by B. B. Hamel
“But you can’t even say the word ‘mafia,’ so how can you say it’s no big deal?”
She cringes. “Just stop, okay? It’s just not something we talk about.”
I sigh but I nod. I don’t want to push too hard and piss her off, but I can’t stop thinking about it for all the next day.
It’s like nobody cares if this whole place is corrupt and rotten. I know I can’t do anything about it, but I’m also not going to pretend like it’s an okay thing. Taylor seems to think that just because her cousin’s in the mob that it’s somehow normal. And maybe it is normal for people in this town, but that doesn’t make it okay. Lots of bad things can seem normal for a while until people wake up and change.
I’m not about to go marching out into the streets, though. If Taylor can’t even talk about them without whispering, I know it’s serious. I have enough problems without being on the mob’s radar. I may not like it, but I’ll just keep my head down and pretend like I don’t see the mafia guys like everyone else does.
Friday comes around and I head into work like usual. I’m swamped for some reason, probably because everyone puts off their work until the last minute. I’m busy shuttling files around, dropping them off on desks, responding to emails, that sort of thing. I even have to skip lunch to stay on top of everything.
Around the end of the day, a few minutes before five, I’m starting to wrap up. I grab some files that need Buddy’s approval and head back toward his office. As I get closer, I notice that his secretary isn’t out front. Normally I’d drop the files on her desk and let her give them to the mayor, but her bag isn’t in its usual spot, and I’m afraid she’s gone home for the weekend.
These files can’t wait that long. I know he’s in there, and I can’t risk it, so I just go up to his office door and knock once before walking in without thinking.
By the time I’m in through the door, it’s too late to turn around. I look up into Buddy’s office and stare at the mayor, his face bright red and his eye bulging, another man’s big arm wrapped around his neck in a headlock.
Buddy’s gagging and turning purple. There’s a second guy in the room, this one younger, and he turns toward me.
“Who the fuck’s this?” he asks.
“How the fuck should I know?” the guy choking the mayor says. “Get rid of her.”
The younger man comes toward me, eyes narrowed.
“Wait,” Buddy gags. “Stop.”
The men hesitate. The older guy releases Buddy enough to let him get a breath in. He coughs and tries to talk.
“Okay, fuck, okay,” the older guy says. “Get your fucking breath, fucking shit.”
Buddy gets himself together and I’m just standing there, eyes wide, terror ringing through me. The younger guy is close now, close enough to reach out and grab me if he wants to.
“Just… an office assistant…” Buddy manages to say. “Just a girl. Leave her out of this.”
“Fucking hell,” the older guy repeats. “Close that door, will ya?”
I don’t move. The younger guy grunts, pushes past me, and pulls the door shut.
I’m trapped. The mayor’s staring daggers at me, but at least he’s not getting choked.
The older guy comes toward me. “What’s your name?” he asks.
I want to lie, but I’m too scared. “Alexa.”
“Alexa,” he repeats. “What did you just see?”
“The mayor,” I say. “Sitting at his desk.”
“Doing what?”
“Working,” I say quickly. “Signing… documents. Just working.”
The older man nods. “Good. That’s all you saw?”
“He’s alone,” I say. “I just have… things for him to sign. He’s all alone.”
The older man nods. “Give him the papers.”
I walk over to the mayor’s desk and drop the stack in front of him. He stares at me, but says nothing.
I turn away and go to leave, but the younger guy stops me. “He’s alone,” he whispers. “Or you won’t be later. Get me?”
“Shut the fuck up, Jimmy,” the older guy says. “That was an awful threat. Let the poor fucking girl leave, okay? Just keep your mouth shut, Alexa.”
Jimmy sneers at me but steps aside. I push the door open and calmly leave. I shut the door behind me before I walk as fast as I can back to my desk.
I want to vomit, but I don’t. I hold it together. I want to scream, run, cry, do something, anything, but I don’t. Instead, I gather my things and leave, keeping myself as controlled as I can, until I’m sitting in my car in the parking lot.
I scream. I don’t know why. It just comes out. I scream and punch the steering wheel before starting the car and pulling out. I’m not thinking about anything as I drive, not even sure where I’m going.
I don’t realize that I’m pulling into Elias’s shop until I’m already parked. I get out of my car and hurry inside, throwing open his front door and running into the back.
Elias looks up, surprised. “Alexa?”
I don’t say a word. I just start crying and he comes to me, wraps his arms around me, and pulls me close.
14
Elias
It’s okay,” I whisper after letting her cry for a few minutes. “You’re safe with me. Tell me what happened.”
She doesn’t have to say much before I piece it together. I recognize Vito and Jimmy right away from her descriptions of them. I’m sure they were there shaking down my father, trying to squeeze some cash from him, or at least just hurting him because they can. She walked in at the wrong moment and saw something she never should have, and now they know who she is.
