Since we weren't legal experts, most of what he was saying went straight over our heads, but we fully understood the implications of his final argument. We came to a unanimous decision. We would keep the cheque and the Baron would cash it first thing in the morning. He was the only one of us who would not be in danger of being arrested and executed only because he was carrying a large amount of cash on him. My fever had receded, my fantasies had stopped and therefore my friends had no further cause to keep watch over me and left me alone.
11
THE GIFT
I was feeling fine, albeit a little wobbly. I'm sure I would have been able to recuperate more quickly if I had been able to sit by the window in the sunlight and fresh air. Christine, however, kept a steady watch in the courtyard, only leaving at four o’clock in the afternoon, after which the weather turned cold and foggy. I kept the coconut fibres under my bed just in case, in the firm knowledge that no one would sweep under the bed and get rid of them by mistake. Unfortunately it was difficult for me to appear by the window in disguise because the others in the home knew me too well. My mates were back on duty during the day. As a prisoner I remained exempt. The trip to Berchtesgaden, and with it the end of my incarceration, was approaching rapidly. My friends could only come to see me on their time off and when they had nothing better to do. This evening was one of those times.
‘We were able to eavesdrop on the officers again,’ the Student said. ‘The local organisation Kraft durch Freude will be carrying out the ceremony. There was some argument about who would have been the most suited. They will be arriving tomorrow morning and have reserved one of the offices. They are still waiting for the president and his deputy – both long-standing members of the party. Do remember to have a shave tomorrow morning, Gotthold. You know that you are also to be granted a request. The captain has agreed that despite your solitary confinement, you will be granted an audience with the panel.’
The Student tended always to dwell on the negative. ‘Now that we have all this money and have no idea what to do with it, we also have a request that will be granted.’ He coughed. Now that he was able to buy as many cigarettes as he wanted and could smoke one after the other, his health was suffering rapidly.
‘I beg to differ,’ the Baron offered. He tended to see things in a more positive light. ‘With money alone there is not much we can achieve in the current climate. Food is rationed: they have put a stop on importing pineapples and goose liver, clothes are rationed too and fine fabrics are nowhere to be had. We cannot even buy a vehicle. Just think of the fantastic cars we would normally have been able to buy with the money we have. Alas, there is little petrol to be had and no tyres. And books are forbidden. In the theatres and cinemas we are presented with utter dross. We can't travel to the Riviera because it's forbidden. I currently see no imminent need to consult medical specialists or lawyers. All in all, I have no idea how we are going to spend the money. But when it's the party's turn to dish out rewards, they who are not bound by the restrictions, just imagine what we would be able to do. An omelette made of three whole eggs, eaten in one go to start with, then roast pork with cabbage salad!’
‘Will that be your request?’ the Student interrupted, and licked his lips.
‘I'm not sure. I’ll have to consult my conscience,’ the Baron laughed and pounded on his large belly. ‘But I have to fight against this, poor neglected white lump of flesh, whose wishes do tend to be granted. Gotthold, what will you ask for?’
My answer was simple. I put my finger to my mouth and replied, ‘That's my big secret!’
‘We all know what Gotthold's greatest desire is,’ the Student remarked. ‘He has been fantasising about it for hours. Even the captain is aware: a game of chess with one of the greats, with a little bit of a head start and a large audience. Am I right?’
I just nodded and said, ‘How can I keep a secret from you?’ ‘So what shall we do with all the money?’ the Student repeated.
We had already discussed various options. Should we give it to our old captain? He always looked so miserable and did not seem to have much money. So many people congratulated him that most of his salary was spent on the telegrams sent in return. I do think the captain would rather fry his own galoshes and eat them for breakfast than accept anything from us. There were many things we could invest in on the boat, more defences for example. But we didn't want to support the arms industry because all three of us were committed pacifists.
‘Why haven't we discussed spending our money on women?’ the Student asked. Women were his greatest weakness; that at his age not one lady had deigned to love him just as he was, was an insult to the core of his being. ‘We are all aware that even the most beautiful women have a price. Why haven't we expended any efforts yet? Is it out of consideration for Gotthold because he is currently imprisoned? I would think that that is not necessary. Am I right, Gotthold? You don't mind, do you?’
