by C. A. Harms
“So being a toy for the house slut is okay with you?”
“Who’s to say that I wasn’t the one using him?”
Jay allowed far too long to pass in silence and I used that as my out. I turned my back and walked across the road to my car. I was able to hold back the tears until I’d started my car and pulled away. I didn’t look back, I kept my eyes on the road.
Even when I pulled into the empty parking space at my apartment I continued to look straight ahead. Jay was right, I was the toy. I’d been one my entire life. One to my mother and father, they’d toss me aside every chance they got and only took me out to play when it suited them, which was not often. I quickly became the old, outdated rag doll that lay hidden in the closet and forgotten about. That pattern repeated itself with every guy I’d met. At first I was new and all shiny, then that newness faded and I was quickly replaced with a new and improved model. I was the girl men used, I wasn’t the one they kept.
Chapter Six
Isaac
“Have you two talked at all?” Xavier asked as he looked past me toward the living room where Jay sat. Offering a shake of my head, I moved around him and toward the kitchen. “Don’t you think you need to?”
“And say what?”
“Hell, I don’t know. Maybe you can say that you fucked up and that you’re sorry. Maybe you can tell him that you were both drunk and had you not been, things would have not gone that far. Fuck, I don’t know, but what I do know is that the tension between you two is giving me and every other person in this house anxiety. We’re all walking around waiting for him to behead you, or maybe even sneak into your room and slit your throat while you’re sleeping.”
“He’s pissed, not stupid. He’ll get over it.” At least I hoped he would.
“You nailed his sister.” If the visions I kept having meant anything at all, I had one hell of a good time while doing so too, but I chose to keep that little tidbit to myself. “Jade is hot, I give ya that, but even so, it was wrong.”
“I think letting him have time to calm down is in my best interest.” I wasn’t fearful of Jay, I could handle my own, but truth was I was in the wrong. I wasn’t as big of an ass as people thought I was, I knew my limits. “Bringing it up, throwing it in his face over and over again is not going to make this any better. So if he needs to be mad at me, then I’m gonna let him be mad at me. He has that right. Hell, if the tables were turned I’d be fucking pissed too.”
Grabbing a water from the fridge, I spun around and found we were no longer alone. There in the doorway stood Jay, and Elijah only a few feet behind him. I was sure Red was just observing, so that if things broke out once again he would be there to intervene. The narrowed eyes and snarl written in Jay’s expression was evidence enough that he had still not let go of his anger.
“Jay.” I offered a nod and hoped he’d heard what I’d just said. There was no blame, I deserved his reaction. I also deserved his smoldering irritation too.
“My sister is not just some piece of ass.” I nodded in agreement, but chose to say nothing. “She’s had a shit run when it comes to guys treating her as such, and the last place I ever thought she’d have that repeated was here in this house by any of you. I’ve shared her past with you…hell, Isaac, you’re the one who talked me down when I wanted to go hit that asshole Alex with my truck. She deserved more.”
“I know.” I never intended to sleep with Jade, I would admit to myself I’d admired her, I’d had a few dirty thoughts too, but never did I think to act on them. “I also know that being drunk is not an excuse, but we were, both of us.”
I noticed immediately the way his nostrils flared.
“I’m sorry,” and I was. This place, these guys were my family. So much time spent together, the good and the bad, I wouldn’t allow this to come between us. “I was wrong, and I’ll apologize to Jade too. It happened, we can’t change that now, but you need to know that I am sorry. Truly I am.”
The two of us said nothing more, just stared straight ahead. I’m not even sure anymore if he was actually looking at me or just trying to focus and remain calm. After a few minutes Jay turned and left the kitchen, leaving me alone with Eli and X.
“Well, that’s a step in the right direction.” X leaned back against the counter and crossed his ankles. “At least he didn’t attempt to kill you again.”
It was then that I slowly exhaled, not even realizing until then that I was holding my breath.
I think it was time I started making better choices, time to grow the fuck up. I had only a few weeks left before I completed my software engineering degree and then it was on to my masters. I didn’t want to have just a degree, I wanted to excel and be at the top of my game. I didn’t want to work for the man, I wanted to be the man. I had goals, ambitions, and yeah, the college life had been damned good to me, but I think it was time to start thinking about leaving the party life behind.
***
“We’ll be there on Friday.” I could sense my mother’s excitement. Two years ago my parents sold their home in Tampa and bought a Newmar New Aire motorhome. It was a house on wheels. Living room, kitchen with full appliances, there was even a gas fireplace. They’d both worked their asses off to be able to enjoy retirement. My mother was a pediatrician, ran her own practice, and retired just shy of three years ago. My father, a cardiothoracic surgeon, was my hero. In fact, both of my parents were my heroes. Yeah, fine, lame maybe, but true. They were amazing.
They waited late in life to have kids―well, one kid―me.
Well established in both of their careers, they ensured I would hurt for nothing, but also instilled in me the need to be hardworking and successful. I’d played, I knew I did, but never did I allow those play times to interfere with my studies.
