Blame
As Jason waited in the dark wooden cell with Henry for his captors to return, he realized that they didn't have a plan. How in the world could they be captured, waiting for a fight, and not have a plan? Jason was a gamer, and Henry was a leader type. How could they both just be sitting in the dark, staring at the cell door? He knew that Henry had wanted to do the right thing, but as he thought about it, things just weren't adding up.
His normally pigheaded and ultra-focused friend was acting... off. And because Jason was generally willing to follow Henry's lead when things got stressful, he hadn't really noticed.
Jason thought carefully back to the last couple weeks and realized Henry's behavior had changed after he'd lost the machete. When Henry had returned from his time out in the woods, he'd acted like nothing happened. He'd never mentioned the machete again.
Jason could not believe he'd failed so badly. Of all the people in the world, Henry had been transported to this world with Jason, the son of a battered mother. Jason had spent years helping his mom put herself back together again. He knew what internalized guilt and a fragile strong front looked like. Hell, he knew what it felt like. He'd spent a week around Henry and hadn't even seen the signs when they were right in front of his face.
He was a fool. What was more, he was running out of time. He had no idea when their captors would return.
"Henry," he whispered, "we need to talk."
"Hmm?" Henry was staring at the door. "Don't you think we should be waiting for our good friend Ben to come back?"
Jason steeled his resolve. "No, man, I'm serious. We need to talk right now because we might not survive to see the end of the day. Right now, I don't think your odds are very good."
Henry slowly turned his head, his eyes dangerously narrowed. He said, "What?"
"Come on, man, don't play dumb. You've been acting off ever since the machete was stolen. You know that wasn't your fault, right?"
"Can we talk about this later? This is really not the time or place for a sensitive heart-to-heart."
"No." Jason steeled his spine. This had to be said. "No, man, I think we've been holding up pretty damn well so far all things considered, but let's cut the crap. We've known each other for a long time. You told me before that you dealt with PTSD after combat. You had a lot going on in your life before we even came here. What's more, I'm not mad at you anymore for getting us into this mess, but the more I think about it, I get mad at myself."
"What do you mean? You're not going gay on me are you?"
Jason's temper flared. He would not be easily deflected. He snarled, "Shut the fuck up. We are going to talk about this. Period. Look, you know about me and my mom. I want to try something out that used to work when I was younger. I'm going to just talk. After I'm done talking, you can let me know what you think."
Henry reluctantly nodded, and Jason spoke softly but forcefully. "I will admit it--I haven't enjoyed our little trip to Ludus. But I just realized I've been blindly following your lead when things got stressful, and I've been wrong because you're full of shit."
He saw Henry tense, but he plowed on, saying, "Don't get me wrong. You have much more experience with management and command than I do, but I just remembered that I actually have more knowledge about this sort of world than you.
"All of this makes you not asking for my advice about this world over the last week a bit strange. We didn't even have a plan for what to do when we got to the city!
"You've been a bad leader, and I've been a bad strategist. And I think it's a sign of PTSD. It's not going to get better unless we realize it's there.
"Let's face it, man--the fact we are even here is stupid. We have magic! If I could avoid getting mugged at night in Chicago for a couple weeks as a teenager, I should be able to avoid getting fucking kidnapped when I'm a mage as a grown-ass man!"
Jason was breathing hard, his hoarse whispers echoing with frustration. Henry stared at the door for a full minute, and Jason was wondering if he'd pushed too far.
It came as a surprise when Henry replied, "It's all my fault. Everything, all of it. You know, I was the only one taking care of my mom before we were transported to Ludus, but I just kept trying to work harder. I was getting sick from lack of sleep. I never really tried to include other family members because I thought they were weak. I thought they weren't doing enough for Mom. Now look what happened. Without me there, is anyone even visiting her?
"I fucked up, man. I fucked up big time.
"You know what Holly said when she left me? She said she stopped loving me because I don't give other people a chance and just assume the worst of them. Thing is what she did was wrong, but she was right about all my flaws.
