by Marie James
I’m actually amazed I showed up here. I haven’t been to this home in months. Avoiding people, including every member of my family and the friends I had before Savannah died has become part of who I am. Suddenly I miss them. Maybe it’s knowing how close I was to ending it all and never seeing them again.
I stand on the front porch and ring the doorbell like a stranger. I don’t know why, it just feels like the right thing to do. Like I need to be welcomed back into the fold rather than throwing myself back in without an invitation.
Without flare my mother tugs open the heavy door, her hand suddenly going to the base of her throat like she’s seen a ghost. It hits me then the pain I’ve caused my family even without the extreme of suicide. It’s almost like she’d already accepted that I was gone, my absence weighing heavy on her.
I don’t say a word; I just cross the threshold and wrap my arms around her. She holds me tightly, and I return the embrace with fervor, letting her love sink in deep and wrap itself around my heart.
Eventually, I lean back from her, kiss her forehead, and wipe tears off of her cheeks.
“Are you hungry?” She asks. As always, the mom of two boys is concerned about my food intake.
I want to please her and sit down with a plate of home cooked food, but I know I told London I’d bring food home. Suddenly thinking of her makes me want to return to the condo. That thought makes me regretful for being such an asshole the five minutes we spent there together.
“Not tonight mom,” I tell her and step to the side keeping my arm around her shoulder. “Where is everyone?”
“The guys went to your dad’s study. Your Aunt Diana had a migraine, so she didn’t make it this evening with Scott. Go say hello. I have to finish in the kitchen.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I begin to make my way down the hall toward the study.
“Kadin?” I turn back toward my mother. “Please come say goodbye before you leave?”
“Of course, Mom.” I give her a genuine smile she hasn’t seen in a while. Nodding at me, she heads in the direction of the kitchen.
The three men in my dad’s study have seen much more of me that my mother has in the last eighteen months; probably more than they wished they had with the sourness of my attitude and self-destruction I’ve been displaying, so when I reach the closed office doors I swing them open animatedly.
All three heads turn and stare. Six eyes gawk at me like I’m a circus bear riding into an arena on a tiny little bike.
Kegan is the first to move, standing from his comfortable spot on the leather sofa and slowly walking toward me. He’s the one I’ve allowed around me the most since my world fell apart. I grin at his timidness, and then my smile falters when I realize he’s acting this way because he doesn’t know which personality he’s going to get.
“Brother,” he says extending his hand for me to shake.
I slap it out of the way, and his eyes go wide at my action, clearly anticipating some outburst or aggressive intent, rather than what he gets. I pull him to my chest and hug him a few seconds longer than would be considered manly.
I release him and chuckle at the look shock still on his face. “Quit that shit,” I tell him and walk further into the room shaking my dad’s hand first then my Uncle Scott’s.
They are both members of the board of Cole International, and even though I’m now the CEO of the company, ultimately the board makes most of the decisions. It was the board’s decision to administer the ultimatum that landed me at the cabin. They have to look at the best interest of the company and its stockholders, as well as the several hundred employees who depend on the Cole name to feed their families and pay their bills. I can see now why they did what they did and respect them for it. When it was issued two weeks ago, I wasn’t as understanding.
My father and uncle know I’m here to give them my answer. They want to know whether or not I’ll step down and allow the vice president, a man who is not a Cole, take over the company, or if I will man up and treat the business as the family legacy that it is.
“Son,” my dad says motioning his hand to the side as an offering to take a seat.
I settle onto the leather couch at his right and Kegan sits down beside me, silently watching all of this unfold. He’s anxious to hear my answer as well. My dad tried to get him to agree to take over for me if I decided to step down, but he refused, said he had no intentions of spending his life behind a desk. Most days I wish I could be just like him, but being the first born son I have been groomed most of my life for this position. A position I always took pride in until my world fell apart.
“You get it together, boy?” My Uncle Scott has evidently been hitting the scotch heavily already. He struggles to control his mouth when he’s been drinking. It has led to more than one altercation in the past.
Normally I would stand and rise above him, becoming as imposing as possible and tell him to go fuck himself, but today is different on so many levels. The first being, I’m not drunk myself. It’s a very different change of pace.
I chuckle at his gruff question and shake my head without looking at him. Thank the Lord my dad has the most invested into this company because if I had to deal with Uncle Scott directly more often, my decision would probably be different.
“I’m far from having my shit together, Scott.” I look at my father so he can tell how serious I am. “But I finally understand that I need to. I want to.”
I look down at my hands briefly and then back into my father’s eyes. “I haven’t had a drink in a week.” I want to tell him more. I want to tell him that I plan to reach out to the counselor I saw right after Savannah’s death, but it’s not something I’m going to say in mixed company. I know if I do and Scott pops off at the mouth I’m going to end up laying him out cold, and that is the behavior I’m trying to prove to my dad that is in the past.
My dad nods, understanding the significance of my admission. Alcohol has been my closest relative recently and the only thing I felt like I needed in my life, other than my grief.
“When do you plan actually to start getting some work done?” My uncle slurs.
