by Alexa Kang
She closed her eyes and counted to five. When she opened her eyes again, she felt slightly more grounded. She looked around, searching until she saw Henry’s bushy red hair on the far left side of the room. His mother and Ruby were with him. Janie, the girlfriend of Jack’s friend Frank, was there too. Janie had her arm around Mrs. Morrissey’s shoulders.
Tessa stood frozen in the middle of the room. She could not take another step ahead. Thankfully, Ruby saw her and came to her. “Tessa!”
“When did he come back?”
“Yesterday. I only found out myself this morning that he had gotten back. Henry came and told me. Then I told Janie and we rushed over here. I called you as soon as I could.”
“How is he?” Tessa asked in a small voice. “What happened?”
“He was severely wounded.” Ruby turned around and looked at the bed where Jack lay. “His left leg is all messed up and shredded by shrapnel. They operated on him again earlier. The nurses said he had operations on site where he got hurt but they couldn’t complete all the surgeries he needed because the Americans had to evacuate the Philippines. That’s all I know. Henry and his mother are so upset, I don’t want to ask them any more questions.”
“So he’ll be fine, right? He’s fine and everything will be fine, right?” Tessa asked.
Ruby pressed down her lips. “His other wounds and injuries will heal. His leg though…the doctor said he’ll probably have to use a brace for the rest of his life. If he’s lucky, he might recover enough and he’ll only have to use a cane. But they won’t know. Not for a long time.”
Tessa felt dizzy again.
“Are you all right?” Ruby took hold of her arm.
“Yes,” Tessa inhaled to steady herself. “Can I see him?”
Ruby nodded. “He’s asleep.”
They walked to his bed. Tessa’s eyes immediately trained on Jack. Seeing him peacefully asleep, she felt slightly better. Henry glanced up at her, too sad to say a word. Next to him, Mrs. Morrissey sobbed. The older woman, normally tough and sturdy after years of hard work, now looked small and frail as Janie tried to comfort her. Janie didn’t look much better. Frank was drafted three months ago. Jack’s return this way surely must have added to her worries.
“He’s such a good boy,” Mrs. Morrissey wiped her tears with a handkerchief. “He’s been through so much already. Why? Why does this have to happen to him? It’s so unfair.”
Janie pulled Mrs. Morrissey closer and stroked her arm, trying to soothe her. Mrs. Morrissey leaned her weakened body against Janie. Tessa couldn’t bear to look at them. She felt tears welling in her own eyes.
In the bed, Jack stirred and opened his eyes.
“Jack!” Mrs. Morrissey grabbed hold of his arm.
“Jack! Jack!” Henry cried out.
Groggy from the sedative, Jack nonetheless smiled. “Why do you all look so somber?” He pushed himself to sit up on the bed.
“Jack.” Mrs. Morrissey sat down next to him. “What have they done to you?” She hugged him close to her chest.
Jack raised his arm and hugged her back. Weak from his medication, he couldn’t hold her for long. “Don’t cry, Mom. I’m fine. I’m fine.”
Henry, too, had tears rolling down his face. Tessa turned her face away.
“Why are you all crying? I’m alive, and I’m back.”
Mrs. Morrissey sniffled and calmed down a little.
“He’s right, Mrs. Morrissey.” Janie put her hand on the older woman’s shoulder. “We should all be glad for that.”
“He’s only twenty years old,” Mrs. Morrissey cried again. “He’ll be crippled for the rest of his life. Why? They’ve ruined him.”
“Mom, please don’t,” Jack said. “I still have my leg. See?” He pulled off his blanket to show his leg wrapped in a cast. Tessa looked around the room. At least half the patients in there had amputated limbs.
“This injury saved me.” Jack rubbed the cast on his leg. “We lost the Philippines. The Japs took Manila. In May, our entire battalion surrendered in Bataan. Seventy-five thousand people—Americans, Filipinos, men, women, didn’t matter. Everyone became their prisoners of war. No one knows what happened to them. I got hurt just before that. The Army treated me on the field and sent me to an evacuation hospital. Then I was on my way back here.” He took his mother’s hand. “I got out just in time. If I hadn’t gotten injured and been sent back, I would’ve been taken prisoner along with the rest of them.”