"Listen Jason, I'm not stupid. I was in combat in Afghanistan and Iraq. I saw a kid ride a bike rigged with explosives into a checkpoint once. I've seen kids kill. I'm not naïve. I knew the setup we followed here was suspicious as hell, and I knew you were right to question that kid. I think... I was just hoping for a sign that everything wasn't shit. I was hoping that there was still some decency in the world, even this fucked up world.
"I don't think there is anymore." Henry looked away from Jason, not meeting his eyes. "I know that most of this is my fault. The fact I was trying to hold it all together just makes everything worse. Do you know what it's like to feel responsible for-- wait, never mind. You probably do know what it's like."
Jason and Henry sat in silence for a while. Jason refused to cry in front of his friend, and he had a feeling Henry felt the same way.
Henry finally said, "It might not have been realistic but I wanted you to avoid seeing stuff like you're probably about to see. You're one of the most legitimately nice people I've ever met. I don't want you to become like me. I have not had a solid night's sleep since I came back from Afghanistan. To this day I still get nightmares. I am fucking broken. Sometimes I think I did the EMT thing because at least that way I can help people and give the nightmares some variety."
Jason didn't know what to say. Henry had never been this open or talked about himself so much. He thought for a moment about how to respond but eventually just defaulted to the question that weighed most heavily on his mind. "Henry, do you want to die?"
In a low voice, Henry replied, "I don't know. This last week, I asked myself that a few times too. I have no wife, no home, no world, and I might have no mother anymore. I failed everyone. It's only because it might be my fault that you're here that..."
Jason's sucker punch landed beautifully. Henry was sprawled out and rose slowly while rubbing his cheek.
"You self-righteous son of a bitch," Jason growled. "Don't you dare. I may not be a veteran, I may not have fought in any wars, but I got my ass beat by my crackhead dad for years. I had to tackle that woman-beating piece of shit and testify in court before I was old enough to drive. I worked three jobs to put myself through school. It's not like I don't know how to put myself back together again. I am not weak enough to need a friend to take care of me. You want to play the blame game? Why haven't I been more assertive? Hmm?
"It is just as much my fault we are here as it is yours. You are not a martyr, and you are not allowed to die. You told me once that you believe suicide is the most cowardly thing a person could do. Walking through life like a zombie and passively letting some Podunk criminals on another planet kill you is close to the same damn thing.
"You want a reason to live? There are a bunch of people on this planet who need someone to help, someone to care. Don't live because I need help; live because shit-tons of people on this planet could use a Henry Sato to save them. Hell, there are two of them in the next cell."
Henry shook his head and said, "But I lost the machete--"
"Who gives a fuck!?" Jason snarled quietly. "We've only been here for like, what, sixteen, seventeen days? We have magic! If I can get a college education after missing school for half my childhood, after living in a women's shelter with my mom and working to help her pay bills, we can get an
other metal weapon."
Jason couldn't believe he'd been so blind. He'd let himself be passive. He slipped right back into the role he'd taken when he was a kid when the going got tough. Not anymore.
He suddenly knew what approach to take with Henry. It would be a low blow, and he silently apologized to his friend. He winced internally, but still said, "Listen Henry, you said before that some of your buddies were killed in combat. What do you think they'd say about you acting like this?"
Silence rang in the dirty jail cell, and Jason wondered if his friend was going to attack him. However, suddenly Henry just deflated. He sighed heavily and said, "They'd fuck me up."
"Yeah. So how about we stop saying we're going to rescue the other people here and actually do it?"
A single tear tracked down Henry's cheek. He didn't speak for a long time. Finally he said, "You're right. I think I needed a kick in the ass. Thanks... but if you do it again, I might hit you so hard you see backwards the rest of your life."
Jason said, "I'm only going to say this one more time: it's not your fault. Now enough of this. We need to make a plan."
Henry exhaled heavily, "Yeah, okay. So what's up?"
"So this listening through the door stuff, can you hear farther away? Like, how soon will you know our hosts are coming back?"
