[Measure of Devotion 02.0] Measure of Strength

by Caethes Faron

  It was a short ride to the house. Jason began to fidget, and his body strained toward the window, as if willing the carriage to move faster. Martin tried to focus on his own excitement and thought ahead to the homecoming and the news that would soon be shared. “I can’t wait to get there either.”

  Jason smiled at him. “I never took you for the type to get homesick.”

  “Usually I’m not. In light of recent events, though, I find I want to see Kale and Sophie. It feels like more of a home than it used to.”

  “I’m glad. Needless to say, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t say a word about anything to Kale or Sophie.”

  “Of course not, sir. It’s not my news to tell.”

  “Yes, well, it’s not mine to tell yet either. I’m not going to say anything until I get all the official paperwork back. This is too important to get Kale’s hopes up only to find out there was a kink somewhere along the line, and it doesn’t work.”

  Martin’s stomach dropped. He would never dream of divulging a confidence, especially when he had worked so hard to finally be allowed into Jason’s. However, he did not look forward to the coming days. How long would it take for the paperwork to come through? It didn’t matter. He would have to remain silent. “That’s wise.” It was. He just didn’t like having their roles switched. He was used to being the responsible one.

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  “Will you stop? Looking isn’t going to make them get here any quicker.” They were in the front sitting room, which was hardly ever used. Sophie had some mending on her lap that was keeping her busy, and Kale had his sketchpad, which gave him the illusion of doing something other than obsessing over when he would see Jason.

  Kale let the sheer curtain drop. “They should be here by now.”

  “Martin said on the phone that the train was getting in at one, and there were some stops they had to make before coming home.” Kale glanced at the clock. It was two-fifty-two. Sophie caught his look. “It takes time. Between getting their luggage, the usual delays, and navigating the crowds, it was probably a good thirty minutes before they even left the station. Don’t worry, you’ll see your lover boy soon enough.”

  Even though Kale was beyond fooling himself on this count, he still bristled at the outward acknowledgement of any romantic intentions. “I’m just worried is all. I hope there wasn’t any trouble.”

  “I’m sure there wasn’t.” Sophie joined Kale in the window seat and pulled the heavy drapes closed. “Draw or read or something.” She went back to her mending, and Kale’s hand moved to the familiar spot over the lock of hair in his pocket while he tried to picture Jason. He wanted to pull it out and look at it, but doing so in front of Sophie was out of the question. When it seemed Sophie had forgotten about him and was absorbed in her work, Kale pushed the edge of the velvet drape just a few inches to peek outside.

  “Oww!” Kale snatched his hand back. Sophie glared at him, her arm still midair from slapping his hand away. He hadn’t even seen it coming. “That’s hardly fair.”

  Sophie pointed a stern finger at him. “Fair? I’ve been dealing with this all morning. Don’t make me drag you by your ear to the kitchen. There’s plenty of work to be done down there.”

  Kale laughed, but quickly composed himself when he saw Sophie’s baleful stare. “Sorry, ma’am. I’ll be good, I swear.”

  Her hand struck like lightning, hitting the back of his head this time. “Oww. What was that for?” Kale rubbed the stinging spot.

  “Calling me ma’am.”

  Kale smiled, and Sophie settled back into her work. He didn’t try to move the curtain again, but he stared at the window, trying not to think about anything at all.

  The clip of horses’ hooves and the clatter of carriage wheels slowed and then stopped in front of the house.

  Not caring what Sophie thought, Kale pushed aside the curtain. “It’s them, Sophie!” Butterflies fluttered in his stomach as he saw Jason emerge from the cab. All he wanted was to run out and meet him, but nerves stopped him. What would he say? He was left standing uncomfortably in the entryway, waiting for Jason to step through the door.

  As soon as the door began to open, Kale rocked onto the balls of his feet. His stomach felt like it had completely turned over when he saw Jason standing in front of him, close enough to touch. The relief that poured through him when he saw that Jason was smiling at him stilled the butterflies. He took a step forward and then stopped. He wanted to crush Jason to him, to feel his lips on his and his skin beneath his hands, but he was suddenly keenly aware of Martin and Sophie standing nearby.

