Redemption

by Jessica Ashe

“You’re a beautiful barmaid,” Oliver said. “If you went home with every guy who hit on you, you’d never get anything done.”

  “Alisa’s a nice girl,” I said. “She’s beautiful and clever. You two would make a cute couple.”

  “Don’t say things like that. You know I’m not interested in her. There’s only one person here tonight that I want to spend time with. That’s you by the way.”

  I smiled. “Yeah, I kind of hoped that’s where you were going.”

  “I’m done playing around, Michelle. You know I want you, and I think you want me too.”

  I nodded. It was a hugely understated way of explaining how I felt, but no words could have captured it either.

  Alisa and Sierra returned from the bathroom and Alisa leaned over and whispered into my ear. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you two were close. My bad.”

  I mouthed “thanks” in reply and moved up closer to Oliver. There didn’t seem to be much point in playing coy anymore.

  “How about we go dance?” Sierra asked. “There appear to be a few men in here who know what they’re doing.”

  “You can leave your jacket at the table,” Oliver said, as we stood up to head to the dance floor. “No one but us is allowed there, so it will be perfectly safe.”

  “No, it’s okay,” I replied. “I’ll keep it on.”

  I didn’t have any sweaters that were suitable for a night on the town, so I wore a light jacket instead. It looked normal enough to keep it on at the table, but I was going to stand out on the dance floor, where everyone else had shed layers of clothes to get as sweaty and intimate as possible.

  Oliver was becoming increasingly suspicious of my constant need to wear one more layer of clothing than was typically required, but I’d been doing it for years and people got used to it in the end.

  Alisa and Sierra found men to dance with in just a few minutes, leaving Oliver and I to press against each other and lose ourselves to the music. The dance floor soon got crowded, and strangely that actually helped me relax. We became inconspicuous; just another couple getting physical and hoping for more.

  Oliver’s thick arms wrapped around me from behind and held me close to him. I rubbed my ass firmly against his crotch and felt his member under his pants. His fingers moved over my stomach, with his little finger gliding close to my waistband, while his other hand moved down to my thigh.

  For the first time, I became aware of just how small I was in comparison to Oliver. I’d always felt short up against him, but now I felt petite and slight under this heavy arms. The hand on my stomach moved up and when the lights dimmed between songs, Oliver took the opportunity to move it to my breast and squeeze gently. Thank God the dance floor was dark, because there had to be a wet patch between my legs right now.

  Oliver yelled something into my ear, but the music was too loud to hear anything. He dragged me over to the side and pressed me up against a wall, further away from all the speakers.

  “We need to leave soon,” he said. “I can’t take this any longer. Let’s go to a hotel.”

  His hand squeezed my ass, and I let out a gasp that hopefully no-one could hear over the music. “We can’t,” I replied.

  “I need you,” Oliver growled.

  “No hotel,” I said, unable to speak in complete sentences as he pressed himself against me. “Shaun and Maisie will get suspicious. Let’s go back to yours. Pretend I just crashed in a spare room.”

  Oliver nodded and tried to drag me out of the bar immediately. I smiled at his eagerness, but insisted on saying goodbye to Alisa and Sierra first. They both gave me knowing smiles and wished me a fun evening. I hadn’t spoken to them that much, but they’d understand.

  Oliver insisted on a cab even though it was nearly an hour drive, and he couldn’t keep his hands off me the entire way back. He tried to remove my jacket, but I insisted on keeping it on. I don’t know why; he was going to see me naked soon enough.

  I couldn’t keep my arm hidden forever. In a few hours he would see all of me, and I had no idea how he’d react. Some men had run a mile at the sight of those burn marks. Oliver was better than that. At least, I hoped he was.

  We approached the house like we were two kids sneaking home after a late night out. All the lights were off and Maisie had texted Michelle to say that my driver was taking her back to the hotel. The house was big enough that we didn’t need to worry too much about the noise once we were in my bedroom, but getting there involved walking past Shaun’s room, so we had to tiptoe around a bit first.

