[Measure of Devotion 02.0] Measure of Strength

by Caethes Faron

  Jason’s giggling drew his attention away from his thoughts. “What?”

  “Nothing. I just think you’re wrong. Give me time, and I’ll show you.”

  “Why can’t we just be content with this? I’m happier now than I’ve ever been in my life. Why can’t this be enough?”

  Jason sat up, and Kale felt empty without his weight beside him. “Because, Kale, as long as you’re a slave, you’ll never feel comfortable enough to make any kind of real relationship work. We’ll have these glimpses of what it could be like, but they’ll never be more than that. I’m not willing to settle; I want the whole deal.”

  “I can try. It worked once.”

  “You can try, but it won’t work. It didn’t work before. It ended in disaster, and it’s only by the most magnificent streak of luck that we’re here together. I’m not going to sit still and wait to see how it’s going to end this time. Can you even call me by my name? You told me you love me today. I know what a big step that was for you, and I’ll treasure it forever, even if you never say it again. But can you call me by my name?”

  Kale tried. His lips parted, and he willed his mouth to form the word. It was simple. Except the word caught somewhere in his throat. Every instinct, every danger signal, fired in his brain. This was wrong. Except it wasn’t. His lover deserved to hear his name on Kale’s lips. But that was something Kale couldn’t give him, because it was a lie. Jason couldn’t be Jason to him, he was his master. He always had been and always would be. Calling him by his given name was the first step toward pretending he was free. It was the first step to catastrophe.

  He was left gaping like a fish out of water.

  “I don’t blame you, Kale. I understand. I really do. But I want a lover who can call me by something other than master.” Jason sneered the last word with such vehemence that Kale didn’t think he could ever use it again. On Jason’s lips it sounded vulgar, almost more of a lie than Jason’s name. Almost.

  “Is that why you left? Because I couldn’t give you the answer you wanted?”

  Jason’s face twisted in upset confusion. “Is that what you thought?”

  “We weren’t on the best terms when you left. I thought maybe you wanted to get away from me.”

  Jason was on top of him, hand in his hair, before Kale could even register that he’d moved. The intensity of his face, so close to Kale’s, held him captive. “That’s absurd, Kale. I never want to be away from you. Don’t you understand that’s why I want you free? Because I want to be with all of you always?”

  “Then why did you leave?” Kale felt himself growing vulnerable. Jason’s departure had hurt, and it took strength for Kale to let Jason see it.

  “I had business to attend to. It’s nothing you need to worry about.”

  Kale thought he saw something in Jason’s eyes, something he held back, but before he could examine it further, Jason turned around and laid back in the crook of Kale’s arm, face casually—but not, Kale thought, incidentally—turned away.

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  “Mail’s come.”

  Jason looked up from his newspaper at Martin’s jovial tone. One look at his face trying to suppress a rather undignified grin told Jason all he needed to know. “It’s here, isn’t it?”

  “Take a look.” Martin tossed the pile of mail on Jason’s desk.

  The thick envelope stood out among the thin letters. Jason snatched it and tore it open. The first thing that fell out was Kale’s official title. It was amazing how much one document could affect him. His name was nowhere on it. Kale was legally no one to him now. Familiar fears crept up, but he pushed them aside. This was right. Getting rid of this piece of paper drew them closer. The legal separation was only an illusion.

  After the title came the corporate documents. Everything was in order. It was done. Jason took in a deep breath, letting the relief wash over him. More than once over the last two weeks, he had worried that something would go wrong.

  “Excuse me, sir, but are you going to tell him now?”

  There was excitement in Martin’s eyes that sparked nerves in Jason’s stomach. “Gods, I have to tell him.”

  “Yes, sir. I believe that’s the point.”

  Jason released a nervous laugh. “I suppose so. Would you mind leaving me, Martin? I need a moment.”

  “Of course, sir.” Jason gazed back at the title, but instead of hearing Martin’s steps retreating, they came closer until he felt a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry. He’s stubborn, but he’s not stupid. It’ll be all right.”

