The Bullet Trick

by Louise Welsh

  Bill’s voice was soft and serious.

  'Yeah, just tell them I’ve had to go out. Unavoidable circumstances.' He put the cigarette to his lips. 'Everyone paid, everyone happy?' He paused, listening to the person on the other end of the line. 'Well, Crowther will take care of them. Just wait till the last have gone and lock the door behind you. Nah, don’t worry ’bout the clearing up. Not our problem any more. Yeah, cheers, Candy, good luck.'

  Bill put the phone back on its cradle and I held the envelope out to him.

  'Mission accomplished.'

  For a brief moment his face was still. I wondered if he was already regretting telling me as much as he had, then his mouth creased into a grin.

  'OK, good.' He turned towards Sam. 'You got William’s fee?' Sam reached into his pocket, pulled out a white envelope and handed it to Bill. 'Cheers.' Bill slid it across the desk towards me. 'I think this’ll cover your trouble.'

  'Thanks.'

  'Fair exchange.'

  He weighed the packet I’d given him in his hand and for a second I thought he was going to open it, but the moment passed and he laid it carefully back on the top of the desk.

  'OK, I guess there’s no need, but I’ll say this anyway: tonight’s little adventure stays strictly between us.'

  Sam raised his eyebrows. I ignored him and said, 'Already understood.'

  'Good, because only three people know about it: you, me and Sam. So if word gets out I’ll know where it came from.'

  I tucked the fee into my pocket. Sam put his hand on Bill’s shoulder.

  'You bought a captain’s hat and a cat o’ nine tails for that new yacht of yours?'

  Bill laughed gently.

  'Yeah, point taken. OK.' He held out his hand. We shook and Bill palmed the IOUs to me. He gave me a quick wink. 'Good doing business with you.'

  'And you.'

  I meant it. I’d arrived that night deep in debt and left with cash in my pocket. I got to my feet taking my props case in my hand. Bill came out from behind his desk.

  'I’ll show you out the back way. Save you going past that lot.'

  Sam stepped to one side and Bill unlocked what I’d thought was a cupboard door in the wall behind him.

  I said what had been bothering me ever since I’d slipped the envelope from Montgomery’s pocket.

  'There’s always a chance he’s got a copy of whatever it is.'

  Sam grinned and suddenly he was the same comic I’d spent countless bar-room nights with.

  'Bill will molicate him if he has.'

  I laughed but Bill’s nod of agreement was serious.

  'He’s treading on thin ice as it is. He knows the score. I got it from him gently this time, for the sake of whatever there was between him and my dad, next time I won’t be so patient.'

  'And if he notices and comes up here?'

  'Five minutes and we’re gone.'

  'Good luck.'

  I was already halfway through the door when the knock came from the hallway. Bill tensed, looked at me and put a finger to his lips.

  'You in there, Bill?'

  We froze, silent as kids in bed hearing their dad come home from the boozer.

  'Good going, but you only got half the story there, Billy boy.'

  There was a hesitation in the policeman’s voice that made me sure he was lying.

  I whispered, 'He’s bluffing, I can tell.'

  But Bill shook his head. He shouted, 'Hangon a second.'

  Sam said, 'You promised me, Bill, no argy bargy.'

  Bill’s whisper managed to be furious and pleading at the same time.

  'Jesus fuck, Sam, he’s taking the piss now.'

  Sam’s voice was low and determined.

  'I know he is and you’re right to be angry, but I swear, Bill, you hit him and I’m out that door with William.'

  Bill shot me a dark look and I said, 'I think he means at the same time as me.'

  Sam shook his head.

  'Bloody hell, William, get a grip.'

  The knock came at the door again.

  'I know you’re in there, Bill. This is the one chance for you to find out the truth about your mother.'

  Sam took the envelope from his lover and shoved it into my hand.

  'Look, let him search the place — he’ll find nothing. This’ll be safe as houses with William.'

  I hissed, 'This is nothing to do with me.'

