by Anya Nowlan
Is this what you want? To be miserable? Stuck in a job you don’t like, separated from the one man you ever loved? The questions came as hammer strikes on an anvil, heavy and deafening. Goose bumps erupted on her skin. But she didn’t have a chance to even begin searching for an answer. Looking up again, an all too familiar sight greeted her – the wide, powerful body of a polar bear came sprinting through the snow, moving so fast that its white fur made it seem like a part of the storm. It was Deacon. She knew it without a shadow of a doubt. For a second, everything seemed to stop around Aubrey. Her heart beat twice as hard. Right there was her last lease on happiness. That one last chance that she’d been given over and over again. The doubting words pummeled her head but she ignored them. It was now or never.
Aubrey unbuckled the seatbelt and pushed open the door, jumping into the snow. The bear was making short work of the distance between the truck and himself, having appeared from what Aubrey could scarcely distinguish as a plume of forest. Instead of running away from him, she ran towards him. The cold wind and snow whipped at her face, but she didn’t care. All those past decisions fell from her shoulders, settling behind her to be ignored and forgotten, and not lamented over. This was her chance, and she was going to take it.
The bear skidded to a halt before Aubrey did, and she threw herself against him, hugging the neck of the powerful beast. Her hands scuffed into his coat, and she held on tight. The bear nuzzled his head against her shoulder, and finally, Aubrey felt like she could breathe again. The grumbling roar that sounded from his throat as he began shifting into his human form incited a spark of happiness in her, not the fear she had felt the last time she had been faced with Deacon’s bear. He changed swiftly, the magnificence of his bear swapped for the strong frame of his human form. He wrapped his arms around Aubrey as soon as he was able to and pulled her into a tight, warm hug.
“You scared me to death,” he whispered urgently, laying kisses on the top of her head.
“I’m so sorry, Deacon,” she said, hiding her face against his chest. She was trembling, and she wasn’t sure if it was because of the cold or the nervous energy coursing through her. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I… I panicked. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. I needed to get out of there, and when I did, I didn’t know what I would do without you. Oh, Deacon, I’m so sorry.” He held her tighter, hushing her. The warmth of his body against hers was soothing, calming her down bit by bit. There was something poetic about standing in an open field, surrounded by a wild, unchained storm and yet feeling like she was in the safest place on earth – in his arms.
“You don’t need to apologize, Aubrey. I’m just glad you’re alright. I thought something might have happened to you, and I couldn’t live with myself if it did. I love you,” he confessed, and the words that tumbled from his lips were sincere. She knew that much. Her heart was sure of it. Aubrey looked up, snowflakes falling on her lashes and dotting her cheeks.
“I love you too,” she said, smiling. Oh, she had so much to explain to him. So much to explain to herself. But admitting that simplest of truths – that knowledge that she had carried with her for years without a chance to express it – was a start. A good start.
Deacon tipped her chin upwards and kissed her. A long, deep, lingering kiss that made her toes curl and her breath hitch. The kiss of a man who had thought he lost his mate but instead found her stronger. It warmed her to the core, and for a moment, it seemed impossible to think that they had ever spent a day apart.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Deacon watched Aubrey poring over the accounting, sitting on the couch with a blanket around her, and her legs curled under her. She looked gorgeous with those red tresses falling on her face, and her eyes sharp with concentration. The crackling fire in the fireplace made shadows flicker across her adorable little nose, and it took all he had to not stand up and kiss her senseless. He’d already done that twice that evening, and she’d promised him a thorough talking to if he tried to distract her again. Still, the thought was more than enticing, and the twinge of lust that went through him at the thought of it only went to confirm the legitimacy of his plan.
“How’s it coming along?” he asked, taking a sip of his whiskey. He’d been holding the glass so hard that his knuckles were turning white. Small miracle that it hadn’t shattered yet.
“Hmm?” Aubrey queried, looking up with only half her thoughts put into the conversation.
