High-Caliber Concealer

by Bethany Maines

  August XXIV

  I Was Only Robbing the Register

  The sky was a hazardous yellow and the sun a bright copper disk in the sky. The air was so thick with the fog of fires that it was almost possible to stare straight at the sun without sunglasses. There was a dark cloud on the horizon, drifting steadily south and for a moment Nikki felt a surge of hope that rain was on the horizon, but realized almost immediately that those weren’t rain clouds. It was an immense and billowing nebula of smoke from the forest fire. Nikki rubbed her arm uneasily, discharging static electricity, and told herself that the Columbia was a wide river; there was no way the fire could span that distance. She checked the sky again and hoped she was right.

  “So what’s the next step?” asked Jane, settling her messenger bag on her hip. “Do you think the sheriff already found Ylina’s insurance policy?”

  “No, I think he was searching her room when we got to the hotel.”

  “How are we going to find it then? I mean, as a police officer he’s got free rein to search anywhere.”

  “I don’t think it’s in her room,” said Nikki.

  “Then where?”

  “Well, when I saw her last, she was fishing something out of a junker car on Crazy Cooter’s back lot. And you said she actually worked for Crazy Cooter, right?”

  “Yeah, as administrative assistant.”

  “I think she left it there. I think she went to get it, ran into me, saw the police cars coming to put the kibosh on Donny’s party and panicked. I bet she left her insurance policy—whatever it is—at work and tried to take off.”

  “Why wouldn’t she take it with her?” asked Jane.

  “I don’t know,” said Nikki. “Maybe she did. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe the sheriff has the recordings already and we’re screwed. But I think it’s worth taking a look, don’t you?”

  “Yeah, absolutely.” Jane surveyed the street. “I have to say, I’m really enjoying this in-person investigation stuff. Usually I’m stuck behind a computer.”

  “Well, after you took the agent competency course, I thought you’d rotate out, honestly,” said Nikki. “You seemed kind of into it.”

  “Yeah, so did I, but I talked to Mrs. Merrivel and in order to do more field work I’d have to leave the team.”

  Nikki’s hand hovered over the car door handle. “I didn’t know you’d talked to Mrs. Merrivel.”

  “Yeah, she thought it was great that I passed the competency course and that I’m a great back-up for you guys in case of emergency, but she said that the team needed a tech person. Which is true. You would be screwed without me. But if I really want more field work, I would have to get reassigned. So, you know ...” Jane shrugged to fill in the rest of the sentence.

  “Jane,” Nikki floundered for a moment, finding herself unexpectedly touched by her friends matter-of-fact acceptance of a dying dream. “I really appreciate your choice, because we do need you, but there’s got to be a way to move ahead with your career.”

  Jane shrugged again. “Maybe. I just wish…” Jane trailed off awkwardly.

  “You wish what?”

  “Well, when I took the field competency course, I thought that maybe you guys would respect me more.”

  “Respect you more? Jane, we respect you!”

  “Well, kind of. But kind of not. You guys kind of treat me like the junior partner. And I know I’m the youngest and I have the least field experience, but I thought once I took the course that everyone would let me do more stuff.”

  “I’m sorry,” said Nikki. “I didn’t know you felt that way. I didn’t mean to make you feel like a junior partner. Whatever it is I’ve said, I swear I was only teasing. I really respect and rely on you.”

  “It’s not just you. Ellen and Jenny do it, too. And not to sound dorky, but sometimes words hurt. It’s hard to defend my decision to stay where I’m at when you guys call me your “idiot savant” or your “personal PC police” in public. I’ve had offers to go be on other teams, you know.”

  “I did not know that. Who offered you a spot?” asked Nikki.

  Jane got the angry tone in Nikki’s voice and shifted her weight nervously. “It’s not a big deal. I like being with you guys more than I worry about my career. Besides, it’s not like I’m the only one. I see team leaders trying to scalp Ellen all the time. That conference where you met Darla? I got done with my hypnosis seminar early and I went over to Ellen’s Future of Weaponry panel. The Head of East Coast division was leading the panel and she practically offered Ellen whatever she wanted to move.”

