Hell in a Handbasket

by Denise Grover Swank

  The crowd gasped again, but there was no time to react—the two cousins had broken into an all-out skirmish. Patsy tugged a handful of Carol Ann’s hair, while Carol Ann pulled Patsy’s shirt up halfway over her head and exposed her hot pink bra.

  Screams broke out, and Barbara tried to help the pastor up, but Patsy—unable to see where she was going—slammed into him. He fell again, this time face-first into a strawberry rhubarb pie.

  Patsy flopped up faster than I would have expected for a woman of her age, then slammed her cousin into the fried chicken table, sending drumsticks, thighs, and breasts flying in all directions.

  “It’s raining fried chicken,” Ashley said in amazement next to me.

  I sucked in a breath as I turned to look down at her. When had she gotten here? “Ashley, go back to your momma.”

  “And miss this? No way!” She squinted at the two women who were rolling from the chicken table into the pies. “Why’d Miss Patsy take off her shirt?”

  Sure enough, Patsy’s shirt was gone and her top half was slicked up from the oily chicken like she was ready for a wrestling contest.

  I covered Ashley’s eyes with my hand, but she pushed it away. “I’m not a baby, Aunt Rose. I’m gonna be a first grader.”

  I didn’t have time to respond because the cousins had rolled on top of Reverend Baker. The table gave a loud groan before the legs on the left side gave out, sending all three bodies to the ground. They landed on top of one another in a heap, but even that did little to stop the fight. While Patsy Sue and Carol Ann carried on shrieking and hollering, everyone stood around watching them like this was the most exciting thing they’d seen since Officer Ernie chased a flock of wild turkeys around the town square. While I had to admit that it probably was, poor Reverend Baker was taking the brunt of the fight. He’d never been kind to me, but someone needed to help him.

  I was just about to intervene when Officer Ernie himself ran up and puffed out his skinny chest, trying his best to look authoritative. “Stop in the name of the law!”

  There was no chance of the crowd intervening now. They took a step back in eager anticipation.

  The women ignored his command, so he shouted again, “Don’t make me arrest the lot of you!”

  Patsy grabbed a pie tin, attempting to shove it in her cousin’s face, but Carol Ann bobbed out of the way just as Reverend Baker sat up, getting another face full of pie.

  Ernie’s confidence wavered, and he slowly reached for the mic on his shoulder, turning to the side a bit as he muttered, “I’ve got a situation and I’m gonna need backup.”

  “What’s the problem?” a woman’s voice called back.

  “I’ve got two women havin’ a food fight outside of the First Baptist Church.”

  The woman started laughing. “Officer Sprout’s out on another call. You’re gonna have to handle that one yourself.”

  Exasperated, Ernie turned to the crowd. “Can someone help me out here?”

  Everyone watched him with interest, no one volunteering, not that I could blame them. The cousins and the pastor were covered in various pies and pieces of fried chicken. Ernie leaned over to pull Carol Ann away from her cousin, but he got pulled down into the mess.

  Calvin Clydehopper, Patsy’s husband, slunk to the front, wearing pressed trousers paired with a short-sleeved button-down shirt and tie. Calvin and Patsy were normally considered elite members of Henryetta society, and the look on Calvin’s face suggested he wasn’t pleased his wife had ruined their carefully constructed façade.

  He reached toward the women, then withdrew his hands and said, “Patsy Sue! Stop this right now! You’re making a fool of yourself.”

  Patsy Sue took a moment to glance up at her husband, a piece of chocolate mousse dripping from her hair onto her cheek. “I’m making a fool of myself?” she shrieked. “This is all your fault!” She grabbed a half-full pie tin, wound back her arm like a star pitcher, then threw it up at him.

  The tin landed on his head and peaches dripped down his nose. His face reddened and he looked like he was about to enter the melee when Joe’s voice boomed out from the other side of the crowd. “Everybody freeze!”

  Carol Ann paused with her knees digging into Reverend Baker’s back and her hand on Patsy’s waistband. Officer Ernie’s leg was trapped underneath Patsy’s lower body, and a smear of blueberries concealed one side of his face. The poor minister moaned underneath all of them.

