“Of course, I remember. I also remember waking up alone when we were going to leave together. If you would’ve just stayed, maybe I could’ve been there all along.”
His tone almost annoyed me. I just kept reminding myself that he had just found out he had a child. He had to work through his emotions. Plus, I had a sleeping child to think about. Raised voices would only rouse her from her slumber.
“We can’t go back. Talking like that will only cause more arguments that aren’t necessary.”
He remained silent, taking in the photos once more.
“You’re right. I’m just still in shock. You look like you’ve got an amazing life based on the pictures. I especially love the ones of you with her.”
“Thank you. Would you like to meet her? She’s sleeping right now, but you can at least see her.” I fidgeted with my hands as I waited for a response. He seemed interested in her, so I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. If he wanted to play a role in her life, it was better if we got that out of the way sooner rather than later.
He nodded at me, and I led him down the hallway to her room. Quietly, I opened her door and led him inside.
He took in the space as best as he could with only a nightlight illuminating the room.
I stood in front of her crib and stared down at the most perfect thing I’d ever done.
Thorn stood behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist as he took in the sight of our daughter for the second time. I wished I could see his expression in this moment so I could etch it into my brain forever. But I’d settle for hearing him gasp behind me.
“She’s perfect, Lily. Look what we did,” he whispered behind me as he choked up. I felt a teardrop hit me on my shoulder. I wanted to turn around and comfort him, but I settled for letting my hands rest on his arm to let him know I was here for him.
The baby started to fuss in her crib as she sought out her pacifier. Quickly, I leaned over and placed it into her mouth, but she wasn’t having it. She spat it back out and continued to cry.
“May I?” Thorn asked, and I wished I had my camera to capture the moment he held her for the first time.
I moved out of his way and let him pick up our daughter.
He placed her on his shoulder just the way she liked and caressed her back as he whispered words I couldn’t quite make out to her. I didn’t know how he knew the way she liked to be soothed, but it was like he’d known her all along. He sat down in the chair and rocked her, continuing to talk in hushed tones to her. In no time at all, she fell back to sleep. I didn’t interrupt his moment between them. He continued to rock as he hugged her into his arms. I knew in that moment, he’d fallen in love with her as fast as I had.
“What’s her name?”
I took me forever to pick one out. I kept going back and forth. I wanted her to have something unique. I wanted a name to represent the time I’d spent with her father. Something that would remind me of the tropical place we’d met. The second I saw her name on one of the hundreds of internet searches, I knew it was perfect for her. Now hearing his last name, I knew just why this name called out to me. Its origin was Greek, just like her father was.
“Her name is Hali. It means sea. I wanted her to have something that represented the time we spent together,” I confessed.
“It’s just as beautiful and unique as she is. I’m still amazed that we created her. I know I need to put her down, but I don’t know if I can just yet. I don’t want to ever let her go.”
Those words were music to my ears. I never thought I’d get to hear them. I never thought I’d get to know if he’d want her or not. Now that I’d heard them, I couldn’t contain the tears any longer. I let them flow to express the happiness that consumed me. I didn’t know where we’d go from here. There were so many things that we’d need to get settled. But, for now, I was happy knowing that he wanted to be in our daughter’s life. Everything else could be ironed out later.
Chapter 10
Thorn
Never in a million years did I expect to see her when I was in that conference room this evening.
I also wasn’t expecting to see her with a baby and another man.
Our baby.
Our daughter.
A man she claimed was just her friend.
My life was always about the next adventure. The next investment that would make me more money.
Now it just got a lot more complicated.
Who knew seven days would turn my world upside down? It was supposed to be just fun. A few days and nights with a beautiful woman. But it was more. So much more. When I woke to find her gone, I didn’t know how to feel. Most men would probably feel relief. Not me. I was angry. Hurt. And confused as hell. I had no way to contact her. No last name. Nada. So I did what any other man would likely do. I drowned my sorrows in booze and women. Too many drinks. Way too many women. And now I regretted it all. While I was out doing all those things, she was here pregnant and alone with Owen. The friend. And then she had to have our daughter without me by her side. So much regret. So much wasted time. When all she had to do was wait for me to wake up. Hell, she could’ve, should’ve woken me herself. But we couldn’t go back and erase time.
I stared down at our beautiful, sweet daughter’s face and was glad I made the decision I’d made to not stay as silent as I’d been in Hidden Paradise. It led me right back to where I was meant to be. With her. With Hali. We could iron out all the details later.
I needed to put her down, but I couldn’t move. My legs kept rocking my sleeping angel. She cuddled into my chest like she knew exactly who I was, and my heart soared with pride and love. So much love I didn’t know I could feel or give. I took a deep breath and decided I needed to put her down now or I likely never would. Carefully, I stood and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before I laid her in her crib.
Looking over, I noticed Lily wiping her eyes and turning toward the door to leave. We exited quietly, and I followed her back into the living room. There were so many thoughts running through my head. I knew I needed to take all of this slow. Ask the right questions. Form a plan and follow it to the letter. But all that rationalization flew out the window when I took one look at her. No longer did I think or feel like taking anything slow. Nothing about our time together was slow, and it was hard to push back the feelings I had to pull her into my arms and not let her go.