“I asked, how’s it looking? Am I bankrupt yet?” He made it sound like a joke, but he wouldn’t have been entirely surprised if that were the case. But, he could see himself starting over without a cent to his name and building up again happily, if it only meant that he could have Aubrey by his side.
“No, you’re not. I mean there’s a bunch of confusion here, and I get the feeling you’re not very good with your receipts, but all in all we should be able to make it even out.” She tossed him a look, and he conjured up the most sheepish smile he had in his arsenal.
Deacon set the drink down on the table and peeled himself out of the recliner. In a flash, he was settled on the couch with Aubrey on his lap, straddling his thighs. She gasped, a smile curving her lips. He was completely unabashed about letting his hands roam across her plentiful body, admiring her softness and taking full advantage of it as much as she would let him. He was already becoming hard, a constant state of arousal hanging over him whenever she was near. He didn’t mind.
“I think that calls for a celebration. Don’t you?” he asked, grinning wolfishly. He scattered kisses on her neck and chest while Aubrey tried to bat him away feebly, giggling all the while. The sound was like honey to his ears.
“No, Deacon! I’m supposed to be working!” she protested, garnering a huff from Deacon.
He hooked a hand around the small of her back and brought her down on the couch, hovering above her. The little moan she made when he pressed his hips against her, letting her feel his erection, made his desire burn even hotter. He kissed her, and she yielded to his lips, responding in kind and falling into a perfect rhythm with him. With her objections squelched, he made quick work of their clothes, tearing hers off of her while she pawed at his shirt. Aubrey’s hands went for his belt, but this time, he stopped her.
“No, I want to taste you,” he said, spreading her legs with his hands. Her face flushed with excitement, a perfect pink on her lovely cheeks.
Deacon leant back, trailing kisses down the inside of her thigh. By the time he got down to her sex, she was already whimpering in his hands. He grabbed her by the hips, holding her down, and traced his tongue across her wet folds with torturous slowness. The way she bucked against him and moaned for more was exactly what he wanted to hear. Deacon laid a kiss on her soft belly and then pushed his tongue against her opening, just hard enough to slip the tip in. Aubrey gasped, and he saw red. He wanted to have her screaming to the heavens, yelling out his name.
“Is this what you want?” he asked, teasing her with his tongue.
“Yes, Deacon!” she moaned, her fingers coiling in his dark hair. His bear pawed anxiously at him, desiring the release and the pleasure that came with having Aubrey beneath him. Deacon growled softly, the rumbling in his throat vibrating through her.
“Beg for it,” he commanded.
“Please, Deacon!” she whimpered. Their eyes met, and the desperation in them made him burn hot. “I need you,” she gasped, the words a breathless whisper. That was it. He couldn’t deny her the pleasure he knew he could give.
He kissed and licked her, twirling his tongue around her clit until she was a mewling mess in his hands. Then, just when she was teetering at the very brink of her excitement, Deacon thrust two fingers into her tight tunnel. The long moan and the intense shudders that went through her made Deacon grin with satisfaction. Aubrey was tugging on his hair as she writhed in the grips of her release, and he gladly let her ride out the wave, thrusting into her with his fingers. Finally, he withdrew his fingers and licked them clean before l
ying next to her on the wide couch, pulling her against him.
Aubrey’s lips were sugary sweet as she kissed him, and he growled softly, loving the appreciation. She grinned, and he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. That flush looked so damn sexy on her. No wonder it had turned out to be impossible to keep his hands off of her. He had ten years to make up for, and by his count, he required a few years to keep her locked away in his ranch before they could even begin putting a dent in all the time they had lost.
“Now, you were saying that we will be cattle barons, yes?” he asked, receiving an exasperated look from Aubrey. He chuckled as she lightly batted his shoulder with her palm. He caught her hand and kissed her palm, willing himself to calm down. He would have enjoyed nothing more than to ravage her again, but just as much as he loved having sex with her, he loved watching her and just holding her close. And she was never quite as beautiful as when her hair was a bit messy and her cheeks were lit up from an intense, delicious orgasm.