  “Uncle Joe!” Ashley shouted and took off running to greet him.

  Joe’s face lifted in surprise, and when he caught a glimpse of me, his eyebrows rose into a smirk. He didn’t need to express himself in words. I could see what he wanted to say written across his face: “Why am I not surprised to see you with this mess?”

  At least I could plead total innocence this time.

  Chapter 2

  It took Joe thirty minutes to get everything sorted out, including reassuring Officer Ernie, who was livid that his case had been “stolen from him” even though he’d been desperate for backup. Of course, Joe was the only one not covered in food.

  Reverend Baker was hauled off in an ambulance because his bad back had been thrown out of whack, and the two cousins said they weren’t sure whether they wanted to press charges against each other.

  Ernie made noises about arresting them for disturbing the peace, but then he cast a glance at Calvin and quickly backtracked. Calvin Clydehopper was on the city council and could have Officer Ernie fired, an idea that didn’t upset me at all, but Ernie decided not to risk it.

  When the whole police mess was cleared up, Joe and Officer Ernie left the clucking church women to clean up the mess. Joe walked over to me and Ashley. I hadn’t managed to convince her to return to the blanket, but Mike had come down to join us midway through the hubbub.

  Joe nodded to my brother-in-law. “Mike.”

  “Didn’t expect to see you here,” he said in a cold tone.

  My gaze flicked up in surprise. While I knew Mike was upset with me, this was the first indication that he was also pissed at Joe.

  “Violet invited me, although I was obviously running late.”

  “Violet invited you?” Mike and I asked at the same time.

  I didn’t mind sitting with Joe. We’d long since gotten over our breakup, and last I’d heard, he was dating Dena Breene, who owned the cupcake shop in the town square. The question was why didn’t Violet tell me or Mike? Was she up to her matchmaking mischievousness again? Heaven knew she’d tried it before, and she knew my dating situation wasn’t exactly stable. I’d recently told her about my short-lived involvement with Levi Romano—I’d gone on a few dates with Henryetta’s attractive new veterinarian, but I didn’t have feelings for him. (I’d broken it off with him the night Violet admitted she was dying, and typical Levi, he’d been nothing but understanding.) She’d proceeded to guess that there was someone else, someone I cared about despite myself, and I’d admitted it was true, though of course I hadn’t mentioned James by name. It would be just like her to try to distract me with another man. A man she thought would make sure I was all right after she was gone.

  Joe gave me a stunned look.

  “Wait!” I said, “I’m happy you’re here. I just know how much you eat,” I teased. “I hope I brought enough food.”

  “Oh, that’s okay,” he said. “Dena and I brought our own food.”

  “Dena?” And then I felt like an idiot. Why wouldn’t he bring Dena? They’d been dating for several weeks, and according to Neely Kate, they were seeing each other three or four nights a week. “That’s great!” I glanced around the thinning crowd. “I didn’t see her.”

  He laughed. “She went up to sit with Vi. She said something similar happened last week with her half-priced cupcake day and left me to it.” He thumbed toward the hill. “I’m starving. Let’s go eat. Dena made some sandwiches I’m dying to try.” Then he swung Ashley onto his shoulders and forced Mike into a conversation about the Little Rock Travelers baseball te
am.

  I watched them walk toward Violet and Dena, and my heart filled with gratitude that we’d been given one more day with my sister. And hopefully one more day after that.

  * * *

  Since the picnic had ended up in a disaster, there was only enough time left for half the games. Joe ended up doing the three-legged race with Ashley and winning.

  It was a good thing that the picnic was cut short because Violet tired out soon after we ate.

  “I hate that everyone is leavin’ on account of me,” Vi said with tears in her eyes. “I wanted to spend more time with Rose.”

  “We only have a couple of clients tomorrow,” I said with a gentle smile. “How about I bring you lunch and hang out with you and the kids for a while? Isn’t Mike goin’ back to work tomorrow?”