  “We should make it look like I’m sleeping in a guest room,” Michelle said. “Let’s go mess up the covers.”

  “Yeah, about that. I don’t really have any guest rooms. I did, but they all got converted into games rooms, or fitness centres.”

  “Okay, well go grab a spare pillow and a cover, while I leave some clothes dotted around the sofa.”

  Every second that passed was another opportunity for Michelle to change her mind, but that didn’t seem likely. Not tonight. Michelle looked almost as determined as I was. This was going to happen. Michelle and I were actually going to go to bed together. It still didn’t feel real.

  I snuck into one of the spare rooms and grabbed a pillow and the large duvet. This was a lot of effort to go to just to keep Shaun from getting suspicious about my relationship with Michelle. He almost certainly wouldn’t care, although he might tell Maisie, and she would care. She looked up to me like I was her real brother, and it wouldn’t go down well if she knew how I felt about Michelle. We’d have to deal with that situation later.

  A faint flickering light emanated from Shaun’s room, which probably meant he’d left the television on. I snuck past and heard the distinct tapping noise of his PlayStation controller that meant he was up playing video games. I’d been hoping he was asleep by now, but he usually played games with headphones on, so that would block out any noise he might hear from my room.

  I didn’t bring many women back to the house, and when I did I went to a lot of effort to be as discreet as possible. Shaun was at an age where he would look for male role models, and I didn’t want him to look up to me as someone who fooled around with women a lot. We spent plenty of time together, so with any luck he would focus on the more positive aspects of my character. Besides, he never really saw me as a father anyway. He’d usually say I was more like an older brother, which suited me just fine.

  Michelle was in the living room examining the photos I had up above the fireplace. She’d left her shoes near the sofa, and had thrown her jacket over the chair. It at least looked like she’d been in this room, although it was always tough to give a sofa that “slept on” look, short of actually sleeping on it.

  I stopped outside the door and decided to give her a few more moments with the photos. She’d never asked that many questions about Shaun and how he came to be living with me, but I knew she must be curious. Those photos told a good story.

  Shaun had a few pictures of his dad on display. One from when Shaun had been a baby, with his dad holding him like any proud father would. The original photo had been taken just before Shaun’s mother abandoned them, but he’d cut her out of it.

  The other photo was of Gary smiling and holding his Championship winning medal. He’d looked so happy back then. By the time I got to know Gary, things were not so positive. The problems with the gambling ring had taken their toll by that point.

  If I had any say in the matter, then Shaun would never find out the truth about what his father got involved in. It didn’t change the man that Gary was, not really. He did what he did to protect his family. I only wish I had done the same.

  Michelle moved on to a picture of Shaun and me that had been taken about a year after Gary’s death. We’d been at a cricket match of all places, because Shaun had friends who were into the sport and he wanted to give it a go. He stood out like a sore thumb as one of the few black people in the audience. Thankfully, he was bored to tears and stuck to rugby.

  I resis
ted the urge to walk in and disturb Michelle. This was the most skin I’d seen her show since she’d been in England. On her top half at least. She didn’t seem to mind showing off her legs, but she always insisted on wearing cardigans or jackets even when it was far too hot outside.

  Michelle looked stunning. Her long hair draped halfway down her back and her breasts looked fuller than I’d appreciated before, now that I could properly see them against the outline of her torso. Michelle had the body most women would kill for. Why would she always try to keep it covered up?

  She moved over to the other side of the room, not spotting me standing in the doorway, and started checking out the random assortment of DVDs I kept on the shelves. She stood with her right side facing me, and now I finally realized why she had kept her body hidden all this time.

  On the outside of her upper right arm, Michelle had a large burn mark that looked almost identical to the one Maisie had on her face. The flesh had a red tinge and was bumpy and uneven. Maisie’s skin had healed substantially from the night of the attack, so even though her skin was still misshapen, most of the redness had disappeared. Michelle’s looked like it had hardly healed, and I knew why.

