by Havana Scott
“No,” I laugh, relieved. “I didn’t know it was him. I showed up on Monday for my appointment only to discover it was the same guy I went home with on Friday night.”
She jumps once in place. “Oh, my God! That’s…wow…I can’t…whoa. That’s even worse! I didn’t know you meant it was the same person. So, that hot guy from the bar was Dr. Lee, the celebrity therapist?”
“I guess, though he doesn’t like being called that. You know, I didn’t know what he looked like, so he can’t be that much of a celebrity.” I shrug, holding back a smile. A celebrity. So the man I was with last night is the wet dream of countless women on campus. Hard to believe he’d have any interest in me.
“Alice, that’s because you—we—live in a bubble. But you’re only seeing him once, though, right? I mean, isn’t that your rule?”
“It has been, but I saw him again last night, and I’m going to see him again.”
“I can’t believe this. When?”
“I don’t know. As soon as I can. I’m obsessed, Jilly. I don’t know what’s come over me, but he’s all I can think about, and remember, I didn’t know of him before.”
“So the rumors are true.”
“Honestly, I know nothing about the rumors, and I don’t care either. But he’s good—really good—and I don’t just mean sex. I mean the way he thinks, the way he listens…everything.” That part, those words coming out of my mouth, floors me. I’m impressed and inspired by a guy, for once, and it’s starting to feel…dangerous.
“Do you call him Dr. Lee?” She gives me a sneaky smile. “Oh, Dr. Lee, please do me harder, Dr. Lee!” she cries. I laugh out loud. It feels good to share this with someone.
“No,” I say. “Well, maybe…”
“Alright, well, just be careful,” Jilly switches to her overprotective grandma voice, picking up her basket again and pausing at the hallway. “You’re an impressionable young lady, and we don’t want the likes of Dr. Love playing with your heart. Your other parts are fair game, but not your heart. Capiche?”
I laugh harder. When was the last time I did that out of sheer silliness? Isn’t college supposed to be a time of free-spiritedness? I used to be fun. I used to sketch, dance, watch my shows before I became a hyperfocused engineering student. Lately, it’s like someone has pissed in my porridge.
As Jilly retreats to her room, I think about all we said. I know what she means about being careful. We’re super close to graduation—six weeks. We almost have the prize in our hands. Now is not the time to lose myself in a torrid relationship, love, sexual, or otherwise. Now’s the time to sprint strong toward the finishing line.
Yet, with the way I feel after seeing “Dr. Love,” I know I need more of his special therapy. I’m a bad girl, and I’m starting not to care. But I try anyway. I spend the weekend without calling him. No further incident, and I don’t hear from him either. I’m not hurt by his distance, because I know he’s trying to stay away from me, per my request. Instead, I take out my old sketchbooks and draw, like the old days. I pull up random internet images of buildings, flowers, and rock formations and just practice.
None of it helps me forget him.
He’s buried himself under my skin, and I can’t wait to see him again.
Maybe Dr. Lee is like chocolate cake. You can get away with having it once, maybe twice, three times max in a week before you start feeling the effects of sugar overconsumption. He’s a drug, and that makes him unsafe. I just need a repeat of last night, I tell myself. I’m totally under control. One more time together, and that’s it.
Unfortunately, I don’t believe I can’t do it. I’m literally Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole after drinking his elixir. I’ve tried stepping away, but now I’m spinning down, down, down, landing with a massive thud. And at bottom is tricky territory.
8
ROMAN
“Do you need me for anything else, Dr. Lee?” Mrs. Gio collects her purse and a stack of file folders, keys dangling from her hand. Clearly, she wants me to say no, so she can go home.
“I’m fine, Mrs. G. Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I only have one more thing to do, and then I’m out of here.” At my desk, I peruse today’s patient files, double checking everything, making sure I’ve prescribed the right homework for my patients and that I’m not missing anything.
I can get a bit OCD regarding my patient files. I don’t like feeling like I’m overlooking something, like my diagnoses are completely off-course, but all my notes look fine. No need to overanalyze. It’s time to go home, unwind with music, Jack-and-Coke, and think about nothing.