  “Only half days,” he said defensively, as though I were challenging his place in Violet’s world. “I’ll be home by lunchtime.”

  Violet glanced up at him with a patient look I wasn’t used to seeing on her face. “Mike, you’ve been gone from the job sites for weeks. Let Rose come spend some time with me and the kids. We’ll all be fine.”

  He shot me a look that suggested he had his doubts but remained silent.

  I packed up the food while Mike corralled the kids. Joe and Dena offered to take me home to save Violet and her family the trip, but I told him he only needed to drop me off at the landscaping office. Mike had picked me up there, so my truck was still parked nearby.

  “That works out perfectly,” Dena said, “since Joe offered to help me pull out some exhaust vents that are stuck in the hood in my kitchen.”

  “That sounds like a fun afternoon,” I said with a grin. “Not as fun as breaking up an epic food fight, but still . . .”

  Joe laughed. “Could you believe those two? They were acting like two teenage girls fighting over a guy.”

  Dena’s eyes lit up. “Well . . .”

  I shot her a look of surprise. “Wait. They were?”

  “Let’s just say rumor has it money wasn’t the only thing Carol Ann was looking for when she showed up on Patsy Sue’s front porch.”

  “Calvin?” Joe asked. Then he shook his head. “No way. He’s as straightlaced as they come.”

  “My aunt went to school with the both of them and says they’ve always fought over him, even all those years ago.”

  “Still,” I said, not wanting to give credence to a rumor. Plenty of false ones had floated around about me. “That was a good twenty to twenty-five years ago. Surely they’ve gotten over it by now.”

  “Aunt Theresa and her friend Valerie were in the cupcake shop last week talkin’ about it.”

  Joe pulled up in front of my office a few minutes later, and I decided to make a quick escape. “Thanks for the ride, Joe.”

  I got out, hauling the picnic basket with me as he rolled down his window. “If you see Neely Kate, tell her I’m looking forward to our painting party tomorrow night.”

  Dena leaned forward, a frown wrinkling her forehead. “I thought we were going to Magnolia to see a movie with Henry and Tiffany tomorrow.”

  Joe cringed. “Neely Kate and I made plans a while back. I completely forgot.”

  “But Monday’s the only time they can go. Can’t you get together with Neely Kate another night?” She laughed. “I mean, come on. Who likes to paint?”

  I was downright pissed. I squatted next to Joe’s door and held her gaze. “Joe does. And so does Neely Kate.” Before I could say something I’d regret even more, I stood and walked over to my truck and got inside.

  I couldn’t bear to look at Joe as he drove away. I knew how I’d come across—the spiteful, jealous ex-girlfriend. But that wasn’t it at all . . . was it?

  No. She had been gossiping about Patsy Sue Clydehopper. And then she’d made fun of Joe and Neely Kate’s bonding time. Still, once my anger had a few seconds to die down, I could acknowledge I’d probably overreacted. Most people actually didn’t like to paint, and she probably thought Neely Kate was doing Joe a favor, not spending quality time with him.

  Which just proved how little she knew about both of them.

  Neely Kate and Joe were so new to this brother and sister thing, but it was painfully clear how much they needed each other. I hated to see anything get in the way of their budding relationship. Shoot, even Jed respected those boundaries.

  Halfway home, I started to feel a heaviness descend on my shoulders. I didn’t feel like being alone, but I knew Jed had taken Neely Kate to Little Rock, which meant she’d probably be gone the entire day. It made sense that they’d go somewhere else to be together. Little Rock was only two hours away, and no one knew them there. That meant no one could go after Neely Kate to get to Jed, who was trying to leave the criminal world after years of working with James. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder if it had something to do with Joe and Neely Kate’s sister, Kate, who was currently residing in a psychiatric hospital in that city.

  Muffy was happy to see me when I walked in the house. After I put the food away, I tried to read a book, but I found myself reading the same paragraph five times.

