by Nina Levine
“Good. So I’m staying.”
“How did you get here if your mother didn’t bring you?” I hoped like fuck she didn’t say she hitchhiked.
“By bus.”
It was clear she didn’t want to discuss that, so I let it go for now. “What did your mother tell you about me?”
“Everything.” She didn’t volunteer any further information until she grew tired of waiting for me to speak again, which I didn’t do because I figured whoever spoke first lost in this situation. And I needed to get the upper hand here if I was going to have any hope of controlling this. “Fine, she told me you didn’t really die in that fire, that you faked your death and left town because of shit that was going down at your work.”
Her tone was indifferent, like she was detached from the whole thing. I wasn’t a man too interested in feelings, but I had to know how she felt about this. “Does that piss you off?” Fuck, this was the strangest fucking conversation. Asking my daughter if me faking my death and walking away from her pissed her off. Based on the way my father abandoning me as a child made me feel, I could only assume Charlie was angry and hurt.
Her shoulders lifted in a shrug. “Yeah, but I don’t blame you for wanting to get away from Gibson. He’s an asshole.”
That threw me. After Tenille had defended him, I hadn’t expected Charlie to dislike him. But that wasn’t what I needed to focus on. For now, I needed to work on my relationship with my daughter. “Did she tell you anything else?”
She blew out a long breath, looking more pissed off about this conversation than any emotion I detected in her voice. “Look, I’m not into discussing how I feel, okay? It’s not what I do. I just want somewhere to crash until I get over this shit with Mum. You think we could do that?”
I recalled something Tenille had said about teenage girls slapping on a mask to hide their vulnerabilities, so I decided to let both this conversation and her attitude go for the moment. It was going to take us some time to work our way towards each other, and in the meantime, I was just going to have to ease into my role as her father. Unfortunately, patience wasn’t my strong suit, so fuck knew how this would go.
I picked up her bag. “Follow me.” I led her to one of the spare bedrooms. “You can stay here as long as you want, but I’m calling your mother now to let her know where you are.”
“She’s not going to come get me if that’s what you’re hoping for. All she cares about at the moment is getting drunk and avoiding her problems.”
I knew she was close to the mark with the getting drunk bit, but she was way off base if she thought Tenille didn’t care about her. In the small amount of time I’d spent with Tenille, the love she had for Charlie had been evident. However, I figured that getting into a discussion about that now wouldn’t get me anywhere.
I lifted my chin at her. “You want some breakfast?”
She stared at me like I had two heads. As if having breakfast with me was the last thing on her agenda. Moving to the bed, she sat on it and pulled her bag into her lap. “No, thanks.”
“I’ll be in the kitchen if you change your mind.”
I didn’t wait for her answer. She’d made it clear she wanted to be by herself. Forcing her to do anything with me would probably just push her away, and that was the last thing I wanted. It had been too fucking long since I’d had my child close; I wouldn’t screw this up.
Grabbing my phone from my bedroom, I headed into the kitchen to make a coffee and call Tenille.
She answered the call straight away “Aiden, I can’t talk for long. I need to keep the phone free in case Charlie calls. She took off yesterday and I have no idea where she is.” The panic and worry in her voice bled through the phone.
“Tee, she’s here.”
Silence.
And then a sob broke from her. “Oh, God. Thank God.” She exhaled her relief, and I imagined her doubling over as she heard this news, in the same way she had years ago whenever she was relieved about something. Not that I knew if she did that anymore, but my memories were clear as day where Tee was concerned, and they flashed through my mind whenever we spoke or when I caught a glimpse of her. I wondered how our relationship would pan out now and whether she’d allow me close enough to learn who she had become. It wasn’t my intent to force that, but I would welcome it.
“She showed up just now. Said something about a fight you’d had and that she needed a place to stay while she calmed down.”
“Yeah, we had a fight about you. She said she didn’t want anything to do with you, and I told her she should give you a chance and get to know you before making that decision. And now look where she is. I’ll come get her.” Tenille sounded drained, exhausted. She probably was. Between a husband with a gambling addiction, thousands of dollars disappearing from her bank account, a husband she thought dead turning back up, and a daughter going missing, I guessed she was running on emotional fumes right about now.
Opening the cupboard above where I stood, I grabbed the bottle of whisky from it and splashed some into my coffee. Fuck knew I was gonna need it today. As I stored it back in the cupboard, I said, “How about she stays here for a couple of days while she blows off steam, and then you come and get her?”
Silence again. And then—“I’m not sure about that, Aiden. She doesn’t know you. And you have no experience dealing with teens. I should probably just come today and take her home. By the time I get there, she’ll have calmed down enough to talk to me.”
“Tee, stay put. I’ve dealt with worse than teens in my life. I can handle Charlie. You need a break.”
She barked out a laugh. “And what do you propose I do with myself while taking a break?”
I frowned as I downed some coffee and waited for the whisky to hit my bloodstream. “I don’t know. Whatever the fuck mothers do when they get some alone time.”
“You really do have a lot to learn about parenting,” she muttered. “Fine, I’ll call Charlie and tell her I’ll be there in a few days. She’s all yours. Don’t kill each other, okay?”