  “Welcome home, Master.”

  Before Jason could respond, Kale felt Martin’s hand on his shoulder, diverting his attention. “It’s good to see you, Kale.”

  That was odd. Martin looked merrier than usual. It almost looked like he had something else to say. “You too, Martin.”

  “Sophie!” Martin went and hugged Sophie, leaving Kale and Jason to stand awkwardly with each other.

  “Why don’t we leave these two alone?” Kale would have looked back to mouth his thanks to Sophie, but the slightest hint of a blush rose in Jason’s cheeks at Sophie’s tone, and Kale couldn’t look away. It was the first time Jason had blushed since Kale had returned.

  As soon as they were alone, Kale could see the desire in Jason’s eyes, but he wasn’t acting on it. Kale wanted Jason to make the first move, but perhaps it was time to take the initiative himself. After all, they hadn’t been on the best of terms when Jason left. For all Jason knew, Kale was still upset with him.

  Stepping forward, Kale wrapped his arms around Jason and kissed him. Jason’s lips were hesitant under Kale’s, no doubt surprised by the sudden move. Then his arms came up and twined around Kale. Being enveloped by Jason this way made Kale wonder how he had survived without him. Jason’s lips relaxed, and he welcomed Kale into his mouth. The familiar touch of his tongue felt new again after their time apart.

  Kale was the first to break away. “I have something for you.” He wanted to clear away any tension between them before they went further.

  “Oh?” Jason sounded bemused at the sudden change.

  Jason followed Kale to the sitting room, and Kale wiped his suddenly sweaty palms on his pants before he reached for his sketchpad. Kale pulled out the drawing he had done of Jason. He had put the finishing touches on it just the night before. It was a relief to be able to finally draw the most important person in his world. As soon as he had decided not to fight his feelings anymore, his hands had suddenly started to cooperate. He had feared that fully putting himself into the drawing would produce hideous results, given the internal battle he had been fighting. The opposite had been true. When he poured himself out on the page, the image of Jason had formed effortlessly through the charcoal lines.

  After glancing over it one last time to make sure it was presentable, he handed it to Jason. “I wanted to give you a gift to apologize for my behavior. I’m sorry for being such an ass lately.”

  Jason held the paper almost reverently. The silence grew as Jason’s head remained lowered over the drawing. Kale began to shift his weight between his feet, waiting for any response.

  “Thank you, Kale. This means the world to me.” Jason looked up, and Kale could see the tears pooling in his eyes.

  Kale’s heart melted. This had been a good move. But he felt uncomfortable under the weight of Jason’s scrutiny and tears. He huffed an exasperated sigh and grabbed Jason’s hand. “Come on. Let’s get up to your room before you start crying.”

  Jason laughed as Kale led the way upstairs. Once they reached Jason’s room, Kale opened the door and shoved Jason inside, resolutely closing the door behind them.

  “It feels so good to be home.” Jason carefully placed the drawing on his dressing table before throwing his hat and gloves on the sofa.

  “It’s good to have you home.” Kale leaned against the door and simply watched Jason. If possible, he felt he missed Jason even more now
that he was home. It had been easy to forget the nuances of Jason’s movements. He wanted to watch him all day, almost as much as he wanted to touch him.

  Once Jason had removed his suit coat, cufflinks, and tie and generally made himself more comfortable, he turned and saw Kale watching him. “What are you doing?”

  Kale smiled. “Just watching you. Gods, you’re beautiful.” There was that blush again. Kale would do anything to keep seeing it. It made Jason seem more innocent, more full of hope, like he had been before. Kale had thought Jason had grown out of blushing, and he was nearly giddy to find that he hadn’t.

  Jason walked to him and pulled him away from the door, lifting Kale’s shirt as he did.

