[Measure of Devotion 02.0] Measure of Strength

by Caethes Faron

  While Jason was occupied undressing, Kale strode to the other side of the bed and hurriedly divested himself of his clothing. Any shyness was overcome by the more pressing need to conceal his scars. It should be easy enough; Jason had always loved taking Kale on his back. By the time Jason stood and turned to the bed, Kale was sprawled on the mattress, hungry eyes roaming over Jason, his cock beginning to harden in anticipation.

  Jason spared him a glance before looking down to undo his belt and pants. “Get on your hands and knees.”

  What? It was said with an odd nonchalance that made it even more confusing. “But this is your favorite position.”

  “Yes, but it’s your least. You prefer it on your front.” Jason’s pants were cast aside and he crawled onto the bed, his cock bobbing in front of him.

  “This is fine. I don’t mind.” At the sight of Jason’s cock, all he wanted was it in him. Gods, he could barely remember what that felt like.

  “Tell me why you want it on your back.”

  He knew. Here Kale thought he had been so clever, but Jason had once again pried his way into his head.

  “I want to look at you.” Kale couldn’t help denying it, even though they both knew it was futile.

  The left corner of Jason’s mouth twitched up. “As flattering as that is, we both know it’s shit, Mr. This-Is-Just-About-Sex. You hate the intimacy of being face to face, so try again.”

  Jason was straddling him, and all Kale could think about was how perfect he looked. In all honesty, he could see the appeal of facing forward this time. Kale could get lost just watching Jason move, the ripple of long, lean muscles under alabaster skin. “I want it this way.”

  Jason leaned over him, both hands planted firmly on each side of Kale’s head. “Only because you don’t want me to see your back.” Then, without waiting for Kale’s reaction, he dipped down and kissed a spot on Kale’s right side. It was a scar from a lash that had wrapped around. “I let it go yesterday. I wanted you to enjoy yourself without any stress, but it’s not going to be that way today.”

  “No.” Jason had no right to demand that from him. They both knew there was no way he would still feel any sense of passion when confronted with that disfigured mess. Jason had no intention of having sex with him; this was just another of his therapy exercises. He would look at Kale’s back, assure him it didn’t change anything, and then blow him to distract from the fact that he couldn’t get it up.

  “Fine.” Jason withdrew to sit on the edge of the bed and reached for his pants.

  “What?” Kale shot upright.

  “I told you it’s not going to be that way today. I know you think I can’t stomach it, that somehow it’s going to make you less attractive to me, but it’s not. I told you, I didn’t look at it yesterday out of respect for you, not because of any aversion to it.”

  “Why can’t we just do it this way?” Jason was actually putting his pants back on. Suddenly, that perfectly formed cock was covered, and Kale thought he might do anything to get it back out.

  “Because I’m not going to let this fester between us. If we don’t deal with it now, it will only become more difficult.” Jason shrugged into his shirt and began buttoning it. The man was evil. “I don’t need sex. I want you. If that’s not on offer, I’ll pass.”

  Kale ran a hand through his hair. How could he make this decision? “I thought you said this was just about sex. That we could just be two people taking pleasure in each other’s bodies.”

  “Yes. I’m not the one reneging on that. I want to take pleasure in your body, Kale. All of it. Not just the parts you’re comfortable with me seeing.”

  “What possible pleasure could you take in my back? It’s hideous. You just want to lord yourself over me, to show me that you can make me do this.” Kale hadn’t planned the viciousness of his voice; it just came out. And it felt good.

  “I can’t make you do anything, Kale. If I could, I would have made you be honest with me years ago.”

  “So, what, you’re going to try to guilt me into this? I lied to you and ruined your life, so now I owe you?” Kale was getting even more worked up. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice told him this was a ridiculous argument. Jason was the one person Kale wanted more than anyone to see him. On one level, Kale felt like it was Jason’s right as his lover. That just made him even angrier.

  “That’s not what I meant at all. But you know that. Who are you so mad at, Kale?”

  “You. You’re the one who caused this, and now you’re the one who leads me to expect sex and then turns the tables.”

