“Any time I can be squeezed in with you? Is a good time,” Chace said. There was no denying the heat in his words that time. He slid the bread between her teeth.
When Whitney realized she’d picked the menu up and was fanning herself with it, she put it down immediately and started looking out over the tables, muttering about wondering where their server was. She felt Chace’s stare, but refused to look at him.
After dinner they drifted in and out of bars for hours, mostly just talking. She had a drink or two. They stayed out too late, but she barely noticed the time passing. When the bars closed, they headed back to her condo. She had so much fun with him, she didn’t even know how it’d gotten to be nearly three in the morning while they were talking on her couch.
“You could stay the night on the couch,” Whitney offered. “The Metro isn’t running any longer and sometimes cabbies get cranky about going into the District from here.”
“I’ll be okay. I really don’t think it’d be a good idea for me to spend the night here. Too much temptation.” The way he said the word “temptation” sent shivers all over her body. Her mind went back to their New Year’s Eve kiss and suddenly, with every part of her hot for him, she didn’t think it was a good idea, either.
“At least let me call a cab before you go downstairs.”
“Sure thing. Thanks.”
“I had a really great time tonight, Chace. Thanks for coming over. I’m glad you did.” She picked up her phone.
“I’m glad you’re glad.” Chace brushed a kiss against her cheek.
She looked at him, having to hold herself back from jumping all over him. She tightened her grip on the phone to keep from dropping it.
“The best,” he said, brushing his hand against her cheek.
“Well, I, uh, better call that cab. It’s getting late.” The words were awkward, clumsy. Because they weren’t what she wanted to say. She wanted him to stay. With her. And not on the couch. And that wasn’t the kind of thought she should have been having. He was rebounding.
She was already messing up at work and didn’t need any further distractions. All she’d wanted in life was to get with a huge law firm and be successful. So close to partner, she couldn’t screw up now. She owed it to herself, her mom, and even her grandparents. She had to be everything her father hadn’t been. That was the only way to make his mistakes less hard for all of them. She had a lot of broken hearts to mend. She didn’t need Chace interfering, messing with hers. Clouding her mission.
“Yeah.” Chace nodded, looking down at the phone in her hand before repeating himself. “Yeah.”
When the uncomfortable silence had gone on for too long, Whitney said, “I’m going to get a glass of water after I make this call. You want anything?” He looked at her with greedy eyes, and her face roasted for what felt like the millionth time that night. “From the kitchen, I mean?”
He shook his head.
She went to the refrigerator, arranging for the cab as she did. She put down the phone and grabbed the water pitcher with a shaking hand, nerves and hormones raging inside of her.
“Whitney?” he called into the kitchen.
“Yeah?” Her voice quavered despite her efforts to make it not do that.
“Would it have been different? If there was no Kelly? Would there still be this—uh—distance between us? Making us not able to get to the thing I think we both want?”
Whitney pretended not to hear his question, but she did let out a soft curse when she realized she’d overfilled her water glass and water was spilling onto her black, sable, and gray marble countertop.
* * *
The next morning Whitney refused to believe that her alarm clock said ten o’clock when she rolled over and looked at it. She was sure she’d set her alarm the night before. She must have turned it off and gone back to sleep without realizing she’d ever done it. She hadn’t done that in ages.
“Crap,” Whitney muttered, jumping out of bed. “Kim already hates me. This is not going to go over well.”
She’d meant to get up early that morning and read over some stuff she’d put off reading the night before when she’d gone to bed. Instead, she’d done the exact opposite. Even if she drove into the city instead of taking the train, she was still going to be really late. Still, she’d save a little bit of time. Maybe Kim would give her a chance to explain instead of killing her on the spot.
Whitney undressed while talking to her assistant on speakerphone, telling her she’d be in as soon as she could be. She then took a shower and got ready faster than she ever had in her life, almost leaving her condo without tossing her work shoes—a pair of black pumps—into her bag, she was so distracted.
She got into her car, juggling her coffee thermos, laptop bag, a briefcase full of papers, and her purse. And made it to the office in record time.
Still, when she got to her desk, she could tell it was going to be bad. Even before Bettina gave her the message from Kim written on a memo pad sheet in red ink: Come to my office as soon as you get in. Urgent.
* * *
Chace opened the package at the post office, too excited to wait until he got home. His grin widened as he turned the camera over and over in his hands. Again, Ebay hadn’t failed him. This was the third camera he’d ordered in a week, and he hoped his credit card would keep supporting him for the next few weeks.
The Nikon F6 was a beauty. He hadn’t been able to resist at least one film camera even though the digitals he’d ordered would probably give him better shots. Film cameras were his weakness. There was nothing like developing a black and white photo in a darkroom. It was almost a spiritual experience.
He loved everything about photography. From the feel of the camera in his hands to looking through the viewfinder to the silent solace of the dark room. Finding the perfect subject. Light and perspective. The way those two things could come together in a breathtaking instant without any warning and you’d better have a camera ready when they did. Because it wouldn’t last for long and there was a certain thrill in that.
