[Measure of Devotion 02.0] Measure of Strength

by Caethes Faron

  Loved. Wanted. Attractive. Sexy. That’s how he felt.

  He didn’t know how—it didn’t make sense—but it was true. The only man Kale had ever loved had delved into the most private crevices of his life and still wanted him. There was nothing so arousing as knowing the person he wanted found him just as desirable. Kale’s cock grew and hardened under Jason’s insistent caress.

  The warmth of Jason’s body retreated, but he maintained his grip on Kale’s penis. There was a commotion, and Kale glanced back to see what could possibly be so important.

  Jason rummaged around on his nightstand, knocking over a few things in the process, until his hand emerged clasping a canister of grease.

  “Nice to see you’re prepared. You’ve been planning this?” Kale was amused.

  “I always plan for success.” Jason curled his body against Kale’s again, removing his hand from Kale’s cock in order to open the canister.

  Kale was a little surprised that Jason didn’t turn him over. He had made his point. Didn’t he want Kale on his back now? The thought was banished by a slick, probing finger entering him. “Gods.” He moaned.

  “Gods is right. It’s been too long.”

  Kale pushed against Jason’s finger; the small digit only served to whet his appetite for more. Jason obliged, quickly entering a second finger and then withdrawing his fingers altogether, replacing them with his cock.

  The tip sat at Kale’s entrance and then carefully nudged its way in. Kale shuddered as something inside him snapped, and a wave of butterflies fluttered in his stomach. Jason paused, giving him time to adjust, but Kale didn’t want it.

  “No, quicker.” Kale couldn’t stand the agonizingly slow progress.

  “Are you sure?” Jason’s grease-slicked hand wrapped around Kale’s waist, grasped his penis, and began to pump. Kale shivered.

  “Yes. Want you. Too long.” Desire made him incoherent. All he knew was that it had taken him long enough to reach this point, and he didn’t want to waste another moment.

  Jason slid home, filling Kale and hitting his sweet spot. Kale began to buck into Jason’s hand, wanting more friction. Together, they sank into a rhythm of mutual pleasure.

  “Going to come,” Kale keened.

  Jason picked up his pace, and Kale was able to hold on until he heard Jason’s groan of completion behind him. Kale’s orgasm exploded through him as Jason held him tight.

  When Kale stilled, Jason’s voice whispered in his ear, “Good?”

  “Fucking amazing.” Kale still saw stars. He melted against Jason, thoroughly spent.

  Jason’s hand idly caressed Kale’s stomach. It felt good until Jason grew heavy on his shoulder. He was falling asleep. Jason intended for them to sleep together. In an instant, all feeling of contentment fled. Kale’s throat constricted. Each breath was a struggle to fill his lungs. He needed to leave.

  Kale rose from the bed and began gathering his clothes.

  “Why don’t you stay?” Jason was propped up on one elbow, calmly watching.

  “I wasn’t ordered to, Master.” If Kale started talking, he would never get out. Jason had developed some strange power over him. Best to keep a distance.

  “No, and you won’t be. Can you talk to me first, though?”

  Kale tried not to look into Jason’s eyes, but there was an almost magnetic force pulling him. When he finally gave in, he saw warmth and yearning. There was no fighting against it. “Fine.” Kale plopped on the bed, holding his clothes in front of him, trying to show how unhappy he was with this new development.

  “Why do you want to leave? We used to enjoy sleeping together afterward.” Jason’s hand lightly rubbed Kale’s back, and Kale felt like that was somehow cheating.

  How could he explain what he was feeling? Kale felt he owed it to Jason to at least try to be honest. “I’m the messed up one. You cleaned yourself up; you solved your own problems, and I’m proud of you for it, but I don’t know how to do the same for myself. I don’t even know how to begin.”

  “You’ve already done so much. You’re drawing again. You’re taking care of the garden. Sophie and Martin love you. It seems the only problem you have is with me.”