She sat on the couch, and I sat beside her. Neither of us speaking or looking in the others direction.
It was hard to be like this around her. I could talk so openly with her before. Now we were strained, and I didn’t like it. Not one bit. As much as I didn’t want to, because I was a take charge kinda guy, I had to follow her lead on this one. For now, that is.
“Where do we go from here?” she said so quietly I almost couldn’t make out what she had stated.
“Where would you like us to go from here?” Her question could mean so many things. So many possibilities. I couldn’t allow myself to get hopeful when maybe there wasn’t any hope left at all. That kiss we shared didn’t feel like there wasn’t any, but she could’ve just been responding to my advances because she was in shock.
“Us? I didn’t mean it like that. I meant regarding Hali. She’s my number one concern now. I’ve changed over this last year. For the better, I’d like to think. And I don’t make crazy, rash decisions anymore. I have to think about her in everything decision I make. Especially when it comes to you.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I tried not to ask that question harshly, but I knew I didn’t succeed. I was pissed that she’d think any decision regarding me would be a wrong one. Especially when she was the one decision that felt right in my eyes.
“It means, I can’t do anything crazy. I can’t afford to make a mistake like that right now. If you want to be in her life, I’m all for it, especially when I thought you’d never get the chance. I wanted that for her, and I hated the possibility that she’d never get the opportunity to know her father. T
hat you’d never have the opportunity to watch her grow. But I need you to be all in or walk away. I don’t want her to have a part-time parent. I want her to have someone who’s all in. She deserves that.”
She started to choke up on her words, and she turned away so I wouldn’t see the pain she felt when she thought our daughter would miss out on something every child should have in their lives. There wasn’t a chance our daughter would go without. Especially when it came to her parents.
“I’m not going anywhere. I know you don’t know if you can trust that right now, but I’m going to show you just how much I mean those words. I only held her for a few short moments, and I already love her. Hell, I loved her as soon as I saw her in the elevator. I didn’t need to ask. I felt it as soon as my eyes landed on her. It’ll take a while to come up with a routine that works, but we can do it together,” I promised. And hopefully, in that time, she’d realize what they both meant to me.
“Just promise me one thing,” she whispered. In that moment, I’d promise her the world if it meant I could just hold her in my arms and comfort her, but I knew she wouldn’t let me.
“Anything.” I meant that single word, more than she’d ever know.
“Don’t take her from me. I couldn’t take it.” She fell apart after she said those words, like the thought alone killed her on the inside. And I couldn’t take not touching her a second longer. I stood from the table and pulled her into a standing position, wrapping my arms around her the second she stood upright. She sobbed into my jacket and I pulled her tighter into my body. I didn’t understand this breakdown, but I felt like there was more to it than just the thought of me taking Hali away from her. I’d get to the bottom of it and, hopefully, come out on top in the end.
She calmed down and pulled back from me, trying to hide how embarrassed she was for breaking down.
“I’m sorry,” she said as she tried to turn away from me while she wiped away the remnants of tears from her face.
“None of that. You don’t have to hide from me. Not ever.”
I turned her back toward me and, using my thumbs, I wiped away the tears that still fell from her eyes. I should’ve stopped myself, but I couldn’t. She was crying and I just wanted to take away the pain. Heal her sorrows.
Leaning down slowly so she could back out, I looked into her eyes when my lips hovered right over top of hers. I couldn’t read her reaction, but she didn’t push me away so I leaned in closer and pressed my lips to hers. Softly, I explored her mouth as she returned the kiss. Her lips were soft from her tears, and the taste of the salt reminded me that I needed to tread carefully. Give her time to adjust. But my actions went against my rational thought.
I leaned down and put my arm under her knees and picked her up. Walking down the hall, I went to a room that I assumed was hers and opened the door. The room was dark and my eyes had to adjust, but I saw the bed in the middle of the room. Gently, I laid her down, but I didn’t follow. I wouldn’t be able to stop myself if I did. I also wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I got her into bed while she was vulnerable. I needed her trust. I needed to show her that I meant what I said.
Softly, I kissed her lips one last time and pulled back. Her hair was spread out on the pillow, and I had to think of everything else but how beautiful she looked in that moment or else my good intentions would go out the window, and I’d do something we’d likely both regret.
“I’m sorry if I took that too far. I just wanted to kiss away your pain. A woman crying does things to me, and I go into fix-it mode. I meant what I said. I love our daughter. I want to be in both yours and her lives.”
She went to speak, but I covered her lips with my finger.
“We’ll work up to all of it. I’m not going anywhere.”
I leaned down and kissed her forehead before I turned toward the door of her room to leave. I got as far as turning the doorknob before she spoke.
“Thorn,” she called out.
I turned to face her to see what she had to say.
“You never responded to my other statement.” She looked so scared to hear my response. Even with all the money in my bank account, I’d never do that to her or to Hali.