I raise an eyebrow at my dad. He grins at me and shakes his head slightly. “Shut your mouth, Scott or I’m going to send you home and have the board force you to dry out as well.”
We all laugh while my uncle huffs and mumbles unintelligible things under his breath. I’m grateful to my dad for deescalating the situation.
I pat both hands on my thighs and stand. “Well, I’m going to get out of here. I’ll be at the office first thing in the morning.”
I lean over and give my dad a quick hug. I merely nod at Scott as I leave the study making my way back to the kitchen to tell my mom goodbye.
“You leaving already?” She asks as I wrap her in another one of her famous hugs. The type of hug that makes you feel hope, like you can face anything in the world so long as you stay in her embrace. I can’t of course. There are so many things I have to fix; wrongs I have to right.
“I won’t stay away as long this time; I promise.” She kisses me on the cheek, and I make my way to the door only to find Kegan shrugging into to his coat.
“You leaving too?” I ask reaching for the doorknob.
“Yep. Going with you.” He begins to button his coat, not paying much attention to me.
“You sure as fuck are not,” I answer before I can stop the words from coming out of my mouth.
“Yeah, I am. We can watch the game. I’ll crash in your guest room, and we can head into work tomorrow together.” I shake my head back and forth.
“Not possible, Kegan.” I’m not trying to hide London, but honestly I still feel a wave of shame, knowing eventually people will find out that she is there.
“I stay over there all the time, Kadin. It’s no big deal.”
“The room is occupied.”
This gets his attention. He tilts his head to a slight angle.
“Occupied? You have a roommate now?”
His
assumption, not mine, so I go with it.
“Yes.” Simple answer right? Well, it won’t be a simple explanation when he sees her. I don’t feel like getting into it right now in the foyer of my parents’ house.
“Okay, so I’ll go home after the game. No biggie.” He slaps me on the back and walks out the front door, seconds later he’s climbing into my truck.
Motherfucker, this is not how I had anticipated introducing London to my family.
I’ve fallen asleep with my eReader on my chest; it’s not the first time it’s happened, and I’m sure far from the last. I’m thinking it is the lights still on in the room that have kept me from falling into a deep sleep but then I hear noises in another part of the condo.
I stretch and grunt in a very unladylike manner and make my way out to the living room. I stop dead in my tracks when I see a man crossing the end of the hallway. My first instinct is to run because I have no idea who the hell he is or why he’s even here. This could be some sort of robbery. If people who break into other people’s houses are relaxed enough to walk around without shoes drinking a beer.
He notices me, no doubt from the loud gasp I released when I first saw him. Slowly he lowers the bottle of beer from his lips revealing the most amazing smile. In his smile is the evidence of who he is. This is the man that is in the picture I was looking at earlier. Kadin’s brother.
“Sweet Christ,” he mumbles, his eyes taking me in from top to bottom and back again.
Just then Kadin comes into view, and I cut my eyes to him. He looks from the man to me several times, the jovialness I caught a glimpse when he first rounded the corner quickly fading.
“Where are my manners,” the man says as he wipes his right hand on his jeans and stretches it out for me to take it. “I’m Kegan, Kadin’s younger, more handsome brother.”
I take a few steps forward and reach my hand out to meet his. Surprisingly he pulls me forward another step and raises my hand to his warm lips were he kisses it delicately, his eyes never leaving mine. This little devil is quite charming.
I grin at him until I hear Kadin growl. Seriously, he growled, like a territorial animal. I smirk with satisfaction. A feeling I know I shouldn’t have but can’t deny even if I wanted to.
“Nice to meet you, Kegan. I’m London. Kadin’s…” I cut my eyes to Kadin unsure of what to say, unsure of what to call myself.
Registering my uneasiness Kegan cuts in. “Roommate. He said he had someone in the guest room, but he failed to mention it was an incredibly gorgeous woman.” He turns his head toward his brother. “Now I know why you didn’t want me to come over.”
Kegan releases my hand only long enough to swing his arm over my shoulder, guiding me to the living room where a baseball game is playing on the enormous TV.
“That’s enough,” Kadin says slapping his brother on the back of the head and tugging his arm off of my shoulder.
I look back to Kegan to apologize for Kadin’s rudeness but when I meet his eyes he just winks at me. I can’t help but smirk at his blatant flirting. I have no idea what Kadin has told him about me, but I’m guessing it was minimal if anything at all considering the genuine shock on his face when I walked down the hall.
“Let me get you some pizza,” Kegan offers. “Beer?”
I look over at Kadin and see a bottle of water in his hand.
“Water please,” I tell him.
He nods and leaves Kadin and me alone in the living room.
I look back to Kadin. “You didn’t tell me you had a brother.”
He shrugs his shoulders like it’s no big deal or even more disturbingly like we aren’t on a level with each other that would require him to mention his family. It gets my hackles up immediately, annoyance coursing through my veins.
“Careful,” he says without enthusiasm. “He’s likely to charm the panties right off of you.”
And again with the shit that comes out of his mouth, assuming I’m the type of person that would spend a week with someone and then jump to his brother the first chance I got.
