by Jillian Hart
“Nor should you. He was your brother.” She’d tossed aside her hat and sunglasses, too, standing near him with her cloth sneakers at the water’s edge, her heart wide-open in understanding. He could feel the balm of it in his soul.
“He would have liked you.” He swallowed hard, keeping his emotions down. “Of course, you’re a Wyoming girl, so that might have something to do with it.”
“Probably.” Her hand, so small and soft, yet strong in a different way, found his. Her voice was sweet with understanding, hearing what he could not say. “I have developed a real fondness for Wyoming guys.”
He heard what she could not say. His eyes burned and he didn’t want her to see how deeply she had touched him. She was more than his heart, she was part of his soul, too. He laced his fingers through hers, holding on tight. “That water looks mighty cold. On three. Ready? One. Two—”
“Three,” they said together, jumping into the water side by side, in perfect harmony.
Chapter Thirteen
“How’s the cotton candy?” He leaned close as they maneuvered the small town’s main street together, weaving around knots of people and arts and crafts booths.
“Perfect.” Lexie held out the paper cone heaped with pink fluff for him to taste for himself.
The day had been unparalleled. After swimming, splashing and jumping off the boulder to Pierce’s shouts of “banzai”, and a lunch of Aunt Julia’s remarkable barbecue beef sandwiches and a lot more swimming, they had ridden back to the ranch, watching wildlife along the way. They’d not only spotted the hawks circling gracefully overhead, hunting, but sighted both an elk and a moose.
After the barn work, Pierce had driven them into town, where they’d meandered through the arts and crafts booths on Second Street and the horse sale in the fire department’s lot. After trolling the food booths, Pierce had bought them cheeseburgers, a huge tube of crinkle fries and icy milkshakes and they had sat on the schoolyard lawn to eat. She had laughed so much all day that her face hurt, as did a dozen muscles in her abdomen she didn’t know she had.
“I’ll be the judge of that.” Pierce plucked a couple inches of pink fluff from the cotton cone and popped it in his mouth. “You’re right. Perfect.”
The way he looked into her eyes as he said that word made her feet miss the ground. She was aware of nearly stumbling and of the scuff of her sneaker against the pavement. Why did she get the feeling that he wasn’t talking about the cotton candy any more than she had been? And worse, why was she so caught up in Pierce, that she wasn’t watching where they were going?
“The fairgrounds is over this way.” She nudged him to the right. “We don’t want to miss the rodeo, right?”
“Right, seeing as that’s the reason we came.”
“Lexie!” A familiar voice cut through the din of the noisy street fair.
She whirled around, squinting into the shadows on the other side of the street. Seated in a booth of sparkling gold and silver, a blond-haired girl waved. Recognizing her old grade school friend, she brushed Pierce’s arm to signal him. The casual touch between friends ought to have no effect on her, but it rattled through her like panic.
“A friend of yours?” He leaned closer than simple friendship would allow.
“Y-yes.” The word caught in her throat. She was afraid of his closeness, but more afraid of him moving away. She was vaguely aware of crossing the street, of him protecting her from the small crowd as they headed to the booth.
“Lexie! I’ve been meaning to call you.” Lu leaned over the counter, all smiles. “Who is this?”
“A friend of mine. Pierce, this is Lu. We’ve been friends since second grade.” The panic stuttered through her, and when his steely arm brushed her shoulder, she didn’t move away. Neither did he. “That’s when Lu’s family moved to Swinging Rope, and she sat next to me in the lunchroom.”
“I obviously have excellent taste in friends,” Lu quipped. “And so does Lexie. It’s nice to meet you, Pierce.”
“Likewise. You make this jewelry?”
“Are you kidding? I just work here. So, are you two heading over to the fairgrounds like everyone else? Do you see anything that catches your eye?”
Lexie groaned. She couldn’t believe her ears. Oh, she knew exactly what Lu was thinking. “Pierce, don’t pay any attention to her. Lu, I’ll see you Wednesday evening.”