  Kale stilled Jason’s hands with his own. “Wait.” This was it. He had to do this now before he lost his nerve. “Before we go any further, I want to say something, and I want you to know that I’m not just saying it because of the sex.” Kale led Jason to sit chastely on the bed. “The truth is, I should have said it ages ago. I’ve made you wait far too long. You have the patience of a saint.” He smirked and brushed Jason’s hair back from his face. The love that shone back at him made his offering seem inadequate. Still, it was all he could give. That had to count for something. Taking a breath, he delved into the abyss. “I love you.”

  The pure joy radiating from Jason’s face stole the air from Kale’s lungs. It was like staring into the sun. Every part of Jason’s face lit up. His hand went to the nape of Kale’s neck and began to massage as his eyes bore into Kale’s. Those eyes seemed to tell Kale that he knew how hard this had been for him, and they offered him comfort that his trust was well placed. Then, almost as if Jason knew his message had been received, his lips crashed into Kale’s.

  When they finally separated, Kale caught his breath. “I didn’t think this would come as a surprise to you.”

  “The sentiment isn’t, but the words are. I never thought I’d live to see the day you’d say them. I had resigned myself to never hear them from you.”

  “And you were fine with that? I didn’t know you thought I was that much of an ass.”

  “You were worth it. I could hardly blame you. I understood your reasons for never saying it before now, but gods am I happy you finally said it.” Jason’s smile threatened to break his face, so Kale occupied his mouth with another kiss.

  Unwilling to leave Jason’s mouth, Kale’s hands fumbled with the buttons on Jason’s shirt, sliding it off his shoulders. Kale’s hands caressed Jason’s chest and back, reveling in the feel of smooth skin under his rough hands. Jason broke free of Kale’s mouth and sucked on the side of his neck, right at his pulse point. The intensity made Kale’s eyes roll back. Each second, the suction increased until the pleasure mixed with an edge of pain that made it even more powerful. When Kale didn’t think he could take anymore, Jason released him.

  Kale scrambled to remove his shirt in the brief separation. Raising the fabric above his head, a cool touch on his side sent a tiny shiver through him which was soon chased away by the friction of Jason’s hands against his skin.

  “You’ve filled out since you came here. I can’t count your ribs anymore.”

  Kale grunted, discarding his shirt. “Good. I feel like a man again, instead of the scared animal you found.” He didn’t want to talk anymore. There had been enough words today. He wrapped Jason in his arms and set upon his lips.

  Kale’s tongue explored Jason’s mouth, staking its claim. This was the man he loved. His body crushed against Jason. There was no such thing as close enough. Kale had never wanted anything as badly as he wanted to be with Jason. While they couldn’t have Jason’s ideal relationship, Kale could show him the depth and power of his feelings.

  Keeping his arms firmly around Jason, Kale maneuvered them onto the bed, facing each other. His hands flew to Jason’s pants. At the same time, Jason fiddled just as frantically with Kale’s. They succeeded at the same time and their cocks sprung free. Separation had taken its toll—neither one wanted much foreplay. They threw their pants off the bed, and Jason reached for the tin of grease on the bedside table.

  Kale’s hand encircled Jason’s wrist, halting his movement. There was something he wanted, and he hoped Jason would want it too. His lover looked at him, eyebrows raised in question. “I was wondering if I could top?” It felt strange making the request, but Jason wanted Kale to behave like they were equals in the relationship. This wasn’t perfect. If they were equals, Kale wouldn’t have asked, he would have just taken the lead the way he’d done years ago with other slaves.

  A delighted glimmer entered Jason’s eyes. “Of course.” He withdrew his hand, and Kale retrieved the tin. When he knelt up and gazed down at Jason, a surge of protectiveness flowed through him. The man below him—the center of Kale’s world—looked up at him with an expression that was part affection, part adoration, and part desire. It was enough to make Kale gasp.

  “What is it?”

  “You.”

  A red flush crept up Jason’s face. Dear gods, was it possible to love someone more than this? It didn’t matter. Kale would only ever be Jason’s. After taking a healthy bit of grease, Kale replaced the tin and began to prepare Jason. The fierce urgency was gone. In its place was gentle care. Jason was his, and Kale was going to ensure his enjoyment.

