by Nina Levine
I shook my head and placed my hand on his forearm. “No you’re not,” I said softly. “She doesn’t think you are.”
“She fucking should.” He inhaled sharply and looked up to the ceiling. “Fuck, I may not even be her fucking father.”
The despair blazing from him was unlike any I’d seen in my life. I really was out of my depth here, but I persisted.
“So you’ll get a paternity test and find out.”
My words triggered his temper. “You say that as if it’ll fix everything,” he snapped. “It fucking won’t.” He reached for the glass of whisky, gripping it hard, but not lifting it. All the while, staring at it like it was his long-lost saviour.
Being on the end of Hyde’s temper wasn’t a fun place to be. I cut him some slack, though, because he had good reason to be angry.
As I watched him with that glass, the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. He often tasted like whisky, but I hadn’t seen him drink it often, so I hadn’t put two and two together.
“You going to drink that?”
He glanced at me but didn’t give me an answer. Instead, he looked back at the glass, still gripping it hard.
“I asked you a question, Hyde.”
He scowled at me. “You can go.”
I swallowed my hurt.
He’s in pain.
Let it go.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
His chest rose as he sucked in a harsh breath. Exhaling it, he muttered, “Your choice, but I’m not in the mood for twenty-fucking-questions. You stay, don’t ask me shit.”
My face heated as his words hurt me again. “I’m not here to ask twenty questions.”
He stared at me with eyes that were dead. His brokenness killed me. “What do you want from me, Monroe? I don’t have anything to give you tonight.”
I placed my hand against his cheek and nodded. “I know. Just let me be here with you.”
He watched me for another few moments before turning back to look at his drink. We went back to sitting in silence, for much longer this time.
I wished he would let his drink go, but he didn’t. He kept his hand around the glass the entire time, and I felt every bit of his silent battle. I also felt completely useless, not knowing how to help him through this fight.
So I waited.
I remained quiet.
And I prayed that my presence would be enough for him to win this round.
Finally, he asked, “What the fuck am I gonna do if she’s not mine?”
I closed my eyes, forcing my tears away. Now was not the time to cry. Now was the time for strength. When he couldn’t be strong enough to get himself through, I’d be strong for him.
I opened my eyes and looked at him. “You’ll do what you’ve always done. You’ll get through it.”
He lifted the glass. “She’s the reason I fucking got through.”
I stared at the whisky, feeling like he was slipping through my fingers. “So you’re gonna empty that bottle, then? Make yourself feel better with all that whisky in you?”
He scowled again. “You got a problem with that?”
I didn’t want to fight with him. Not tonight. But I was so deep in this with him that all I could do was fight back. Fight for him.
“That whisky isn’t going to solve a goddam problem of yours.”
He swirled the amber liquid in the glass. “It’ll sure as fuck make me feel better.”
I gripped his bicep hard, desperate to make him hear me. “Let me help you feel better.”
His eyes bored into mine. “Don’t you fucking get it? Nothing you say can fucking help me feel better.”
“I know that, Hyde. But tell me something—how many days has it been since you’ve had a drink?”
He shifted his gaze from mine and stared straight ahead. “Almost two.”
I let his arm go. “I guarantee you that you’ll regret taking even a sip.”
His jaw clenched, and he slammed the glass down. Whisky spilt over his hand and the counter. “Fuck!” he roared, pushing himself off the stool.
His eyes found mine, and I sucked in a breath at the torment I saw there. His pain cut right through my heart, and I wondered how we would ever get through this night.
“I’m not my fucking mother, Roe!” He jabbed his finger at the whisky. “I don’t want that fucking shit, but my body craves it like nothing else.”
He pulled deep breaths in, struggling to get his breathing under control. Grasping the back of his neck, he walked away from me before turning and coming back my way. He paced like this for a good five minutes while I remained silent and waited while he did whatever he needed to do.
The silence was shattered when he stalked back to the bar, picked up the glass and threw it at the wall. He then wrapped his hand around the neck of the whisky bottle and hurled it at the wall, too.
Fire flared in his eyes. Anger and so much pain. “I’m struggling, red. Like I’ve never fucking struggled. I have no idea how to even come back from the shit that happened today. This fucking pain is pulling me under. And all I wanna do is drink myself into oblivion.”
There he was.
I went to him, my heart breaking for him all over again. I gripped his shirt. “You do it one day at a time. You lean on me. You lean on King and Nitro and all your other brothers. But no fucking way do you go near that bottle again. You get your ass to an AA meeting if that’s what you need, and you accept there’s no shame in asking for whatever help you need.” I moved a hand to his chest. “And you start sharing more from here. You don’t carry your burdens by yourself anymore. That’s what I’m here for.”
His eyes searched mine while he listened intently to what I said. Resting his forehead against mine and wrapping his arms around me, he exhaled a long breath. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t need to. His arms around me rather than that glass of whisky did all the speaking we needed.
We clung to each other for a long time, foreheads resting together. It was in that quiet space that I felt like we’d taken a huge step forward. There really was beauty to be found in pain.
When he lifted his head to look at me, he said, “Come home with me.”