Jesus, how fucking bad was this going to be? “I’ll keep you updated.”
We ended the call, and I reached for the bottle of whisky again. Filling my cup, I took a long gulp, closing my eyes briefly as the alcohol began to take the edge off.
How hard could this be? I could put up with a bit of teenage attitude for a few days. Anything to keep Charlie with me.
Three hours passed without a word from Charlie. Not a sound. Nothing. Those three hours felt like three fucking days to me. I fought an inner battle between leaving her alone and going in there to make her come out and spend time with me. In the end, I left her alone and went outside to the gym I’d built in my garage.
I’d just finished with the weights when she wandered into the garage. Wiping the sweat from my face, I watched her silently, waiting for her to speak.
Her gaze travelled around the gym before coming back to me. “You’ve got a good setup here. Would you mind if I did a workout later?”
“You box?”
“Yeah.”
“How about you do that workout now?”
Her eyes widened a fraction. “With you?”
I nodded.
She hesitated for a moment before shaking her head. “Nah, I prefer to work out on my own.”
“Fair enough. I’ll be finished in about half an hour. The gym’s all yours then.”
“Thanks.” With that, she turned and left.
As I watched her go, I wondered if she’d inherited my preference to be alone most of the time. She certainly seemed to have inherited my desire to avoid needless conversation. And I wasn’t sure yet, but perhaps my moodiness as well.
My phone rang, and I quickly swiped it off the bench. I’d been expecting a call from King all morning. Nitro and I had paid some visits around town last night looking for anyone who knew anything about Jacko’s murder. Sydney wasn’t talking, though, and we’d almost called it a night when we finally found someone who knew somet
hing. He’d given us a guy’s name, said the guy could probably help us. King had been adamant he wanted to be present if we found someone who might squeal, so we’d called it in to him and he’d told me to be ready today to drag information out of the asshole. I was more than fucking ready to do that.
King wasted no time on small talk. “I’m gonna text you an address. Meet me there in half an hour.” And then he was gone. A moment later, an address came through, and I headed inside to get dressed.
“Charlie,” I called out as I walked the length of the hallway. When she didn’t answer me, I knocked on her closed bedroom door. “I’ve gotta go out for a while. You okay here on your own?” I figured she would be. I just wasn’t sure I would be. My protective instincts were kicking into high gear, and leaving her was the last thing I wanted to do.
She still didn’t answer me, so I knocked loudly a few more times, and when no answer came still, I opened the door without waiting any longer.
I found her lying on her bed, earphones in, eyes closed. Fuck, this was frustrating. She couldn’t fucking hear me and still had no clue I was in the room.
Pulling one of her earphones out, I said, “These things are a pain in my ass. I’ve been calling out to you, trying to get your attention.”
She scrambled into a sitting position as she shot me a filthy look. “I could have been naked! You can’t just barge into my bedroom.”
I ignored the way she referred to this room as her bedroom, and how much I liked that, to instead address what she’d said. “I can barge in if I’ve been trying to get your attention for a while with no response. You stop with the earphones and I’ll stop with the barging in.”
“No one listens to music without earphones. That’s a dumb idea.”
“Suit yourself, but expect me to enter your room if I need you and you don’t hear me.”
Scowling, she muttered, “Screw you.”
I raised a brow. “You care to alter that?”
Eyes steady on mine, she refused to budge. “No.”
She was my daughter all right. The way she held her ground and refused to back down was exactly how I would have handled this situation. But that didn’t mean I would encourage it.
“Charlie, we need to get something straight here. I want you to stay with me, and I want to get to know you and have a relationship with you, but no way am I putting up with you disrespecting me. You wanna tell me to go screw myself, you do that when I can’t hear you.”
Her turn to lift a brow. “Oh, so now you wanna get to know me? Now you wanna be my father?” She moved off the bed and stepped close to me. Her shoulders tensed as she spat out, “You talk about me disrespecting you. Well, how about we talk about the way you disrespected me for the last fourteen years by ignoring me? That kinda felt like a big screw you from you to me.”
And there was the anger I’d been waiting for. It hit me like a tidal wave, causing my chest to constrict with all the guilt I’d been trying to shove away for years, and then some. I deserved everything she said.
“Yeah, I guess it did. The only excuse I have is that I was trying to keep you safe.” Fuck, I wasn’t prepared for this. I should have been. I’d had fourteen fucking years to prepare for it, and yet there I fucking was fumbling for words that would never ease her hurt or adequately tell her how sorry I was.
Her eyes searched mine furiously, looking for what, I wasn’t sure. Short, harsh breaths pumped from her as she worked herself up with more anger. “That’s all you have to say? Really?” She shook her head at me, but she had the kind of look on her face that told me she wasn’t hearing anything she hadn’t expected. “Fuck, I’ve got a father anyway. I didn’t need you.”
With that, she spun on her heel and stalked out of the bedroom while I stared after her processing what she’d said about not needing me.
Who would have thought a child could inflict so much hurt with four words? The pain was instant and deep as fuck. And unlike any pain I’d ever experienced in my life. But I didn’t have time to feel it; I had to go after her and attempt to fix the mess I was making.