“Fucking hell,” I whisper to myself, and I keep holding her tight. I can’t imagine what she must be thinking. Watching my father get violently choked like that was probably deeply scarring and unsettling for her. Part of me is used to that sort of thing, that violence and destruction, simply because I’ve been around it.
But Alexa’s innocent, or at least innocent when it comes to that. It must have been a horrible wakeup call for her, and I wish I could have spared her from ever having to see it.
That’s not how the world works. I can’t protect her, as much as I want to. The world is going to come for everyone sooner or later, and I can only do my best to try and make sure it doesn’t hurt her.
Now I have my work cut out for me.
She sobs, but slowly her sobs die off. I take her hand and we walk over to my workbench. I sit her down on a stool before pulling one up for myself. I keep holding her hand as she slowly gets ahold of herself.
“It was horrible,” she says finally. “The look in your father’s eyes… it was horrible.”
“They probably weren’t trying to kill him, if that makes it any better.”
She flinches. “It doesn’t… but it looked like they were.”
“They wouldn’t do that there,” I say. “Too messy, not even the mob could clean that up. No, they were just trying to scare him.”
“They scared me,” she says softly. “But something else happened.”
I cock my head. “What?”
“Your father, he sort of saved me.”
That gets my interest. “How?”
“Well, the one guy, the younger one, he wanted to hurt me. But your dad basically said I’m a nobody, just a girl working in the office, and the older guy let me go.”
I frown a little. “How’s that saving you? It’s the truth.”
“He didn’t tell them about the baby or about me seeing you.”
I nod a little bit, slowly understanding. “You think he was trying to help you because of me.”
“I think so, yeah. In his own way.”
“Huh.” I laugh a little, shaking my head. “I don’t know how to feel about that.”
“Are these the people that ruined your shop?”
I sigh and nod. “Yeah, the same guys, I think. They’re gonna get their money one way or the other.”
“And you’re th
e other?”
I nod again. “That’s right.”
She groans. “Now they know my name, too.”
“They don’t know who you are to me, though.”
“They will.” She puts her hand on her stomach and I can practically feel the fear rolling off of her.
“I won’t let them,” I say fiercely. “Listen, Alexa. I’m one of the few people in this town that can keep you safe, and I’m going to.”
“How?” she whispers. “They’re the mafia.”
“I have connections. And if worse comes to worse… we can run.”
“Run?” She laughs a little. “I have no money and a ton of debt. I can’t run. I can barely afford to stay here.”
“I’ll take care of you,” I say, but before she can argue, I stand up. “Come on. Let’s go get you something to eat.”
“Eat?” she asks, surprised, but she stands. I keep holding her hand as we leave the garage and head out into the night.
“You’re in shock,” I say. “Getting some food in you will help.”
“Huh. You know a lot about being in shock?”
“Maybe,” I admit. “A little too much.”
We walk down half a block before we get to my little house. It’s tucked back behind some large, old oak trees. The front door’s unlocked and we walk up across the front porch and inside.
“You live close, I didn’t know that,” she says as we come into the family room.
“Easier that way,” I say. “I save a lot of money on gas.”
She laughs a little nervously. We head back into my little kitchen and I sit her down at the table. My place isn’t exactly the most beautifully furnished place in the whole world, but it’s simple. I’ve pieced together some decent stuff from secondhand stores and auctions over the years, and I keep my decorations pretty simple. There aren’t any motorcycle calendars with bikini babes hanging on the walls like you see in some bachelor houses. I like to keep mine simple and clean.
She watches me as I quickly throw together a little meal. I cook up a steak I was saving for myself, chop up a salad, and have it all ready in under half an hour. As I cook, I talk aimlessly about the shop, just really filling time, giving her something to focus on instead of what she saw earlier.
I get the food down in front of her. “Dig in,” I say.
She hesitates, but she eats. She must have been hungry. I sit down across from her and crack open a beer, sipping it and picking at a salad. I’m not starving, and I’m not sure I could eat, anyway.
If she wasn’t tangled up in all this before, she sure as fuck is now. Even if my father managed to sell her as just some random member of his office, they still know her face. They’ll see her with me sooner or later, and they’ll figure it out. Buddy was protecting her, and she’s more important than she seems.
Then they’ll use her against me.
I have to stop them from doing that. I can’t let her become a pawn in this game and risk letting her get hurt. But the only real way to do that is to step away… and if I do that, I’ll lose her, and I think I’ll lose my baby.
Fucking shit. I’m stuck and I know it. I can stay with her, protect her, and potentially risk her, or I can be a terrible father and walk away from her entirely.
There’s no right decision here. I’m stuck, locked in this fucking impossible situation, one that I didn’t even make for myself. I despise my father for what he’s done, and now I have to deal with it.
She finishes eating and leans back in her chair. “That was really good,” she says.
“Good. Glad you liked it.”
“You’re not hungry?”
I shrug. “Guess not.”
She laughs a little bit. “I don’t know the last time I had a steak like that.”
“Not much of a meat eater?”
“No, I guess I just never think to get. But it was good. Nothing sexier than a man that can cook.”