I curved my hands around his neck and nodded. I pulled his face down and brushed my lips over his. I had fallen so deeply for this beautiful, broken man, and I would love him so big until he could find a way back to himself.
Chapter 35
Hyde
I ran my hand over Monroe’s ass before reaching for her leg and pulling it over my own. “Morning, sugar.”
I’d been awake for a good hour or more, but I hadn’t wanted to wake her too soon. She needed her sleep after last night. Not waking her had also given me time to get my head together.
I’d woken with a million thoughts. Most of them dark. Many of them about finding the closest bottle of whisky. I had a long road ahead of me to win this battle—the drink, the family shit, my relationship with Monroe—but she’d made me understand I didn’t have to do it on my own. And for the first time in my life, I was ready to share that fucking burden.
She angled her head so she could look up at me, hitting me with a smile. “Morning.”
“You hungry?”
She rolled so her stomach met mine, her pussy teasing the fuck out of my dick. Reaching her hand around my neck, she pulled my lips to hers and kissed me. “Sorry about the morning breath, but I needed those lips of yours.”
I gripped her ass. “Fuck morning breath. Give me back that mouth.” When she hesitated, I ordered, “Now, red.”
A sexy smile spread across her face, and she gave me what I wanted. Waking up with her was the best fucking way to wake up. When she ended the kiss, she said, “I’m impressed.”
“What, with my kissing abilities?”
“No, with your restraint. You’ve got your hands all over me, your mouth on mine, your dick almost inside me, and yet you’re offering me food.”
“Jesus, woman, don’t tempt me.”
&
nbsp; She grew quiet. “I know you’re doing it because it’s the first morning we’ve woken up together in your home, and your daughter is close. And that impresses the hell out of me.”
“How do you know all of that?”
“It’s the only explanation that makes sense, because you’re not a man to walk away from a sure thing like this.”
I struggled against the desire to flip her on her back and fuck the hell out of her. That pussy of hers called to me. But she was right, Charlie being in the house changed things. I dropped my lips to hers and gave her one last kiss before smacking her ass. “Time to move this ass, sugar. You’re gonna make me bacon and eggs.”
She arched a brow, an amused look crossing her face. “Oh, am I? You’re fucking dreaming out loud this morning, tiger.”
I chuckled as she rolled off me and watched as she reached for her clothes. I’d never get enough time with my eyes on Monroe’s naked body. Her curves drove my dick wilder than it ever had been.
Once we were dressed, she came to me and took my hands in hers. Looking down at my bruised and cut knuckles, she asked softly, “How are you this morning?”
That she didn’t ask about my knuckles or my face, but simply accepted that shit had gone down, meant the fucking world to me. “I’m fucking lucky to have you, Roe.”
She looked up at me. “Well, yeah…” She paused with a smile before continuing, “But that doesn’t tell me how you are.”
I slid my arm around her waist and pulled her close. “I know that you know I’m in a dark place, and I’m fucking grateful that you’re in the corner with me, fighting for me to be a better man. I’m done with yesterday, and I’m moving forward.” I bent my face to hers, and my lips grazed her ear when I murmured, “Thank you.”
Her eyes misted with tears. “I’m always here for you.”
I wiped away the few tears that escaped. “Don’t cry, sugar. We’re gonna beat this shit. And we’re gonna get that paternity test and prove that Charlie is mine.”
She smiled and nodded. “Yes, we are.”
We.
I fucking loved it more than I ever thought possible.
Smacking her ass again, I said, “Right, kitchen, now.”
She bit her lip. “Umm, is Tenille gonna be out there?”
“Fuck no. I kicked her out yesterday.”
Her eyes widened. “Really?”
“Roe, there’s something you need to know about me. I’m loyal to a fucking fault, but I’m not a man to be crossed. Tenille will always be the woman I loved first, and it’ll take me time to move past that shit, but I had to remove her from my home for her safety more than anything else.”
She let out a long breath. It was like she’d been holding it for a long time. “Thank God. I didn’t like her. And honestly, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to hold my tongue if I saw her again. Maybe even not my hands.”
My lips twitched. “Going to battle for your man, huh?”
She fired up. “You fucking bet. No one messes with you and gets away with it.”
Fuck.
She really was something else.
We found Charlie in the kitchen a few minutes later, pulling eggs out of the fridge. Guilt flooded me as I watched her. She’d been awake when I’d arrived home last night, and we’d spoken briefly, but the fact I hadn’t stayed with her yesterday proved to me that I had a long fucking way to go while learning how to be a good father.
Her gaze met mine and she jerked her chin at me. “This shit ain’t gonna cook itself.”
Monroe laughed, and I grinned. Fuck, she had to be mine. She’d even started talking like me. “Monroe’s ready to get acquainted with our kitchen.”
Charlie paused and gave me a look that said I had to be kidding. “Our kitchen is a little dirty for Monroe to cook in today. Someone didn’t clean it up when he came home last night.”
My heart thumped in my chest. This was Charlie letting me know we were good. Hell, it was her letting me know we were better than good.