  Nikki laughed. “Everyone wants Ellen. She gets offers all the time. It’s because she looks the Carrie Mae part and she’s quiet. They don’t know that if they actually did manage to steal her they’d be getting a rebel and an insurrectionist. Why do you think her kids are always so surprised when she goes to visit? I guess that just leaves Jenny and me as the wallflowers without any invitations to dance.”

  Jane shrugged again. “I think they just assume she’ll take over the team when you replace Mrs. M.”

  “Yeah, like that’s going to happen. Anyway, Jane, I’m really sorry I made you feel like you weren’t respected. I do respect you and honestly, we couldn’t do without you.”

  Jane’s bottom lip wobbled suspiciously, and she blinked and looked away. “I know, it’s just nice to hear once in awhile. Anyway, we’re going to Crazy Cooters? Should I return Z’ev’s car? Should I ride with you? Follow you out there? Are we calling the girls? What are we doing?”

  Nikki wanted to hug her, but Jane didn’t like to hug in moments of emotional distress, so she tried to respect the boundary Jane was clearly drawing by clutching her bag in front of her.

  “Umm, follow me out there, I guess. I don’t want to return Z’ev’s car yet. If we make him mobile, he’ll only go poking around where I don’t need him. I texted Jenny. She and Ellen will run interference with the family while we investigate because I don’t think we need them. I think you and I can handle this investigation ourselves right now.”

  Jane beamed. “You’re the boss.” She headed for the rental car, her bouncing ponytail declaring happiness with each step.

  Nikki waited until they were on the road before dialing Mrs. Merrivel.

  “Nikki, help, I’m being held prisoner. Bring chocolate chip cookies soon,” said Mr. Merrivel.

  Nikki laugh-snorted in surprise.

  “Very funny!” yelled Mrs. Merrivel in the background.

  Mr. M chuckled, sounding pleased with himself. “Hey, kiddo. How’s vacation going?”

  “Umm, well, you know,” said Nikki.

  “That good, huh? Do you need to keep all the chocolate chip cookies for yourself?”

  “Kind of, yeah. Actually, I really do need to talk to Mrs. M.”

  “Uh oh. That sounds like you may need to move straight to the bag of chocolate chips. I’ll hand you over. Hon, Nikki’s got a work thing.”’

  “A work thing? I thought you were on vacation?” Mrs. Merrivel picked up the phone. Nikki could tell that she was smiling by the uplift in her voice.

  “I’m on unpaid leave. Which is turning out to be unpaid working.”

  “Do you need back-up?”

  “No, the girls flew in to help. Of course, they were on the same flight as my mother. And then Z’ev arrived, just in time for dinner at my grandma’s with my ex-boyfriend.”

  “Ugh. John, pack up those chocolate chips for air mail. Nikki needs sugar stat.”

  Nikki laughed and she could hear Mr. M laughing too. She wondered just how much this sabbatical was going to be good for both the Merrivels.

  “I do need sugar, but that’s not why I’m calling. I’ve got a handle on the situation here, mostly. As much as I have a handle on any work situation, anyway.”

  “Then I won’t worry. What’s the reason for the call then?”

  “How come you didn’t tell me that you’d talked to Jane about field work?”

  “I talk to everyone who passes
the field competency course,” said Mrs. Merrivel. “I assumed you knew that.”

  “I do know that, but I mean, why did you tell her that she couldn’t do field work unless she left the team?”

  “Because she can’t. Her primary role on the team is technical support. She can assist with field work from time to time, but the team needs a tech person.”

  “But,” said Nikki and then trailed off.

  “Am I wrong? Do you not need that function?”

  “No, we do, but, I mean, she really wants to do field work.”

  “Well, we discussed it and she said that what she really wanted to do was stay with the team. I said she could always change her mind.”

  Nikki sighed. “Is the East Coast Director trying to steal Ellen?”