  “No, this isn’t about you being mad at me.” Fully dressed, Jason sat on the bed face to face with Kale. He reached out a hand, and Kale relished the soft touch to his cheek before he shook it off. He wouldn’t be lured in again. “Who are you mad at?”

  Kale clenched his jaw and averted his eyes. This was ridiculous. Fine. If Jason wanted him to face up to it, then so be it. “Me. I’m mad at me.”

  “For what?” There was an infinite gentleness in Jason’s voice that Kale couldn’t comprehend in his fog of anger.

  “For being weak. For not being strong enough to deal with my own problems.”

  “That’s not it either. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever known, Kale. How can you be to blame for this? You didn’t put those scars on your back, and I didn’t either. So who are you mad at?”

  “Them.” Kale felt emotion boiling up until it threatened to spill from his eyes. “The men who did this to me. Gods, there was no pleasing them. The first beating was the day they bought me. Did it just to show they could. Up ’til that point it was the worst beating I’d gotten. They didn’t need to do it. I’d chosen that life; I wasn’t going to fight. I never did. Gods, I never fought them, but they did this. And now I’m here with you, and it’s all ruined. Those bastards ruined me.”

  The shudders came on quickly, and Jason was there to absorb them. He swooped Kale into his arms and held him tight. With Jason holding him firmly—so tight he knew he was safe and could let go, but not suffocating him—Kale felt the tears pour down his face. It was a relief, like pressure being released. Each wave of moisture that flowed down his face cleansed him.

  “They didn’t ruin you. These scars are something that was done to you, Kale. You didn’t have control over them. You do have control over what’s inside. You can deal with that. That’s why this is so important. If you keep equating these scars with your other problems, then you’ll always believe they can’t be fixed. Those scars aren’t going away, but they’re not you. They have nothing to do with you.”

  They sat intertwined for as long as it took for Kale’s eyes to dry. Once the sobs ceased, the air in the room changed. With the fog of hurt anger gone, sexual tension crackled around them. Jason released Kale long enough to pull off his shirt and then he was back, pressing his skin up against Kale’s. The sudden feel of skin on skin exploded in tingling sensations, and Kale was grateful for Jason’s attentiveness. He acutely felt every inch of his flesh that touched Jason’s, and the rest of his body craved contact.

  Jason’s hands kneaded into Kale’s back as he kissed his shoulder, sucking hard at the flesh as he nipped it with his teeth. It felt heavenly. Tense muscles relaxed; skin burned where Jason’s fingers clawed. Kale thought that, if it were possible, Jason would have pulled Kale’s body into his, they were so tightly pressed together. Somewhere in Kale’s head, he knew Jason’s fingers explored the ripples of his scars, but it seemed inconsequential at the moment.

  Kale felt himself being pushed backward. Jason’s arms placed Kale on his back. It was an unexpected move. Hadn’t this all been leading up to Kale being on his stomach? Jason’s mouth on his convinced him it wasn’t worth thinking about, not when there were more interesting things happening. Inside Kale’s mouth, Jason’s tongue dove deep in a heated passion that made Kale wonder how long this was going to last.

  When Jason broke away, Kale was left gasping for air and loathing the materi
al of Jason’s pants that kept them separated. Jason seemed to read his mind. He scrambled out of his remaining clothing as quickly as possible, tangling his foot in one trouser leg in the process. As soon as the pants touched the ground, Jason was back on top of Kale.

  Every inch of their bodies touched, lining up beautifully, and Kale surrendered to the blissful sensation. The feel of Jason’s cock against his sent pulses of pleasure through him, settling in a knot of barely contained energy in the pit of his gut. Jason was marking Kale all over his chest and shoulders with fierce kisses that resembled bites.

  It was all too much. The soft velvety feel of Jason’s cock and balls against his, the hair and skin that rested on him like it was meant to be there, the harsh sucking on his flesh, the heady stink of the rapidly forming sheen of sweat that lubricated their bodies—all Kale could do was be still and receive.

