by Patricia Kay
“I know it’s going to take us much longer to get our degrees and everything than we planned,” Joy said earnestly.
“If you ever do get them,” Sophie said. She wanted to be happy for Joy, but she couldn’t help feeling this was a huge mistake, one Joy would someday regret.
“Sophie, please be happy for me.”
Sophie knew when she was beaten. She could see the truth on Joy’s face. Now that her sister knew how Aidan felt, what he wanted, there would be no changing her mind. And as hard as it was to accept, Sophie knew these two kids deserved the chance to try to make this work. She only hoped they would succeed, because the idea that Joy might end up being a young, single mother—a young, single, possibly divorced mother without a good education—depressed her.
Sophie sighed again. “I guess we’ll need to talk to Sister Monica tomorrow.”
Joy’s smile was radiant. She threw her arms around Sophie. “Oh, I love you, Sophie! Thank you. Thank you. You won’t be sorry.”
As Sophie hugged Joy back, all she could think was I hope you’re right.
Later, as Sophie got ready for bed, she thought about everything that had happened that day and everything that had been said. Although she didn’t want to admit it, even to herself, she couldn’t help feeling guilty as she remembered how she’d told Dillon she never would have gone behind his back the way he’d gone behind hers.
That wasn’t true, was it? She was going behind his back. She was pregnant with his child, and she hadn’t told him. Didn’t intend to tell him until it was absolutely necessary. So in some ways, she was just as bad as he was. And he would probably be just as furious with her when he found out what she’d been hiding from him. He and Aidan were still in San Antonio. In fact, Joy had suggested Sophie meet them all for breakfast in the morning. But Sophie knew she couldn’t handle seeing Dillon right now, so she’d said she had to leave for home early. If she had agreed to join them, she was afraid he would see right through her. That somehow he would know she was hiding something from him.
So she had a reprieve before she had to face him.
But that reprieve wouldn’t last forever.
* * *
Sophie was grateful for the drive home—she had some hard thinking to do. This new development had changed everything, not only for Joy, but for her, as well. Before, when Sophie had thought about moving to San Antonio, she’d figured no one would know about her baby except Beth...and Joy, of course. That the two of them would be together and they wouldn’t have any contact with either Aidan or Dillon. But now none of that was true. Within months, Dillon would be sure to find out about Sophie’s pregnancy, because she wouldn’t be able to hide it. Also, Aidan and Joy would eventually realize her involvement with Dillon. The kids both thought the only reason Sophie and Dillon had any kind of relationship at all was that they’d needed to discuss Joy’s pregnancy.
If only he loved me.
But he didn’t. He’d certainly made that clear enough.
Maybe she should just come right out and tell Dillon about her pregnancy. Tell him matter-of-factly, with no emotion. Tell him she planned to keep the baby and raise it herself. That she expected nothing from him. Nothing at all. In fact, that she wanted nothing from him. Nothing he was prepared to give, at any rate, she thought bitterly.
All the way home, she wrestled with the problem, going over and over the same ground. But when she arrived in Crandall Lake, she was no closer to a decision. The only thing she had decided was that she didn’t have to make up her mind about telling Dillon for a while yet. In fact, it was probably a good idea to give her notice first—that way the die would be cast—and deal with Dillon afterward.
It was depressing to walk into the house after having been in San Antonio with Joy. Sophie hadn’t put up a Christmas tree, since there hadn’t seemed to be a point. She hadn’t bothered to decorate for the holidays at all, and normally she went all out over Christmas. She hadn’t even sent Christmas cards this year...or done any baking.
She looked around. This house had been such a source of pride the past few years. It was the first home she’d ever owned. When she signed the mortgage papers, she’d been filled with excitement and hope. She’d chosen each piece of furniture with care, decorated with love and hope for the future. Now that chapter in her life was ending. Soon she would have to sell the house, for it wouldn’t make sense to keep it if she wasn’t going to live in Crandall Lake.
Suddenly sadness filled her.
Why couldn’t things be different?
Why couldn’t Dillon love her? Was there something wrong with her? Or was there something wrong with him?
Feeling more and more despondent, Sophie might have succumbed to a crying jag—it was exactly what she felt like doing—but her phone rang and seeing it was Beth, she forced herself to sound cheerful when she answered.
“Hey,” Beth said, “are you home?”
“Just got here.”
“How’d it go?”
So Sophie told her, ending with “I wish I could be one hundred percent happy for her, but I’m just so afraid this won’t end well.”
“I know, but what can you do? I mean, I guess you could refuse to give her permission to marry.”
Sophie made a face. “I actually thought of that, but it’s pretty much a moot point because they’re not planning to marry until she turns eighteen.”
“Oh. Well, then, that makes a difference, doesn’t it? I mean, if things don’t work out, at least there won’t be a divorce to contend with.”
“No, but there will be a child.”
“Still...”
“I know. I agree. Them living together is preferable to them marrying.” She rolled her eyes. “I never thought I’d ever say that.”