  Jason’s movement against Kale’s fingers betrayed his eagerness, but the little grimaces of his face told Kale to take it slow. Once he was satisfied that he wouldn’t hurt Jason, he placed his cock at Jason’s entrance and tenderly pushed, keeping a close eye on his lover’s expressions. The ring of muscle gave way, and another flood of emotion washed over him as he was encased in heat.

  Part of Kale had always known he loved Jason. They both had known. The feeling had initially been scary; love had never had a place in Kale’s adult life. The certainty of the sentiment—when he knew certainty was foolish in a slave’s life—had been intimidating. And while he loved Jason as much as he ever had, the emotion had finally been unleashed, and Kale experienced the full magnitude of it for the first time. A great weight had been released, and he felt he could fly. If he had known how liberating, how light it would feel to finally say the words, to express his love freely, he would have done so long ago.

  But he hadn’t known. He had been bridled by fear. There were still legitimate fears to be had, precautions to take, but Kale was no longer scared of loving. That was an immeasurable feat.

  His eyes focused on Jason beneath him. It had been easy to see on Jason’s face when Kale had found his sweet spot. Now his long thrusts brushed it consistently. Jason’s eyes were closed, and Kale was tempted to tell Jason to open them. He knew Jason would obey, but he thought better of it. Better to let Jason experience his pleasure. Besides, there was something enticing about watching without him staring back, seeing the way his moans coincided with his facial movements.

  A light sheen coated Jason’s skin, and beads of sweat pooled on his upper lip. Kale dipped down and took that lip into his mouth. The salty taste on his tongue mixed with the sweet taste of Jason’s skin. “I love you.” The words came easier the second time. He doubted he’d ever be the type of man to say them often, but he wasn’t going to hold them back when he was moved, either.

  “Kale, please.” The high pitched whine was not what Kale had expected. He pulled back and saw Jason’s teeth clench behind his parted lips, the tendons of his neck raised. Glancing down, he saw that Jason’s cock wept a steady stream of fluid. Kale’s eyes darted back up, and realization dawned. Was it possible? Jason was holding back his orgasm. Kale knew what he was waiting for, and the knowledge that this boy—his boy—was going to come from the penetration alone toppled him over the edge with Jason following soon after.

  * * *

  Lying in the calm that followed their lovemaking—gods, when did it go from fucking to lovemaking?—Kale couldn’t deny that Jason looked happier than he had ever seen him.

  “Will you stay here tonight?” Jason peered up from
the crook of Kale’s arm, and he was overwhelmed by the unguarded hope and unabashed love he saw in his eyes.

  There was still a darkness in the depths of Kale that knew he could obliterate that hope with just one word. A part of him still wanted to exercise that power, to hurt Jason in order to protect and guard himself. What was surprising was how easy it was for Kale to push those feelings aside. “Yes.”

  Jason’s face relaxed into the contented expression of a man who was right where he wanted to be. There was nothing wrong in the world at this moment. How could there be? Kale had Jason in his arms, the only man he had ever loved. This was one of those perfect moments that made it possible to go about the rest of life, knowing you had tasted this deep sense of rightness.

  “What are you thinking about?” Jason’s voice pierced his thoughts.

  “How perfect I feel right now. How I almost ruined it all with my hardheadedness. How I hope this moment never ends.”

  “It doesn’t have to, you know.”

  “I wish it didn’t.” Kale squeezed Jason’s shoulder. “The reality is, you have work to do, a world to conquer where I can’t follow.”

  “Have you given any more thought to what I told you before I left?”

  Kale considered feigning ignorance. In the end, it wouldn’t help anything. They needed to talk about this. “I have. I want to apologize again for the way I reacted. I still don’t see how it could work. The sentiment means something to me, though. I want you to know that. It means more than I think you could possibly understand.” A part of him knew he should share his deeper concerns with Jason. It didn’t seem right that he could talk about his fears with Sophie, but not with him. The truth was, he knew Jason would try to dispel his fears, and he would most likely succeed—which scared Kale in its own way.