  “And how do I fix that? How do I get over the fact that the person I hate more than anyone else is also the one I want to be with?” Jason tried to hide the hurt in his eyes, but Kale saw it flicker.

  “Maybe that’s something we need to work on together.”

  “I don’t think there’s any fixing this one.”

  “I’m not demanding your forgiveness, Kale. All I’m asking is that you let me love you. We can work out the rest as we go.”

  “You do these things to me; you get to a part of me that no one else ever has, and instead of helping, it makes me hate you even more. How come it has to be my damn owner? Why do you have to make me want you so bad?”

  Jason smirked. “I’m afraid I can’t help that. I love you, and I’m never going to stop showing you.”

  “See, you say that, and I just want to climb back into this bed with you. But then I remember that you own me, and I feel so manipulated and used. You can throw me away any time you want.”

  “You want the same power for yourself?”

  “I don’t know. If you told me that I had to crawl back in this bed with you or you would never touch me again, I probably would.”

  “I’m not going to do that.”

  “I know.” They sat in silence for a while until Kale remembered he had something to say. “I’m sorry for how I acted yesterday. What I said to you was completely unfair. I understand you don’t see things the way I do. How could you? But I just can’t separate my master from my lover. You’re one and the same.”

  “You have feelings for me, Kale; I know it. As long as you know it too, I don’t understand why we can’t work it out. What do you need from me?”

  Yes, Kale had feelings for Jason. That was the problem. What kind of person loves the man who owns him? The man who sold him into misery without a backward glance? Kale cracked a mirthless smile. That wasn’t quite true. Jason had looked back. Kale had seen the pain in his face, and he’d had his chance to call out. He could have stopped it. He knew. All the time, the power had been in his hands.

  “Please, it’s not about you. Don’t think that. This is my problem.” Kale kissed him lightly on the lips. This was all about Kale and his own insecurities. Being able to leave gave him a false sense of control over his feelings. He knew it was false, but that didn’t keep him from seeking it. “Just know that being able to walk through that door right now means more to me than you can possibly imagine. That’s all I need from you.”

  Jason nodded, lowering his eyes in resignation.

  Kale stood and dressed. “I’ll have Sophie bring you up a tray.”

  “Can you come to my office tomorrow before lunch? I have something I want to discuss with you.”

  That sounded foreboding, but if Kale was leaving now, he could give Jason this. “Sure. I’ll be there.” When the door closed behind him, Kale couldn’t help standing for a moment with his hand still on the doorknob. He didn’t hate Jason more than anyone else. He hated himself for doing this to the man who loved him. If the thought of going back in there and sleeping with Jason, pretending everything was fine, didn’t terrify him, he would have. Releasing the doorknob, he made his way to his own empty room.

  He was a bastard, and he knew it. The only thing that kept him from complete despair was the hope that someday he’d be able to make it up to Jason.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  All things considered, last night had gone better than Jason could have hoped. Kale leaving afterward had been disappointing, but they had overcome a very serious hurdle. Jason worked to adjust to his new perception of Kale. Before, Kale had always been sure and steady. Jason had thought nothing could ever shake him. It was heartbreaking to see how untrue that was and to realize that he had contributed to it. The change didn’t decrease his love for Kale. If any
thing, it strengthened it.

  Jason didn’t know exactly what time to expect Kale, but he did see when Kale left the garden in the morning. About a half hour later, he heard knocking on his door that sounded too hesitant to be Martin.

  “Come in.”

  Kale entered. Jason couldn’t help breaking out in a smile at seeing him. Knowing that those clothes concealed a magnificent body that only he was allowed to see was a turn on, and Jason had to remind himself that he had asked Kale here for business, not pleasure.

  “I’m sorry about last night.” Kale began apologizing before he had even fully entered the room.

  Jason waved it away. “Don’t worry about it. Come, take a seat.”

  When he was situated, Kale started in again. “You were wonderful, it wasn’t that. I just needed to know I had an out.”