  “Everyone tries to steal Ellen,” said Mrs. M. “They don’t realize that if we left Ellen undirected we’d have a Canada situation every other week. Anyway, the one Susan has really been after is Jenny.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Because she sees the success we’ve had with your team. She’s read the profiles. She knows that you and Jenny have a pretty similar skill set. She thinks that if she can woo Jenny over, Jenny can start her own action team on the East Coast, and that probably if she could get Jenny, she could also get Ellen. Which really is a pretty good plan and would be good for Jenny’s career. I’m very hopeful that, if we time it right, we can spin Jenny off in that direction. She could end up being head of her own division, which of course, would be good for all of us.”

  “Why haven’t you talked about this before?”

  “Well, you’re not ready to move up,” said Mrs. Merrivel matter of factly. “You’re not even thirty yet, which I know makes The Council nervous. Give it a few more years and when you’re ready for promotion this will all make a lot more sense.”

  “It makes sense now,” said Nikki. And it did. All of it made sense. Mrs. Merrivel’s plans always did, but, as usual, she was three steps ahead of Nikki. “But I like my life. I don’t want to break up the team.”

  “No one’s saying you have to,” said Mrs. M soothingly. “This is for the future. Don’t think about it. Put it on the back burner.”

  “You could have told me about it earlier.”

  “Why? So you could tie yourself up in knots over what might happen, on some unknown date, at some unknown time? You do best when you’re dealing with the present.”

  “You know I don’t want your job.”

  “I do know. You don’t like it. It’s not enough action and too much responsibility. But there may come a time when it’s just going to be more convenient for you to have it, than not have it.”

  “That makes no sense,” said Nikki, irritation coloring her tone. She hated it when Mrs. M Yoda’d out.

  “I know. Like I said, don’t worry about it. This is for the future.”

  “The problem is that the future has a way of sneaking up on me.”

  Mrs. Merrivel laughed. “It sneaks up on all of us, dear. Now I can tell you’re driving, so you shouldn’t be talking. I’ll hang up and let you concentrate. I’ll leave it to you on whether or not you should call Darla about whatever it is you’re involved in. Be safe.”

  The line went dead and Nikki dropped the phone in the passenger seat in disgust.

  “How am I supposed to concentrate with impending promotion hanging over my head?” she demanded of the empty car. The invisible Val Robinson that resided in the passenger seat pointed at her and laughed. And then because it was Val, flipped the bird to a passing truck on jacked-up wheels.

  She really didn’t want Mrs. M’s job. There were too many moving pieces. The LA Branch was a sprawling mess that encompassed the greater Los Angeles area and all its municipalities. It had been leaderless for over two years. The Council kept throwing people at it, but no one could seem to stick in the job. And mostly that was because the LA Branch and the West Coast division were run out of the same building. With Mrs. Merrivel in the building, why would anyone bother to stop and ask a branch leader anything? Mrs. Merrivel had been hinting for the last year that Nikki might want the position. Nikki didn’t. A new LA Branch leader, a smart one anyway, would relocate out of the fancy office building to one of the company owned warehouses downtown, out of Mrs. M’s sphere of influence. And then she would have to start streamlining the reporting process, reorganize into teams and retrain some of the old guard. It was a ridiculous amount of work. And for what? So that eventually she could be considered for Mrs. M’s job?

  When she had filled in for Mrs. M while she’d been in Turkey it had been a last minute scramble with the understanding that the Council would replace her as soon as someone was available. That had dragged into weeks as Mrs. M’s return was complicated by Mr. M’s heart surgery. Nikki had hated every minute of it. There were too many pieces in motion, too many players on the board, too much politics, too much thinking about the future. She didn’t want any of it. What she wanted was to stay with her team, sleep in the same bed as her boyfriend for more than three months of the year, and have her mom shut the hell up about pretty much everything and just be supportive for once. Those were not big goals. They were perfectly reasonable goals. Why did no one want her to achieve those goals?

  She bumped down the long driveway to Crazy Cooter’s, past the looming cars and under the archway made of deer antlers and bumpers, pulling to a stop outside a listing RV that had mated with a pre-fab shed. Cooter was sitting outside on a lawn chair, polishing a chrome hood ornament.

  “That is the creepiest fucking thing I have ever seen in my life,” said Jane pulling up and exiting the car. “Who in the world builds a giant archway out of deer antlers and bumpers?”