  Bill’s voice was low and determined.

  'Don’t worry; I’ll make it worth your while.' He smiled. 'And if you open it I’ll know and you’ll have your balls to play with to prove it. Now go on, it’s abracadabra time, this is your cue to disappear.'

  Bill put his hand on my shoulder and pushed me firmly from the room, Sam gave me a last smile over his lover’s shoulder, then the door was closed behind me and the key turned softly in the lock. The landing was dark and damp. There was a small wash basin to my left, and next to it a steep set of stairs leading downwards. I stalled for a second silently cursing, the envelope in one hand my case in the other, trying not to breathe for fear the small man would hear. Through the door I heard Bill’s voice, welcoming as a warm brandy on a cold night.

  'Inspector Montgomery.'

  I started to creep my way down the stone stairs, hearing Montgomery say something, and perhaps a second man with him or maybe just Bill, responding to the policeman’s words. I wondered if I should wait, wondered if there was anyone I should call. Then padded softly on, careful of the flaking whitewash against my velvet suit. I reached the ground, pushed open the exit bar and stepped out into the night, the envelope containing Bill Senior’s secrets pressed tight against my chest.

  My mobile woke me the next day, buzzing ‘The Sorcerer’s Apprentice’ from under the pillow. The ringtone had been a present from an ex-girlfriend. I’d never liked it, but I guess I didn’t get gifts, even sarcastic ones, very often. I retrieved the phone, wondering whether keeping it under the pillow would give me a brain tumour and why my alarm had gone off so early, then realised it wasn’t the alarm.

  'Hope I’m not disturbing your beauty sleep?'

  Richard’s voice was too loud for ten in the morning. I said, 'I was working last night.'

  'I know. Did you have a divine time?'

  'Is that why you’re calling?'

  'Just a friendly enquiry.'

  I reached for my gregs, put them on and watched the world come into focus, then got out of bed and walked naked into the tiny cupboard that served as my kitchen. Rich’s interest in my non-existent sex life was starting to grate.

  'Do you want to get to the point?'

  'I’ll take that for a no then.'

  'No, I had a drink with the proprietor though.'

  'Ah yes, young burglar Bill.'

  'You know him well?'

  'Knew his father.'

  I filled the kettle and plugged it into the wall. Rich shouted, 'You’re breaking up.'

  'Sorry.' I walked back into the small bed-sitting room and asked, 'What was he like?'

  'A swine. Why’d you want to know?'

  'Just showing a friendly interest.'

  The envelope containing the money Bill had given me was on the coffee table. I poured it out; a thousand in twenties, not bad for a couple of hours’ work, but I had a feeling it was money I was yet to earn. Montgomery’s manila envelope lay under the cushion on the sofa.

  I slid it out and looked at its seal. It wouldn’t be so difficult to break, but somehow I was happy to leave it alone.

  Rich’s voice came loud down the wire.

  'Listen, have you got a passport?'

  I ruffled the notes through my fingers.

  'Somewhere, why? Someone want to buy it?'

  'I’ve got something for you — Berlin.'

  'Berlin?'

  'Yes, Berlin, capital of Germany, once divided city now happily reunited.'

  'I know where it is. I’m just wondering what about it?'

  'I’ve got a contact, who has a contact there, wh
o knows a man who needs a conjurer for his club. Bijou little place, the Schall und Rauch, means Smoke and Noise, just up your street, William.'

  'Maybe. How much are they offering?'

  'A bit of enthusiasm would be nice. I said Berlin. It’s a top entertainment spot son. The home of cabaret. Remember what Germany did for the Beatles.'

  'If I remember rightly one of them copped it there.'

  'The money’s OK. I managed to squeeze them for 10 per cent over the usual to cover your subsistence, plus they’ll pay for your flight and fix you up with accommodation.'

  It sounded like the best offer I’d had in months, but something made me hesitate.

  'I don’t know, Richard. It’s a bit out of the blue.'