Tessa felt her skin crawl. She hugged herself to rub the goosebumps off her arms.
“See, Mrs. Morrissey?” Janie said. “There is a blessing in all of this. Everything will be okay.” A tear dropped down Mrs. Morrissey’s tightened lips. It was a good thing Janie was here and could comfort the poor woman. Tessa couldn’t think of anything to say to make anyone feel better.
“I won’t go away again, Mom. I promise,” Jack said.
Two nurses came in to make their rounds. They started hustling families and friends out. Visitors’ hours were over.
“You should go home and get some rest, Mrs. Morrissey.” Janie patted the old woman’s back and steered her to leave.
“Yes, Mom. Go home. I’ll be fine.” Jack put on a bright smile.
“I’m sorry, Jack.” Mrs. Morrissey dabbed her eyes. “You’re the one injured and you have to turn around and console me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“That’s all right. I’ll be home soon and everything will be just as it used to be. Hey, Henry.” He eyed his younger brother to signal him to look out for their mother. “Why are you so quiet? Did you drive here? Take Mom home and make sure she gets some rest.”
Shame-faced, Henry answered, “Yes.”
“Oh, Jack, I wanted to tell you,” Janie said before they left. “Frank and I got married.” She held out her left hand to show him the gold ring on her finger.
“You two got hitched? That’s great news! Congratulations.”
“We wrote to tell you but you probably didn’t get the letter.”
“I’m thrilled. Say, where is he?”
Janie gave him a bittersweet smile. “He was drafted three months ago. We got married before he left for basic training.”
Jack’s face fell. But quickly, he brightened up again. “Don’t worry. He’s always been lucky. He’ll make it out okay.”
The nurses were now yelling at everyone to leave. Henry and Ruby helped Mrs. Morrissey gather her things and Janie led Mrs. Morrissey out. The poor woman had lost all her strength.
Quickly, Tessa came to Jack’s bedside. “I’ll be back tomorrow to see you.”
He nodded. She glanced at his leg in the cast, then reluctantly walked out of the room.
After saying goodbye to everyone in the lobby, Tessa couldn’t hold herself together anymore. The reality of what had happened finally set in. Her legs felt weak and she leaned her back against the wall for support. The thought of how close Jack had come to being taken prisoner made her tremble. She bowed her head and put her wrist on her forehead. Tears fell uncontrollably down her face.
She thought of all the good times they had together. How quick and smooth he was when they danced. But now, his body was broken and would never be the same. He was crippled for life.
…He will never dance again…
A sharp pain seared through her heart. She could do nothing but cry and hyperventilate between her tears.
When she got a hold of herself again, she went to the restroom and splashed water on her face. Looking into the mirror, she vowed she would help Jack any way she could, except she didn’t know how.
Slowly, she walked back into the hospital lobby toward the exit. She felt drained and wooden. On the hospital bulletin board, a large poster with a picture of a young woman in military uniform bore down at her.
“Join the U.S. Cadet Nurse Corps.”
She stared at the poster.
Written in smaller print below, “Enlist in a proud profession. Your country needs you.”
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br /> While she stared at the poster, a nurse and a medic pushed a patient on a rolling hospital bed toward her. She moved out of the way to let them pass. The patient, sedated, had no arms. She looked on at the ghastly sight.
After they were gone, she looked at the poster again.
“We can use more recruits,” someone said to her from behind. She turned around. A young nurse with blonde hair and warm, gentle eyes came up to her. She looked about twenty. “I’m Ellie Swanson. I’m a student nurse here. I’m in my last year of training.” Ellie held out her hand. Tessa took it, but felt unsure.
