by Alysha Ellis
“I have work to do and I’m staying here to do it.” Her hands flexed and clenched above the keyboard. “There’s nothing we need to talk about.”
“There’s something I need to talk about. If you won’t come outside with me then we’ll have this conversation here.” He braced his arms on her desk, his head level with hers, and looked at her. “Why, Kitty? Was it so bad…? Was I so bad you couldn’t even bother to say goodbye?”
His mouth twisted and in his brown eyes Kitty saw something she hadn’t expected, hadn’t even considered. She’d hurt him. Disappearing hadn’t been considerate. It had been selfish and rude.
“I’m sorry,” she forced out past the heavy weight that settled on her chest. ”It wasn’t because you did anything wrong. I—”
“It’s not you, it’s me?” he spat out. “You are honestly going to resort to that tired old line?” He ran his fingers through his hair. “If you don’t respect me enough to be honest or to come up with a halfway believable reason for why you took off without saying goodbye, I guess there’s no point me being here. I’ll just crawl back under a rock somewhere and leave you alone.”
Faced with his anger, forced to see how wrong she’d been, Kitty knew she had to talk to him. Anything else would be an insult. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think… We do have to talk and we can’t do it here.”
Zakk stalked silently to the door and held it open. Without speaking another word, they walked outside. Zakk led her to a seat in the far corner of the courtyard, and she sat down and braced herself. Zakk had said what he needed to, but there was something she must do first.
“I apologize. I thought by leaving I’d save you the embarrassment of having to deal with me in the morning. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“Offend me?” He paced backwards and forwards in front of her. “You had me so worried I could barely think. How did you get home? What did you do to make sure you were safe? You didn’t take a taxi.”
“I walked,” she said. “It wasn’t that far and anyone about at that time in the morning wouldn’t be interested in bothering with me, so…” She blinked up at him. “How did you know I didn’t take a taxi?”
Zakk stilled and thrust his hands in his pockets. He looked at the ground and, even though he did not meet her gaze, Kitty could see the faint flush of color on his cheekbones. “I called the taxi service to see if they had picked up anyone from my address. If you’d taken a cab, at least I’d have known you were safe. I have a mate who works in dispatch, so I…”
A warm glow started near Kitty’s heart, a warm glow suddenly swamped by a cold wash of guilt. Ensuring people’s safety was part of Zakk’s nature, a part she’d trampled over with her thoughtless behavior. “I didn’t think about a taxi,” she said.
“What did you think? What the hell went through your mind that you scurried out of there like I was some kind of monster?” He lifted his gaze at last and looked at her. His eyes were bleak and cold. “You want to explain that to me? Because I’ve had four days to think about it. Four days when I had no clue about where you were, whether you were okay, and why you’d rather take to the streets alone than speak to me, even just to say goodbye. Four days I’ve tried to think about an explanation and I haven’t been able to come up with anything good.” He turned and sank down onto the seat beside her, elbows resting on his knees, head dropped into his hands.
Nausea churned in Kitty’s stomach. She’d been so focused on herself—on her fears, her insecurities—she’d never thought about Zakk’s vulnerabilities. Shame soured her mouth and tightened her throat, but she had to make amends, had to show him the fault did not lie with him. “I…” She swallowed and started again. “I’m older than you, and nowhere near as attractive.”
“Bull—”
With a lifted hand, she cut him off. “No. I need to say this. I don’t have much sexual experience. I divorced when my daughter was four years old, and she’s nineteen now. I devoted myself to raising her and there hasn’t been anyone…in that time. With her at university I was free to come to Australia to fulfill a dream—adventure, sun, golden sand and surf.” A short laugh huffed out. “That didn’t turn out quite the way I planned, but I did meet you.”
“Kitty, I—”
“No, please. If I don’t say it now, I might not have the nerve to do it later. I have a tendency to avoid things that are too difficult.”
“I noticed that,” he muttered, but he lapsed into silence and let her go on.