  “I know, Kale.” Jason moved the ledger he had been inspecting to the side and placed a clean sheet of paper before him. “I understand you more than you’d care to admit. It was wishful thinking on my part that you’d stay. I didn’t really expect it.”

  “You didn’t?” Kale sagged in relief.

  “No. We’re taking things at your pace, Kale. I’m here for you, and I’ll help in any way I can. But enough of that. I asked you here on a business matter.” Kale’s eyebrow arched. “I wanted to talk to you about the working conditions at the mill.”

  “What about them?” Kale’s tone was uncertain, and he shifted in his seat.

  “The welfare of the slaves working for the company has always been of paramount importance to me. However, recently I’ve come to realize that I have let others convince me that I’ve done enough, and I don’t think that’s true. I’ve wanted to talk to you about this for a while, but I thought we should handle your personal issues first. After last night, I think it’s time.”

  “So, what do you want to know?” Kale’s voice was more assured, but Jason could tell he was skeptical. He probably thought this was just another ploy to get him to talk about his feelings.

  “Did you get enough to eat?”

  Kale snorted. “No. There’s no such thing. But I did eat more there than I did working for the railroad. Lunch was nice.”

  “So quantity wasn’t enough. What about quality?”

  “The bread was always old. Sometimes it was moldy. I think they got it cheap from bakeries after it had gone past the point of selling. It was served with a broth that tasted more of water than anything. There were a few vegetables, which were nice, but they always tasted like they were turning.”

  Jason’s blood ran hot. What was the point of feeding the slaves more often if it only left them wanting? “I’ll have that fixed. I should have inspected the food myself. What about the pace at which you were worked? How did the foremen treat you?”

  Kale laughed. The bitter sound cut into Jason. “These questions show that you don’t know anything about what it’s like to be a slave. The pace? Grueling. All they want is more work out of you faster. You’re pushed as hard as you can go and then some. You’re not worth the company’s investment if you’re not working fast.”

  “But you said those scars didn’t come from the mill.” The thought of one of his foremen doing that turned Jason’s stomach.

  “They didn’t. The foremen at the mill were better than most. They didn’t savagely beat us for no reason, but they would whip you for not keeping up. That’s expected.”

  Jason remembered the crack of the whip, the hot thick air, the acrid smell, and how oppressive it had felt during his inspection. “I don’t want my men treating the slaves like animals. I’ve warned them not to be heavy-handed.”

  “They’re not. You’re asking impossible questions. You run a business. You need a certain level of productivity. Slaves aren’t people.”

  “You are a person, Kale.” Jason’s voice was louder than he intended.

  “I know, but what are you going to do? Put all the slaves up in a nice house and let them work when they feel like it? This is the reality we live in, the reality that you refuse to face up to, the same one that keeps us from being what you want us to be.”

  “I’m not blind to reality, Kale. I can’t save all the slaves, but I can make things better. And this has nothing to do with us. I have you, and you’re never going to be treated that way again.” Passion rose in Jason’s stomach. He had the power to do this, and he would.

  “I know. Thank you. I’m an ungrateful bastard. I guess I’ve never gotten used to your unfailing faith that you can do anything.”

  “I’ve tried to be a good steward of the people under my care.”

  “And you’ve done well. It really was much nicer than I had grown accustomed to. We had mattresses, three meals a day, water breaks, no unnecessary beatings. It was a welcome change.”

  “That’s nice to hear, but what could be improved?” Jason picked up his pen to take notes.

  “The bed bugs were a bitch. We were constantly eaten up.”

  Jason wrote that down. “All right, what else?”

  “The water breaks were nice, but we were always required to stay standing. It was all very rushed. All any slave wants is a few minutes off his feet.”

  “That’s more what I had in mind when I instituted water breaks.” Jason felt betrayed that his orders hadn’t been fully implemented. It was his fault, though. He should have kept a better eye on operations. It was easy enough for them to clean up their act for his scheduled inspections.