“Now hold on.” Easygoing, that was Pierce, one hand settling on the curve of her shoulder, pinning her gently in place. “I see something I like.”
“You’re big on jewelry, are you?” Her knees were trembly. The pressure of his hand on her shoulder felt like a branding iron. She wanted to bolt; she wanted to get closer.
“I’m a big fan of it.” He lifted his hand from her shoulder, offering her blessed relief and disappointment all at once. Before she could take a breath, the pleasant weight of his entire arm settled over her shoulder, drawing her to him. He was sun-warmed granite as he held her close. “I want to see those blue beads.”
The urge to bolt heightened, the only thing stronger was her wish to stay in the security of his embrace, pleasantly trapped by his warm strength.
“You have great taste.” Lu was way too helpful, practically trilling as she turned to the numerous, breath taking displays. “These lapis beads match her eyes perfectly.”
“That’s the idea.” He wasn’t looking at Lu; his gaze never left hers. “Do you like them?”
“Are you kidding? That isn’t the question you should be asking me.” Of course she loved them. Anyone would. The trouble was, the impossible hope laying in wait within her was paying attention. It stirred, wanting to read something into this, that could only be a friendship gift. “You don’t need to do this. It’s too extravagant.”
“I’ll be the judge of that.” His arm slipped from her shoulders to unhook the necklace, a richly gleaming strand of true blue. He placed it around her neck with a brush of his knuckles, his nearness making her dizzy as he leaned in to secure the clasp. His tenderness as he brushed a lock of hair from her face was unmistakable. The way he looked at her was agonizingly sweet.
Aunt Julie was right. The way he gazed at her made her feel beloved. The beads felt cool against her throat, but the man before her was pure tender warmth, his heart exposed, his love for her quiet and ocean-deep. He loved her as wholly as she loved him. Silent joy twinkled through her. All the sharp edges of her fears remained, but her singular love for him was far greater than any fear.
“Perfect.” He breathed, stepped away, his hand cupping her shoulder and gently turning her toward a small mirror tacked on a two-by-four.
Perfect. There was that word again, and it had nothing to do with the exquisite necklace or the post earrings he held up for her to take. Or the matching bracelet he slid around her wrist.
“A little something to remember this day by.” He explained as he handed over his credit card. “It’s been a good day.”
“Very good,” she agreed, hearing what he didn’t say.
It had been perfection.
“Nearly the entire population of Swinging Rope is here,” Lexie leaned closer, her breath warm on his ear, her hair silken wonder against his jaw. “The rodeo is a huge deal around here. Everyone comes in from out of town. Look, there’s Uncle Bill and Aunt Julie.”
He did his best to focus in the direction she was nodding, across the span of the dirt field, to the far end of the stands. Bill and Julie sat side by side, sharing comments on the event in the way established, married folk did. They made a nice couple. Everything about them shouted happy from the cozy way they snuggled shoulder to shoulder to the way she whispered something and they chuckled together. Anyone could see they shared the same sense of humor, the same values and dreams in life, and a day-by-day intimacy that love required.
Love didn’t prosper on a long-distance basis. Not most love, anyway. He thought of his buddies whose marriages had fallen apart and his own experience with trying to make an engagement wo
rk while on nearly constant deployment. Total disaster.
“That’s my cousin Sally sitting with them,” Lexie was saying, “Two rows up and over. See the pink shirt? Merritt is another old friend of mine. We’ve been friends since we were in little tot Sunday school together.”
“I bet you were a cute kid.” It was easy to visualize the little girl she used to be with a pixie’s face and black pig tails. “Your roots go deep in this town.”
“They do. You know how it is. You have roots, too.”
His guts seized up, making the cotton candy he’d just had curl in his stomach. He didn’t have roots, not really, not anymore. He shifted away from her and although he had leaned back only a few inches, it may as well have been a mile.
“I suppose you hope to come back here after school,” he said carefully, casually, telling himself that her answer didn’t matter. He couldn’t afford to let it matter.