  “I call it the Roadkill Memorial,” said Cooter, squinting up at Jane from under his straw cowboy hat. “It’s in memory of those deer ones gone by.”

  “There is something wrong with you,” said Jane.

  “They don’t call me Crazy Cooter for nothing,” he said, grinning and displaying a gapped smile, missing the same amount of teeth as the average Canadian hockey player.

  “Hi, Cooter,” said Nikki. “Do you remember me?”

  “Sure do. You’re Nikki Lanier. You and Donny and the Tyrell kid used to jump out of refrigerators to try and scare me.”

  “It never worked,” said Nikki smiling.

  “Well, let’s just say that three little kids weren’t the scariest thing that ever popped out of a refrigerator at me.”

  “I don’t want to know the scariest thing, do I?” asked Jane.

  “Well, if you don’t like the Memorial Archway then, no, probably not,” agreed Cooter. “Well, Nikki Lanier, what can I do for you?”

  “I’m here about Ylina,” said Nikki, and Cooter stopped polishing for a moment.

  “The sheriff was here earlier and I told him I didn’t want to press charges and that he should get the hell off my property,” said Cooter. “If you’re here to persuade me otherwise you can go on and get too.”

  Nikki and Jane exchanged looks. “Press charges for what?”

  “For robbing the till. But it was only a couple of hundred bucks. She probably needed the money. She’s been a real help the last couple of years, so I’m just going to think of it as her bonus.”

  “When was the sheriff here?” asked Jane.

  “About an hour ago, why?” Cooter looked from Jane to Nikki, looking worried.

  “Um, well, did he say—what exactly did he say?”

  “He said he’d caught her with some cash and wanted to look around to make sure she hadn’t taken anything else.”

  Nikki and Jane exchanged another look.

  “And he didn’t say anything else about Ylina?”

  “What else was there to say? Look, I know she’s illegal. If I press charges the sheriff can send her back to Mexico. But she’s been here since she was seven. What’s she going to do in Mexico? I told him I hadn’t noticed anything and that I knew she’d been saving up money, so it was prob
ably her cash. He wanted to look around, but I told him to come back with a warrant. I don’t hold with cops poking around.”

  “The thing is,” said Nikki, then hesitated. “The thing is, I went to see Ylina at the, uh, place she’s staying, about three hours ago and uh, well, there’s no easy way to say this, but she’s dead. She’d been killed.”

  Cooter started to stand and then sat back down, his face going white under his tan.

  “That poor kid,” he said after a minute. “I knew she was in trouble. I just knew it, but she wouldn’t say anything. I should have made her tell me. I figured she’d come around in her own time. That poor kid.” He fought back tears, and after a moment he blew his nose into a grimy red handkerchief pulled from the upper pocket of his overalls.

  “Why didn’t the sheriff tell me?” he asked looking up at Nikki, puzzled.

  “That is an excellent question,” said Jane. “Many of the sheriff’s actions seem a little strange to me.”

  “That’s because he’s an arrogant prick who thinks he owns everything in the County,” said Cooter. “But why wouldn’t he tell me if Ylina was dead?”

  “We think Ylina had something that the sheriff really wants, but that he didn’t find in her room.”

  “Something bad?” Cooter still looked puzzled.

  “Possibly something bad for the sheriff,” said Nikki. She was trusting a lot on Cooter’s innate distrust of law enforcement.

  “Well, let’s go look for it,” said Cooter, standing up and dropping the hood ornament into the dust. “I never liked that guy,” he said, yanking open the door to the shed. “If he had something to do with Ylina’s,” he hesitated, “with her not being here, then I want him to go down in a fiery ball of flames.”

  “We can help with that,” said Jane.

  “Good! I mean, I figured you would since he screwed Nikki’s dad so royally, but you never know about people.”

  The shed-turned-office was filthy, except for the desk in the corner. A stray sunbeam sneaking through a grimy window illuminated the dust motes in the air. It smelled of grease and mildew.

  “Ylina sat there,” said Cooter, pointing to the desk that was organized in a grid of papers, computer, stapler, and pens that would have made an engineer happy.