“You are very attractive, and on Friday night I guess I just lost my head. I took what I wanted, and hang the consequences.”
“But that’s good. Why shouldn’t you have what you want? What we wanted? Why run away afterwards?”
“Because you wouldn’t want me,” she cried in anguish. “I couldn’t bear to see you realize what you’d done. Couldn’t bear to see you thinking—Oh my God, how do I get out of this?—when morning came and you were sober.”
“When I was sober?” Zakk’s shout echoed off the walls of the buildings surrounding the courtyard. “I was never drunk in the first place,” he went on, lowering his voice. “I was going to drive you home.” He spread his open palms wide. “What did I do to make you think I had had too much to drink?”
Beside him, Kitty shrank a little. “Well, too much alcohol can make me behave in a way I normally wouldn’t.”
“Oh, great,” he groaned. “You’re telling me you slept with me because you had a few drinks? Terrific—just terrific. Thank you for delivering the final blow to my self-esteem.” He rubbed his hand over his chin. “I suppose I should be grateful you’re not accusing me of sexual assault.” He stopped and directed a piercing look at her. “You’re not, are you?”
“How could you think such a thing? I wasn’t drunk. I knew what I was doing. But you’re younger than me and far out of my league.”
“I wanted you and I was completely sober.” He picked up her hand and laced his fingers through hers. “I knew exactly what I was doing and who I was doing it with. Maybe you are older than me—I hadn’t thought about it and it doesn’t matter. And I don’t understand why you think you’re not in the same league. You’re gorgeous, all soft and smooth and pretty. After what we did on Friday night, how could you doubt I find you attractive?”
Kitty opened her mouth to reply but couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t seem needy or argumentative or stupid, so she said nothing.
“Kitty? Talk to me. Are we okay?”
“Of course.” Her lips wobbled when she tried to smile. “In any case, it should be me asking you that. I was the one who behaved badly. I’m sorry I ran out without having the courtesy to say goodbye.”
The fingers wrapped around hers tightened. “As long as your departure had nothing to do with disappointment.”
“No!” she gasped. “It was wonderful. You were wonderful.”
“Then will you come out with me again?” Zakk asked.
“Again?” Her eyes narrowed. He wanted to see her again? Even after she’d acted like a complete idiot?
“Yes, again. I don’t do one-night stands, and I don’t think you’re the type to do them, either.”
“No. I’m not. I, um, haven’t been the type to do anything like that in a long time.”
“Exactly my point,” Zakk said with a smile. “We have something here. That night with you was special. You’re special. Of course I want to see you again.”
Her mouth curved into a wide smile. So what if her laugh lines highlighted her age. Zakk’s answering grin was proof enough that, for now, it didn’t matter.
“Saturday night, then?” he asked. “I know a nice place to eat.”
“That would be…lovely,” Kitty said. They stood up, ready to go back to work.
“Kitty,” Zakk said as he leaned toward her. “I need to know your address so I can pick you up on Saturday. A phone number would be good, too.”
“I guess it would help.” With a laugh, she gave him the details.
&
nbsp; He entered them into his phone and smiled, a devilish light in his eyes. “This time if you run away, I won’t have to scour the kingdom looking for a woman who fits the shoe substitute she left behind.” He winked. “Which is good, because there are a lot of women in Wollongong who might fit that bra…but there is only one you.”
He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I’d like to make the kiss count,” he whispered. “But a lot of windows overlook this courtyard. I think we’ll save the best stuff for later, when we’re on our own.”
He sauntered off.
Kitty watched him go, his long stride flexing the muscles of his shapely backside, leaving her warm and breathless.
* * * *
Kitty spent a lot of time thinking about Zakk and what would happen after their dinner. His open admiration excited her, made her feel desirable and exciting. Unfortunately, her staid and limited wardrobe, brought with her from the UK, did not fit the image the new Kitty wanted to project.