He still needed to get some lenses, and he was about to bid on a couple he was watching online. He didn’t like to start bidding too many days before the end of the bid period. Still, he’d decided to stop by a nearby camera store he’d noticed and have a look. He liked holding them in his hands, getting a visceral feel for them.
Entering the small camera store near the post office, he noticed he was one of only two customers at the moment. He walked right over to the Single Lens Reflex, or S.L.R., and Digital Single-Lens Reflex, or D.S.L.R., lenses since the digital camera he’d gotten the other day would work with the D.S.L.R.’s. He gave a low whistle when he saw the price and was once again thankful for online auctioning.
He knew he was spending way too much and hoped he wouldn’t go through his savings and credit before he got his first paycheck from his new job, but he couldn’t help it. He’d just gotten hired at a small catering business. It’d been started by a woman who used to work at the Hawk and Dove.
He was obsessed with photography, especially now that he was someplace where his dream could actually come true. And he had someone in his life who inspired him so much. Whitney was his muse without even knowing it. She just made him see the world in ways he could have never imagined without her.
“Can I help you with anything, sir?” A balding, fortyish man walked up to him. His stomach protruded over the waist of his pants and he waddled a little when he walked.
“I was just looking at lenses. Just got some new cameras.” Chace patted the box he carried under his arm that contained his camera.
“Have anything in particular in mind?”
“I like this Nikon wide angle, but I’m trying to decide if I should get the rectilinear or the full-frame or the four-thirds. I mean, I want them both eventually, but there’s the money thing to consider, you know? Then, there’s length to consider.” Chace frowned. “I’m probably going to need a better computer, too. This is getting really
expensive really quickly.”
“You a photographer?” he asked.
“I’m trying to be,” Chace said. “I’m Chace, by the way.”
“Archie,” the man said, his moustache moving up with his smile.
“Well, Archie, I’ve been thinking of going professional for a while, and I’m ready to give it a real try now,” he said. “I was thinking of trying to put together something to show a gallery maybe.”
“So you say you have a camera,” Archie said.
He grinned. “I’ve bought three in the last two weeks.” Chace told the man about his online buying spree and his new equipment.
“You seem pretty serious about this, to put down all this money into high-end equipment. Good choices, though.”
“Thanks.”
“I belong to a local photography club. They’re pretty good. I can give you their information.” Archie began rifling through his wallet. “We maintain a pretty good blog if you want to have a look-see at some of our work. We meet on Wednesday nights.” Archie handed him a business card.
“That sounds great,” he said, getting excited at the prospect of talking craft with people. Being isolated in River Run for the past two years, he hadn’t come across many people who used cameras for much more than memorializing birthdays and baptisms. He definitely wanted to know more about the club.
Chace walked out of the store with a list of lenses Archie recommended. He saw a bistro that Whitney had pointed out as one of her favorites in the city when she’d given him a tour the other night. He pulled his small digital camera out of his pocket—a simple one he kept with him just in case a perfect shot crept up on him when he wasn’t expecting it—and took a few shots of the place. Looking back through the shots on the screen on the back of the camera, an idea started to form in his mind. Pleased with himself, he put the camera back in his pocket, hurrying toward the metro. He had to get home and bid on some of those lenses and look up the ones Archie had recommended.
He wanted to do something nice for Whitney because, for one thing, she was everything to him, whether she wanted to believe it or not. But another part of the problem was the guilt he felt.
He couldn’t tell her about the baby. That would just scare her off all the way. She was already acting iffy and kept hinting and poking, trying to see if he still had feelings for Kelly. If he told her about the baby, what little progress he’d made with her would be done for. Just over. She would tell him that meant for sure he and Kelly were getting back together. She’d probably never even hear that it might not be his. And that even if it was, he still wanted to be with her. That he never wanted to be with Kelly again.
So for now, he was just going to do as much as he could to prove himself to her until he could figure out a way to tell her about Kelly being pregnant that wouldn’t send her running in the opposite direction. Maybe if he did that, she wouldn’t be able to run away from him. He didn’t know what he would do if she did run. Didn’t want to think about it.
Instead, he would think about Whitney’s collage. And his cameras. And all of the good things happening or about to happen.
Chapter 17: Not Gonna
Erika gave boxing lessons at a local gym that she owned. Whitney often got free workout sessions as a result. With the way work had been going lately, she really needed to work out some aggression. She’d been grateful when she’d called and Erika had said she had an open slot.
“Dang, girl. You trying to break my hand?” Erika joked after one of Whitney’s jabbing sessions. “Something’s got you more keyed up than usual. What is it? Work? Chace?”
“Why would you say Chace? Why would you automatically assume that?” Whitney said, aware that her response probably gave her away.
“Just that you spend every moment of free time with him these days. Not that you have all that much of it. If he’s not with you when I see you, you’re talking about him. And that’s not even mentioning your hot New Year’s kiss. That was something. I’m surprised you didn’t burn down the whole club with the fire from that kiss.” Erika put her punch mitts aside, and they went over to the punching bags.