Henry said, "I can only use one of my senses at a time, and I usually need to be thinking about it. When I heard the demon wolves, I was actually trying to listen for moving water."
"I see. So can you not hear the guards outside when we're talking?"
"I can if I focus really hard, but it's weird, and I think it would give me a headache if I did it for very long."
"Okay," Jason whispered. "You didn't really answer my question, though. Can you hear them coming?"
Henry frowned and answered, "I think I can. I won't be able to talk while I try, though. Any normal noises like your whispering would be way too distracting."
"Okay, can you let me borrow the Swiss Army knife?"
Henry hesitated and said, "I don't think so. Every time I use metal magic, I can sense the metal items on my body. Without the machete or the knife, I think I could still do my forearms thing, but it'd take way more juice, like, maybe all of it."
"I see. Well, can you make me a stone spike without alerting the guards?"
"Yeah, that's easy."
"Okay, work on that, and I'll tell you my plan." Jason's eyes were resolute. "I'll do all the talking when the time comes for it too. Let's get done ASAP so you can listen for people coming and we won't be surprised."
Henry nodded and got to work.
* * *
Henry let Jason know a group of people was approaching in plenty of time to prepare. Both men put their hands behind their backs as if they were still restrained and stood near the back wall. Eventually the door opened and Mr. Ben walked into the room with the guards. Other men were in the hallway now too. Jason saw two of them, both wearing leather armor and carrying bronze-tipped short spears.
Mr. Ben grinned and said, "I bet you had a fun time trying to get your ropes off. We cover them in pitch. I've seen prisoners lose the tips of their fingers trying to free each other. It's quite funny."
Jason evenly asked, "Where is your boss?"
"You're that eager to meet him, huh? You shouldn't be--he's not nice like me. However, I did tell him about you two, and he's very interested. I don't know a lot about Dolos mythology, but my employer puts great importance in some of the stories." Mr. Ben's eyes glittered. "Especially the fact that you don't look like you're from around here, you speak perfect Luda with a weird accent. One could even think you were from somewhere else entirely, perhaps even another world."
Mr. Ben sighed. "I think the boss is quite upset that we have not been able to find any new orbs for a while, but this is the first time we've captured orb-Bonded. The boss asked me to move you to another, more secure location. I think he intends to... convince you to work for him." Mr. Ben's grin was nasty.
"I've haven't met an orb-Bonded myself, but I've never believed all the stories of what Bonded can do. I mean, we captured you easily enough, didn't we? Still, now that I know what you are, I definitely feel better having some mages backing me up." It was obvious that Mr. Ben was enjoying his position of power.
Jason calmly assessed the situation. The long stone spike that Henry had made from a chunk of the floor felt heavy in his hand. He doubted the rest of the building had stone flooring, but the large flagstones in the cells were obviously to keep prisoners from escaping. Unfortunately for Mr. Ben, Henry and Jason were not normal prisoners.
Jason delicately, slowly sped up his perception of time. He didn't think they would learn anymore by talking; it seemed Mr. Ben just wanted to gloat. It was almost time to make his move. In slow motion, he watched Mr. Ben make his way further into the cell. Jason tensed. The next portion of the plan would be up to him.
Henry needed a couple seconds to manifest his arm armor and blades. He'd be vulnerable during that time in an enclosed space. Jason had to make the first strike and keep the guards occupied until his friend could become a human wrecking ball.
Jason knew what he was about to do would change him forever. He'd killed a lot of monsters but never another person. Plus, in all his other fights, he'd more or less been fighting to save his life in the heat of the moment. What he was about to do was entirely different.
Jason hadn't told Henry what really had him worried about the coming fight. Jason was flattered that Henry thought he was a nice person. It was probably because despite all his grumpiness and blustering, Henry saw the good in everyone.
Jason knew he was not a good person. He knew some of the things he would have done in his past if he'd had the power to do so. The fact that he actually did have real power to hurt people now scared the hell out of him.