  'Remember what they say about gift horses.'

  'Don’t take one from a Trojan?'

  'It’s up to you, but there’s nothing much on the cards for you over here right now.'

  There was a short pause while we both silently mourned my early promise. 'I spoke to the boy in Berlin and it all seems kosher, they’ve got a website and all that jazz.'

  'Your faith in modern technology is touching.'

  'Got to move with the times, Will.' There was another pause while I took a sip of my coffee and Rich sparked up; I heard him draw the smoke deep down into his lungs and reached for my own pack of cigarettes. When he spoke again Rich’s voice was brisk. I imagined him sliding his next client’s folder, complete with mug shot, onto the desk in front of him. 'It’s up to you, old son. You’ve got an hour to decide. No skin off my nose either way.'

  I looked at my one-room rented flat, the unmade bed, the scattering of books and CDs, the pile of unwashed laundry, the red demands propped on the window ledge. There was only one thing I had to ask.

  'When do they want me?'

  'That’s the attitude. They’re in a rush. Someone let them down. Get yourself there by tomorrow show time and the job’s yours.'

  I agreed to let Mrs Pierce arrange my flight then sat for a while looking at Bill’s secret. I decided it was nothing to do with me. Then I did a very stupid thing. I wrote a short letter, went out to the post office, bought an envelope big enough to hold Bill’s, sealed it securely and got it weighed and stamped. Then I addressed it to the safest place in the world and put it in the postbox.

  Back home I put the kettle on, smoked another fag and started to pack.

  Berlin

  THE MAN WHO ran the cabaret was a German called Ray. He was the opposite of Bill, a soft-bellied doughy-faced rectangle of a man. He had blond hair shot through with grey flecks that looked too artful to be natural. And a tense smile hedged beneath a shaggy moustache I was willing to accept as German fashion, but at home would have made me think he was a gay man on a retro kick.

  I put out my hand and he took it hesitantly, giving it the briefest of shakes.

  'How was your journey?'

  'Fine.'

  Ray nodded. 'Good.' He looked me up and down. 'I’d hoped you’d be able to perform in our opening number with the rest of the ensemble but …’ He shook his head sadly and smiled like a man who had faced enough disappointments to know that he would face many more. 'Never mind.'

  'Try me.'

  He shook his head.

  'We will manage. So, I guess the first thing is to show you around the theatre.' I followed him from the tiny ticket office and out into the auditorium. 'This is our hall.'

  Ray paused, waiting for my reaction at my first glimpse of his kingdom.

  I’m used to the abandoned atmosphere empty theatres take on during the day.

  Deserted by audiences they lose their sheen. When the house lights go up the grandest chandeliers can look cobwebbed, the finest gold-framed mirrors age-spotted and marred.

  The red velvet seats where theatregoers dream themselves onto the stage night after night reveal frayed gold trim and balding nap. But I knew that, like the leading man who arrives grey-stubbled and sour-breathed, or the femme fatale who dares to bare her pockmarked face to afternoon rehearsals, come curtain-up great theatres are ready to wow them all the way to the gods.

  Still, I had my doubts about the Schall und Rauch. When I’d called him back to accept the gig Rich had built the revue into something between the Royal Festival Hall and the Hot Club of France. I’d known he was exaggerating, but I hadn’t realised how much.

  The auditorium smelt of mildew, tobacco and wet coats. Its dirty pine boards were still littered with the debris of last night’s performance. Small tables, spattered with red candle wax and equipped with bentwood chairs, were regimented across the hall in diagonal rows.

  The formation was an optimistic attempt to create an unimpeded view of the stage, but it made me think of a desperate army making its final stand.

