by C. A. Harms
I shivered at the thought.
I lifted my hand to knock once more but stopped when I heard the slide of a chain just before the door slowly opened. Ruby peeked up at me and smiled, almost like she was surprised, but happy to see me. Eyeing the bag, she arched a brow.
“Soup,” I said, lifting it a little, “chicken noodle. And there’s some crackers.”
“Impressive.” Stepping aside, she allowed me to enter and I scanned over the small space. It was the first time I’d seen the inside and it’s cute, but small. I found myself wondering where she would put a baby and all the things they need.
“She’s sleeping,” Jay said from his perched position on the sofa. He didn’t even turn to look at me, but hey, at least he spoke.
“Mind if I hang out until she wakes?” He shrugged and again I looked at the bright side, he could have said he did, in fact, mind.
I walked around the edge of the couch and forgot that I had the soup until Ruby reached out to take it from me. “I’ll just put this over here until she wakes.” I nodded as I took a seat. “She’s been sleeping for a while so I’m thinking it won’t be long.”
“Sleeping’s good.” Why was I so fucking nervous? It was almost like I felt on display, being judged for one wrong move. It was insane.
We sat in silence. Well, mostly. Ruby tried on numerous occasions to stoke conversation. It would begin and die fast as both Jay and I stared at the television.
“I love this movie,” she said, again making an attempt. I almost felt sorry for her. “It always makes me laugh.” We could use some laughs. I swear that was what she mumbled.
“Why did you let me sleep so long?” All three of us swiveled around and in the open doorway that I assume led to the bedroom stood Jade. Her hair was in a lopsided bun, several blonde pieces sticking out at different angles and hanging in her face. She wore an oversized sweatshirt, tiny tight shorts, and striped socks pulled all the way up to her knees.
I chuckled because come on, it was fucking cute.
Then I remembered that I was not alone and also that my laughter may very well be taken out of context so I stopped. Only too soon, she said, “Are you laughing at me?”
The way Jade cocked her hip out to the side and placed her hand on it only brought more attention to how perfect she truly was. Her lips pursed, her brows scrunched, causing her face to crinkle up between her eyes.
“Love the socks.” I went with the first option I could conjure up in my hazed brain.
“And what’s wrong with my socks?” I couldn’t seem to wipe the smile from my face. She was staring at me, I was watching her in return, both of us grinning like two fools. And to think I was afraid to come over uninvited, remembering her insisting she could do this on her own.
Not a chance.
“There’s soup on the counter, in the white bag,” Ruby interjected and Jade looked away toward the kitchen. “It smelled amazing and crackers too.”
“Thanks, I am hungry.”
“Don’t thank me.” Jade paused and looked back at her. “Isaac brought it. Super sweet, huh?”
“Ruby…” It was a warning from Jay as he rolled his eyes. Honestly, he needed to get over whatever it was and accept that I was and would be doing those things for his sister. She and I might never be more than two people who got drunk and made a baby that we would now raise together, but that was for us to decide. Fact is, I wasn’t going anywhere.
“From Mel’s Deli?” Jade asked hopefully and I nodded my head. “Good choice.” Again she turned toward the kitchen and I ignored the wondering look from Jay when I stood and joined her. There was not a ton of space to move around in, but enough when I stood off to the side and got the perfect view of her lifting the bowl out of the bag. When she removed the lid and I saw her breathe in the scent that escaped, I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
I honestly didn’t know what it was but I was entranced by Jade.
Yes, I’d always thought she was hot, like insanely. Long blonde hair, perfectly proportioned, and her eyes were amazing, but until now she was just that. Maybe it’s that she was carrying my child, or even the idea that I’d remembered bits and pieces of what took place between us and I knew what I was missing. Hell, I had no fucking clue but I think I could watch her for hours and be enthralled.
“Want some?”
Blinking like an idiot to clear my thoughts, I found her watching me. “Uh,” I cleared my throat and shook my head, “Nah, I’m good. You eat it.”