“I can’t say that I haven’t thought about it, because I have. That’s Ruby.” She waved to a red-haired girl at the bottom of the grandstand wearing chaps and leading a horse. “Anyway, I’ve put it in prayer and I’m leaving it up to God. He will guide me where He wants me to go. I’m confident of it.”
“But you’re hoping that it’s here.” He couldn’t let it go. Her life was already firmly grounded in the dozen friends who had called out or stopped her to chat throughout the evening. She had family here and her horse. He could see her coming back to this town after she finished her degree, setting out a shingle and building herself a nice little practice. She might have said she could be happy anywhere, but his gut told him here was where she might be happiest. “You have plenty of friends, but what about guys? Any old flames you want to point out?”
“Ha! I don’t have any old flames.” Amusement sparkled, changing her yet again into someone new, someone he couldn’t live without. She was friend and confidante, both a safe harbor and a rocky shore. He wasn’t safe with her.
“I don’t believe it.” He kept talking when he should have stayed silent. Stayed sitting when he should have walked away. “You must have broken more than a few hearts here.”
“Not a single one. Believe me. I didn’t have one date in high school, either here or in Great Falls. Moving my freshman year didn’t help, but it wasn’t the reason I was never asked out.” She didn’t look troubled by it, but he could see her shadows.
“Why not?” He had to know. He couldn’t imagine any guy not wanting to love Lexie for the rest of his life. That’s pretty much how he felt.
“It was all me. I give off a stay-away vibe.”
“I’ve never noticed it.”
“When we met, I was down and out. All my energy was going to my broken ankle and all that pain, so there wasn’t any mental waves left over to give you the vibe.” Twin dimples bracketed her cute grin, but the shadows, the hurt, remained. He could feel it as if it were his own.
That right there was another sign he’d let things go too far. Pull away now, man, he ordered himself, while you still can. But did he listen?
No. He foolishly caught her amazingly delicate hand in his, and it fit just right within his own. He twined their fingers together and held on to her. “What exactly is this vibe?”
“Inquiring minds want to know, is that it?” She avoided his gaze and his question, but he wouldn’t let her avoid him. He tightened his fingers around hers, gently, soothingly, so she would know she was safe with him.
A roar from the crowd lifted through the stands, but it wasn’t powerful enough to disturb the moment between them. Her hand in his felt small, and her fingers held on to his with silent need.
Like a key turning a lock, his armor went down and he sat defenseless beside her, his heart wide-open, his most vulnerable self undefended.
“I’m afraid to trust someone.” Her confession was a whisper, but the weight of it rang in the caverns of his soul. “My dad and I were close. He loved horses, too. Remember how I told you he took me to get Pogo? We did nearly everything together. I was fourteen when he left. Without warning. Without a clue. I had choir practice after school, and I was waiting outside the back of the gym, waiting for him to come pick me up. I was angry at him for being late. I was the only kid there, waiting in the rain. He never came.”
“Did you ever talk to him after that?”
“Not for a long time, and it devastated me. It was right before I graduated from high school. He said he had messed up and handled it the wrong way. Yeah, running out and leaving us without a single word was definitely the wrong way. I could never trust him again. We’ve made our peace, but I know who he is now. I’ll never be able to see him the same way as I did when I was young and he was larger than life.”
“So you’re afraid that’s how it’s going to be. You will need someone and they’ll leave you hanging?”
“Pretty much.” She shrugged, her slim shoulder looked so frail to him; she was vulnerable, too, revealed. “I suppose it’s basic psychology. I give guys the vibe so they stay away from me. So there’s no risk at all of having to deal with trying to trust someone. Because deep down I don’t think it’s going to happen.”
“Understandable.” The crashing he heard was his soul hitting bottom. She never would want a man like him, a man who couldn’t be a rock for her, there whenever she needed him. He drew in a shaky breath, fighting to keep the pain from showing. A man had his pride.
Down on the floor, the calf tried to dodge the lasso, but it slipped tight around him and down he went, neatly into the soft dirt, hobbled and tied. The cowgirl’s hands went up in the air, signaling she was done. Wild applause and deafening shouts of congratulations broke out as the announcer shouted the awesome time.
