[Measure of Devotion 02.0] Measure of Strength

by Caethes Faron

  “Fine. I’ll be reviewing my notes on Lord Conrad’s operations in my office if anyone needs me.”

  As Kale walked down to the laundry room with Jason’s clothes, his whole body relaxed. There was plenty of work to do, but it was calming being able to help and be of use. A sense of belonging and satisfaction came with serving Jason this way. If only he could make Jason understand that this wasn’t something he was doing out of obligation or because he was a slave. He was doing it as Jason’s lover. Of course, explaining that to Jason would also be admitting he viewed him as a lover, and he wasn’t quite sure he was ready to take that step. One thing at a time.

  Chapter Forty-One

  How everything came together so well, Martin would never know. The past few days he, Sophie, and Kale had worked together as a seamless team. If they could only get through the next hour before the guests arrived, they would be fine.

  “Martin, get these people under control. They’re running around like they don’t know which way is up.” Jason walked into the chaos of the dining room and surveyed the scene with dark eyes. They had hired help for the evening, and Jason bristled each time one of them tried to make his way past him. There was last minute dusting, arranging of furniture, and placing of silverware. It was chaos, but it was organized chaos. In fact, Martin really wasn’t needed at all.

  “They’re fine; they know their work. Leave them to it, and it will all get done.” Martin tried to use a soothing tone. He wasn’t worried about the hired help. Jason was more likely to cause problems at this point.

  Jason fidgeted, loosening his cuffs and collar. It made Martin a little nervous to see his employer this way. Normally, Jason was very calm and collected when it came to business matters. This was more than just business, though. In all the years Martin had worked for Jason, other people had never been allowed into his home.

  “Where is Kale? He’s the only one who knows what he’s doing!” Jason bellowed.

  It stung that Jason didn’t seem to appreciate Martin’s contributions. After all this time, he should have been used to it, but he wasn’t. The sting was more acute because, over the last few days, he had conceded much of the planning to Kale. Martin wasn’t one to turn away help, but how was it that a slave knew more of these matters than he did? The whole planning process had left him feeling decidedly inadequate. “I believe he’s in the garden—”

  “What is he doing out there? This isn’t the time for him to be tinkering with those blasted plants.” Jason’s face twisted into an ugly picture of disgust and incredulity.

  At that moment, Kale carefully walked in, carrying an intricate centerpiece. A hush fell over the dining room as the help moved back from the table, clearing the way for Kale. Kale approached the table and gently arranged the piece. A few tweaks to make sure it was centered, and Kale stepped back. It was lovely, a concoction of flowers, fruit, and crystals. How Kale and Sophie had come up with it was a mystery to Martin.

  As soon as Kale was done, the other young men descended on the table using measuring sticks to make sure each place was properly set, and the dining room was abuzz with activity once again.

  “Where were you? I need you here.” The harsh tone of Jason’s voice swept away the pleased look that had graced Kale’s face at the placement of his creation.

  “I’m sorry. I’m here now. What do you need?” Kale slightly lowered his head and spoke softly. It cooled some of Jason’s heat.

  “This suit. It’s uncomfortable. I feel like I’m suffocating.” Jason hooked his finger under his collar and extended his neck.

  “Here, let me see.” Kale stepped forward and took over, lightly readjusting Jason’s tie and collar. Then he moved to Jason’s wrists, touching the skin with one hand and adjusting the cuff with the other. The result was instantaneous. The tension visibly melted from Jason’s body at Kale’s touch. Martin had been jealous of Kale’s abilities, but now he just wished Kale would never leave Jason’s side.

  The calm didn’t last long. “Hold on.” Jason jerked his wrist free from Kale’s grasp and strode to the serving table where the drinks were already waiting. “What is this?” Jason held up a bottle of wine. “This is swill. We should have one of the wines from Lord Conrad’s vineyards. Why don’t we have one of the bottles he gave me?”