“I can’t eat it all, are you sure?”
“Save the rest for later.” I’d gotten it for her, I guess it was me ensuring her that I’d planned to take care of her. I know it was only soup, but it was a start.
I sat at the small table tucked in the corner of her kitchen and continued to look around, taking in her space. Staring at her while she ate seemed like creeping, but in all honesty, it was exactly what I preferred to do.
I had this strange sense of possessiveness, like she was mine but she wasn’t. And if I was being truthful, that part was what I hated the most.
Chapter Seventeen
Jade
I sat next to Isaac in the waiting room of my OB and though he and I had been talking a lot lately, this was an entirely different level of weird. He was about to venture into a room with me where I would be asked to remove my pants and climb up on a table. Most likely I would have a person feeling me in a private location, among other things.
That was the awkward part.
He and I had become friends over the last couple weeks. I was just shy of eleven weeks. With my recent bouts of uncontrollable sickness, my doctor was monitoring me closely. I’d lost weight instead of gained it.
Part of me wanted to insist that he wait out here, but I knew that was unfair. Honestly, he’d been great, which I’ll admit was surprising. I half expected him to run in the opposite direction when I told him he could come to my appointment with me. I wanted him here, but I wasn’t about to beg. But I didn’t have to, he was excited and was at my house to pick me up first thing this morning.
He took me to breakfast, and now here we were, saying nothing to one another.
I wondered if he was as nervous as me.
I turned my head in his direction, fully intending to ask him, but I didn’t get that chance.
“Jade Grady?” The door to the back was open and a girl who didn’t look as though she was much older than me stood with a tablet in hand. She smiled when both Isaac and I stood. “Right this way.” She stepped aside and allowed us to pass through, then shut the door behind us.
“I’ll just need to get your blood pressure and weight right in here.” On instinct, I looked back at Isaac, feeling somewhat self-conscious. Not because I was heavy, but because of all those demons inside my head that reminded me almost daily that I wasn’t good enough.
“Do you need me to wait here?” Almost like Isaac could read my thoughts, I offered him a relieved smile. “Okay, but you need to drop the idea that you’re unattractive. That shit needs to stop because you’re gorgeous.” When he leaned in and kissed my cheek I was momentarily silenced. Until then he’d not really made any attempt at closeness. We’d hung out, watched movies, he’d make me tea or soup, but other than that nothing that would go beyond two friends hanging out.
For a split second I allowed his reaction to give me a little spark of hope. Isaac may be more than I believed him to be. He may actually be a decent guy and that was something I didn’t know how to handle. I’d dealt with jerks, assholes, and yes, it’s sad to say, abusive low-lifes that thought bullying a woman made them more manly. I’d lived with guys who loved to make me cry and even those who strived to make me feel invisible. But never had I ever been with one who made me feel beautiful, and somehow even with the smallest of attempts, Isaac was doing just that.
After being weighed and finding that my blood pressure was within the normal range, we were led to a room where I was asked to undress from the waist down.
Thankfully, ther
e was a divider to hide behind, and when I stepped out, Isaac held out his hand to help me up onto the table.
I couldn’t help but laugh when he quietly inspected the stirrups with a perplexed look on his face. “Wanna switch places?”
He looked away to find me staring at him and wrinkled up his nose. “This looks like some type of torture device.” With that he gripped the stirrup on one side and gave it a little shake. “Then again, having one of these at home might come in handy.”
Reaching out, I slapped his stomach and he made an umpf sound, grabbing my hand in his. I was still laughing when I looked up and he stepped in a little closer. “Thank you for letting me come today.”
“Of course.” I couldn’t remember ever experiencing this exhilaration. Almost like I was floating.
The way he looked at me, his gaze shifting from my eyes to my lips, made my pulse quicken. The space between us slowly closed and nothing about the idea of him kissing me made me nervous. I wanted him too.