I jabbed my finger at Monroe and then pointed at a stool. “You sit your gorgeous ass there.” I then jabbed it at Charlie. “And you get me the bacon and some plates. You can also set the table.”
She frowned. “Hate to tell you, but there’s no bacon left. I ate it all for dinner last night.”
I ignored the guilt that reared its ugly head again. I’d lived with guilt over Charlie for a long time, but she’d signalled that it was time to move on, so I would.
“Scrambled eggs are good,” Monroe said, watching Charlie and me with a happy expression.
I rattled off a list of ingredients for Charlie to grab, and a minute later, I started preparing breakfast for my girls. After fourteen years of living on my own, I hadn’t thought I’d ever want to live with anyone again. I’d thought wrong. I wanted to move them both in today.
“What are you thinking there, tiger?” Monroe asked while I watched her, contemplating that thought.
Charlie burst out laughing. “Tiger?”
Monroe grinned at her. “Yeah, he’s very growly when he’s being bossy. Have you noticed that?”
“God, yes! I guess that name kinda suits him.”
Monroe looked back at me. “So? Your thoughts?”
I met her gaze as I stopped chopping onions. Placing the knife down, I said, “I’m moving you in, red.”
She stared at me, surprised. I couldn’t tell if she liked that idea or not, but whether she came willingly or kicking and screaming, I’d make damn sure it happened.
“Really? Just like that?” she finally asked, with the attitude my cock liked.
“Yeah,” I growled. “Just like that.”
She glanced around the kitchen before looking back at me. “Well, we’d need to get rid of some of these old appliances and stuff. And we’d need to move mine in. I hope you’re ready for some colour in this place. And candles. And bras hanging in the shower. And my toys.” She frowned a little. “Might have to rethink that last one with Charlie living here, too.”
“Geez, you people don’t move slowly, do you?” Charlie said.
“Life’s too short to move slowly, kiddo,” I said.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
Monroe turned to her. “Your dad told me you’re moving to Sydney. Are you okay with me living here with you guys?”
Charlie thought about that. “Yeah, I’m cool.” Looking at me, she said, “But do me a favour, Aiden?”
If I’d thought my heart thumped before, it fucking ricocheted around in my chest at that. We hadn’t discussed getting a paternity test yet, but she seemed to accept that I was her father as much as I believed she was my daughter.
I held my cool. I’d figured out teens weren’t so much into parents being excited about shit. “Depends what this favour is.”
“Don’t call me kiddo again. If you must call me something every now and then, you can call me baby. But don’t make a habit out of it, okay?”
Fuck.
Did she have any idea that what she’d just said to me was everything?
I jerked my chin at her. “Noted. Now fill the sink with detergent. You’ve got shit to wash up before we eat.”
Chapter 36
Hyde
I arrived at the clubhouse around nine that morning. King exited his office as I walked towards it. “Wasn’t sure when you’d get in today,” he said.
After we’d taken care of Gibson’s body yesterday, I’d come back to the clubhouse and gone over some club business with him that couldn’t be put off, but he’d left me alone all night once I’d made it clear I didn’t want company.
“You let Monroe in last night?”
“Yeah, she called Nitro and asked him to organise it with me.”
I nodded. King and I rarely exchanged thanks, but we knew when the other offered it.
“Where are you at with your ex and your daughter?”
“I’ve organised a paternity test. We’ll have the results in five to ten days according to their website. Far as
I know, Tenille’s gonna stick around in Sydney until they come back.”
“You think she’s yours?”
“I’m running with that thought, yeah.” The alternative had been too fucking painful, so I’d pushed it out of my mind.
Nitro joined us. Looking at King, he asked, “You heard from Kick? They had that baby yet?”
King grinned. “Yeah, had her this morning around five.”
“You got a name? Tatum’s gonna hound me until I give her one.”
“Jesus, Nitro, I never asked, he never said,” King muttered. “That woman has you fucking wound around her finger.”
Nitro shot him a filthy glare, but Devil interrupted us before he could respond.
“Spoke to Bronze this morning. He wanted me to let you know that he still doesn’t have anything on Ryland.”
“Why haven’t we heard even a whisper from the fucking feds?” I asked. As far as Bronze had led us to believe, that would have been a given after we dealt with the Italians.
“Yeah, that’s been on my mind, too,” King said.
“We need to keep moving,” I said. “Get Marx out there again to keep showing us all the places where he met with those assholes. It’s only a matter of time before Ryland shows his face again, so the more we can get done before then, the better.” Devil and Nitro had taken Marx out for a few hours yesterday, but hadn’t come up with much.
King nodded his agreement. Jerking his chin at me, he said, “You and Nitro take him out. I’ve gotta take Jen to her ultrasound this morning.”
It surprised me that he was so involved in her pregnancy. But that was King—doing shit you never expected from him.
I entered my home late that afternoon after a long fucking day of club work that yielded no results. Morale in the club was dropping with each passing day that we couldn’t figure out who the fuck was behind all the shit going on.
I dumped my keys and phone on the kitchen counter and went in search of Charlie. Finding her in the lounge room, I collapsed onto the couch next to her.