Nothing except Alice, that is. The girl has wended her way into my psyche in a way that’s not completely unpleasant. While it concerns me that I should spend so much time and energy recalling a certain sexual escapade involving a car the other night, I also remember how much more there is to her. She’s fascinating, if nothing else, and that alone is enough to hold my attention for a while.
But for how long?
I don’t want to get attached to her, considering we’re both on career missions. We’d have nothing to offer each other at the end of the day except stress-relieving sex. And yet, when she tells me about her lab class, I love hearing about it, and when she tells me about that jerk in her class, Aaron, I want to slap the dude upside his head.
Outside my office in the waiting room, I hear a quiet exchange. Mrs. Gio’s voice and someone else’s. Her click-clackety heels come back my way. Did she forget something? She knocks on my door and opens. “There’s a young woman here to see you.”
My shoulders drop. “Really?” Mrs. Gio knows I won’t see any “young women” without an appointment or her around, especially after finding another love note on my windshield wiper at lunchtime today. Why is she informing me of this? It’s after hours. “Who is it?”
“The patient who bolted out of here last week whose file you had me destroy.” Mrs. Gio smirks and gives me that look only older women my mother’s age know how to give. “Should I stay?” She’s perturbed. One, because she was hoping to go home and now it appears as though she may have to stay and chaperone. And two, because I’m male and clearly up to no good.
I have to play it off like it’s nothing. “It’s fine. She’s just a friend, actually. You can let her in.”
“A friend who made an appointment to see you?” More smirking.
“Mrs. Gio, we met the week before and she had no idea I’d end up being her therapist. It’s all good. Trust me.” It’s not a lie; it’s just not the complete truth either.
“I do trust you, Dr. Lee. It’s these young women I don’t trust. Most of them have no sense of shame. Honestly, when I was their age, I never would’ve thrown myself at older men the way they do. It’s embarrassing.” She pulls her sweater closed tighter, as she thinks about her own words.
“I see.” I’m sure if she gave it some thought, she could remember being Alice’s age again.
“The question is, do you trust yourself?” she asks, her keys still jingling.
I don’t, but I have to figure this out myself. No amount of chaperoning is going to keep me away from someone I don’t want to stay away from. The fact that we’re on campus will help me remain professional. “I’ll be fine. Send her in.”
Shrugging, she opens the door and signals toward the waiting room. A moment later, Alice walks in, waving timidly. She’s wearing a Rolling Stone concert shirt with no bra again. I’ve never seen a woman with tits as big as hers walk around with no bra the way she does, and I’m sure that’s what’s got Mrs. G concerned. It has to drive her male classmates crazy.
“Have a good evening, Dr. Lee.” She gives me one, last lingering look before closing the door.
“Thank you, Mrs. G. Hey, Alice. What’s up?” I ask in a friendly voice, for Mrs. G’s benefit, of course. I pull out a chair for her. Alice sits, setting down her backpack. Once I see Mrs. G out the window getting in
to her car, I breathe a little easier. “You can’t come see me here.”
“Why not?”
“Because this is my office, Alice. I could get into trouble being in a closed room with you without anyone around to supervise.”
“But I thought you said I wasn’t your patient. Didn’t you destroy my file?” she asks.
“I…no, it’s still here, and we gave you a credit on your card. But still, you think it’s hard being a woman in a male-dominated field? Try being a male therapist on a campus full of horny girls.”
Her shoulders deflate, the peppiness at seeing me again, gone. Ouch. I shouldn’t have said that. “Am I one of your horny girls? Is that what you think of me?”
“No, actually. I think very highly of you despite your proclivity for all things sexual.”
Thankfully, a slow smiles appears. “Is that lady your guard dog, Dr. Lee?”
“Please don’t call me that here. Better if you don’t call me that at all,” I say. I don’t know why it bothers me when at other times, it turns me on. What am I afraid of? “Let’s move on already, and you call me Roman, okay? If you’re going to call me Dr. Lee, then you can’t be in this office. It’s one thing to role play when we’re away from campus and another to actually bring it to my workplace.”