‘Not at all,’ I answered. ‘You know me. I'm not one to begrudge someone anything. I may have been in days past but now that I have been awarded the cross, I have let go of this bad trait. If Adalbert fancies women, why not go out and have some fun and get the best our money can buy. I don't mind being left out. Don't worry about being fair and taking it from your own share. I don't see how we can spend the entire amount anyway.’
‘If we were in Monte Carlo,’ the Student enthused, ‘I would know exactly what to do. I have seen this in a film and thought at the time that if I ever had lots of money I would do exactly the same. The actor Hans Albers walks into a casino, hands in his pockets and his head held high. From all directions coquettish women slink towards him. He chooses the most beautiful one, takes a 100-franc note, rolls it up, and throws it across the table towards her. Out of the corner of his mouth he growls: “Hey babe, catch! This is for you!” And all evening the beauty does not move from your side. You buy her a diamond brooch, a sports car maybe, and then she moves in with you. But try something like that in Kiel! The first problem is that we aren't allowed any female visitors here. Secondly, I don't know any woman in Kiel that you would (captain's wives and ladies excepted) spend more than 10 marks on, even if you were loaded. Of course, there is one exception.’ Both looked at each other and nodded in agreement.
‘You’re thinking of the tart in the baths who hands out the towels,’ I interjected. ‘The one you were trying to pair me off with a few days ago.’ My friends were filled with indignation.
‘Gotthold, how can you say such a thing? You only saw her from behind, and on a bad day when you were not feeling very well. You must have been suffering from a fever already. Never has a more beautiful girl handed out and picked up towels in the baths. And she remains as unapproachable as a queen.’
Of course, when she is on duty she is not allowed to start anything with another man. She explained this to me in some detail. But this was something I could not share with my mates.
‘For my part,’ I said, ‘I am strictly not interested in this woman. But please do try your luck. You have unlimited funds at your disposal. But what will you do? Will you throw bundles of banknotes at her when she is handing out towels? You can't buy her a sports car. There's no petrol so she would not be able to use it anyway.’
‘What about a diamond brooch?’ Since my success with naming the amount that was to go on the cheque, I had turned into an oracle of all knowledge. Nothing was decided without my approval.
‘It's not so much about what you get for her,’ I said, ‘it is more about how you present it to her. I would recommend the following: remain anonymous at the start. This has the advantage that you are unlikely to be met with a rebuff. If she really is as you describe, she might throw the gift back in your face and exclaim: “You can keep your gifts. I don't want them” or something along those lines. Therefore, remain anonymous and wait for the opportunity to reveal your identity by alluding discreetly to the token of appreciation. This is still no guarantee of success, but it greatly increases your chances. Do y
ou know where she lives?’
‘We have been making enquiries,’ said the Student. ‘She's living with eleven other working women in converted municipal offices a little out of town. I would not dare send anything valuable to this address and we can't send anything that she has to sign for because that would reveal the sender. No, I don't see any other way of presenting her with a gift other than face to face, here or at her house.’
‘You have no imagination,’ I berated my friends. ‘Do you know which route she takes home?’
‘I have been watching her for days,’ the Baron admitted. ‘Normally when she finishes around lunchtime she dawdles and finds things to do in the courtyard, staring at the windows. It's normally gone 4 p.m. before she gets changed and leaves the premises. Then she goes straight to a cake shop and drinks an Ersatzkaffee. She takes her time going home, always going down the same streets, not looking to the left or right and without turning round. She normally walks so quickly that I have a hard time keeping up with her. She always stops to buy the evening paper at the same spot. The first time she also threw some change at a beggar sitting near the viaduct but he is no longer there. He must have been drafted for military service. I only followed her three times, no more.’
‘Think hard,’ I said. ‘When she reaches the viaduct, it must already be quite dark?’
‘Yes, that's right,’ the Baron admitted, ‘but it is getting lighter every day.’