  “You’re not drinking, sir.”

  “I know that, but that doesn’t mean my guests should be subjected to subpar fare when they are in my home.”

  “We threw everything out when you ordered us to. We couldn’t find any of Lord Conrad’s wine in town on such short notice.”

  Kale was behind Jason, straightening his suit and brushing off specks of lint. “I’m not interested in your excuses.” Jason whirled on Kale, hitting his hands away. “Will you stop? Go do something productive. Gods, leave me alone!”

  Martin had never seen Jason lose his temper with Kale. Martin knew Jason worried about the way Kale had stiffened around him when he first came, but Jason had been engaging in his own version of that behavior. In the beginning, he had tiptoed around Kale, being careful to never do anything that might disturb him. It appeared he had moved past that stage.

  The reaction in Kale was almost painful to watch. Immediately he retreated. Martin could see a flash of fear in his eyes before he bowed his head. Kale, the confident valet, the man Martin had come to think of as a friend, was gone, and in his place was the image of a brow-beaten slave. “I’m sorry, Master.”

  Jason seemed to notice the change as well. The stress lines in his face turned to worry, and he stepped forward, reaching out toward Kale and then letting his hand drop, as if he didn’t know the right thing to do. “I’m sorry, Kale. I just…I’m stressed. I can’t think with all this damn activity. Tonight has to go perfectly.”

  Jason was working himself up and getting more frustrated as Kale stayed resolutely still. Martin could feel the nervous energy coming off Kale in waves and could see him shrinking as Jason’s tone rose. “It will go perfectly, sir. Kale, why don’t you go to the kitchen and help Sophie?”

  Kale looked to Jason for confirmation of the order. Jason nodded, and Kale hastily retreated.

  “Martin, I didn’t mean that.” Jason looked wretched.

  “I know, sir. He knows it too.”

  “He didn’t look like it.”

  Martin guided Jason out of the dining room and into the parlor where he would greet his guests and wait for dinner. “It’s a reflex, sir. A survival instinct, I’m sure. You can talk to him afterward. You need to focus on tonight.”

  “I just need this to go well, Martin. A lot is riding on this evening.”

  The change was remarkable. Jason had always been coolly detached from his work. Martin had never understood how he could appear to care so little and yet perform so well. This was about more than a business deal. Martin had a feeling that Jason was trying to prove something to himself and impress Kale. It was as if Jason had something to live for now. All that time Martin had spent trying to help Jason had been in vain. The cure had never been with him.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  Kale despised himself for his reaction. The fear had been a reflex, but once it gripped him, he found it nearly impossible to shake. He was so caught in the feeling that he didn’t even notice Charlie waiting for him when he made it to the kitchen.

  “What’s wrong?” Charlie’s voice was familiar, and Kale struggled to snap himself out of his shock.

  “It’s nothing.” Kale ventured further into the room, still feeling dazed.

  Sophie took one look at him and came over. “Don’t lie. It was something.”

  “The master got mad at me. It’s nothing. Really. Just the stress of the evening.” Kale used his eyes to plead with Sophie, but she didn’t back down. So instead, he turned his attention to Charlie and was all smiles. “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. How are you doing?”

  Charlie didn’t look like he was ready to believe Kale’s protests, but he was agreeable enough to brush it asi
de and hug Kale. It was comforting. They had a long history together as roommates, lovers, and friends. “I’m good. I would have been here earlier to help, but my master needed me.”

  “Don’t worry about it. You’re here now.”

  “I was thrilled when I heard Mr. Wadsworth had purchased you again. I’m so happy for you. It’s about damn time. Only you two could make the obvious take this long. So, are you willing to admit you were wrong?” The grin on Charlie’s face was infectious.

  “It all would have been fine if he had just done his part and been happy. I didn’t ask him to come nosing into my life.”

  “Ah, you were doing just fine without him, huh? That why he can make you walk in here looking as fearful as a broken man? Where were you the last three years?”