  Jason looked up into the face of the man who had gone from secretary to friend. “Thank you.”

  Martin nodded and left. Silence weighed heavy on Jason. It would prevent him from moving if he let it. Jason reached down and pulled the bank documents out of the bottom drawer of his desk. He would have liked to put more money in the account. Initially, he had planned to put an amount equal to a living wage for each year of Kale’s life spent in slavery. However, he knew Kale would never tolerate that. It was a long shot convincing him to accept the money for the last four years. Sighing, he gathered everything together into the envelope and stood. “This is it.”

  On his way down to the kitchen to find Kale, he tried to convince himself that Kale would be happy. Things had gotten better. Kale had stopped calling him master, which was a relief, even if he still wasn’t using Jason’s name. It was odd to think that Kale was sitting in the kitchen right now, preparing for their daily jaunt to the park, not knowing that Jason held in his hands documents that would change his life forever.

  Jason stopped. It all seemed so very arrogant all of a sudden. Jason had gone and permanently altered Kale’s life without even consulting him. Shit, he was going to be livid. What had Jason been thinking?

  No, it would be fine. Jason started walking again. He did what he had to for Kale to be happy and for them to have a chance. Kale would see that. He had to.

  As soon as Jason walked into the kitchen, Kale looked up from where he was helping Sophie can vegetables. “Are you ready for lunch already? It’s a little early.”

  Kale’s voice was warm and welcoming. Jason wondered how it would sound in a few minutes. “No. Actually, I have some news to tell you. Would you join me in the garden?”

  Kale must have taken in Jason’s expression and the undercurrent of tension in his voice, because he sobered and stood, peering at Jason with concern in his eyes. “Of course. Is everything all right?”

  “Yes, everything’s fine. Just some news to share.” Jason tried to comfort him with a smile, but it was a token gesture. They walked outside in silence.

  Jason ushered them to a bench overlooking the vegetable patch. He sat with the envelope balanced on his legs and appraised Kale’s handiwork. The garden had come to life; vibrant colors were all around them. This was what Kale had done. It was beautiful.

  “You’re starting to worry me.” Kale reached out and placed a hand over one of Jason’s. The warmth and weight were comforting. They gave Jason the courage to face Kale.

  The face that looked back at him had aged since Jason had first seen it. Countless hours had been spent tracing every contour of that face, yet he’d never acknowledged how much it had changed. Sun and stress had aged it. In some places, the pigment had been permanently altered by his years laying railroad track. The pale green eyes had an ever-present shadow behind them, as if Kale were so used to worry and fear that his eyes were irreversibly wary. Still, Jason liked it better than any face in the world.

  Those eyes peered at him with concern, wrinkles forming at the edges in heightened anticipation. It was time for Jason to face up to what he had done.

  “You wanted to know where I went on my business trip. I was in Naiara. In Calea, to be precise.”

  “You what?” Kale withdrew his hand, and Jason missed it fiercely. He needed the anchor.

  “Please, just listen.” While Jason pulled the new title from the envelope, Kale rose and walked, as if trying
to release some of his frustration. “Here.” Jason stood and held out the title. “I solved our problem.” Kale took the document. “You’re no longer my slave. Look.”

  All the color drained from Kale’s face. The sheer terror Jason saw was too reminiscent of the Kale he had found at the mill. Kale’s eyes scanned the document. “You sold me? How could you? How is it better if I belong to,” Kale squinted at the title, “P and C Enterprises?” His chest heaved with his labored breathing, causing his next words to come out in a whisper. “You’ve taken the only thing that mattered to me.” He fell to his knees, looking like he was about to retch.

  This was not going well at all. How could Jason mess this up so spectacularly? “No, no, no. Kale, listen.” Jason hurried and knelt in front of Kale, dumping the contents of the envelope on the ground. “Here, these are the articles of incorporation.” Jason thrust the papers toward Kale, but he was too shocked to take them. Jason scrambled to Kale’s side and held the relevant page in front of him, pointing so Kale would see. “You’re the sole owner of P and C. It’s you. You own your own title.”