  When his mind adjusted to the heightened level of sensation, it occurred to Kale to do more than just lay there. What he wanted, more than anything, was to see Jason’s face. Both his hands moved to the sides of Jason’s head, but a sharp sensation through his left nipple stopped him. Jason’s teeth grazed it, rougher and rougher until Jason sucked it into his mouth, flicking and rolling it around with his tongue. Kale arched his back, wanting more, offering himself up for whatever Jason desired.

  The pressure on his nipple increased until he thought he would see stars behind his eyes, and then it stopped. As soon as Jason’s mouth released his nipple, Kale pulled Jason’s head up to look into his face. Rich brown eyes were dilated with passion, but that didn’t dampen the warmth of love in them. It took Kale’s breath away, and he could no longer stand to look at it. He crashed into Jason’s mouth, kissing him with a bruising force that still didn’t communicate his desperation to be closer to Jason.

  Jason began to ease away, but Kale wouldn’t let him. He followed Jason’s mouth until he was almost sitting up. Steady hands on his chest applied firm pressure until he surrendered and leaned back on the bed. Jason descended, kissing his way downward from Kale’s navel. The light smattering of kisses was a jolting contrast to the fierce desperation of a few moments previous.

  “Don’t.” Kale surprised even himself with his outburst. “Don’t get me off with your mouth again. Please. I want to feel you in me.” He wanted Jason to satisfy himself as well. He wasn’t looking for a repeat of yesterday.

  Jason chuckled. “Don’t worry. I have no intention of messing with this,” he placed a light kiss on the tip of Kale’s penis, “at all right now. Just relax and enjoy. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.”

  Jason’s warm tongue laved his balls, occasionally sucking one into his mouth. It was thoroughly pleasant, and Kale melted into the mattress. Jason kissed and licked, studiously avoiding Kale’s cock. He used his hands to guide Kale’s legs to bend and spread, opening him up. Jason’s tongue slipped behind Kale’s ball sack and massaged the skin there. The sensation felt entirely new, and Kale reveled in it. The warm wetness, the firm pressure of Jason’s tongue, and then the chill of air hitting wet skin when Jason moved to a new spot: it all coalesced to form a haze of pure erotic pleasure.

  Somewhere through the mist, Kale noticed something new. The tongue that was so thoroughly pleasuring him was delving further down, further and further until…

  “What!” Kale’s hands flew to his sides, and he pushed himself back. The feel of a wet, insistent pressure on the sensitive entrance to his ass was foreign and disconcerting. No one had ever wanted to enter him that way, and it felt disturbingly intimate.

  “Shh.” Jason’s face popped up between Kale’s legs, his hands running up and down Kale’s stomach in a soothing gesture. “I told you, I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. I would have done it yesterday, but other matters were too pressing.” Then he winked—actually winked at him—and lowered his head back to his work. “Just relax. You’ll enjoy it.”

  “How do you know?” Kale settled back down despite his skepticism.

  “Didn’t we agree when it comes to you, I’m the wise one? Trust me. I want all of you, Kale. I’m not settling for less.”

  Kale didn’t know if there was a threat in there, but he wasn’t risking it. Closing his eyes, he concentrated on simply enjoying himself. Jason had gone back to licking his balls and then the skin behind them until Kale relaxed fully. Then he started the slow journey to Kale’s asshole.

  Everything was more intense on the more sensitive skin of this most intimate place. Once Kale got over the initial strangeness of the new touch, he began to enjoy it. Each move of Jason’s tongue sent a current of desire to Kale’s cock. The fact that Jason was still ignoring Kale’s penis made the desire even more acute, and soon his tip wept, hoping for any kind of attention.

  Several minutes later, Kale felt boneless. His cock was a torrent of sexual tension waiting to be relieved, but the rest of him was as sated and pliable as if he had already been brought to climax. It was an odd feeling. He was so relaxed that it took a moment for him to realize that Jason had stopped. He was kissing up the side of Kale’s ass and nudging with his nose and hands for Kale to roll over. Relaxed and sleepy, Kale complied.

  The full ramifications of what Jason was doing caught up with his brain, and Kale’s eyes snapped open as his body stiffened and moved firmly back into place on his back.

