I break one of my hands free from his hold and cup his neck so I can lift to kiss him. He takes it as the incentive it is and uses his hands to hold my hips so he can pull me against him and go deeper. "I love how you take every inch Jen. Your pussy gets so red and swollen and impossibly wet. I could write songs about how selflessly you let me in."
Like the dirty talk would kill him he slows his thrusts and locks himself deep inside of me. "I want to bust so bad, but I need to see you sweaty and soaked for me Jen." He rolls us as he says it and I know he wants to watch me ride him.
I lift from his chest and pull him as deep as I can, rolling my hips, listening to his curses and moans as I take him. The power of the control, watching him tighten his abs as he holds back his own need to take over is enthralling.
This is a gift from one dominant son of a bitch and I want to own it. I take his hands into mine and place them on my breasts. "Touch me." I say and arch back, placing my hands above his knees behind me.
"Holy fuck!" He drops his hands between, using his thumbs to open me as he watches himself slide in and out. "You take me so good Red."
I feel the sweat bead on my skin as my hair sticks to my neck and back. He sits up until my breasts are in his face. I feel his hands on my hips, rubbing back to my ass, again and again and I can’t stop from erupting.
"Don’t stop, please. Oh, God!" I cry out as the first wave hits and I grind in taking him as deep as I can.
"Oh, yeah baby. Cum for me, soak me Firefly."
I place my hands on his shoulders as the crest rushes through me with sounds I don’t recognize escaping me. My body is wet with sweat and sticky, but he seems to love it as he strokes my back. I fall weak and nuzzle into his neck.
"Look at you...so perfect and sweaty from working me." He licks a path from between my breasts until he is at my lips and his tongue invades my mouth. He scoots back with his cock still nestled inside of me. He braces his back against his headboard then looks at me. “Again?” He asks, but awaits no answer as he starts lifting me up and down his shaft.
He bends his knees so I am trapped between his body as he fucks himself into me. "Oh yeah babe, look how you’re pinned to me... feels so good love." His voice takes an erotic growl that has me rocking against him despite my exhaustion. The minute I start moving in sync with him he groans.
"Hell yes, Red! Take what you need. I got you." He promises. I kiss him quickly, the movement too much to stay there on his lips. I feel the tide roll in again and cup his face in my hands so I can see his face. His gaze is locked on mine. The devotion, the need I see in his reflecting my own desires, sends me over the edge, loudly.
His eyes held a… fascination, an emotion I can’t name, but that look now had me boneless from the intensity of the climax. "You are so beautiful Jen." He groans the words before dropping a quick kiss to my lips. His thrusts become small, measured and I know he is close. "I have never felt anything like that babe. Watch me as I bust Red."
He says it just as stopping me from moving. I feel his cock jerk inside of me followed by the wet heat of his orgasm
"There it is baby." I slowly kiss along his chest and shoulders as he pants, breathless beneath me. His knees fall to the mattress before he rolls me to my back and he slips from me.
He rolls from the bed, turning the ceiling fan on high before slipping into his bathroom. The air circulating over me feels amazing on my sweat kissed skin. I watch him, the swagger of a God as he comes in with a washcloth and scoots in the bed beside me.
"Spread your legs Red." He says with a tone one reserves for their beloved. I do as he demands and watch as he cleans the wetness from my core. "I love seeing this. It's depraved I know, but I love seeing my cum inside of you."
I don’t know how he says the dirtiest shit and makes it sound like an ode to love, but he does. I stroke my fingers through his hair that is damp from his sweat.
His hands stroke down my legs and back up before kissing me softly on the lips of my pussy before rolling to his back. I watch with deviant fascination as he cleans himself before tossing the cloth to the hamper in the bathroom.
"I need a shower, but I can’t move." I say with a giggle and watch him nod, his eyes closed as he catches his breath.
"Me too, but I aint moving yet." He says and rolls back to his side then pulling me until we are chest to chest. "I'll shower when I am done." He says and smiles softly.