Office life belongs out of private life. I’ve been trying to keep the two separate, considering it was the nail in my marriage’s coffin.
“Well, I don’t mean trouble for you, Dr. Lee. I only wanted to see you again.” She collects her bag angrily and stands, turning for the door.
“No, wait. Blondie, listen.” I reach her and take her by the arm. “I didn’t mean to sound like a dick. It’s just…you surprised me by coming here. It’s like seeing something out of context. Why didn’t you just call me?”
“I wanted to surprise you. I came to tell you that I made a decision.”
Oh? “What is it?”
Grayish-blue eyes scan my face, focusing on my mouth. “I do want to see more of you. If you want to see me, too, that is.”
If I want to? I made it my goal last Friday to make sure she wanted more from me. I just didn’t think she would because of school, so I’m blown away. And not here at work. “Alice…”
“It’s not okay anymore, is it? You changed your mind?” She sighs, and this is the part where we could do things right. We could say it was fun, but now it’s time to go our separate ways. We could be the good people that we are.
But looking into her face, I see hurt. Pain. Stress. The desperate need to connect. She took a chance after I told her how she dissociates, and now that she’s taken a risk, I’m on the brink of letting her down. I can’t be an asshole like that. “It is okay,” I tell her, taking her hand, giving it a kiss, then putting it down by her side. “Just not here, Alice.”
I go back to my chair, grab my sweater, and my keys, ready to leave, but I feel a soft presence behind me. Alice’s hands slide up my shoulders, as she sits me in my chair and whispers by my ear. “What’s wrong with here, Dr. Lee?”
I stiffen at her warm breath. “You’re playing with fire, Blondie.” Both calling me Dr. Lee and going against my wishes. “I said no.”
“Don’t you ever think about it? Doing it in your office? You never have, have you?” she asks, her arms linking over my chest. “You always do the right thing.”
“I have to, or I lose my job.”
“God, we’re so alike, Dr. Lee. But you know what I’ve learned these last couple of weeks?” She kisses my cheek and then my ear. “That being bad feels really good. I woke up the other morning ready to tackle the world. It was very freeing being with you the night before. Don’t you want to break from your everyday routine? Just once, doctor. Then, we go back to off campus. Please?”
My cock is so hard, it hurts with pure need for her. This is so incredibly wrong but so fucking hot. “Alice…”
She swivels me around in my chair. Fucking hell, she’s got the most beautiful smile now that I see her more relaxed, in control of what she wants, less terrified. She’s having fun, for once, not so much on a mission. And I brought that out in her. Shouldn’t I revel in the monster I’ve created? I’d do anything to see more of this side of her, but God damn, why does it have to be so hard?
“The thing is,” she says, “Here is where you work, it’s where you look your best in your shirts and tie, surrounded by psychology books, sitting in your leather chair… You don’t know how sexy that is, Dr. Lee. You just don’t know what that does to me.”
“I can’t fulfill your schoolgirl fantasy in my actual office, Alice. Let’s take this role play back to my house. There’s an office filled with books there, too.”
“I want it here.” She presses her thumb onto my bottom lip, forcing my mouth open and plants a deep kiss into me. “I want you on that couch over there.”
“The Freud thing. You want to do the Freud thing and fuck me on my couch? Do you have any idea how many times I’ve heard women say that to me, Alice?” I take her hands and swivel her so she’s facing me, so she places one knee on my lap and leans into me. I lift her shirt and expose her free-hanging tits. “A million times, Alice. I’ve been asked that a million times.”
But never by anyone as fucking sexy as this. As natural, as full of uninhibited sex appeal, completely unaware of how beautiful she is. I never thought of it this way before, but she’s my favorite woman right now, and the very thing I love about her—her willingness to take risks? Is what’s making me afraid. I can’t be like the other men in her life.
“It makes me hot to know so many women want you, doctor. Is that bad?” Her hand rests on my crotch, pinching and feeling its way around my cock.