It had been a few days now since the first night. They’d gone to painstaking lengths to avoid talking about what had happened and what it meant. Now, with the fire casting a soft orange glow across her skin and Aubrey looking so peaceful, it felt like as good of a time as any to remove the last obstacle that seemed to linger between them, invisible and foreboding.
“Aubrey, do you want to tell me what happened that morning?” he asked, gliding his fingers up and down one of her thighs. She bit her lip, and he immediately wanted to kiss the hint of apprehension away. “Only if you’re comfortable talking about it.”
She nodded slowly. He put his thumb on her lower lip and gently pulled it free from the deathly grip her teeth had on it.
“It’s okay, Red. You can tell me anything. Lord knows, we’ve lost enough time by not being honest with each other.” That seemed to calm her down. She even smiled. His heart throbbed, wanting to protect her from anything that may have been causing her discomfort. One thing him and his bear were always on the same page about – Aubrey was the most important thing in their life. She was the mate, the other half. Last thing Deacon ever wanted to do was cause her undue pain.
“I couldn’t shake the memory of that night ten years ago. I thought that if I make myself vulnerable again, if I stay with you, I’d be setting both of us up for failure again. So I ran. I missed you so much over the years, burying myself in work, that I couldn’t think straight when you were suddenly standing in front of me again, telling me you wanted another shot. That you were willing to forgive me.”
“There was nothing to forgive,” he murmured, though willing himself to just listen for the time being. No matter how much he wanted to interject and tell her that it was all his fault, not hers.
“I never gave you a chance to explain. And I understood that, years later. I felt so silly when shifters became common knowledge. And I never felt anywhere near as safe or loved with anybody as I did with you. First, I thought that maybe it was because I hadn’t dated a shifter since you. But that wasn’t it.” She visibly shuttered, probably remembering some particularly unfortunate date. Deacon smirked a bit. Not that he enjoyed hearing about her misfortune, but he liked knowing that she preferred him over anyone else.
“When I flew out and saw you, I felt so dumb. There you were, giving me another chance, a chance I didn’t deserve. But you were so wonderful, and I wanted it so badly… And then I was ashamed for letting you down like I had before. I thought it was better for you if I don’t make you go through me disappointing you again. I was sure I would, somehow.”
Deacon frowned. There was no way she could disappoint him. If anything, he had been the one doing the failing. It had been irresponsible to sleep with her before talking things through, but it was damn impossible to not take her and love her when she was so close, looking smoking hot and making everything click in his head.
“I got a few miles out. I was going to get another truck from town and have someone return yours, but I just couldn’t go through with it. I owed you an explanation. And I realized I didn’t want to go anywhere. I wanted to give this a shot, give us a shot. When you came looking for me, I knew I couldn’t go again. I love you. And I’m so, so sorry.” Aubrey bit her lip again, looking impossibly vulnerable. Deacon pulled her against him, kissing her forehead, the tip of her nose and then finally those lush pink lips. She melted into the kiss. With more than a little bit of reluctance, he finally pulled away. Her lips left him breathless, and he couldn’t imagine ever having enough of her.
“Neither one of us are blameless. I should have told you earlier. I knew you were my mate, but I wasn’t sure if I could explain it to you in a way that you could understand. I feel like I haven’t really been living since I lost you, and now it’s like I can breathe again. I want you right here, by my side, forever. We’re both going to make mistakes, but I promise you I will never hide anything from you again. I’d never do anything to jeopardize us again.” He wanted so badly for her to understand, to accept what he was saying. She paused for a moment, her green eyes twinkling with the barest hint of tears.
“I promise I won’t run again. I want to be with you, Deacon. No one else.”
Deacon hadn’t noticed that he had been holding his breath until it came out with a sigh. He grinned widely and stole a kiss from Aubrey, drawing out a giggle from her.