  I thought back to the time I visited Maisie in hospital after the attack. Back then, she’d just been a terrified kid who couldn’t understand what had happened to her. Michelle had never left her side, but she hadn’t been a patient at the hospital herself. Michelle must have been hit by the acid as well, but she’d never told anyone. She blamed herself for what happened and the burn on her arm was her way of punishing herself.

  I heard a loud, drawn out yawn behind me, so I spun on the spot, still holding pillows and a duvet in my arms, coming face-to-face with Maisie.

  “So that’s where the spare bed stuff is,” she said, taking the duvet and pillows from my arms.

  “Uh, actually they’re for—”

  Maisie walked into the living room and jumped when she saw Michelle. Michelle must have heard Maisie outside because she had leapt over to the chair and was desperately putting her jacket back on.

  “No point in covering up your scar,” Maisie said casually. “He’s seen it.”

  Michelle looked over at me accusingly. “I didn’t want to interrupt,” I said. “Sorry.”

  Michelle put the jacket on anyway. “You said you had gone back to the hotel,” she said to Maisie.

  “I said I was on my way back, but then we decided to play a few more games. I didn’t want to call the driver this late, so I decided to crash on the sofa.”

  “They were just playing games,” I said. “I heard them.”

  “As you will note, I came down here to sleep on the sofa, so we don’t have to have ‘the talk’ about boys again.”

  “I think it’s best we go back to the hotel,” Michelle said. “We can’t both sleep on the sofa.”

  “You know,” Maisie said, “for such a big home, you really don’t have many beds.”

  “I prefer to use the rooms for fun stuff,” I said. “Games, mini movie theatres, fitness equipment. General entertainment.”

  “Bedrooms can be plenty entertaining,” Maisie joked.

  “You see what I have to deal with?” Michelle asked, half-joking, half serious.

  “I don’t envy you,” I agreed. “She’s a handful.”

  “She’s also right here,” Maisie said.

  Shaun walked into the living room having found another set of bedding, but looking somewhat confused to find all of us in the living room.

  “It’s okay, Shaun,” Michelle said. “We’re just going to call a cab and head back to the hotel. We’ll see you tomorrow at training.”

  I gave the girls some cash for the taxi and watched my dreams of a perfect evening walk out the door into a car.

  Perhaps it was for the best nothing happened tonight. Michelle must have known I’d see her scars at some point, but they were obviously a big issue for her. Something would happen between us eventually, and it might be best we do it without the influence of alcohol. I needed Michelle to feel comfortable with me. Comfortable enough to undress and let me touch her everywhere.

  The right time would come at some point. I’d never been a patient man, but I would be for her. I’d waited eight years for Michelle; I would wait another eight if I had to.

  He saw it. Oliver had been standing in the doorway staring at my arm, and no doubt horrified at my deformity. I knew I’d have to show him eventually, but I planned to do it with the lights off.

  That was how I always had sex when I was with a new man. I’d insist on the lights being off, and if they felt the bumpy skin on my arm I would distract them with an impromptu blow job. It usually worked a charm. By the time they would see the scar, they’d been expecting it anyway and would usually keep quiet about it.

  But Oliver got a good long look at it without any kind of a warning whatsoever. No doubt he would now find himself conveniently busy all the time, and I could expect to see a lot less of him over the last couple of months we were here.

  Maisie kept quiet in the car for the entire ride home. She probably thought she was in trouble, but I couldn’t find much she’d done wrong. The plan had been for her to leave much earlier and have one of Oliver’s drivers take her back to the hotel, but staying up late was hardly that big a crime. Kids her age did a lot worse.