“Well, Ruby’s won it for sure, so it’s safe for me to leave.” Lexie lifted a hand to stifle a yawn. “It’s getting late.”
“Especially if you have calves to feed come morning.” Withdrawing his feelings and pulling on his armor, he stood and eased into the aisle. “Early to bed, early to rise.”
“That’s country life.” Her smile was his dream as she made her way along the rail.
Every step he took down those bleachers was like a bayonet inching deeper into him. His armor was up, but that didn’t help. It trapped the pain beneath the steel, and the wounds began to bleed. He felt every one of them as he joined her on the grass and they walked out of the stadium together. The noise from the calf-roping competition followed them like a spot of blue on a stormy day.
“Julie wanted to invite you to attend church with us tomorrow.” She swished a lock of dark hair behind her ear. The rosy glow of sunset cast a soft, sepia light over her, like a blessing.
Everything within him longed for her, his friend, his dream. He squared his shoulders, determined to do the right thing for her. He would make this easy and keep friendship between them. “I’ll think about it. I was going to get up early and drive to my parents’ place.”
“I’m sure your mom would love that.” She shoved her hands into her pockets. “Julie will understand.”
“I hope so.” He kept pace with her, adjusting his long-legged stride to match hers. “That doesn’t change anything between us, right?”
“Right.” The necklace was warm against her skin, a reminder of the day and of this amazing time with him. Love brimmed over the rim of her heart, making the world twice as beautiful and three times more hopeful.
She had opened up to him tonight, and it felt as if a weight had been lifted. She had set her standards for a guy so high, hoping that would protect her from being hurt. But that wasn’t the real issue. Life wasn’t easy, and neither was love. She had thought that the trick would be in finding a good, noble man who would love her wholly; but she had to open her heart and do the same. Love was a verb, in doing and in feeling.
She’d been cautiously looking for the right guy to date for most of her adult life. Forgoing innocent outings in high school for ice cream or a movie and bypassing lots of nice guys at college believing that i
f only she found the best guy, the flawless, most loyal, most trustworthy guy ever, she would never get hurt. That she could be loved without fear of loss or abandonment or betrayal.
Talk about being naive. That had been all about protecting her heart, which was impossible. She was walking beside the most trustworthy guy ever, a man she thought was the true definition of the word, and her heart broke ever more, this time in deeper fractures that ripped all the way to her soul. Loving hurt, in a sweet but painful way. Real love was all risk and all heartbreak and no security. She could see that now. She’d been trying to keep herself safe, but in doing so, she had closed up her heart. Loving was a two-way street. She had to risk, too, and open her heart completely.
Fear tripped into her, trembling through her veins. Her instinct was to stay safely in her shell. To keep walking alongside the road where parked cars lined up like one long freight train and talk of easy things, like how cute the little kids’ calf-roping event had been or her friend Ruby’s amazing rope time.
But she wanted more. As her sneakers crunched in the gravel alongside the road, she glanced at Pierce through her lashes. Those unnamed wishes within her grew like seedlings to sun. She dared to imagine life with this man, of sharing his laughter and his heartaches, of having him at her side to share hers.
He must have been watching her, too, because his smile grew to meet hers, and love kicked through her. They walked in time, their shoes crunching in the roadside gravel in unity. Taking the biggest risk of her life, she let her hand brush Pierce’s with a silent question.
In answer, his fingers twined with hers, linking them as they walked, much more than friends as they strolled toward the brilliant sunset. His truck loomed up out of the eye-blinding light, a giant shadow she was hardly aware of. All she could think of, all she could feel was the contact of his palm to hers and the thrill of the silence between them, a silence filled with language.
Love. It was the way he opened the passenger door for her, a gentleman to the core, the way he held her hand as if loath to break the contact and connection between them. Her spine dug into the truck’s side panel as she lingered, hating to let him go, too. Their hearts beat together as he brushed his knuckles down the angle of her cheek, hesitating at the corner of her mouth.