"You’re not spent?" I ask and trace my fingers along his jaw and lips. He stops me and clasps my fingers to kiss them.
"Hell no! Never, Red." He rolls me to my back before rolling over himself and settling between my thighs.
"Not even close."
Chapter Thirteen
Cal
Lex gets to my house to start lyrics as I compose the music. She has brought sample beats with her so that we can format or adjust them to whatever lyrics we get.
Normally I give input on what I like and compose based on that, however I am taking a huge and uncomfortable step here with this project.
"So, I have an idea." I tell Lex once we are in the production room and everything is set to start writing.
"What's that?" She asks while chewing gum and looking around the room before sitting beside me at the switch board.
"Well... I can’t write lyrics. I have tried a million times and I suck at it. I can throw a good line in here or there, but I am better at composing."
She looks at me with boredom. "I know, you’ve said it a million times." She snaps her gum and reaches for her binder full of songs when I hand my palm out.
"Give me the gum. You’ll drive me crazy."
She sticks her tongue out at me and plops the gum in my hand and I throw it away. "So anyway? What's the idea?" She says, stops short when she sees the fluorescent Red Fender Strat. "New toy? Spoiled much?" She winks and I know she is kidding. She is not the type to get jealous or judge. Lexington is unique in every way. I think with the right guidance she will take this industry by storm and not let it change her like it did me.
I go over and lift it up and grab the case it was perched on. "This is actually for you." I say and hope she says thanks and leaves it at that.
No such luck though when she started screaming and jumping up and down before grabbing me and hugging me. "Holy shit Calvin! Are you serious?" She squeals in my ear and I do my best to be humbled by her emotion, and I am. I just...ugh girls and screaming fits.
"Yes, serious." I say and smile at her toothy grin. "I have another case for the blue one you rebuilt as well." She looks at me like I am crazy to suggest keeping it. "You never throw a guitar away, especially your first. Sometimes there can be no hope and the guitar take’s a shit. Even then tossing it is questionable."
I pick up her old guitar and toy with the strings and make it squeal on a random riff. "See, still a worthy toy and ten years from now you will look at it with the love you do a kid."
Jen walks in and starts yelling over the riff as I keep playing with the dumpster guitar. I stop and look at her, scared I am about to get in trouble but no clue why. "Hey, sound proof. I'm studying."
She smiles sweetly and it dawns on me the door was open so the sound will filter and carry through the house, even to the office. I set it down and nod.
"Sorry Red. My bad."
She smiles sweet again and looks at Lex's guitar. "Did you die? I was sure that was you screaming?"
"Holy shit yes!" She says and laughs again as she claps her hands. "So, didn’t expect that. Sorry I screamed." She says and Jen shrugs.
"I knew about it so I was prepared for some form of outburst once he did it."
"Well, I swear I will not scream anymore unless the door is closed." She says and I stand and head to the door because chit chat and celebration is killing time and I am in work mode and I hear I am a dick when I am serious. I try to go for polite and focus.
"Which is now because we have work and a lot of it. And you," I say and pull her in for a sweet, too fast kiss. "Nee
d to study whatever brander, piercer, dermal chicks do."
She rolls her eyes and looks over the side of my shoulder. "Have fun with worker bee here. He will drive you crazy, probably offend you and most likely make you want to quit. rest assured the minute he leaves the room, he will be good old Calvin again." She looks back at me and sticks her tongue out as she says Calvin.
"Out, you shit." I say and nudge her out the door before closing the door and setting the lock.
I sit back at the switchboard and catch her staring at me like I have some big secret. "What?" I ask and seriously, I got shit to go over not gossip.
"You two seem...different. I don’t know, at peace maybe?"
I recall my ignorant comment last week when we played for the guys and they laughed that she called me Calvin. Admittedly it isn’t my favorite choice, but the name CD made it sound divine in comparison. "We are at somewhat of an impasse and hashing shit out."
"Together?" She asks and with this, unbeknownst to her, is part of the work so I allow the questions.