“Never,” I vowed before I left her room then her apartment.
Tomorrow I’d start on gaining her trust then her love.
Chapter 11
Lily
This morning I woke up with puffy eyes and a confused heart. After Thorn left, the tears started again and just wouldn’t stop. I was crying for him. For our daughter. For me. My hormones were a damn mess, and I didn’t like it. I fell asleep with thoughts of Thorn playing with our daughter and tears still streaming down my face. The tracks of wetness had dried and left streaks on my cheeks. It took some work, but I made myself as presentable as I was going to get with lots of concealers. I decided that I wanted to make an impression while feeling good about myself, so I put on my favorite pair of dress slacks that fit just right around my waist, and a light blue top with my black cardigan, and a pair of sleek black heels.
Once I was dressed to impress, I checked on the still sleeping baby and made her morning bottle just in time for my mother to arrive. I opened the door just after she knocked.
“Good morning, sweetie. How’s Hali this morning?”
“Morning, Mom. She’s still sleeping. This is the third time in a row she’s slept through the night. She was starting to stir when I walked in there, so I already made her bottle and it’s on the counter. Thanks for coming here this morning. I had to go into work early and hated the thought of taking her out.”
I grabbed my bag and decided to forgo the cup of coffee I usually made myself. Today I was treating myself to the white chocolate mocha that I loved.
“It’s no problem at all. Are you okay? You don’t look yourself this morning.”
I loved and hated how perceptive she’d always been. I didn’t have time to discuss everything this morning. I’d likely need an entire weekend to go through all of the details. Plus, I selfishly wasn’t ready to share him just yet. I needed to make sure his intentions were true before I let him out for the wolves to attack.
“Just tired is all. I didn’t sleep well. I’m not used to her sleeping all night, so I kept waking up thinking I heard her.” I hated lying to her, but it was for the best. Plus, it wasn’t a total lie. I did wake up several times last night. Just not for that reason.
“If you say so, dear. Have a good day at work. I’ll see you in a little while.”
She knew.
I knew she did.
But she didn’t press the issue. It wouldn’t last long, but for now, I’d beaten the interrogation.
“Thanks, Mom. I’ll call later to check on her.”
After stopping to pick up my coffee, I went straight to the office. Waiting for the elevator to arrive, I made a mental checklist of everything I needed to do before I went into the conference room with Thorn and Trevor. Maybe I should start thinking of him as Mr. Caras. It would be bad to slip up in front of anyone and call him by a nickname I wasn't not even supposed to know. Calling him Arie was too informal for the workplace. Yep, Mr. Caras it was.
The elevator arrived and took me up to the fifteenth floor of the building in no time at all. With my coffee and bag in hand, I held my head up high when I got off the cart and walked across the hall to my office. I opened the door and shut it so I wouldn’t have any disturbances. It was unlikely since I was here forty-five minutes before the early risers even came in. I had to move appointments and meetings and get a start on the next postings before eight came around and I had to face him.
I sat down at my desk, placing my bag on the corner, and took a sip of the warm liquid before sitting down the cup.
“Good morning, beautiful,” someone spoke from across the room, causing me to push away from my desk and the chair to roll backward, hitting the wall from the force of my push. A silent scream escaped my lips as I looked around the space for who spoke.
Thorn sa
t across the room on the couch that was against the wall, in a suit and tie the same as the night before. Part of me missed seeing him in his swim trunks and nothing else, but I couldn’t let my brain go there for long.
“What the hell, Thorn? You almost gave me a heart attack,” I said, still trying to catch my breath as I stood and moved myself and the chair back behind my desk.
“I wanted to see you this morning before we had to be professional. I was going to bring you a cup of coffee, then realized I didn’t know what you liked. That bothered me so I came here to wait for you.”
“Not knowing how I took my coffee bothered you so much that you had to see me? That couldn’t wait for a later date and time?”
I wasn’t trying to be a bitch, but I hated surprises. I also hated someone scaring the shit out of me.
“Yes and no. I realized that I left last night and nothing was ironed out. I needed to know when I could see our daughter again. I hated not knowing how long it would be, and I wanted to discuss that with you in private.”
He looked truly haunted. Maybe he did mean what he said. But I didn’t know him well enough to trust just a look. Actions spoke way louder than words. Anyone could say anything, and it just be meaningless promises. It was what was done after those words were spoken aloud that showed the promises were real.
I sat back in my chair after I grabbed my coffee and remained quiet. I wanted him to get to know his daughter, but that meant being around him more than just at work. Could I be around him twenty-four-seven and not crack under the pressure? Probably not. But I couldn’t allow my daughter to suffer because I was weak. I’d just have to go in the other room while he was there spending time with her, but then that would cut into my time with her too. Dammit. Why did this have to be so hard?
“You seem to be lost in thought. Are you having second thoughts about me being in her life?”
“No. I’m just trying to figure out how all of this is going to work. She’s young and needs someone around a lot to get to know them and remember them right now.”
Hidden Paradise Page 7