“I do not want to talk about that kiss.” Whitney punctuated every word with a blow to the punching bag that Erika held for her.
“So you keep telling me.”
“And what do you mean, every moment? He’s only been in town a couple weeks and he doesn’t know anyone. What am I supposed to do, just abandon him?”
“Don’t get so defensive. I was just making an observation.”
Whitney stopped punching and pulled off her gloves with a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry. It’s just—work is stressing me out. And Aunt Cheryl’s stressing Mom out, like always, so she’s stressing me out. And this Chace situation. It’s more complicated than I even want to think about.”
Erika sat down on a weight bench and patted the space next to her. “So come tell me about it.”
Whitney plunked down next to her and buried her head in her hands.
“Kim is on the warpath with this case. The absolute warpath. Any time something goes wrong or looks like it might go wrong, she’s ready with a finger to point at me,” she said. “She has Andersen, the practice group leader, thinking I’m the devil. I’m always exhausted. I’m staying out way too late with Chace way too many nights of the week I don’t get nearly as much work done on the weekends as I used to. The weekends used to be my time to get ahead on things.” She shook her head. “What’s wrong with me?” she moaned, pressing her hands tighter to her face.
“Oh, my goodness. I think I know,” Erika said. Whitney looked up to see Erika with her hand over her heart, an exaggerated look of shock on her face. “A life. She finally has a life.”
Whitney laughed. “Shut up. You’re useless.”
“Seriously. This is the most I’ve heard you talk about anything outside of that job. And the most I’ve heard of you doing things outside of that job. Chace is good for you. Maybe he’s what it’s gonna take to make you realize there’s more to the world than Gibson and Grey and climbing the ladder to the top.”
“Whatever. I don’t need a man.”
“No, not financially, but you don’t feel like something’s missing? What’s the point of partner and all that other stuff if it’s all you have? I’m worried you’ll end up with this great life and no one to share it with. And if you don’t have anyone to share it with, what’s the point?”
“I have people. My family. You, Rob, Abbott, and everybody.”
“You know that’s not what I mean. There’s an intimacy—a bond that comes from what Chace can give you that friends can’t. I think everyone can see that he wants to.” She leaned her shoulder into Whitney’s. “Even you no matter how much you try to deny it.”
“If I were interested, he’s still not over his ex. He can’t be.”
“Whitney, you mention that woman more than he does. I can’t even remember her name. That’s how rarely she comes up. Now you? He talks about you all the time.”
“It’s just a bad idea.”
“Can you give me a reason why? A real reason, not some lame excuse.”
Whitney shrugged.
“Just think about it, Whit. Think about it. Because that boy is gone over you. And I think you may be gone over him, too.”
“I’m not gone over anybody or anything. But I may be gone for good from Gibson and Grey if I don’t get my act together on this Bevyx case.”
Erika raised her eyebrows. “Not buying it.”
Whitney jumped up from the bench and started jogging in place. “C’mon. How about a mile or two around the indoor track?”
Erika snorted. “Do I look crazy to you?”
“I don’t understand how you can be a boxing coach and not like to run.”
“We ran a mile when you first got here. Besides, just because I know how to box doesn’t mean I’m in boxing shape,” Erika said. Her dad had owned a boxing gym and had been a trainer for semi-pro boxers for years before he retired. E
rika didn’t train semi-pros—she taught boxing for fitness.
Whitney shrugged, draping a towel around her neck.
Erika scrunched her lips in a way that meant she wasn’t buying what Whitney was selling. “You usually complain about running yourself. Something is definitely up with you whether you want to admit it or not. And I think it’s more than your job, no matter what you say.”
“I just have some excess energy to work off.”
Erika gave her a knowing look. “I’ll bet you do. It’s been how long? You dropped Barry at least a year ago.”
Erika was right, more or less. It had been fourteen months, actually. “Mind your business.”
They laughed.
Erika said, “I’ll let that go. I know it’s gotta get lonely with just you and your C-battery-powered friend.”
“Okay. I’m gone now. Gonna get this mile in,” Whitney said after playfully swatting Erika with her towel. She jogged over to the track that encircled the weight area on one side of the gym’s main floor and the cardio equipment on the other side. Starting her first lap, she tried to shut out the true, even if annoying, words Erika had just spoken.
Every time she saw Chace, it was more and more frustrating not to touch him. And that kiss and what she’d wanted to follow it had dominated her dreams for weeks. But she wasn’t going to get in deeper. She was already distracted enough by him, just barely keeping pace at work. By normal standards, she was still going above and beyond, but by Whitney standards, she was flagging.
Still, she couldn’t help thinking he was a worthy distraction. Any other guy, she would’ve blown off while she was in the midst of a huge case at work and a brewing family drama. But Chace was one of the few things she looked forward to through it all. Suddenly her life didn’t seem the drab, make it from one day to the next kind of thing it had on a daily basis before him. She was seeing her friends more, she was experiencing life outside of Gibson and Grey more, and most importantly, she was experiencing Chace more.
Holding Her Breath (Indigo) Page 13