I nod and look at her. "We have a history that is equal parts dreamy and nightmare. Over a decade of sweet and cruel. That's what we gotta hash out."
"Do you love her?"
I nod yes. "I won’t tell her that though. I won’t tell anyone that, not even my closest friends." Shit terrifies me.
"Why? Love is spectacular and all-encompassing and by the way she looks at you the feelings are mutual." She pics at the new guitar and it softens my nerves knowing I gave her something special. She was about to pay it back too.
"Look, this is actually part of my idea. Like I said, lyrics? Not my thing. Neither is wearing my emotions on my shoulders, but what I need to hash out needs to be done in a way I expose everything and maintain my dignity."
She just watches me, intrigued as she taps her finger to the beats she made that play softly. She reaches for her notebook and starts writing? Notes maybe.
So... I tell her about the journals. The rape. The years I used her. Hurt her. I tell her about how it all started in a closet for seven minutes. I tell her about Tayla and Black, how I found out. I tell her about Axe and how Jen came back stronger and carried us through hell. I tell her how Tayla abandoned us both. I tell her how deep I went inside of myself to win Tayla over. I tell her it is why I can’t do it again.
We spend hours as I hash all my shit to this girl and by the time I have spilled all of it to her, she looks pale, pissed and sad.
Pretty much my function lately.
"Wow." Is all she says, and I get it.
"I know right?"
"Well..." She makes a huge sigh and looks at me with pity. So not awesome. "You want to use it I assume?"
I nod and scrub my face. "There’s so much in here." I say and rub my chest over my heart. "I can’t get it out though. I want to use it and blow her and everyone away. Is it possible you can help me do that in a few of the songs?"
"Like, me write the lyrics based on what you told me?"
"Exactly."
"No. Those are your feelings and experiences Calvin. I can feel it through your story, but to write it I would need your presence in it, to make it real. I can’t see you being able to open yourself raw like that." She places her hand on mine in comfort. "That’s what it would take. What you’re asking is a raw, bloody painful process."
I nod and look at my guitar. "Hand me my guitar and let me show you." I say as I adjust my guitar. I strum a few chords until I find the sound that uproots that pain...and I play and tell my story again. I don’t rhyme or make it eloquent, but the pain is heard in the things I say.
'They destroyed her... oh fuck they hurt her, tried to ruin her...'
'Tay left us empty to clean the mess of something I had no clue how, then Jen... Red came in and saved me, saved our son.'
She places her hand on my strings to stop me. "I get it, I hear the sound and what inspires it."
"So, help me." I say and to me it is that simple.
She looks at me, pondering something... Maybe if she can pull it off...Maybe if I can. "If we do this, I expect the raw shit Calvin. I don’t care if you cry or scream or punch shit. Move a boxing ring in here if you have to, but those emotions and those moments of intense grief is where the magic lies. Anything less is horseshit and even if the song works, we both will know it meant nothing."
"I am ready for it. It is hard, extremely hard to go through the shit inside of me with anyone, but for this I will do it. For her...this is my journal."
Cal
We worked for ten hours before finally stopping. The studio was full of to go food containers, soda and beer cans as well as thrown out paper everywhere. By the time we found the beat and settle on the emotion she pulled no punches.
"Is this about your ex killing you slowly or is it about some movie you watched Calvin? Go there! Feel it!" She demanded, and so again I would start and rehash shit I have buried. Dredge it up to the surface and exploit my heart for the sake of art.
I was a Cal I have never been. Not even at my lowest. I brought the worst, most painful things to the surface and kept them there to easily poke the wound.
By the time we had the first song mapped out and ready to practice it and record... I was a mess, but a cleansing happened in it. A healing. It was powerful way to process and as I re-read the lyrics and feel it in the music... it brings me peace.
I suddenly have a new understanding for music when I thought I knew everything. In the past, most of the personal and soul gutting lyrics are written by the guy feeling it in private. I had to display mine to get it clear. By the end of the track though, I was able to swap some lines and flip some words for a bigger impact.