“It’s a familiar dynamic,” I say. “Why do you think young women and older men are such a thing?” Pinching her nipples, I pull on them, cup and squeeze her breasts, playing with them. I’m mesmerized and caught in her spell.
“How many times have you gone through with it?” she asks, taking her tits into her hands and smothering the sides of my face with them. God Almighty, breast asphyxiation is the best way to die. “Tell me, I can take it.”
“Never. I’ve never fucked a patient on my couch or ever. You know why? Because I’m professional, Alice. I would never do such a thing.” I don’t tell her about the young woman the college warned me about all those years ago, the one that never became physical, the one that made me more disciplined than ever.
“But you’ll do it today, won’t you, Dr. Lee?” Her pink nipples graze my mouth, and I open my lips instinctively to catch one of them and suck on it hard, making her gasp. I have to say, losing control of this deteriorating situation to a twenty-year-old is not my finest moment, but it does rank as the fiercest. She’s got me—she’s got me good.
“If you keep shoving your tits into my mouth, I may have to teach you a lesson, Blondie.”
“Please teach me a lesson. I would be so good with that.” She leans down to kiss me, suck out my tongue with harried lust, then hovers over me again to slap her hard nipples onto my tongue. “Please fuck me on your couch, Dr. Lee. I’m so asking for trouble, aren’t I? I can’t help it. This is what you do to me. It’s like you’ve opened a portal.”
“A time-space continuum?”
“Exactly. Where there’s a TARDIS and my own, personal Doctor.” Pushing down her jeans and light blue panties, she stands naked before me. And boom. It’s the first time I see her full figure naked, standing in the waning light of day, a golden statuette the likes of which no red-blooded man, not even the most resilient, can deny, I don’t care how disciplined he is. If I can’t do it, then no one can.
What would the Ninth Doctor do?
“You’re asking for trouble. I hope you know that,” I tell her, standing suddenly, scooping her into my arms and carrying her to the couch. Tossing her onto it, I lock the door and unbuckle my pants. Fuck my life. Fuck my weak brain. Nobody has to know about this, but us. “Pissed and horny is a bad combination.”
/> “Or a good one,” she says, biting her lip. “Leave your clothes on, please?” Her foot comes up and presses against my bulging pants. With that little smile of hers, I could never be truly angry at her. She’s only trying to get me out of my square, be more playful.
“I’ll give the orders, Blondie. You lie there looking beautiful. You know that’s what women are best at doing.” I smile cheekily.
I know I’m playing with fire, but I need to make sure she learns something here today—I’m totally fucking with her. I would never disrespect her. I need to make sure she knows that any thought is safe with me. At the end of the day, I have her back. And her front, too.
“Yes, doctor,” she says. “I’ll sit here waiting for your cock. Because that’s what I was made for, right?”
“That’s right—women were made to please men.” I pull out my straining cock and stroke it against her pretty foot, watching her eyes widen. With her completely nude and me completely dressed again, it’s becoming clearer that my theory is correct. The one about her needing submission in order to feel emotion. Whether that emotion is admiration or love or just attachment, I’m not sure, but she needs me to dominate her.
And funny enough, I need it from her, too. It’s our dynamic now.
“Open your legs, Blondie. Sit on the edge of the couch and show me your pussy.”
“Yes, doctor.” She does as she’s told, and there’s something incredibly seductive about a naked woman doing what you command her to do. If it’s an intelligent, feminist woman like Alice, it’s a billion times more sexy. Cognitively, she knows I don’t mean it, but sexually, it’s what she wants. The dichotomy of the human psyche blows my mind every time.
“Open your mouth,” I tell her.
“Yes, doctor.” When she parts those lips, looking at me with those baby doll blue eyes, I have to close mine to keep from coming too fast.
My cock slides into her mouth, reaching the back of her throat, and she responds with a light gagging sound. It’s things like this that remind me I’m a man before anything else. There’s no way I can’t watch this shit. “That’s right. Open your mouth, take my cock all the way down. You love it, don’t you?”