He knew he had darkness, true darkness, within him... and he was about to let it loose. Unlike Henry, who probably just wanted to save the other prisoners and escape or exterminate vile people, Jason was different. Deep down, he couldn't deny his anger that people had made a victim of him again. These people had made him feel weak.
He wanted to make them pay. He wanted them to fear. He wanted them to know who had killed them and despair in their hearts as they faded away to nothing.
His whole life, Jason had suppressed the darkness within himself. Who he was as a person was what he did in life, not what he fantasized about, especially as an angry teen. He wanted to be a good person. He wanted better people than him, people like Henry, to see him that way. But in his current situation, the normal him would not be enough. He had to release what slumbered deep inside himself.
Jason took a deep breath and forced himself to commit. In that moment, the old Jason died.
Unleashed
Jason ruthlessly squashed his inhibitions and teleported behind Mr. Ben. He tried to shut his emotions off as he whipped his long arm forward and drove the stone spike into the man's back. He aimed where Henry had shown him to earlier, angling the weapon's sharp point up to reach the heart. Mr. Ben stiffened as the guards all stared, blinking in total shock.
Jason reached into Ben's clothes where he'd seen the man put the stolen bronze knife and retrieved it. Then he calmly drew it across Ben's throat. His cut was so deep he almost hit the man's spine, and a fine spray of arterial blood splattered across the fire mage guards. Before anyone could react, Jason savagely pulled the stone spike out of Ben's back and teleported again.
Every movement Jason made was methodical, his magic giving him inhuman precision. He'd already killed Mr. Ben and the first fire mage guard by the time the rest of the criminals even processed they were under attack.
The second fire mage guard managed to get his hand in front of his throat, but he couldn't block the stone spike Jason slammed into his back. Luckily for the mage, Jason's aim was off. The guard snarled as he tried to twist and counterattack. In slow motion, Jason saw the man aiming his palm at Jason's face. He ch
opped the hand away just in time. Instead of setting Jason ablaze, the man released a fireball that hit one of the spear-wielding guards before setting the hallway wall on fire.
Jason absentmindedly remembered the man's name was Nead as he savagely, fluidly stabbed him twice more in the back with the stone spike and the bronze knife. There were two more guards alive, but one was on fire. He remembered this building was rather large, so with the noise and the fire, they could probably expect more guards soon. He glanced into the cell and verified Henry had completed his transformation; it was time to get out of his friend's way.
He teleported into Uluula and Bezzi-ibbi's cell, saw them clearly for the first time, and was shocked right through his killer's calm. Uluula was beautiful in an ethereal, alien way. Jason thought she looked like she was in her early twenties. Her high cheekbones and upward-slanting eyes with no epicanthic folds made her subtly, undeniably inhuman. Her pointed ears peeked out of shoulder length white hair. Her sapphire eyes were worried, and her full lips pursed in uncertainty. None of her uncertainty detracted from her beauty.
Uluula's clothes were very different from anything Jason had seen worn on Ludus. She was wearing what looked like a jumpsuit made out of synthetic materials. Jason thought it looked like a sci-fi bodysuit. Maybe it was a sci-fi bodysuit. Either way, it fit her short, petite body very well. She was tiny, one of the shortest women he'd ever seen.
Jason shook his head. I don't have time for this. He switched his perception of time back to normal--staring at Uluula in slow motion was not helping him stay focused. He glanced at the Mo'hali boy and got his second surprise.
The kid was squatting down, smiling, his large, feline ears perked forward and his sharp front teeth visible. Jason judged Bezzi-ibbi to be about eleven years old. He didn't look scared at all. His eyes shined in the dim room, and Jason could barely see dark spots on the outside of his face. He was dressed in what looked like a formal suit, one than had been torn and dirtied almost beyond recognition.
It was Jason's first time seeing a Mo'hali person. He's feline but not quite a cat boy. There was something feral about Bezzi-ibbi. Feral and predatory. He'd been wondering if he'd see cat people on Ludus, but he had a feeling any women related to Bezzi-ibbi wouldn't be like the cat girls of his imagination.
Delvers LLC: Welcome to Ludus Page 12