Three hours of Thursday late-night shopping—grabbing clothes from racks, taking them to change rooms, sucking in her stomach, tightening her bra straps and looking over her shoulder in front of wraparound mirrors under the unforgiving glare of fluorescent lights—had put a dint in her newfound confidence.
Her feet hurt from the constant walking, and she was almost ready to give up, when in the window of an upmarket store she saw the dress. The black cotton splashed with a scattering of soft blue and green floral looked elegant, cool and beautiful—neither formal nor informal, but both—perfect for either a fine dining establishment or something more casual.
Kitty took a deep breath and walked inside. The assistant lifted her chin and looked down her nose. Kitty squirmed, sure the woman had accurately estimated the cost of every item of clothing she wore.
After a moment, she spoke. “May I be of assistance, madam?”
“I’d like to try on the dress in the window,” Kitty said.
“Perhaps madam would prefer to try it on in the change room,” the woman said. Nothing in her aloof manner indicated whether she’d just made a joke, or if she was being ridiculously snooty.
There was a moment’s awkward silence. The urge to turn tail and escape was strong, but her desire for that dress was stronger. “Do you have it in size twelve?”
Maybe this was one of those stores that only carried clothes for stick thin models. Maybe the sales assistant would laugh out loud. With her hands clenched by her sides, Kitty waited.
With no discernible expression, the woman said, “I believe we have one in stock. I’ll check out the back.”
When she returned, she carried a swath of black fabric over her arm.
Kitty took it and ducked into the change room. After shedding her outer clothes, she slid the dress over her head. The zipper at the back presented a problem but Kitty refused to call for help. It took twisting her right arm like a contortionist, but when she finally turned to look at herself in the mirror her breath faltered.
Everything about the dress played to her best features and minimized her worst. The A-line skirt accentuated her small waist and disguised her full hips. Tiny cap sleeves drew attention away from her underarms. The V pattern of flowers on the squared-off bust line lent the illusion of youthful cleavage. The fitted bodice gave her shape without bulk.
The dress made her look and feel ten years younger.
When the assistant poked her head in to ask if she required anything, Kitty nodded. “I’ll take it.”
“An excellent decision,” the woman said. “It suits you and it fits perfectly.”
“I know.” Kitty sighed.
The assistant helped her to remove the dress and left with it while Kitty donned her everyday clothes. When she got to the counter, the assistant had already packed the dress in sheets of tissue paper and placed it into a heavy paper bag, embossed with the name of the shop.
Kitty pulled her credit card out of her wallet and stepped up to the cash register. The assistant pushed forward the card reader and just before Kitty stuck in her card named a price that made her heart jump. The dress cost more than two weeks’ wages. More than she could afford.
“Does madam have a question?” the assistant asked.
Although her tone remained impersonal, Kitty detected a hint of scorn—an awareness that Kitty had really had no idea how much the dress would cost… That now she knew, it mattered. The assistant’s hands stilled on the bag, and she raised one penciled eyebrow.
“Er, no,” Kitty said, trying her best to sound calm. “I thought for a moment I had forgotten my PIN, but it was just a memory lapse.” She thrust the card firmly into the chip reader and finalized the transaction before she could think better of it.
With the bag swinging from her arm, she strode from the shop and headed straight for a shoe store. If she was going crazy, then, hell, she would really go crazy. Besides, compared to the dress, the shoes she wanted were cheap.
One pair of matching bluish–green high-heeled pumps later, Kitty had finished shopping.
Chapter Four
Zakk’s reaction when she opened her door on Saturday night justified every cent of the outrageous price. His eyes widened and his face broke into an appreciative grin. “Wow, you look fantastic.” He took her hand, a devilish look on his face. “Nice dress. Take it off.”
Kitty laughed. The blatant admiration sent her confidence, already boosted by the dress, soaring. “No way. I just bought this dress and I intend to be seen in it.”
“Fair enough… Dinner first, take it off later.” He winked. “Anticipation is going to make it better.”