  Jason propped himself up on one elbow and spoke directly to Kale. “You let me stick my tongue in your ass, but I can’t see your back?”

  Bastard. This had been his plan all along. He never wanted to rim Kale, he had just wanted to corner him where he knew Kale wouldn’t back down.

  “I told you this was how it was going to be, Kale. We can stop now if you want, but if we continue, I’m going to look at your back. I’ve tried relaxing you to make it easier. You trust me. Accept it. Let’s eliminate this barrier between us.”

  Kale tried to ignore the pleas of his stiff cock. It was cheap to make this decision based on sexual gratification. What was he so scared of? As Jason pointed out, he had already done far more intimate acts. And it wasn’t just physical intimacy. Kale wouldn’t have let anyone else do what Jason had done. The mere fact that he felt so close to Jason right now made this decision harder, not easier. What if Jason pulled away from him? Kale had something very real to lose.

  “I’m scared. Are you happy? You’ve finally gotten me to admit it. I’m not the fearless man you used to admire.”

  “I do admire you. If you decide to get up and walk out of this room right now, I’ll still admire you. But you’re only afraid because you don’t know what’s going to happen. I do. Trust that. I know exactly what’s going to happen. We’re going to be closer than we’ve ever been and you’ll feel free, more so than you have since you’ve been back. This isn’t something you’re doing by yourself. I’m here. There’s nothing to fear.”

  The earnestness in Jason’s eyes was convincing. Kale believed him when he said he could walk away. He didn’t want to, though. The worst case scenario was that Jason was disgusted. Kale would feel embarrassment and shame. He would leave this room and never come back, ending something that could have never worked out anyway. But if Jason was right, if he really did still love him after, how wonderful would it feel to have that weight lifted from his shoulders? Kale wanted that so badly he didn’t even dare hope for it.

  Jason seemed convinced it would work. He trusted Jason. It would be a betrayal of both of them for Kale to pretend he didn’t. If he went through with this, in a few moments it would all be over or their relationship would have a new beginning.

  Kale focused on Jason’s eyes, drawing strength from them, and nodded. He didn’t trust himself to speak.

  Jason nodded back, acknowledging the responsibility he was taking on and reassuring Kale that he would be careful. Everything would be all right. Kale rested his head back, closed his eyes, and let himself be rolled over onto his side. He held his breath, waiting for the horrified gasp, the same as it had been when Jason f
irst saw him at the mill. There was nothing. He strained his ears for any sign of Jason’s reaction. When soft lips grazed his back, Kale almost bolted.

  Fingertips brushed feather light touches along his back. Kale presumed they were outlining the scars, but he couldn’t be sure. Jason’s lips danced across Kale’s skin. He lingered in one spot and pulled back for a moment before laying down three kisses in a row. Kale kept waiting for Jason to realize that the skin he touched and kissed was disfigured, grotesque. He didn’t. Instead, Jason spoke.

  “My poor Kale.” Another kiss. “Having to endure this all alone.” Another trio of kisses. “So beautiful.”

  “No, it’s not.” Kale was gruff. He couldn’t let the lie stand.

  “Yes, it is.” Jason’s fingers traced a thick scar Kale knew was particularly disturbing. “It’s you, and you are beautiful.”

  “You’re the only one who thinks so.”

  “Good. I get terribly jealous.” Instead of kissing, Jason licked a long line down Kale’s back, leaving a chill in his spine.

  “No one in their right mind would think this is attractive.”

  “Does it matter what anyone else thinks? Is anyone else ever going to see it?”

  “No. I’m not making the mistake of ever letting anyone this close again.” Kale’s composure was broken by a gasp when Jason lightly blew on the wet trail down his back.

  “A mistake, was it?” Jason’s voice was amused. Kale felt a hand curl around his half hard penis. “We’ll see about that.” Jason nudged Kale’s ass with his erection. “I love every part of you, Kale.”

  The hot feel of Jason’s arousal surprised Kale. He truly hadn’t expected Jason would be capable of maintaining an erection while looking at his back. It was encouraging, and Kale began to shush his brain and concentrate on how he felt.