They talked for a while longer, mostly about the fact that Beth was experiencing pretty bad morning sickness; then she said, “Mark and I have decided to have a small New Year’s Eve party and I want you to come.”
“Oh, Beth, I don’t know. I’m not much for parties.”
“You have to come, Sophie. You’re my best friend. It wouldn’t be the same without you. Besides, this is our first party, so it’s special.”
“Who’ll be there?”
“Just the usual crew, and Allison and Huck—” Allison was Beth’s younger sister.
Sophie really didn’t want to go, but she didn’t want to disappoint her friend. “Okay, what can I bring?”
“Just yourself. Come about eight. It won’t be a late evening, I promise.”
After they hung up, Sophie decided to quit moping around and feeling sorry for herself. She had just headed into the kitchen to look and see if she needed to make a supermarket run when once more her phone rang. This time caller ID showed it was Dillon. For two seconds, she considered ignoring the call, but knowing him, he might once again show up at the house. Better to deal with him quickly.
“Are you still mad at me?” he said in lieu of a greeting. “Still think I’m a clueless idiot?”
“Yes. And yes.”
“Aidan tells me you and Joy are okay, though. That you gave her your blessing.”
Sophie should have known Joy would call Aidan. Probably called him the moment Sophie left. “I wouldn’t exactly say I gave her my blessing.”
“But you’re not going to fight her on this.”
Sophie sighed. “No.”
“Good.”
For a moment, there was an awkward silence. Then Sophie said, “If that’s all, Dillon, I’ve got to go.” She wondered what he’d say if she added something like got a hot date. Probably nothing. Probably he didn’t even care.
“Oh. Okay. I, uh, guess I’ll see you around.”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, then. Well, goodbye.”
“Goodbye.”
&nb
sp; As she disconnected the call, Sophie wondered what he was thinking. Their stilted goodbye had seemed filled with unspoken thoughts. She wondered if he had any regrets where she was concerned. She knew when he was finished with a romantic relationship, he simply walked away. He’d certainly done it often enough. Yet with her, he couldn’t do that because they would be eternally connected by Joy and Aidan.
Oh God. I can’t bear it. I just can’t.
The whole situation had only been bearable because she’d thought she could make a clean break. She’d known it was going to be hard, but eventually she’d felt she’d be fine.
But now...now she knew the truth.
She’d never be fine again.
* * *
For the New Year’s Eve party, Sophie thought she could get away with wearing her favorite black dress—the same one she’d worn to the homecoming dance—but it was too snug around the top, so she settled for the same velvet skirt and lace top she’d worn Christmas Eve.
Even though Beth had said she didn’t have to bring anything, Sophie grabbed one of the bottles of her favorite pinot grigio to take to the party. She might not be drinking, but others would, and she didn’t feel right going without a hostess gift.
She went a bit early and was the first to arrive. Beth and Mark had bought a town house, and it looked festive with Christmas lights and decorations.
Mark welcomed her in, giving her a big smile and a kiss on the cheek. “You look great,” he said, taking her coat.
“Thank you.” She liked Mark. He was like a big teddy bear, always cheerful and smiling. And he adored Beth.
“Beth’s in the kitchen,” he said, taking the wine. “Go on back.”
Beth looked up from her task of arranging little sandwiches on a platter. “Oh, you look nice,” she said, smiling. But there was something about her smile that didn’t quite sit right.
“What’s wrong?” Sophie asked.
Beth grimaced. She beckoned for Sophie to come closer. “I almost called you, but I didn’t know what to do.”
Sophie frowned. “About what?”
Beth sighed heavily. “Mark invited Dillon to come tonight,” she said in a low voice.
“What? How does he even know Dillon?”
“They met playing golf. You know Dillon’s good friends with Alex Lawrence, and Alex and Mark have been playing golf together for years.”
Sophie wanted to cry. “I wish you had called me, Beth. I—I don’t think I can do this.” Maybe she could make a fast exit, before anyone else arrived. No one would even have to know she’d been here.
“But, Soph, what will I tell Mark? I mean, he doesn’t know about you and Dillon. You made me promise I wouldn’t tell him, and I didn’t!” Mark wasn’t from Crandall Lake. He’d only moved there three years ago in a company transfer.
“I could tell him I feel sick,” Sophie said, but she knew she wasn’t a good liar. “See, this is why I could never stay in Crandall Lake. Things like this would happen all the time. I’d be seeing Dillon every time I turned around.”
“I’m sorry,” Beth said.
“It’s not your fault.”
Sophie was still trying to decide if she could leave without causing Mark to be suspicious when the doorbell rang with the arrival of more guests, and the opportune moment passed.
Ten minutes later, carrying the platter of sandwiches to put on the dining room table, Sophie saw that Dillon wasn’t one of the recent arrivals. Thankful for a reprieve, no matter how short, she greeted the newcomers—one of whom was Beth’s sister, Allison—then rejoined Beth in the kitchen.
“What else can I do?” she said.