“Every hospital in the country is experiencing an acute shortage of nurses. A lot of experienced nurses have gone overseas since the war started. There aren’t enough nurses at home. The injured veterans are returning, and civilian patients still need help. Student nurses are covering most of the work at home. We can use a lot more volunteers.” Ellie pulled a flyer from a stack on the shelf under the bulletin board and gave it to Tessa. “Take this. Go home and think about it.” The young nurse smiled and walked away.
Tessa held the flyer in her hand.
A group of young nurse trainees in military uniforms passed by the lobby on their way out of the hospital. They looked so sharp, so purposeful.
She looked at the flyer. The training program at the Veterans Hospital would begin next month. If she worked here, she could see Jack every day. Maybe even take care of him.
A dozen thoughts ran through her mind. As she stepped out of the hospital, the world seemed different. The city no longer felt like a transient stop where she waited for time to pass. Something new had found her, calling to her. If she would only reach out, she could grasp it.
Chapter 37
In the week that followed, Tessa visited Jack every day, but she never had a chance to talk to him alone. Someone else was always there. His mother came every day. Henry changed his shifts at Murphy’s so he could come with his mother. Ruby and Janie came as often as they could too. They brought him all his favorite foods and magazines. Mr. Murphy sent him several bottles of beer. Henry even brought Monopoly and they played the board game with him. Tessa brought him a new deck of cards to play with the other patients. All in all, Jack seemed to be in high spirits.
While visiting him, Tessa could not help noticing the other patients around them. A few had such horrific, disfiguring injuries, she couldn’t look directly at them. But at least they had friends or families. No one ever visited the one with bandages wrapped around his head covering his eyes. She wondered if his injuries had blinded him, but she dared not ask. As for the rest, a number of them needed wheelchairs and crutches to move around. She had never seen so many people with lost limbs in one room, and all the patients looked not much older than her.
Thank goodness Jack still had his leg, but even he would never be the same as before.
So many healthy bodies blown apart. So many young men permanently scarred. Why didn’t anyone talk about this? For all the talk of war she had heard at home or on the radio, she could not recall anyone ever discussing the wounded. Even her own mother, who must have seen numerous injured British soldiers in the last two years, hadn’t said a thing about this in her letters. Did her mother avoid the subject so as not to scare and upset her? Was her mother still trying to shield her from the horrors of war? She didn’t want to be shielded anymore.
Back in her room, Tessa sat at her desk with the Cadet Nurse Corps flyer in front of her. She must have read it twenty, maybe thirty times.
When she was a little girl, she used to play dress-up as a nurse to imitate her mother, but the idea of actually becoming one herself never entered her mind. She never had her mother’s natural warmth and sympathetic touch toward strangers. The occupation required constant interaction with too many people and she liked her solitude too much.
But what else would she want to do? She couldn’t be an actor like her father either. She didn’t have an ounce of acting talent in her. St. Mary’s offered no guidance on the matter. For all its prestige and reputation, she couldn’t think of anything she was learning there that could be useful for anything. Of course, people didn’t attend a school like St. Mary’s to prepare themselves for work. The girls went there to learn to become suitable wives of men that society deemed to be of great importance. When she thought of that, a cynical smile crept up her face.
Immediately, she felt ashamed. What entitled her to harbor such disdain for her school and classmates? Beyond helping out with a few metal scrap drives, what had she done that she could regard herself better than the other St. Mary’s girls? She looked down on them, and yet, when she considered what she was doing with her life, she was one of them in every way except for her attitude.
She thought of her parents. While they had spared her from the terror of the Blitz, her mother had volunteered with several groups to rebuild London. Her father toured the country and beyond for the British troops. Jack had already made a huge sacrifice having gone off to fight. And Ellie Swanson, the young nurse who gave her the flyer, was helping those like him who had come back.
What was she doing still wasting time at St. Mary’s?
She read the flyer again. Maybe she would never be as great a nurse as her mother, but if she could help all the people like the ones she saw at the Veterans Hospital, surely it was a more worthwhile way to live than hiding in the protective shell where everyone had placed her.