  This had been a bad idea. Kale didn’t want Charlie’s pity. It was humiliating having been sold into hard labor. He should have known it would show, especially to Charlie who knew him so well. “Fine, Charlie. You were right. If only I had bowed to your superior intellect years ago, I’d be wining and dining right now.”

  Charlie laughed, even though it didn’t reach his eyes. That was the friend he had known. Only pushing as much as was necessary to make a point, but never wanting to cause harm.

  “So long as you know it.” Charlie’s cheerful voice and quick grin made it seem as if he hadn’t aged a day.

  “Now why don’t you tell me about what’s been going on since I left while we help Sophie plate? You don’t look like you’ve changed a bit.”

  “Same old, same old. I missed you. It wasn’t the same in the house after you left.” On and on they talked, and Kale was surprised at how nice it was to have Charlie there. The camaraderie was pleasant, and he liked having someone around who knew him from before and could see him as he was without judging him. He had missed their friendship.

  Together they served throughout dinner. Charlie’s whispered jokes and comical glances as they worked kept Kale from locking up again. In some ways it was just like the old days, except back then Kale had been sure of his place. He wouldn’t have been scared of Jason, and he would have ended the night in Jason’s bed. Charlie’s presence was the only thing that made the night feel somewhat normal. If only he didn’t have to leave.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  The click of the door closing behind the last of the hired help broke the tension in Martin, and he sagged against the door, breathing a sigh of relief. They had done it. Once the evening had commenced, Jason had been in proper form. The transformation to consummate businessman had happened, and Martin was, as always, impressed.

  With all the stress and anxiety finally alleviated, Martin was also exhausted. It took more effort than it should have to heave himself away from the door and make his way to the parlor where Jason waited.

  “Thank you, Martin. Tonight was a success. All we need to do is sign the papers, and the deal’s sealed. I couldn’t have done it without you.” Jason lounged on a chair, his tie open and coat flung across the back of the sofa.

  The gratitude was unexpected. It wasn’t Jason’s custom to be so free with appreciation toward his secretary. As much as Martin had yearned for those words all these years, he couldn’t let them stand as they were. “I’m afraid it had very little to do with me. Kale’s the one responsible for tonight.”

  A smile spread across Jason’s face. “It’s good of you to say so. It was supremely awkward being complimented tonight and knowing that it was all you and Kale.”

  “That’s the way it is.” Martin shrugged and sat himself down across from Jason.

  “And don’t discount your own role tonight. You were superb at dinner. Your conversation was engaging, and you balanced the entertainment of the night with the business very well. I always struggle with that. I just want to get the business done and leave.”

  “Thank you, sir.” Martin couldn’t remember ever being complimented by Jason before this night.

  Jason nodded and sipped from a glass of water. Martin had been impressed by his refusal to drink alcohol. If there was ever a night to break that resolve, it had been tonight.

  “Where is Kale? I thought he would join us as soon as everything was cleared away and in order.” Jason looked around as if Kale might appear.

  “I don’t think he’s coming. It’s late, and I doubt he feels comfortable.” It had been unsettling seeing Kale retreat into himself the way he had. It was so easy to forget he was a slave. He and Jason usually moved in sync, responding to each other in a way that only two people who were intimately familiar could. It had been interesting, to say the least, watching them dance around each other the past several weeks.

  Jason’s jaw tightened. “Things have to change. It was humiliating being served by Kale. The way he reacted to me earlier was horrible. Doesn’t he know that it was just the stress of the evening? It was nothing more than a lover’s spat. I tried to apologize.”

  “That’s the problem. You’re not lovers. Kale’s your slave, and that was abundantly clear tonight.” It was painful to watch these two—who were so obviously besotted with each other—keep running up against the same barriers.

  Jason slammed his glass down on the table next to him so hard Martin thought it might crack. “I don’t like it, Martin. It’s wrong. Unnatural. I want to free him.”