“Just help me take the rest of the food out,” Beth said. She looked extremely pretty tonight, in blue silk pants and a long, tunic top. The color perfectly matched her eyes. She was so happy now—gushing to everyone that she was pregnant. Sophie couldn’t prevent the little stab of envy. She would give anything to be publicly happy about her own pregnancy. Pushing away the envy—she loved Beth and was thrilled for her!—she picked up a bowl of potato salad and followed Beth out of the kitchen.
By the time the two of them had finished loading the dining room table, more guests arrived, and this time, Dillon was one of them.
She told herself she was cool.
She told herself she didn’t care that he was there.
She told herself she was going to get through the evening just fine, no matter what.
But somehow her heart didn’t get the message, because it skipped alarmingly the moment she met his gaze. She kept her cool, though, just the way she’d said she would. Because the last thing she wanted was for him to guess how she felt.
* * *
Dillon hated New Year’s Eve parties. The only reason he’d agreed to come tonight was that he figured Sophie would be there, giving him a chance to see her again. And if he’d been wrong, and she wasn’t, he would probably have made his excuses and gone home early.
Look at her. She was beautiful and sexy and smart. No wonder he couldn’t get her out of his mind. But he was determined to lick this thing, because nothing had changed. She was still a take-her-home-to-mother kind of woman and he was still a no-promises kind of man.
Never the twain shall meet.
He’d better remember that.
At least now—except for the situation with Aidan and Joy—he could feel as if he’d acted in a way he didn’t have to be ashamed of. But if he continued to try to see Sophie, knowing their relationship was never going to go in the direction she wanted and deserved, then he would be acting like a first-class jerk.
He watched as she laughed and said something to Beth’s sister. How was it possible she could be so beautiful and still look like the girl next door? he wondered. As if she knew he was watching her, she glanced his way, and for a moment, their eyes met.
Something inside him quickened, and he couldn’t seem to look away. There was an answering spark in her eyes, he was sure of it, but if it was there, it was quickly banished, and all she gave him was a nod to acknowledge his presence. Then she returned her focus to the conversation with Allison.
The competitor in Dillon—the guy who always played to win—wanted nothing more than to walk over there and make her look at him, make her see him, make her quit acting as if they were nothing to each other. The other part of Dillon, the part that was a decent guy who really did care about Sophie, knew he couldn’t do any of that. If he did, he’d just be feeding his ego without giving a damn about the consequences.
Sighing, he turned and gave his attention to his host, who was offering him something to drink.
“Just a beer,” Dillon said, following Mark to the wet bar. A couple of the other men joined them there, and for the next ten minutes or so they talked football, primarily their guesses of the two teams that would be competing in the Super Bowl. Dillon participated in the conversation, but part of him was totally aware of Sophie and what she was doing. She still stood in the doorway of the dining room, but now she and Allison had been joined by both Beth and another woman Dillon didn’t know. Above the voices of the others in the two rooms, Dillon could still hear Sophie’s earthy laugh, and each time he did, he knew the only way he was going to be able to stick to his resolve concerning Sophie would be to stay away from her. Far away from her. Because when she was close, all he could think about was how much he wanted her.
Once again, just as if she knew he was watching her, she looked his way. But this time there was something unguarded in her expression, something he didn’t understand. It was almost as if she was trying to communicate a message, but what that message was, he didn’t know. What he did know was that it had been a mistake to come here tonight. He should have said no. Because it was now abundantly clear that he couldn’t handle being around Sophie.
But how could he l
eave?
What kind of excuse could he come up with?
“So, what do you think, Dillon?”
Dillon blinked. “Sorry. My mind wandered. What did you say?”
Mark chuckled. “Happens to me all the time. I just asked if you thought the special bond election would pass.” The school board was advocating building a new gymnasium and field house at the high school.
“I hope it does. We could use better facilities.”
“People hate paying higher taxes, though,” one of the other men said.
“But when it’s something for the kids, they usually vote for it,” another said.
Just then, Dillon’s cell phone rang and, seeing it was his agent, he excused himself and walked outside to take the call. “Why aren’t you out celebrating?” he asked Paige when she said hello.
“Actually, I’m on my way to a party. Calling you from my cab,” she said. “Just wanted to tell you I’ve had some feelers from the University of Houston. How would you feel about going there?”
“Depends what the offer is.”
“So I should pursue it?”
Dillon thought about how hard it would be to stay in Crandall Lake with Sophie there. How it would always be a constant struggle to keep his distance. How tonight had shown him he was kidding himself if he thought he could stick to his good resolutions. “Yes. Pursue it.”
“Okay. I will. I’ll call you when I know anything concrete. And Dillon? Have a happy new year.”
“You, too.”
Dillon disconnected the call and dropped the phone back into his pocket. He turned to walk back inside, then stopped. He really didn’t want to return to the party. So why not just go? He could pretend the call had signaled some kind of emergency and he’d had to make a quick exit. And really, did he care what people thought? He could even say he suddenly felt sick to his stomach, that he was afraid he was coming down with the flu. It was going around. A couple of the boys on his team were sick with it right now.
Making up his mind, he reversed direction and headed for his car, which was parked across the street.