  The safety curtain was up, the unoccupied stage littered with random props, a large ball, a tangle of hula-hoops, and, somewhere near the back, a trampoline. The stage was deep, its rake steep, but it was the ceiling that revealed this had once been a truly impressive building. High above our heads plaster cherubs toyed with lutes and angelic trumpets amongst bowers of awakening plaster blooms. Remnants of white paint still illuminated some of the chubby orchestra, but most of them had sunk into the same mouldering grey that covered the rest of the ceiling. In its centre, half hidden by the lighting rig, was a chipped but still elaborate ceiling rose marred by a half plastered hole where I guessed a massive chandelier had once hung. Cracks fractured out from the damaged rose and into the outskirts of the ceiling. Not all of them were linked, but they gave the impression of being connected, like irrepressible tributaries sinking underground when the earth turns to stone, but always resurfacing.

  'Have a seat,' Ray pulled out a chair and lowered himself into it, 'see what it’s like to be one of the audience.'

  I drew up a chair, turning at the hollow sound of footsteps on the wooden floor. A slim, dark-haired girl strode in and started to wipe the tables, putting debris of crumpled tissues, abandoned leaflets and empty fag packets into a tin bucket as she worked. I smiled but she looked past me to Ray, shooting him a sour look. Ray attempted a smile.

  'So, what do you think? Maybe not as big as you’re used to, but it has a certain charm?'

  The girl saved me from answering, calling something in German across the hall. Ray answered quick in a tone that might have been friendly or harsh. She turned away from him, reciting a few words in a singsong voice, then tucked the cloth into the back of her jeans and walked towards the exit. Ray shook his head, 'Women, the same across the world, impossible and irreplaceable.' He smoothed the grey moustache slowly, like he was calming himself. 'I know your agent negotiated a few days of freedom before you start…’ I could feel it coming, the not-quite-deal-breaker the management hits you with to soften you up for the rest of the betrayals. 'But in this business we have to be flexible.'

  He paused and I gave a noncommittal smile. On the stage behind him a well-built man in cut-off sweats started going through a warm-up, easing into some stretches, then lifting his leg high in a balletic pose. I nodded towards him and said, 'I’m not sure I could manage that level of flexibility.'

  Ray frowned then turned to look at the man.

  'Acrobats aren’t worth the trouble. You invest in them, break your back helping them, then they go and do the same, only they break their backs for real. Kolja is talented, but acrobats have short lives; he’ll be walking with a stick or teaching sports in a kindergarten before he’s thirty.'

  'Seems harsh.'

  Ray shrugged his shoulders. I could imagine him sending a ten-year-old to drown a sack of kittens with the same shrug.

  'It’s a fact. These kids go to circus school. They know the odds, but still think they’ll live forever. That is natural too.'

  On the stage Kolja stopped his stretch to watch us. I thought I saw amusement in his face, but he turned away too quickly for me to be sure. Perhaps Ray saw it too, because he leaned back and shouted something in German towards the athlete. Th
e young man made no reply, but his mouth set into a stiff smile as he punted himself down from the stage.

  'There’s no time for you to go to your lodgings now. He’ll put your luggage in the dressing room.'

  I got to my feet.

  'I’ll do it myself.'

  Kolja walked past without glancing towards us, leaving me standing awkwardly by the table. I sat back down and lit a cigarette. Ray shrugged. He sounded tired.

  'He’s proud of his muscles, let him use them. Come on, let’s finish our business, then perhaps you’ll do some preparations.'

  'Perhaps.'

  Ray smiled and led me through to his office.

  'So this is my sanctuary. Anytime you need to find me, you start looking here.'

  Ray’s sanctuary was cramped. A workbench ran the length of the far wall, hidden beneath stacks of paper and some surprisingly new computer equipment. A small window above the bench looked into the ticket-booth where the girl who had been clearing the tables was now busying herself behind the desk. Beyond her I could see the empty foyer and an open door leading out into the courtyard. The wall behind me was covered in a mosaic of photographs, some expensively framed, others carelessly sellotaped to the wall. I looked at a smartly mounted photograph of a man in full evening rig placing his head inside a polar bear’s mouth. The man had removed his top hat for the act, and now flourished it in his right hand. His own grin was just visible through the jagged teeth of the bear.