  “Free him? You know there’s no way to do that. A slave is a slave.”

  “What then? Should I sell him? Keep him? Things can’t stay the way they are. It’s just going to get worse. This is unacceptable.”

  “I don’t know, sir.” Martin couldn’t claim to understand Jason and Kale’s relationship. A man of Jason’s station having these types of feelings for a slave was disconcerting to Martin’s sense of the world. But he knew one thing: it was good for Jason. The changes he had observed in his boss were inspiring. Jason had finally come alive, and Martin couldn’t bear to think that he might revert to the way he was. There was no mistaking that the key was Kale. If Kale was gone, or if this rift did not resolve, Martin feared for Jason.

  They sat together in a tense silence, Jason brooding over his glass of water. Martin wouldn’t leave until Jason did. There was still alcohol in the parlor, and Martin didn’t want to leave Jason alone with it in his somber mood.

  Finally Jason swallowed the last of his water and stood. “Here are some notes I wrote while you were cleaning up.” Jason handed him a few sheets of paper. “If you could take care of them?”

  “Of course.”

  “Good night, Martin.”

  “Good night, sir.” Martin followed Jason and headed to his office with the notes. He set them down on his desk and then headed back downstairs to clear out the alcohol. Before he reached the stairs, he caught sight of Jason down the hall, a hand on Kale’s door and a sad look of longing on his face.

  Saints help them if Jason lost Kale again.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Rain pitter-pattered against Jason’s office window. Still, he gazed out, hoping for a glimpse of Kale that he knew he wouldn’t get. No one in their right mind would be outside in this weather. This was ridiculous. He was a grown man. If he wanted to see Kale, he should just go find him. The only problem was he didn’t know what he would say. What was the point in apologizing when he couldn’t fix the problem?

  This morning, he had woken up to the hard realization that Kale was right. All this time, Jason had tried to deny it. He had tried to pretend they could live in their own little cocoon where they created their own reality. There was no escaping it: they couldn’t work like this. A man didn’t own his lover, it was that simple. On some level, Jason had been trying to forgive himself for the mistakes of the past by making things right with Kale. Things weren’t right, and forgiveness was out of his reach.

  It was easy for Jason to curse the day he had been given Kale. But the minute he did so, every inch of his body recoiled. Blasphemy. Even with the pain he was in now—the pain he had been in for three years and from which he had only been gra
nted a brief respite—he still couldn’t regret a second of the time he had spent with Kale. A world without Kale was unimaginable.

  Which left him with the question of what to do. Jason rested his forehead against the cool glass of the window and closed his eyes. This wasn’t his decision to make. It was Kale’s future too. They would have to talk soon. Jason needed to settle this matter within himself, and he would need Kale’s input to do that.

  Jason moved to go find Kale, but was stopped by the sight of his desk. It was littered with mail. Jason and Martin had both let it slip lately with everything else going on. The pile would have to be sorted, and he might as well do it now. Even as he sat at his desk, he knew it was an avoidance tactic. So? He was giving up his dreams for the second time in his life. He was entitled to delay it a few hours.

  The amount of correspondence he received had recently increased. Now that he was doing more charitable work and getting out more, the invitations poured in faster than ever. With the preparations he had undertaken for the possibility of working with Conrad, he had been getting more frequent reports from the mill and from contractors working on the expansion.

  Only one letter in the bunch was personal in nature. Renee Wadsworth, the name in the return address jumped out at him. Surprisingly, he didn’t feel the urge to drink. Maybe that improvement would stick, no matter what happened with Kale. A pang in his heart tried to convince him otherwise, but Jason ignored it. He would have to become good at that.

  He tore open the letter and read it. As always, Renee was polite and enthusiastic. He actually enjoyed it.

  I spent some time in Naiara. Amy Carrison invited me to her family’s house. She’s an old friend from the time I spent studying in Calea. I didn’t realize her family’s country home was so close to Timar.