“I can make two things,” I say, grinning. “Steak and potatoes.”
“The classics.” She nods at the salad. “But you can make that, too.”
“Good point. I’m good at chopping shit up and throwing it in a big bowl.”
“And covering it in dressing.”
“The best part.”
She laughs a little bit and takes another deep breath, letting it out slowly. “I do feel better, by the way.”
“Good. You were just panicking back there.”
“I’m calmer now. I guess I can try and think about what I saw rationally.”
“That’s not easy to do.”
“No,” she says softly. She watches me for a second. “Did you really mean what you said?”
“Which part?”
“About protecting me.”
“Absolutely.” I watch her for a second before standing up. “Come here, I want to show you something.”
She follows me into my little living room. I sit her down on the couch before fishing an old book out from the bookshelf I have in the back corner. It’s a photo album I found in my mom’s things from when I was younger.
“Take a look at this,” I say, handing it over.
She opens it and starts leafing through. “These are old,” she says. “I keep wanting to pinch and zoom in on them.”
I laugh a little. “I have that impulse sometimes too.”
“These are all you?”
I nod. “Mostly just me.”
“And this is your mom?” She points at a picture of my mother, smiling big for the camera, while I’m squirming in her lap. I’m probably one in that picture.
“That’s her,” I say. “She looks so young there.”
“She is young.” She laughs a little and goes through the rest of the album.
There aren’t that many pictures. It’s less than half full, with only marginal dates written next to each picture to give them some context
“You were cute,” she says. “You looked happy.”
“I was. But I wanted you to see that for a reason.”
She frowns. “What’s that?”
“There was something missing from all those pictures.”
I watch as she opens the album again and goes through it, looking at all my old memories. I hate looking at this. I hate thinking that all of those pictures are snapshots of a thing I’ll never, ever get back again.
But I notice her starting to figure it out. “Your dad,” she says finally. “He’s not in any of these.”
“Right,” I say. “Even before he was the mayor, he was pretty much always absent from my life. I think he took some of these, but he’s never in them with me, never where it really counts.”
“That must have been hard.”
“Very hard,” I say. “You’ve seen what my father can be like, what he gets himself into. Imagine that, but all your life, and from the only male role model you have.”
“Being the mayor’s son probably wasn’t fun,” she says and laughs softly to herself. “That’s probably an understatement.”
“It is, but I’m not trying to win sympathy. I just want to make a point.” I take a breath and slide the album from her hands. I carry it back over to the shelf and back it back before sitting down next to her again.
“I don’t want to be like my father,” I say softly. “I’m not going to abandon the people I care about, no matter how hard it gets. No matter what I do.”
She watches me closely. “Do you mean that?” she asks, her voice barely a whisper.
“I won’t be missing from a single photo of our baby. Not a single fucking one.”
I pull her close and kiss her. It happens spontaneously. I didn’t plan this, but it feel so right and I can’t help myself. I kiss her full and deep, pulling her tight, and she kisses me back.
I don’t know how I’ll keep her safe, but I do know one thing: I’m never going to give up trying.
15
Alexa
I fall deeper into his kiss, and I can’t stop thinking about what he said to me.
He doesn’t want to be like his father. He wants to be his own man, the kind of man that’s never absent from photos of his child. That exact kind of man that I would want as a father for my baby.
But can I do this? I mean, with the threat of the mafia, his father’s instability, all my own problems that have nothing to do with all the baggage Elias brings to the table… can I really bring a baby into that world?
I never thought about being a mother. I never had to. I always assumed that I never would be, or that I’d have to adopt or something like that. I never imagined myself giving birth to my own baby and becoming a mother that way. I always thought that it would be a well-reasoned choice, if I became a mother, not a miraculous mistake.
The fear I felt earlier, my uncertainty, my anxiety, all my worry, it slowly melts away. It’s strange, how touching Elias can make me feel and forget all my issues. I can lose myself with him, at least for a little while. Right now, I need it more than I ever have before.
I kiss him deep, tasting him, letting his hands touch my body. This is the kind of man I’ve always wanted, but never knew I could have. This is the kind of man that would be a good father, a good husband, a good partner.
But I can’t let myself have those fantasies. I just have to enjoy what’s in front of me, and right now, it’s his body, his lips, his hands.
He slowly pulls up the hem of my shirt. I raise my arms and he pulls it over my head. I feel hungry for him and slide over, straddling his lap, his hands cupping my ass.
His lips are all over my chest, my neck, and I can’t help but groan. I can feel his hard cock as I grind down against his lap, kissing him, feeling him. He reaches around and unhooks my bra, and I let it slide off as he cups my breasts, teasing me with his lips and teeth.
He grabs my hair in his fist, pulling it back slightly. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” he whispers. “This fucking body… you taste so fucking good.”
I groan and he rolls me over. I’m sitting on the couch as he drops to his knees in front of me. He pulls his shirt off, revealing his hard chest and abs, and I lean forward to kiss him.