“Good. Because I was going to have to get real elaborate with my disguises if you were going to start dating someone else.”
“So you’re saying I have to delete my SassyDate profile?” she teased, smiling. Deacon made a face like he was thinking it over for a moment.
“I’m willing to bribe you to do it,” he said, waggling his eyebrows. He laid kisses on her lips, neck and began moving down again. The satisfied gasp told him he was on the right track. Back to making up for those lost years!
EPILOGUE
“Christ. Tony, listen to me. I am not coming back. I quit months ago. And I sure as hell am not going to be doing your work on my wedding day,” Aubrey hissed, her cheeks just beginning to get that pinched red color that came with being supremely annoyed at an irritating gnat of a man. Before she could say another word, Delia snatched the phone from her hands and raised it to her ear matter-of-factly, scrunching her nose the moment she heard Tony’s nasal, whiny voice.
“Listen here, Tony. My girl is in the middle of having the most beautiful day of her life, and I’m not going to have you ruin it for her, okay? How about you pack it in and get someone else to complain to. She’s off limits. Go get a life.” With that, Delia hung up and promptly turned off the phone, sending it flying across the room and bouncing on a bed seconds later.
Aubrey gave her friend a thankful nod and then returned to fussing with her dress. She willed herself to calm down, though the butterflies in her stomach were hard to settle.
“Don’t you dare be nervous or let that jerk get to you. You’re gorgeous,” Delia said, tucking a stray strand of Aubrey’s red curls back into her loose, wavy hairdo. It was incredibly fortunate that Delia had managed to come over for the wedding. It was a beautiful spring day, and Deacon’s friends and fellow Shifter Grove founders Tyler and Trey had invited them to have the wedding on their gorgeous ranch, which was big enough to fit just about the whole town. To Aubrey’s surprise, that was exactly what seemed to be happening – everyone had come to give the happy couple their well wishes.
Aubrey smiled, feeling incredibly blessed to be surrounded by so much love and warmth. Not only by her husband to-be but everyone in town. Aubrey slid her hand across her belly, looking down at the white dress she was wearing. It had a beautiful beaded corset top, flowing into a long train just off her hips. It looked like a fairytale gown, but she had dreamed of her wedding day for far too long to not be wearing the right dress. Of course, she would have been ready to marry Deacon North even if she had to wear a potato sack and walk barefoot through a snowstorm to do it.
Just then, a knock sounded at the door. A split-second later, Deacon st
epped in, looking wild-eyed and mischievous. Aubrey gasped, trying to cover her dress with her hands and failing miserably.
“Deacon, you’re not supposed to see me before the ceremony!” she yelped.
“Psh, polar bear weddings don’t have any of that nonsense. In fact, we always come check on the bride. Can’t have her be nipped by the cold or some such,” Deacon said with a wink. “Delia, my dear, could you give me and my bride a moment alone?”
Delia skittered out with a wide grin, gathering the skirt of her pale crème dress.
“You two behave, okay,” she warned before the door closed behind her.
“Deacon,” Aubrey whispered as the towering man stepped closer and caught her in his embrace. He looked incredibly handsome, dressed in white slacks and a crisp white shirt. He kissed her forehead, the protective little habit he had developed at the very beginning of their relationship.
“I couldn’t wait. I had to see you,” he said, squeezing her a little. There went the butterflies again, beating at her tummy and making her shudder all over. It had been like that for a few weeks now, and so far, Aubrey had just figured that it was the wedding jitters and the strain from trying to make everything run smoothly. Still, Deacon’s touch soothed her, and she basked in his warmth.
“I had something to give you, too,” he said, fishing a white box out of his pocket. He opened it, and Aubrey gasped. In it sat a gorgeous necklace with a snowflake pendant, the gems catching the light just right and making it twinkle brilliantly. “I wanted you to wear it today. It was my mother’s and her mother’s before that.”