‘I can see only one option,’ I explained. ‘Both of you must wait for her there. Wear facemasks because she might have a torch. Oswald, you are the stronger one. You grab her from behind and cover her mouth so she can't scream. And you, Adalbert, pin the brooch to her breast. Be very careful not to prick her skin with your shaky hands. If she really is as full-blooded as you describe her to be you may get blood on your shirt and you could get arrested for attempted murder. You needn't worry too much about being arrested – even with facemasks it would be difficult to classify your attempt as assault. Once the brooch is in place, let her go and she will run off into the darkness. Once she realises nothing is stolen, she will notice the gift and stop screaming. Do be careful, she is as strong as a pack of polar bears.’
As soon as the words left my mouth I knew this was a mistake. Even if you are so careful when lying, there is always the danger of making a slip and causing suspicion. The Baron raised his eyebrows. He looked at me closely. ‘There you have it,’ he said. ‘Gotthold, I knew it! Pretending in all innocence that you want nothing to do with this woman, a common working-class broad, you called her and you had higher aspirations. Admit it, you hypocritical swine!’ His voice was getting louder and louder. ‘Where and when did you secretly meet with her to know how strong she is?’
My first instinct was to pretend to be offended by the accusations and invent a pack of lies about how I had seen her from the window lifting two of the Colonia vats with ease. These vats are in the courtyard, used to transport waste, and are so heavy that it normally takes two sailors to lift them because one on his own would be risking a severe injury to his back. There are exact rules about this: the two men have to grab each other by the shoulder. But I found it difficult to lie to my friends and remained quiet, relying on the Student to defend me, and he promptly obliged.
The Student had been taking careful notes, ‘under the viaduct: black facemasks’, he kept repeating. Then he sprang to my aid: ‘Oswald,’ he said, ‘your jealousy and argumentativeness will be our ruin. Even if Gotthold really had met the girl in secret, and now denies it, what of it? Maybe he is saying it out of chivalry? Meaning that he is trying to protect the reputation of a lady? Gotthold has been unselfish in providing us with a tactic. You must admit, neither of us would have come up with a similar simple and practical plan involving a masked raid. Now you are making him angry and we’ve not even decided what exactly to get as a gift. We will need Gotthold's help, as we would not be able to think of anything suitable on our own.’
The Baron looked at me. ‘Well, what do you suggest, you crafty old bastard?’
I had a flash of insight. ‘Listen, just opposite the shop selling musical instruments there is a small jeweller’s. These days he doesn't have much on display but I have seen a few things that will do nicely. One of them is a small dog studded with tiny diamonds, the other a clock face with hands but without movement, only for decoration. If you bring these items to me I will fashion a first-class ladies’ brooch. It will be highly original and she will, if she has any taste at all, be very pleased.’
The dog was a little Pekinese and I was planning to set the hands of the clock to two since that had been the time of night I was with her. I was sure she would pick up the hint if she had only the smallest amount of female intuition. She would then know that her beloved Wilhelm Andersen was thinking of her and she would think of me in return; full of affection, as this was something she was permitted to do even on duty. I had no intention of deceiving my friends and gaining any form of material advantage from the present I was preparing. The soldering would be easy. I was used to a similar technique from making dentures in the past. I was looking forward to the work and the anticipation of Christine's warm feelings towards her Wilhelm. With no material gain forthcoming, I was happy to revel in the expectation of romantic feelings.
12
KRAFT DURCH FREUDE
The next morning I waited in my provisional cell, fully clothed and clean-shaven. Even my shoes were polished to perfection. The sentry refused to let me out before the captain had signed the necessary paperwork proving that my arrest was temporarily suspended and he was not yet in his office. I knew that the Kraft durch Freude panel was already in full throes on the floor below and I tormented myself with the thought of missing out on my slice of paradise due to bureaucratic formalities. Finally the door opened and I leapt down the stairs, taking three steps at a time. Perhaps I had not missed much; there can't have been many inside. My friends the Baron and the Student were standing outside the offices, apparently arguing.