"So, we will meet tomorrow?" I ask and throw shit in the trash.
She nods on a yawn. "I usually write before bed, but I think I am going to crash the minute I see my bed tonight."
I nod knowing how she feels. "Are you doing Uber or the bus?"
"Uber." She says and loads her gear up the stairs as I follow with her new guitar. She isn’t taking an Uber with a fucking Fender Strat. Nope.
Once up the stairs I yell to Jen in the office. "Red? Can you come here will quick?"
I see the plate of broiled chicken, corn and wild rice sitting on the counter with a cover and the domesticated Jen is just as hot as the vixen. Little shit like this means the world to me.
"Done finally?" She asks as she takes a seat at the counter.
"For tonight." I say and stretch my back as I pick at the dinner. "Thanks for this babe."
I say it offhandedly, but saw the devotion for me in her eyes as I said it. "Sure, I know you get hungry after working long." She shrugs and looks at Lex. "I can make you a plate?"
She stands to get Lexington a plate, but Lex stops her. "I am full from the take out earlier, but thank you." She looks at her phone and back to us smiling. "My Uber is here. See ya tomorrow."
"Nope." I say and hand Jen my wallet as I inhale the food. "Can you go pay the driver for his time? There’s a twenty in there, give him that."
I look at Lex as she tries to argue. "I just got you a ten-thousand-dollar guitar. It isn’t going in a fucking Uber Lex."
"You can’t keep chauffeuring me either Calvin." She says and looks at me annoyed. "I aint the type to take handouts."
I look at Jen and smirk, because she is the same way. "He won’t stop until you agree. He is bossy like that." Jen says and winks at me as she walks out to pay the driver.
"Look, I will find rides and stuff." She says and I keep eating, not caring about her argument. "Uber is safe."
I shake my head no. "Here is the thing. There will be times where you'll leave here at one or two in the morning. Today was an early day in comparison. This is long drawn out and always constant work. It isn’t a schedule, Lex. It is go until you can’t. Then wake up and do it again, harder."
"And Uber is a twenty-four-seven thing duh."
"You are showing your age. Duh." I say and she laughs.
/> "You are showing yours by the lame comment."
I laugh at that and set the plate in the dishwasher after I rinse it. "Look..." I pause when Jen comes in and sits again. I feel better with her here when I offer what I am about to. Jen is an independent, stubborn, headstrong female. She also caves to me as well as Noah when we have a valid point. "What if I got you a car?"
She immediately flips out and starts talking over me and Jen spits out her water, choking from my offer.
"Stop! Fuck!" I yell and they both flinch. I rub Jens back as she catches her breath and look at Lex. "I aint talking a fucking Bugatti for Christs Sake. Something used, good miles and stable. Something in the few grand range. Once the album sells, which it will, pay me back and use whatever car as a trade in on a better one. A loan." I look at Jen who seems to have her breath back. "Not an Escalade." I say and it is kind of a dig at Noah gifting it to her when her reliant gave out.
I don’t know why I am bothered by it now, when I never have been before.
"I ..." Lexington stutters and I am grateful for the distraction considering I am sure I pissed Jen off saying it.
Fuck!
"That's a yes." I state and see little man come into the kitchen. I look at the clock and see its almost midnight. 'What's up pal?' I ask in ASL.
'Thirsty dad.' He signs and pulls the stool to the sink and fills his glass. I look at Jen as we both watch a small, unimportant task, but equally see him as a big boy not a baby. He goes to Jen and kisses her goodnight then to Lex and signs 'good seeing you' to Lex.
"He says good seeing you." Jen tells her and Lex stumps us both by signing back to him.
'Hi Axe.' Then she points at him and holds up to fingers. "You too." She says.
He lights up and hugs her, grateful she spoke to him in his language.
I get no hug or kiss but a 'night dad' before he heads to the stairs. I think he was more in awe of Lex and like all boys when in the presence of pretty girls, we do not kiss or hug our dad.
Fix Me_TAT_A Rocker Romance Page 17