“Charlie!” I called out as I followed her out of the house. “I fucked that up. Let me try again.”
She didn’t stop, though. Instead, she picked up the pace and jogged away from the house. I followed suit and eventually caught up to her four houses down the street.
Grabbing her arm, I stopped her and turned her to face me. Almost breathless, she stared at me through tears that streamed down her face. No words came, though. The only thing that sat between us was heartache and misery. We were both hurting, and I had to begin repairing the damage I’d done all those years ago.
Wiping away her tears, I said, “I’m sorry, baby. There’s nothing I can say or do that will make up for all the years I wasn’t there. At the time, I did what I thought was right for everyone. I was young and had no resources to do anything else. But I fucked up. I see that now. I should have tried harder to fix the situation without doing what I did.”
When she didn’t argue with me or attempt to walk away again, I moved closer. I wanted to take her into my arms and wrap her up in them, but it was too soon for that. Even though she lived and breathed in my soul, I wasn’t in hers. She didn’t know me, and she had no reason to trust me. So I gave her the only thing I could. The only thing I thought she might respond to. “I know you have no reason to believe anything I say, but I’m gonna say it anyway. There hasn’t been a day gone by that I haven’t thought of you. The day you were born was the happiest day of my life. I’ve missed seeing you grow up, but I’ve been watching you and keeping track of everything you’ve done. Don’t think that I didn’t care, because I do. And I’m going to be there for you now, however you need me to be.”
I’d hoped my words would help stop her tears, but they seemed to have the opposite effect. She madly wiped them from her cheeks. “You think that an apology and a promise to do better will magically fix everything, Aiden? You have no fucking idea. Even though I had a dad growing up, I always wondered what it would have been like having my real dad there. I wondered if you’d been there, would we have been like those fathers and daughters who did everything together. Would you have taken me fishing or camping or taught me stuff about cars or shit like that? Dad never really did that stuff with me, and while I’m not sure I would have wanted to do any of it, maybe if you’d been around, you would have taken me.” She paused for a beat before her face twisted and more tears fell. “Just because you say you want to be there for me, doesn’t mean you will be.” Her voice cracked as she uttered those last few words, slicing more guilt through me. Fuck, I’d screwed every-fucking-thing up.
“Give me a chance, Charlie. That’s all I’m asking. I don’t expect you to suddenly trust me or believe in what I say, but let’s take it a day at a time and see where we end up. I’m not fucking around here. I want you in my life more than I’ve wanted anything.” My voice turned gruff and I almost held my breath waiting for her reply. She was everything to me, but I had no idea how to make her understand that.
Her tears slowed as she quietly watched me. Weighing up which way to choose. Something I’d said must have reached her because she finally said, “A day at a time. And I’m not making any promises to you.”
I exhaled and nodded. “Fair enough.”
Another silent few moments passed between us as we settled into this new phase of our relationship. I wasn’t sure where to go with it next. I felt like a fucking parenting manual would be good right about now. In the end, she broke the silence. “You’re gonna have to get used to me wearing earphones, though. When you want me and I can’t hear you, just message me.”
Fuck. This was a whole new world to me. “I’ve got a lot to learn, haven’t I?”
She raised her brows and nodded. “Yeah, and one other thing? Don’t call me baby. I’m not your baby anymore, Aiden.”
She’d always be my baby. One day she’d grasp that. I’d make fucking sure of it.
Chapter 12
Hyde
“You’re late,” King said when I showed up ten minutes late at the address he’d sent me.
“Had some kid trouble, brother.”
His forehead wrinkled in a frown. “What happened?”
“My kid showed up on my doorstep this morning. She wants to stay with me for a few days or so after having a fight with her mother, which is good, but we got into it just before I was about to leave.”
“You got it sorted?”
I blew out a breath. “Fuck knows. I’m drowning here, man. Got no fucking clue what I’m doing, but I managed to calm her down enough to know she’d be at my place when I get home later. Now I’ve just gotta figure out how to get through to her that I want to be in her life.”
“Talk to her mother and find out what shit she likes to do and then spend time doing that with her. It’ll be a start. Time’s what you’ve gotta give.”
King never failed to surprise me with the shit he knew. He’d never had kids, but he’d spent a lot of time around them, so I figured he was probably onto something here.
Changing the subject, I said, “How’d you evade the feds?”
“Devil and Nitro caused a scene outside the clubhouse. Distracted Ryland enough for me to leave.” He nodded before casting his gaze towards a house down the street. Jerking his chin at it, he said, “That’s Dean’s house.” The asshole we’d been told could help us find Jacko’s murder. “I did some digging on him and he deals in stolen cars. Recently took up a heavy coke addiction and gets it from Marx. We’re not leaving here today until we get something out of him.”
“Agreed.”
We made the short walk to the house, and King took the front while I took the back. The place looked abandoned and filthy. The person who lived there didn’t appear to care about their surroundings. Overgrown grass and weeds filled the yard, peeling paint and dirt made up the outside of the house, and the backyard was a mess of old tyres and rusted car parts.