‘What is an absolute national disgrace?’ I enquired of the Baron. I had only managed to catch his last words.
‘They didn't send any reporters, Gotthold,’ he informed me promptly. ‘My friend, you look like a piece of cheese that has been in the open for three days. It is a good thing you are here now. You can help me to persuade Adalbert. The one time I demand a favour from a friend and all I get is hesitance and refusal.’
‘What does he want you to do?’ I asked the Student.
‘No, you had better let me explain,’ the Baron interrupted. ‘Listen. Adalbert has to wish for something a little piquant or sensational so that all the reporters flock over. I desperately need one present when the panel asks me for my wish. Here, this is what I will ask for.’ He took up his pose, relishing the opportunity of a dress rehearsal.
‘Heil Hitler, fellow members of the party. All my life I have had one wish only: to fight for Germany's naval prestige against the British arch-enemy. This wish has already been granted, so I have no further desires. Hey? What do you think?’
He was expecting applause, I think. ‘I can understand,’ I said, ‘that you have no real desires because we already have all the money we need. But why you find it necessary to proclaim such fatuous nonsense is beyond me. Everyone knows that you enjoy playing golf, smoke navy cuts and normally rave about England.’
‘You don't understand,’ the Baron complained. ‘I only want my declaration to make it into the papers and, provided that the party bigwigs read newspapers, I’ll catch their attention and they will realise: “Oh, here is someone who is so good at lying. He is wasting his talents on a U-boat and should be working for the Propaganda Ministry.”’
The Student took pity. ‘If it really means that much to you I will help you. What is the sensational thing that I should wish for?’
The Baron thought long and hard. ‘Why don't you wish for a lady of the night?’ he finally said. ‘Whether they will be able to grant you your wish or not is irrele
vant, but in either case it will cause a stir. Women are your weakness after all.’
The Student grinned sheepishly. ‘Let's go inside.’
We pushed down the handle gently and entered the room. There was a long table arranged in such a way that it divided the room into two halves. The area behind the table was the officials’ area, housing the panel, which consisted of a bald, middle-aged man with short legs wearing pince-nez and an imposing lady with white streaks in her otherwise black hair, wound in thick plaits around her head. She had one of those enormous swastikas on her silk blouse, normally only worn by those unfortunate enough to possess slightly hooked noses or those failed in other ways to look like northern Europeans. I learned from my mates that they were married and were the owners of the largest pharmacy on the marketplace. He was the president, she the vice-president of the local KDF organisation. Next to them there was an impressive array of presents under a Christmas tree: books, catalogues and boxes carefully packed up so that we could not make out any details.
The Student forged ahead and approached the makeshift counter. The female commissioner gave him her full attention and the sweetest smile: ‘Someone has to make a start. Please do go ahead. What is it that you wish for? Something pleasing to the eye maybe? Or some delicacy?’
The Student answered: ‘I thank you kindly, my lady commissioner, but I desire something for the heart!’
‘Liebe ist eine Himmelsmacht. Love is a heavenly power,’ she sang with a pleasant voice and good pitch. ‘I have thought of such wishes and have not come unprepared. See here, we have a lovely photo album bound with proper ersatz-leather with the pleasing title Anmut huldigt der Tapferkeit – Grace pays homage to bravery. We will insert pictures of the prettiest women in this city. Personally I think you shouldn't have only young women represented since I firmly believe that a female's traits improve with age, gaining beauty and dignity, but I will not insist, not for you sailors. You can have a nice album of beautiful young ladies; don't worry, our photographer is not prudish. There are some risqué pictures of fine young women with wreaths of flowers in their hair and substantial décolletage, a gauze veil, artfully draped around their shoulders. In my day, when I was young, young ladies would have never allowed such pictures to leave their hands, but nowadays young people are more free.’ With this she sighed, much happier too. ‘We will get every young lady to write an inscription under each image. I have some templates just in case the young things are unable to think of anything appropriate. With this album you will have a wonderful memento; something to last you a lifetime and to provide a warm feeling every time you take it in your hands.’
Any Survivors (2008) Page 14