  Kale’s face slowly turned to look at Jason, features twisted in confusion. “What? How? I don’t understand.”

  “You’re free. Or at least as free as I can make you while you’re still in Arine. I had my attorneys establish a company with offices both here and in Calea. It’s a dummy corporation really, just paper, but it has assets. I signed your title over to P and C and then signed the company over to you. If you want, you can go to Naiara. The prime minister is prepared to grant you citizenship. You’ll be free there. But even if you don’t go, the company that owns you is owned by you. You own yourself. It probably wouldn’t hold up in court, but there’s no reason for anyone to challenge it. And here.” Jason picked up the bank book and handed it to him. Kale accepted it in a daze. “It’s a bank account with all the money you would have earned since you were given to me, if you had been paid a wage. It’s all there. You’re free, Kale.”

  “I’m free?”

  Poor Kale looked so confused, Jason couldn’t help laughing. He took hold of Kale’s head between his hands and gave him a fierce kiss. “Yes, you’re free. You can do whatever you want. It’s your choice. But, if you’ll have me, I’ll follow you wherever you want to go. This was the only way I could come to you and ask forgiveness for the way I wronged you.”

  Kale’s eyes finally met his, and it seemed Jason’s happiness poured into him. “You have it. You’ve had it for a while now. Do I have yours? I’ve done so much to hurt you, even after you’ve tried so hard. It was all my fault to begin with. Do I have your forgiveness?”

  “Yes. Of course. Always.”

  Kale looked down and read the name on the bank book. “Kale Wadsworth?”

  Jason gave a sheepish grin. “You needed a name, and I wanted to give you mine. You can change it if you want.”

  “No, Wadsworth is good. I’m honored.” Kale looked back up, and his eyes were full of such sincere gratitude that it humbled Jason. “And I’m really free?”

  “Yes.” The reality was sinking in, and Jason loved seeing it.

  “Gods.” Kale launched himself at Jason, taking him in such a hard embrace that Jason had to catch himself. “I can’t believe you did this for me. You gave me my freedom. And your name.”

  “Anything for you,” Jason whispered. His voice began to catch, and hot tears drifted down his cheeks. He felt as if the sun was rising inside of him. Words couldn’t describe what it felt like to do this for the man he loved. Now he would have to wait and see what Kale decided. Jason loved him with every fiber of his being. He was sure Kale would make him proud. He only hoped he would be permitted to be part of his life after Kale had established himself. He wanted more than anything to see Kale as a free man.

  “Why are you crying?” Kale pulled away and wiped a tear from Jason’s face.

  Jason mustered a smile. “Just thinking about the life you have ahead of you.”

  “Well, there’s no sense wasting time dreaming about it. If you’re still all right with moving, I think I’d like to see Naiara. Seems I should at least have the gratitude to accept their offer of citizenship.”

  “You don’t have to have me there, Kale. You can do it on your own.” Jason didn’t want Kale under any illusions that his freedom was contingent on their relationship.

  “I know. But what fucking good would freedom do me without you?” Kale paused, as if waiting for an answer. When Jason didn’t give one, he continued. “I love you, you idiot. So much that I’m willing to admit that maybe you were right, and your plan wasn’t so bad after all. But I want you with me to find out, if you think you can still tolerate me.”

  “Of course. It would be my pleasure.” Jason couldn’t remember life ever being more perfect. He wrapped his arms around Kale and kissed him again. This time, though, he went slow. He wanted to savor the taste of his free lover.

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  Martin thought Jason might just burst. He looked like he had swallowed the sun, and the man beside him seemed to be soaking up the rays in awe. Kale was barely recognizable. It wasn’t difficult to guess what this was all about. Jason had asked Martin and Sophie to join them for dinner in the dining room, and now they sat around the table as Jason and Kale stood flushed and bright-eyed before them with an announcement to make.

  “I am happy to report that Kale has agreed to move to Naiara with me.” Jason met Kale’s eyes, and the two looked as if they were the only people in the room.