With only a few inches between us I could feel his warm breath fan over my lips and then our moment was interrupted by the door opening.
“Good morning.” I bit my lip to contain my laughter when Isaac took in the young doctor. He looked at him, looked at me with an arched brow, and then back to the doctor, as if to say you’ve got to be kidding me. He crossed his arms over his chest and moved closer to my side.
“Hello, I’m Dr. Ryan.” He held his hand out to Isaac and I nudged him in the side when he didn’t do the same.
“Isaac Marshall.” He gave the doctor a firm shake and returned to his territorial stance. I’ll admit it, I really liked it.
“How’s the morning sickness, Jade?”
“Better.” Barely.
“She throws up at least once every morning when her feet hit the floor.” Isaac decided to speak for me and I scowled at him. “She’s been able to keep soup down, well, broth mostly, and crackers as long as she spaces them out with ginger ale. Tea, a small cup, helps too.”
“Tattle tale.” Immature yes, but I stuck out my tongue, which only made both Isaac and my doctor laugh.
“Well, anything, however small, is good if you can keep it down. Staying hydrated is the key and staying on top of your vitamins too.”
“I am.” That was one thing I’d made sure of. I found if I take them before bed I had a better chance of keeping them in versus first thing in the morning.
“Your weight is down about five pounds below your pre-pregnancy weight—”
“That’s not good,” Isaac interjected and I rolled my eyes, again making the doctor smile. It wasn’t meant for him to see.
“Though we don’t want her losing, it’s not that out of the ordinary with Jade’s morning sickness. I see that changing in the next few weeks due to the fact that she is almost ending her first trimester. The morning sickness generally lets up, and while some do experience it throughout pregnancy, we’ll hope that the worst of it will be over.”
“Thank God,” I mumbled and they again smiled. Yep, I’m just a bucket of laughs and entertainment here. But they weren’t the ones feeling like they were going to expel a lung every morning when the heaves wouldn’t stop.
For the next ten minutes I allowed the doctor to examine me, and when he directed me to lay back I panicked a little. I couldn’t wait to see Isaac’s reaction to what we were about to see. I’d had an internal sonogram done at the hospital by the on call OB, but that was just shy of nine weeks. I knew this one would be external and it would be the first time he’d see our baby.
“This may be a little cold, but I tried to warm it.” And with that he squeezed a small amount of gel onto my abdomen. Slowly the doctor began to move the wand around the spread it out. “Normally I would have the tech perform this but I’d really like to have a look for myself to ensure there’s nothing to be alarmed about.”
Isaac and I shared a look and I wondered if he was thinking the same things as me. Alarmed?
“Honestly, I just miss doing these myself.” When the doctor winked at me I felt relieved. Isaac didn’t seem amused and I wondered if it was more to do with the wink he gave me than that actual confession.
Oh, I think I liked this jealous streak he was trying so hard to hide.
“Strong heartbeat.” With that the thumping swoosh filled the room. “Looks real good.”
Isaac placed his hand on the side of the bed and moved in close so he could see the screen fully. He was captivated and suddenly all I could focus on was the way his eyes lit up as our doctor continued to move the wand over my belly and the sound of our baby’s heartbeat still filled the room.
Chapter Eighteen
Isaac
“This view, Isaac…” I could hear the joy in my mother’s voice and it made me feel sick that I was about to destroy her bliss. Okay, maybe not destroy because my mother loves children, she wasn’t a monster. “I wish you could see this. I’m sitting on the deck of my beautiful home on wheels drinking my coffee and smelling the clean air. One day soon we need to get you on the road with us, before you get swept up in real life and find it too hard to get away. You need this.”
That time was coming much sooner than either of us thought.
“Sounds nice.” How did I even begin this conversation? A million things rolled around my head and none of them sounded right. Blurting out I’m gonna be a dad seemed harsh.
“You sound tired, are you getting enough sleep?”