  “Safety is also a big concern. We weren’t given any kind of training. We were just thrown on the line and expected to pick it up as we went. There were countless injuries that could, and should, have been prevented.”

  “What?” Jason was so stunned he paused his writing. “The slaves aren’t trained?”

  “No. And since we weren’t allowed to talk, we couldn’t learn from the older men on the line.”

  Kale spoke so matter-of-factly. This had been the reality of his life. Bile rose in Jason’s throat when he thought that Kale could have been injured or even killed while working at the mill. He would have never known. Jason saw black and dropped his pen. Gods, things could have gone so differently. The thought that Kale could have died in his own mill without him ever knowing about it made Jason sick.

  Jason reached for the glass of water on his desk. The cool liquid washed the bitter taste from his mouth. “I had no idea. That will be remedied immediately.” He spoke low and through gritted teeth. It was disgusting that he had let such negligence persist.

  A strong hand covered his. He looked up into Kale’s eyes. “That’s the way the world is. It will get better; you’re going to make it better. If anyone can, it’s you.”

  Jason placed his other hand on top of Kale’s. “Thank you, Kale. You’ve given me a lot of information.”

  Kale leaned back in his chair, and Jason missed the feel of his skin. “Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?”

  “Yes. I’m going to a dinner and ball tonight. It’s a fundraiser for the children’s hospital, so we’ll have to come back from the park earlier than usual so I can get ready.”

  “You know, maybe all you rich folk should just send the food and money to the poor. Seems odd to have a party to raise money for sick children. How does a bunch of old bats in jewels and men stuffed into suits getting drunk help the poor?”

  It never failed. Kale could always lighten Jason’s mood. He let himself laugh at the image Kale painted. “You have a good point. Unfortunately, I don’t think these people are nearly as interested in giving to the poor as they are in being seen giving to the poor by other rich snobs.”

  “That sounds about right. If that’s all, should I go help Sophie get lunch ready?”

  “Yes, Kale, thank you. I know Sophie likes having your help.” Jason stood to walk Kale to the door.

  “It’s no problem. Got to earn my keep.”

  Jason pulled Kale to him. “No. Even if all you did was sit in your room and draw all day, you’d still be welcome her
e. You always have a place wherever I am.” Jason peered into Kale’s eyes, trying to see if Kale was getting the message.

  “I know. I was only joking.”

  “Good.” Jason gave him a quick kiss. Even the light brush of Kale’s lips against his made him want more. “I’ll see you soon.”

  When Kale had left, Jason went to his desk to outline his plans for the improvements at the mill. By the time lunch came around, he had all of his ideas down. He dropped them off with Martin on his way to meet Kale for their trip to the park.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  “May I help you get ready?” Kale asked as they entered the house.

  Jason’s eyes widened in surprise while his mouth curved up in pleasure. Kale loved being able to catch him off guard.

  “Of course. I’d love you to.”

  The day had been unexpectedly good. After the talk in Jason’s office, Kale had expected to be in a sour mood. As he left, he’d even intended to give Jason some excuse to avoid their regular lunch appointment. However, when Jason came looking for him, Kale not only felt fine about going, he wanted to.

  Their walk had been pleasant, and lunch was devoid of any awkwardness. It was a relief to be able to transition so easily between uncomfortable subjects and the thoroughly comfortable chatter he and Jason engaged in at the park.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  “Huh?” Kale had followed Jason into his room without even thinking.

  “You went quiet on me.”

  “Oh, I was just thinking that today was easier than I had imagined.”

  Jason began to undress. “It’s always been easy between us when we let it. Take a seat.” Kale sat on the sofa and watched Jason strip down. The view was enough to make Kale hard. After doing without for so long, it didn’t take much, and the lines of Jason’s body bending to remove his shoes and pants was more than enough. When Jason was completely naked, he eyed the tent in Kale’s pants. “I’m flattered, but I really don’t have the time. Unfortunately.”

  “I remember a time when you would blow off these things for a good romp.” Kale opened his legs a little more, making his erection more visible.