Zakk looked pretty delicious himself, his dark pants and blue cotton shirt highlighting his broad shoulders and narrow hips. If he wanted her out of the dress, she damn well wanted him out of his clothes as well. The thought of his naked body made her heart pound. Zakk might think anticipation was going to make it better, but she was afraid it might kill her.
Her pulse raced as she accompanied him to his car.
“I thought we’d go a little north, to Austinmer,” he said. “Have you been there yet?”
She shook her head.
“You’ll like the café,” Zakk said. “It’s small—only open during the day, and on Friday and Saturday nights—but the food is great and it’s right on the beach.”
“Sounds lovely,” she said without adding that right now anything would sound lovely. Even a burger chain in the city would have made her happy tonight.
The meal she ordered at the café was far, far better than any burger—the pumpkin and sage risotto with walnuts, baby spinach, leeks and shaved Parmesan was almost good enough to distract her from her preoccupation with Zakk.
His attention remained fixed on her the entire time. The waitress flirted with him but as far as Kitty could tell, he didn’t even notice. He was friendly and polite, but his gaze stayed on Kitty except for the few seconds it took to give his order.
“How long are you planning to stay in Australia?” he asked and the intensity burning in his brown eyes made sure she knew it was more than a polite enquiry. Her answer mattered.
“It’s open-ended,” she replied. “I don’t have any plans to leave at the moment.”
He took her hand and squeezed it gently. “Good. I want to see where you and I go from here.”
“Is there anywhere to go?” With a roll of her hand, she disengaged their fingers. “I’m fifty. And you’re what? Thirty-five? That’s too big a difference for anything long term.”
“First of all, I don’t see what age has to do with this,” he said, picking her hand back up again. “Oh, it might if I were twenty something and looking for a couple of kids, but I’m not. I’m thirty-eight, not twenty-five. Twelve years is nothing.” He looked deep into her eyes. “Be honest—if I were fifty and you were twelve years younger, would you think it mattered then?”
“No, but it’s different,” she protested.
“Yeah, it is different,” he agreed. “Women live longer t
han men on average, so the older man and younger woman pairing hasn’t made any biological sense since women stopped dying in childbirth. Come on, Kitty, you need to get over this. Say you don’t want to be with me because you don’t like me, or because you want to be with somebody else, but not because you think I’m too young for you.”
When he put it that way—his voice firm with conviction, his hand holding hers—she lost her will to argue. He wasn’t a child. He was a responsible adult who seemed to have his life more together than she, with her lack of organization and her insecurities and impulses.
Outside, night fell as they ate, the sky fading from blue to amber, clouds flashing gold and crimson before fading out into star-speckled black. When they’d finished and the bill came, Kitty reached into her purse. Zakk’s brow furrowed. “I’m paying.”
“But it’s only fair—” she began.
“I asked you out, I’m paying,” he insisted. “Besides, you only work three days, you’re new to the country and you must have had lots of expenses.” He smiled. “And you bought a dress especially for tonight, where I just grabbed something from my wardrobe, so I’d say you’ve done your share.”
Kitty laughed. “Good point. You can pay.”
Once Zakk had settled the bill, he stood and helped Kitty to her feet. “Let’s walk on the beach for a while?”
They walked hand in hand into the warm summer night. The lights of the restaurant faded behind them, along with the chatter of voices and the occasional rumble of a passing car. Only the swish of the waves where they kissed the shore, breaking into sparkling beads of silver phosphorescence, punctuated the silence.
Slowly, Zakk drew her to a stop. He turned to her, stroking her arm, his fingers caressing the inside of her elbow as he went. Kitty’s skin fizzed with its own phosphorescent sparkle.
He cupped her chin, reached his other arm around her and drew her in. His head lowered and Kitty lifted hers to meet him. In the darkness, his eyes were as black as the night sky and she felt herself being drawn inwards, falling into him as she fell into his kiss.