My heart felt as though it was lodged in my throat, the burning in my chest and hell throughout my entire body made me feel as if I were running a fever.
“Isaac?” I closed my eyes and took in a slow, calming breath, then reopened them once more and immediately my gaze fell on the image in my hand.
“Do you remember Jay?”
“Yes…” Her response is a slow, wary one. “He lives in the house with you, he’s the brother to the girl you were—”
She paused because what exactly were Jade and I? No one really knew. Could we ever really be more? Did I want that?
“Yeah,” I responded, unsure of if I were answering my own internal question or if I were responding to my mother. “There’s something I need to tell you.” I drew the strength I needed to carry on from the image I held. “Her name is Jade, and I know it’s not the right time, I know it’s not what I planned but,” another deep breath, “we just left the doctor’s office where for the first time I was able to see and hear the heartbeat of our baby.”
My mother was silent, but I knew she was still there. I could hear her soft, even breaths.
“It was amazing, life-changing, it was—” For the first time since I heard the thumping rhythm of my baby I felt the burning in my eyes.
“Beautiful.” My mother’s words surprised me and relieved me at the same time. “I remember the first time I heard your heartbeat, both your father and I cried like babies ourselves.”
Hanging my head, I allowed the rush of emotions to overtake me. I had been so fearful of her reaction, worried of the disappointment I figured would follow. But deep down I think I already knew that my mother and even my father were too good to not love the idea of a child, one that shared their blood. Yes, sooner than we all planned, but a baby, my baby.
“This is big, Isaac.” Her voice took on a soothing tone. “And you’re right, life is changing. Nothing will be the same, the way you look at the world will shift, and yes, sooner than we thought, but the joy this baby will bring you, it’s something I could never explain, only something that can be felt. The very second you hold your child, everything falls into place.”
I nodded, knowing that it was ridiculous because she couldn’t see me. I guess I knew that somehow in her own way she just knew.
***
“Just wait.” I stood outside of my bedroom door watching Corbin and Blake a few feet ahead. Each of them were leaning in close to Clayton’s door, as if they were trying to hear what was going on inside. I knew that this meant yes, another round of prank wars
had started.
Blake was just like one of the guys. Every one of them strived to outdo the rest. It was a never-ending streak because they were always coming up with new ideas.
“Should I ask?”
Immediately I was shushed by both of them and almost laughed at the seriousness on Blake’s face. She needed help, some type of group therapy sessions for her excessive competitive nature. She was fucking scary at times.
“What the fuck is that?” I heard from inside the room, and okay, fine, it intrigued me. “Babe?” Again Clayton’s voice sounded from the opposite side of the door. “Do you see that?”
Silence, and we all three leaned in a little closer. Faintly you could hear Emelie giggling. “It’s sparkling,” she added between laughter,” you’re sparkling.”
“What the fuck?” Irritation rolled off Clayton in waves.
Corbin fist bumped Blake and I arched my brow in question. Again I was met with nothing. Apparently I wasn’t cool enough to be part of their group.
“Fucking glitter.” Clayton’s voice grew louder and I knew it was only a matter of time before he came storming out of the room looking for the responsible party. “It’s everywhere,” he added and then a few thumps followed. “Em, we’re covered.”
She laughed harder. “I guess it didn’t help that we got a little sweaty.” Blake covered her mouth to hide her laughter. “It just made it stick even more.”
What the hell did they do, put it in his bed?
“Where did it come from?” There was some shuffling, and throughout it all Emelie couldn’t seem to stop laughing. That girl truly was the opposite of Clay, she was the yin to his yang.
But she did have a kid and I’m sure that it changes they way you look at things. I found myself smiling at the thought.
“It’s on my ass, Em.” I could practically see the scowl on Clayton’s face. “Ahh, those damn idiots.” His voice is now even louder as I assumed his irritation only grew. “It’s even all over my fucking balls.”