  Maisie acted so grown-up, I often forgot she was only fourteen. She couldn’t have been more different than me when I was her age. I didn’t have her confidence until I was… hell, I still didn’t have her confidence. I couldn’t even show the burn on my arm, whereas Maisie had to walk around with a burn on her face. That said all you needed to know about the difference between us.

  Maisie wanted to go straight to her hotel room, but I insisted she come and hang out in mine for a bit.

  “Am I in trouble?” she asked, as I threw my shoes off and collapsed down on the bed.

  I motioned for Maisie to come and sit down next to me, which she did reluctantly. Now she looked every bit the sulky teenager. Strangely, I kind of preferred her that way.

  “You and Shaun seem to be getting on well,” I said.

  “He’s cool. But we’re only friends. And we’re not having sex,” she added pointedly.

  “I know. I trust you, Maisie. We’ve talked about this before, and I remember explaining that you should wait until you’re ready.”

  “And I agreed,” Maisie said.

  “And you also said that you wouldn’t be ready until you were twenty-one.”

  “I don’t remember saying—”

  “I distinctly remember you saying that,” I added with a smile.

  Maisie laughed. “Yeah, okay, let’s go with that. Twenty-one.”

  I put my arm around her and gave her a hug. Maisie put her hand on my right arm and ran her fingers over the burn. She was the only person allowed to touch me there, but it still felt weird.

  “Talking of conversations we’ve had before,” Maisie said, “you don’t need to keep this covered up. It’s not something you should be ashamed of. And anyone who thinks less of you is not worth knowing. Christ, how many times have you told me that?”

  “I don’t keep it covered up because I’m embarrassed about how I look. I’m embarrassed that this is all I got when you have it so much worse.”

  Now it was Maisie’s turn to hug me. It should have felt weird receiving a comforting hug from my little sister, but given that she was bigger than me it didn’t feel all that strange.

  “Oliver’s going to feel even more guilty now,” Maisie said. “He’s always blamed himself for what happened to me, but now he has to blame himself for your injury as well.”

  “Did he ever explain that to you?” I asked. “The reason he feels guilty?”

  Maisie shook her head. “Not really. I think it’s just a man thing. You know, he wasn’t able to protect his ladies, or something like that.”

  I laughed. “We’re his ladies now are we?”

  “I can think of worse
men to be looking out for us, can’t you? He’d walk over hot coals for us and Shaun.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed. “You’re right there.”

  “Did you have fun tonight?” Maisie asked.

  “I did,” I said truthfully. “I really did. It’s a shame it had to end.”

  “Don’t wait so long before doing it again. You need to go out more often.”

  “Is this just your way of saying you’d like more time alone with Shaun?”

  Maisie smiled and shrugged. “Wouldn’t complain. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to hang a sock on his door if we’re doing anything.”

  “You need to stop watching all those college movies. Okay, I need some sleep.”

  Maisie went back to her room and I got ready for bed. There were no messages from Oliver, but despite my inclination to panic and think the worst of people, I decided not to worry about it. Maisie was right. Oliver was one of the good guys. He wouldn’t be put off by my arm. We’d have other dates at some point. I just hoped that for both our sakes we didn’t leave it too late.

  I’d never put so much thought into a date before. I didn’t want to wait before seeing Michelle again, but I knew that just going out for a meal would not work. We’d done that. We’d gone out drinking, we’d flirted, we’d talked, but still nothing had happened. Michelle was scared. Scared of what I would think about her arm. It was my job to put her at ease.

  “Go and buy a bikini,” I told Michelle when she showed up with Maisie at training.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Go and buy a bikini,” I repeated, as if it were a completely normal request to make at ten in the morning. “I’m only working until lunchtime and I have the afternoon off. Maisie doesn’t need you to watch every training session.”

  “Why a bikini?”

  “Because this afternoon you and I are going to spend a few hours up in the swimming pool on the roof of your hotel.”

  “There’s a swimming pool on the roof?”

  “Yep.”

  “We can go hang out up there, but I really don’t want—”