Traveling the globe, they’d now circled back around for a visit. I’d admit now was not the best time. I could see their faces when they got wind of my recent fuckup. My plan was to keep them sheltered while here.
“We figured that a weekend was best since during the week you’re so tied up with classes. I miss my boy.”
“Boy?” I chuckled as I pictured my five foot four mom dwarfed at the side of my six foot three frame.
“You’ll always be my boy, I don’t care if you are bigger than me or not.”
We spent the next hour talking about all the things she and my father had done. The people they’d met and their plans to leave here on Sunday and drive to the mountains where they would settle in for a few weeks just to simply enjoy the quiet.
So I had two full days to ensure that my parents left with little to no information about my recent screw-up. Or hell, better yet, I planned on making them feel as though I was as innocent as a choir boy.
Chapter Seven
Jade
“And you’re avoiding him because?” I rounded the end of the couch carrying a big, oversized bowl of the butteriest popcorn and plopped down on the cushion next to Ruby. Poor girl looked defeated and I knew it was because I wreaked havoc on her life without meaning to.
“Your brother is a monster when he’s pissed.” Shifting, she positioned herself with the weight of her body resting on her right hip and reached into the bowl. I remained quiet and allowed her to mull over the words I knew she needed to say. Again, I adored Ruby, and found her innocence delightful. She was such a sweet, caring person, and to see the amazement in her eyes when she witnessed others at their weakest…it was a mixture of devastation, sympathy, and disbelief. Taking a heavy moment and bringing out the humor was something I could always count on with her.
“He’s moping around like a first grader who got their lunch stolen by a bully, and when I attempt to make light of the event I get the death glare. I’m talking that how dare you look that makes my stomach feel like it’s falling out my butt, so I’ve decided to give him time.”
“Stomach out your butt?” I tried not to laugh, but seriously, this girl.
“Uh yes, and I’ve lived my entire life with a man I’
d rather avoid, so I refuse to hang out at your brother’s and do it in silence.” Better than that disappointed look I get from him. “So hanging out here is my new favorite place.”
“It should have already been your favorite place.”
“It’s a close second, because let’s face it, when your brother isn’t being a toddler he kisses me and makes my toes curl. You don’t give me that.” With a shrug she dipped her hand in the popcorn once more and tossed it in her mouth.
Like I said, breath of fresh air.
“Sooo…” She drug out the word and my stomach tensed. I had a strong feeling that this conversation was about to enter uncharted territory. As in a place I was desperately trying to forget. “Do you remember anything from your night with you know who?”
“You know who?” Arching my brow at her, I smiled when she shrugged in response. “You can say his name, it’s not forbidden. Though I did promise myself that I would forget that night ever happened, so you asking about it is making that a tad bit hard to do.”
“Then you don’t remember?”
I stared down at my hand, a mound of popcorn resting there. The problem was that I remembered too much of that night. I wanted to forget, I wanted to be as drunk as he was, but I couldn’t and I wasn’t. I remembered the way he kissed me, and the way his hips moved at the perfect pace, depending on my needs. It was almost like he read my thoughts without even having to express them.
“Too bad,” she mumbled, but I heard her clearly and finally looked up to find her watching me. “If his reputation serves him, I’d think he’d be unforgettable. I guess all the rumors are just that, rumors.”
They weren’t, not at all, but I couldn’t tell her that. I couldn’t share with Ruby or anyone for that matter that every single time I closed my eyes I pictured Isaac hovering above me. Or the fact that on occasion, I swear to it, my lips tingled as if they were being kissed the exact way that Isaac kissed me repeatedly that night.
“No,” it was nothing more than a hoarse whisper, “I don’t remember anything from that night. Just the next morning.” Suddenly the popcorn had a soured taste. “And there’s nothing for me to tell you because you and every other person in the house witnessed it firsthand.”
My embarrassment, my mistake, my history repeating itself once again. Every time I thought of it, it was always the same…shame.
***
I sat down in front of my computer, placed my headset on, and paused with my hand hovering over the mouse. I loved my job, it allowed me to work from the comfort of my home at my own pace. I could work in my pajamas, I didn’t even have to fix my hair. Hell, I could work in bed with a face mask on and no one would know. But today, designing, creating…I just didn’t have it in me. My mind felt as though it was nothing but a scrambled mess.
I wanted to forget all about Isaac and our night together. Several days had gone by already and it was still the same. I swear to it I could still feel him, hear the heavy moans that ripped from him when he came, it was so intense.
I hadn’t seen him since, but I couldn’t seem to get his face out of my mind. His eyes, a warm brown, and that smile, though cocky and arrogant, so very alluring. He had the kind of smile that showed the perfect amount of white teeth and made one single dimple pop in his left cheek.
I’d never felt a connection with Isaac, never once imagined him to be more than just a handsome face, but now, now I knew what I was missing. The sex, drunk sex even, was earth shattering. My mind went to the place over and over that if it was that good, then sober sex had to be crippling, life-changing even.