  “Praise the gods. Of course he has!” Sophie vaulted up to embrace both men in a hug.

  Martin kept decorum and stood to shake hands once Sophie had released them. “Congratulations, sir. And you too, Kale.”

  “Thank you.” As Martin shook Kale’s hand, he couldn’t suppress the grin that broke out on his face. It was impossible not to get swept up in their happiness.

  “And for the other bit of news.” Jason cleared his throat, and Martin and Sophie took their seats. “Martin, when I went to Mr. Winslow’s office on our way home from Calea, it was to have these finalized.” Jason picked up a stack of papers from a side table and handed them to Martin. Martin didn’t bother looking at them. He figured Jason would tell him what he needed to know. “I have instated you as president of Arlington Steel. I will retain my position as chief executive, but with me being out of the country, I need someone here who I can trust to run the company.”

  Martin’s mouth hung open. It was entirely undignified, but he didn’t know how to care. “What?”

  “I’ve been getting that a lot lately.” Jason and Kale shared a smile. “Well, what did you think was going to happen?”

  Martin felt foolish. “I thought I would come with you and work for you there.” Who would take care of Mr. Wadsworth? Looking at the beaming man with his arm around Jason, Martin knew Kale would do a better job than he ever had. Still, it had been Martin’s job for almost three years. It wasn’t easy to abandon it.

  “Martin.” Jason fixed him with a stern stare. “Your value extends far beyond scheduling appointments, writing correspondence, and generally keeping me out of trouble. This has been a long time coming. I’m not going to let you hide behind me any longer. You’re going to step forward and show the world what I already know: you’re as valuable a part of this business as I am.”

  Martin cleared his throat to compose himself. It was horrifying enough having already betrayed such a level of emotion at Jason and Kale’s announcement. He would be mortified if he actually allowed a tear to pass. “But what about the Arlingtons?”

  “They’ll go along with it, or I’ll resign.”

  “No!” Martin was stricken. He didn’t want Jason making any ultimatums that he might have to follow through with.

  “Don’t worry, Martin. I had a little forethought on this. The contract with Conrad stipulates that I must stay at the head of the company. Otherwise he takes his business elsewhere. The Arlingtons won’t be happy about this c
hange in leadership, but they’ll tolerate it for Conrad’s money.”

  “I don’t know what to say, sir. Thank you. I appreciate your vote of confidence.” All this time, he had assumed Jason didn’t recognize what he was capable of. To be given this kind of trust, for Jason to put his reputation on the line for him—it was overwhelming. He was the president of Arlington Steel. Him. The secretary. It was a break in the social hierarchy he was willing to embrace.

  “It’s well earned.” Jason patted Martin on the shoulder and took a seat at the table. Martin was relieved. He didn’t think he could rely on his legs to support his weight. “You might as well stay here. I’ll continue to employee Sophie. There’s no point in this house sitting empty. That is, if you agree, Sophie.”

  “Of course, sir. I wouldn’t dream of having it any other way.” Sophie began to dish out the food that had been forgotten in the excitement.

  Martin looked around him and knew that he would miss Kale and Jason terribly. This was his home, and they were his family. Instead of dwelling on thoughts that threatened tears, he raised his glass and toasted the brilliant future that lay ahead.

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  A lonely traveling bag sat in the middle of the blood red comforter. Kale surveyed the room. The wardrobe was empty of his clothes. The table was cleared of any personal effects. There was no evidence he had ever lived here. Every personal item he owned was in that bag. It only amounted to some clothes, his sketchpad and supplies, and a few books. And, of course, the documents giving him his freedom. He picked up the bag and headed to Jason’s room.

  He still couldn’t believe he was going through with this. Life had been surreal ever since Jason had told him what his business in Calea had been. When Jason had told him, Kale thought he felt every emotion imaginable. Elation, fear, anger, hope. Given how much turmoil he had dealt with over the issue, it should have taken some time for him to come to a decision. But when he had looked into Jason’s face, there was no controlling it. He couldn’t say no.