Once she made up her mind, she took her stationery out of her drawer and wrote a letter to her parents.
Downstairs, she found Uncle William and Aunt Sophia in the den. Uncle William was reading the evening newspaper while Aunt Sophia listened to her favorite mystery detective program.
“Want to join us, Tessa?” Sophia asked. Tessa took a seat across from them while trying to think of the best way to broach the subject.
“What is it?” William asked. “Is there something you want to tell us?”
She mustered her nerves and said. “I don’t want to go back to St. Mary’s this fall.”
“You want to stop going to school?” Sophia turned off the radio.
“Not exactly.” Tessa handed her the nurse recruitment flyer. “I want to join the Cadet Nurse Corps instead. They offer a training program for nurses at the Veterans Hospital.”
Sophia scanned the flyer, then gave it to William. Although Sophia looked surprised and worried, William smiled. When he looked up, a nostalgic spark lit up his eyes. “Your mother always had her own ideas of what she wanted to do too,” he said. “So you want to follow in your mother’s footsteps?”
Tessa closed her hands. “I can only hope to ever be as good a nurse as she is.”
“What brought on this idea?” Sophia gave her husband a reproachful look. There was still concern in her voice.
“I’ve been visiting the Veterans Hospital. I saw a lot of returning soldiers who need help. A student nurse there told me about this program. She said there’s a dire shortage of nurses across the country because of the war. I want to do something to help.”
William took his time and read the flyer. Tessa clasped her hands tighter, trying to read his expression.
“Knowing your mother, I don’t see why she wouldn’t approve,” William said. Tessa’s eyes brightened. “But we should write to your parents first and ask for their opinion and permission.”
“There’s no time, Uncle William.” Tessa leaned forward in her seat. “It’s already mid-August. The next training program starts in September. I need to decide and apply now. I already wrote a letter to my parents. I’ll post it tomorrow. I’m hoping you’ll both approve.”
Sophia took the flyer from her husband and read it again. “Are you sure this is what you want? Being a nurse is a serious commitment.”
“I’ve thought about it all week. As long as you approve, this is what I want to do.”
Sophia still had doubts. “But…”
William touched her lightly on her arm and stopped her. “We will have to make some
inquiries about the program first,” he said. “Make sure the program is worthwhile and you’ll be working in an environment we feel comfortable with.”
“You approve then?” Tessa asked, excited and relieved.
“Not so fast. Assuming the program is sound, I still have to discuss it with your Aunt Sophia. I will not allow it if she disagrees.” He glanced at his wife with a teasing smile, clearly with the intention of inciting her reaction.
“William! You’re putting me on the spot!”
He smiled at Tessa. She saw from his eyes he was already on her side.
“But even if Sophie agrees, we cannot allow it if your parents object in any way. If they disapprove, you will have to return to St. Mary’s.”
Tessa couldn’t ask for more. “Thank you, Uncle William. Thank you, Aunt Sophia.” She got up and gave Sophia a hug. Tessa never hugged anyone. Her unusual gesture of affection took Sophia by surprise and Sophia could only relent. “Of course.”
Having achieved her aim, Tessa left the room quickly before Aunt Sophia could change her mind.
# # #
For Anthony, it was a welcome break when for once, discussions at home about the military didn’t revolve around him. What he never expected was that their talk would center on Tessa. More than that, everyone left him entirely out of the conversation as if the matter was of no concern to him, like he had no part in her life. No one thought to ask his opinion. Nobody noticed how much that annoyed him either.
Tessa, especially, seemed to have all but forgotten about their night on the beach and everything that had happened between them since. Her new plan to become a cadet nurse occupied all her attention. How disappointing it was to know she thought so little of him, but her goal was noble. It would be petty to dwell on his own disappointment. Moreover, he couldn’t very well begrudge it when, after so many discussions about him joining the military, Tessa became the one who actually ended up in service.