It wasn’t fair.
Cruel even!
Why did it have to be one of my brother’s very best friends that left me feeling as though no matter how hard I tried I would never be the same as I was before?
Forcing myself to open the file on my desktop, I settled in and got to work. Before I knew it two hours had passed and I’d created the perfect platform for the campaign I’d been hired to design. Layouts were my favorite, starting from scratch, and having the freedom to do whatever I wanted.
Saving and hitting submit, I felt confident that my client would love what I’d done.
Standing to stretch my legs, I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a water from the fridge. A loud knock on my door startled me and I dropped the water to the floor. Thankful that I had yet to open it, it simply rolled and came to an abrupt stop against the center island in the kitchen.
I wasn’t expecting company, in fact, the only person who ever came to see me lately was Ruby. Especially when she felt the need to hide from my brother.
“Open the door, Jade, I know you’re home.”
My brother.
My heart slammed against my breastbone. Oh my God, it had been several days since he last spoke with me. Days since I opened Isaac’s bedroom door to come face to face with my brother, disappointment covering his features when he looked over my shoulder and saw Isaac behind me.
I never wanted to see that look in Jay’s eyes, not when it was directed toward me. Truth was his opinion of me meant more than my own father’s. His support kept me going.
“Jade.” The irritation in his voice could not be ignored.
Slowly and carefully I quietly walked across the floor toward the front door. Rising up on my tip-toes, I peeked through the peep hole and froze when I found him staring straight ahead. It was almost as if he could see me, yet I knew that was impossible.
“You can stand there all fucking day and stare at me. You can wait it out, hoping I’ll leave, but I’m not going anywhere until you let me in and listen to what I came here to say.” Problem was my brother knew me better than anyone else did.
With a deep breath I twisted the lock and opened the door. There was no reason to speak, he wouldn’t hear a word I said if I tried. Jay was on a mission.
“For years I’ve watched you take what men give you, which is very little. I watched you go through one destructive relationship after another and each one managed to drive you down further. You’ve been chasing some emptiness that you feel deep inside, hoping that these men will somehow fill that void, but the truth is, God damn it, Jade, you are worth more. And until you accept that you are worth more, that you deserve more, you’ll continue to get shit. I’m tired of watching you do this to yourself. Stop accepting scraps and demand more. Demand respect, and stop fucking settling.”
Mission accomplished. My little brother was an amazing man, but I knew that already. Now it was time for me to accept what he said couldn’t be truer. I did deserve more.
Chapter Eight
Isaac
My throat felt tight the very second I rounded the corner and saw the extravagant, over the top motorhome parked in front of the fraternity. It was so big that the only thing visible was the peak of the roof of our house from behind.
That alone was insane, but worse yet it meant that my parents had arrived early. How early I did not know, five minutes, an hour, or had they been at my house all day? Had they been hanging out with the guys who had no filter?
Meaning what had they been told?
Pulling into my original parking space, I slid the gearshift into park and paused with my hand on the ignition. My heart raced, my stomach tensed, and I said a silent prayer that they had just arrived and were still sitting in the house on wheels instead of being inside waiting for me to get home.
With a deep breath in, I gathered the strength I needed and turned off the car before climbing out. With each step I grew tenser, the laughter that echoed from the open windows of the house was very familiar.
Climbing the stairs one by one, I paused once again and prepared myself for whatever mess I was about to face.
Pulling open the screen door, I pushed through and stepped into the foyer. My legs felt like lead as I rounded the corner toward the living room. Just as I had feared, my parents were there and they were well settled in. I’m talking my mother lounged back on the couch with her feet tucked up underneath her b
ody. My father was kicked back in a recliner and completely at ease. Surrounding them both was practically every person in the house I had hoped to keep them hidden from. Corbin, Clay, and Blake, even Eli and X all smiling mischievously.
I was screwed.
“Oh son,” my mother shook her head, “so many untold stories.”
I wasn’t sure what thoughts were rolling through her mind. Fear engulfed me.
“Isaac, why don’t you join us and tell us all about what possessed you to sleep with one of your best friends’ sisters?”
Forget worried, I was gonna kill these fuckers.
Slowly I scanned over the faces of the room, one by one I analyzed their smirks, looking for the ass who thought it would be a great idea to throw me to the wolves. Okay, fine, my parents aren’t wolves, but they didn’t need this info.
Blake actually appeared sympathetic. Xavier shrugged as if to apologize, but it was clear it wasn’t him. When the guy was guilty he refused to look you in the eyes. It was a flaw that gave him away every time.
Elijah was too entertained with the game on television and I knew him well enough to know that he remained quiet until he had to put his two cents in.
That left the twins, the troublemakers who were always looking to one-up everyone.
It was them, I knew it.
Corbin was wearing a fucking grin the size of Texas. That little bitch.
I lunged before I thought it through and the shriek that escaped him would have made me laugh had I not been the one inflicting the pain. I barely remember my mother’s shouts to let the poor boy go.