“Well,” I said just as rudely. “Good thing I’m not wearing any.”
I sit on the couch and cross my arms over my chest. I know I’m acting immature, but he’s been distant all day and now he’s resorting to snide comments. I want to tell him that if he doesn’t want me here, then I’ll leave, but I’m afraid he’ll agree and then that leaves me with nowhere to go. I’m impulsive but not that crazy.
“London,” he sighs and takes a step closer to me, and I can see the apology in his eyes.
Kegan reappears before he can say another word. He hands me a plate with a huge slice of pizza on it and sets a bottle of water in front of me on a coaster on the table.
“Thank you,” I say and place the plate on my lap, looking up at Kadin as his brother settles in right beside me on the couch.
He rolls his eyes at his brother and walks out of the room.
“So you and Kadin huh?” His brother is obviously pushing for information Kadin hasn’t given him.
“Roommates,” I answer refusing to tell him anything his brother hasn’t already disclosed.
“So you’re single then?” I smirk at Kegan and take a bite of my pizza. I can tell he’s only trying to irritate his brother, and I refuse to play along with whatever game he’s getting at.
“Back off, Kiki,” Kadin says coming back into the living room with his own plate of pizza.
“Don’t call me that, KayKay,” he sneers playfully.
I roll my lips between my teeth in an attempt not to laugh. Kadin sits down on my other side so close he’s practically sitting on my lap.
“Kiki? KayKay?” I say looking back and forth between them.
They look past me at each other. “Truce?” Kegan asks.
Kadin narrows his eyes in contemplation. “Truce,” he agrees and they bump knuckles in front of me.
He places his hand on my thigh, an apparent show of possession. I hear Kegan chuckle beside me.
With the battle over and both parties back in their own corners, we watch the baseball game and eat pizza. Well, the guys watch the game. I sit there and wonder just what in the hell is going on. Here I am, the meat in a Cole sandwich, and I have no idea how to act.
If we were back at the cabin, I would be snuggled in his arms, but other than the hand that remains chastely on my thigh he’s made no other attempt to welcome me closer.
“I’m glad you finally got a TV, man,” Kegan says before taking a ridiculously large bite of his pizza slice.
“Got tired of watching the game on my laptop,” Kadin says with a shrug.
They begin talking back and forth about the teams and how their seasons have gone, and I eventually block them out. Instead, thoughts of employment and apartment hunting are running through my head. I haven’t agreed to take the position Kadin so kindly offered me the other day.
The way things are looking already in the few hours I’ve been here in Spokane with him, it may be best to find my way on my own and not rely on him. If things go any further south, I know I’ll have to leave.
I made the decision before I even ended up in the ditch that I was done being run over. I was through with not following my gut and allowing people to walk all over me; to make decisions I should have been making for myself. I need to gain every ounce of independence that I can muster.
I honestly don’t know what I want from Kadin and if anything with Kadin is even an option, but it’s a conversation we need to have. One that’s not possible with his brother here.
The deep timbre of Kadin’s voice calms my nerves and settles my thoughts without purpose on his part. Without thinking, I place my hand over his and lay my head on his shoulder.
“Don’t say a fucking word,” I hear Kadin tell a laughing Kegan before my eyes flutter completely closed.
“Care to explain?” my brother says angling his head toward London’s sleeping form that’s nestled into my side on the couch.
“I told you no
t to say a word.” He won’t listen. I don’t know why I even waste my breath on him most days. As the youngest, the baby of the family, he knows if he pries long enough most people around him will just cave and give him what he’s asking for.
I want to talk to him about her, but I have so many unanswered questions myself I don’t even know where to begin. Savannah is everywhere I look in the condo, and I honestly feel guilty with her snuggled up to my side on the sofa.
“Why didn’t you just say your girlfriend moved in with you?” He cuts his eyes back to the TV.
“Roommates,” I say flatly, not giving into him.
“I wish I had a gorgeous roommate who clings to me in her sleep.”
I move my hand from her thigh and place it around her back. “You should get one. It’s really nice.” I’m trying to annoy him, just like I know he was doing when he was flirting with her.
My brother is childish most days, but he knew there was more to her and me when she walked down the hall in a tank top and skin tight yoga pants. Even in her rumpled state with her brown hair piled messily on her head, he could tell how beautiful she is.
It took everything I had not to grab her by the arm and force her back to her room to get more clothes on. I knew that would throw up a red flag to Kegan, hinting at what we’ve been up to, so I didn’t. Not leaving well enough alone he flirted with her anyways; I’m certain just to get a reaction out of me.
It worked; incredibly so. I almost threw him out on his ass and carried her over my shoulder to her room like a caveman; somehow I managed to restrain myself, attempting to act as nonchalant about it as possible. He saw right through me like he always does.
I shouldn’t toy with him, especially where London is concerned. I don’t know where she and I are heading, but I can’t forget that she’s a large part of the reason I’m sitting in this room again rather than a corpse waiting to be discovered in the woods. She’s more than a roommate, but how can I explain that to him when I’m not certain I know what it all means myself?
