hospital?”
“For the night, yes.”
Andie’s body trembled and she reached for Ryder. His hand tightened around hers.
“Andie, we’re having twins.” His voice shook a little.
Two babies. Her life had changed, and then changed again. She looked at Ryder, and to her, he looked a little cornered. And that wasn’t what she wanted.
She didn’t want him stuck somewhere he didn’t want to be, including in a relationship he never planned to have.
Dr Ashford left them alone. She was going to arrange for Andie to have a room for the night, and she thought they might need to catch their breath. She made the last comment with a smile as she walked out the door.
Ryder whistled a lot whistle. “Wow, this it. Not only are we going to do this, but we’re going to have twins.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing? Andie, we’ve talked about this. I’m a part of this. I’m the dad. You aren’t having a baby, we are having a baby. Two babies.”
“Exactly. The guy who didn’t want to get married or have kids is now going to have two.”
“I know.” He sat back in the chair and tried to think about that. “You’re going to be on bed rest for a big part of the next seven months.”
“Dr. Ashford didn’t say that.”
“No, but that’s the way it works.”
“Stop.”
He stopped. He knew when a woman was at the end of the emotional rope swing and about to go off. Andie was dangling.
“We have to get married.” He said it with as much conviction as he could, because it was going to take conviction to convince her.
“Excuse me?”
“Married, Andie. We can let Alyson and Jason have their day, but I think we should plan on a Christmas wedding.”
“Haven’t I already told you no, twice?”
“Yeah, but…”
“But we don’t even know yet that the babies are okay. Have you thought of that? Have you thought about putting that ring on my finger and then…”
She could lose the babies.
Of course he hadn’t let his thoughts go there. He was a little upset that she would. And he told her so as he stood up.
“Andie, you’re emotional. I guess I’m pretty emotional right now, too. But this is crazy. Those babies deserve for us to be married.”
“I don’t want a proposal that’s prefixed with ‘this is the right thing to do.’ Ryder, just go.”
“Go?”
Dr. Ashford walked into the room. “Problem, kids?”
“No, no problem.” Ryder grabbed his hat. “Her grandmother will be here in an hour.”
“Oh, okay.”
As Ryder started his truck, his better self told him to go back and wait. But he couldn’t. He was so mad at Andie, he knew he’d say the wrong thing if he stayed. She didn’t need that right now. He didn’t know what she needed. Definitely not anything he could give.
He’d done his best. He’d proposed three times.
He should have at least stayed to make sure everything was okay after the blood test. But he’d seen the babies, seen their hearts beating. Two of them.
That took a guy some time to adjust to. Two beds. Two ponies. Two frilly pink dresses and two infant carriers in the back of his truck.
Maybe she was right. He wasn’t ready for this. He’d been doing the right thing, or what he thought was right, by proposing. But was that really the best thing for them, and for the babies?
Andie was in a darkened hospital room alone when Etta walked through the door, smiling like summer sunshine. Andie looked up, trying to smile back. She’d never felt less like smiling in her life.
She’d chased Ryder out of her room and she was afraid she’d chased him out of her life. But it was for the best. She didn’t want him tied to her by guilt.
“Sugar bug, what in the world is going on? I went to the E.R., but they said you’d been moved up here and they didn’t know anything.”
“Dr. Ashford wants me to stay a night or two, just to keep an eye on the, on the…” she sobbed “…babies.”
“Babies?”
“As in two. I was barely adjusting to the idea of one, and now there are going to be two. Two heartbeats, two little babies growing inside me.”
“Which explains a lot. Where’s Ryder?”
“Home.” Andie pushed the button and raised the back of the bed.
“Now, I didn’t expect that. He told me he’d wait with you, that he wouldn’t think of leaving you alone.”
“Yeah, well.”
Etta set her yellow purse on the table next to the bed and poured a glass of water that she drank without offering it to Andie. Her lavender-and-gray hair was windblown and her red lipstick was smudged.
“Well, explain to me why Ryder went back on his word. Because Ryder usually keeps his word.”
Yes, Ryder did keep his word. And if he promised to be at her side forever, he’d be there. Even if it wasn’t where he wanted to be.
“I told him to leave. I am not going to keep him hooked to my side this way. I’m not going to use this as a way to force him into my life.”
“Well now, that’s new. I didn’t know you wanted him in your life.”
“Not like this, I don’t. I don’t want proposals that start with ‘the right thing to do.’ I want love.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “I want frilly stinking dresses, fluffy dry cake with jam stuck between the layers and a lot of people crying and wiping their eyes with lace hankies.”
“Hormones.”
“Probably.” Andie took the hankie her granny dug out of her purse.
“You love Ryder. Andie, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s been as clear as the nose on your face for as long as I can remember. It’s just that you’ve spent a big part of your life playing it safe and pretending you were just his best friend.”
Because she kept him in her life that way. The one way to run Ryder off would have been to let him know how she felt. Ryder had always run from females who were looking for forever. He had good reasons, she told herself, even though she knew he was nothing like his dad. He was nothing like his mom.
And now he’d be in her life as the father of her babies. They’d share weekends. They’d share school pictures. And her heart would break someday when he found someone he loved and wanted in his life forever, someone who got a real proposal.
“Andie, you’re going to have to work this out. You’re going to have to tell Ryder. Because I’m a pretty good judge of things, and I think he loves you, too. He’s just afraid to love anyone.”
“I know.” She knew about his fears, not about his feelings for her.
“The other thing you have to work out is your relationship with your mother. She called and Alyson told her what is going on. She’s flying in tomorrow.”
“To help Alyson with the wedding?”
Etta shook her head. “No, to be with you.”
Dr. Ashford knocked lightly on the door and stepped into the room. “Etta, did Andie tell you her news?”
“She did. We’re so excited.”
Dr. Ashford’s gaze landed on Andie. “Are we ex cited?”
“Scared to death is probably more like it.” Andie flipped off the TV because it was just noise.
“I think that’s probably normal. Andie, a pregnancy like this can be hard on relationships.”
Andie shook her head. “There isn’t a relationship.”
“Oh, there is one, whether the two of you want it or not. You’re going to be parents and you’re going to start out with double the joy, and double the work. That’s a relationship.”
“It isn’t the end of the world.” Etta patted her arm, her smile big, like she meant what she said.
All Andie knew for sure was that she felt sick.
Dr. Ashford touched her arm. “Andie, if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call. I know things look a little frightening right now, but I promise you’ll adjust. You have months to get used to this. And babies have a way of helping us to grow into parenthood.”
“Yes, in most cases.” Every single time Andie thought of parenting, she thought about her mother. And she didn’t want it that way, with that memory hanging over her head.
Her mother would be there tomorrow. For her. The same woman who walked away, and now she was trying to walk back into Andie’s life. She closed her eyes and breathed deep, fighting the sting behind her eyelids as tears tried to push through. She wouldn’t cry.
Etta touched her arm and Andie opened her eyes.
“You’ll be a good mother. And you’re going to have plenty of help.” Etta smiled in a way that said she understood.
“Andie, let me know if you need anything.” Dr. Ashford patted her foot and walked out the door.
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