  Lately, I hated being alone. When I had too much time to think, my mind always drifted to the two people who’d changed my relationship with my visions—Jeanne Putnam, Scooter Malcolm’s now-deceased girlfriend, who was dead due to my negligence, and Merv Chapman, James Malcolm’s traitorous friend. Jeanne had been the sole witness in Scooter’s kidnapping but had kept what she’d seen to herself out of fear for her life. Neely Kate and I had convinced her to talk to us anyway, more than once, despite knowing the danger she was in. I’d believed my visions could save her—only they hadn’t. She’d been killed on account of us. Merv had died while I was forcing a vision of him, and the experience had very near killed me.

  It hurt to think of either of them, but they had free rein in my dreams.

  I’d had plenty of nightmares about Merv crushing me to the warehouse floor, his blood drenching my clothes, making me feel like I was drowning in it, while he growled, “I’m takin’ you with me.”

  But the dreams about Jeanne haunted me the most.

  I’d find myself standing over her dead body in the woods at the edge of Highway 82. She’d look up at me with vacant eyes, a bullet hole in her forehead, and say, “I trusted you, Rose Gardner, and you got me killed.”

  She wasn’t wrong.

  “Muffy, let’s go for a walk.”

  I changed out of my shorts and into a pair of jeans; then we headed out the back door. We spent the next couple hours wandering the north end of my property—purposely staying away from the southern edge that bordered the land where Joe lived. Muffy had fun running loose, but by the end of it, she was dirty and I was a sweaty mess. I couldn’t avoid the empty house forever. I went back inside reluctantly, and after giving us both a shower, headed downstairs to look for something to eat.

  I started to get out the leftover meatloaf and mashed potatoes from a couple of nights ago, but tears welled in my eyes again.

  Violet was dying and soon I was going to be alone.

  A wave of loneliness washed through me, and I ached with the need to call James. I’d been fighting the urge all afternoon . . . who was I kidding? I’d missed him for the past week. James had told me to call if I needed him, but I didn’t have an answer for him yet, and I had a feeling seeing him would only confuse things.

  There was more to consider than just my feelings for him. He was a known criminal, and while he had a moral code most criminals didn’t possess, there was no denying he operated on the wrong side of the law. I would ruin my reputation as a business owner if I openly dated him, and I had multiple employees scattered over two businesses to think about. Not to mention it would be dangerous. People would be able to use me to get to him . . . heck, they already had. And then, of course, there was the issue with Mike.

  In my heart, I knew what my answer should be, so why couldn’t I just say no?

  James had already told me he wasn’
t a white-picket-fence kind of guy. Marriage and babies would never be in the cards for him, and while I didn’t want either of those things yet, I did want them eventually, which meant whatever relationship we established would be short term. Could I live with that?

  Could I live without it?

  Neely Kate’s worried voice interrupted my thoughts. “Rose?”

  I turned to face her, realizing I was standing at the kitchen counter with an empty plate, staring out the windows with tears streaming down my face. I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand. “Hey,” I said in a cheery tone. “How was your day? Did Jed come in with you?”

  She studied me with a frown. “No. He had something he needed to do. What’s wrong? How did the picnic go?”

  My eyebrows shot up in mock excitement. “Well, you really should have gone. You could have seen Patsy Sue Clydehopper and her cousin Carol Ann take out Reverend Baker.”

  “What?”

  I fixed us each a plate of the meatloaf leftovers while I told her about the cousins’ showdown over the chicken and how Joe had finally put a stop to it.

  “Joe was there?” she asked in surprise. “He didn’t mention he was going, but I haven’t talked to him since Friday.”

  I carried both plates to the table. “He brought Dena.”

  “Oh.” She grabbed some silverware for us and sat down.

  Something about the way she said it reminded me of the awkward moment before I parted from Joe and Dena that afternoon.

  “What do you think about Dena?” I asked carefully as I took the seat across from her.

  She watched me for a moment. “She’s nice. And she makes great cupcakes.”

  “But what do you think about her with Joe?”

  She scooped a forkful of mashed potatoes. “He seems happier.”

  “But what about her?”

  Her mouth twisted to the side. “I’m trying not to meddle.”

  “Because you don’t like her?” I asked, trying to contain my excitement, then feeling guilty.