by Ashley
She remembered how happy Zyir had been when she had shared the news of her pregnancy. It saddened her that she and Zyir hadn’t reached their full potential. Love wasn’t enough to keep them together, especially when disloyalty and deceit had pulled them apart. He still deserves to know his daughter, she thought. Even after all that has happened. I have no right to keep her from him. Breeze wanted to walk away into the sunset with her child, but she knew it wasn’t right. She had to give him the opportunity to feel this love she felt because it reminded her that the love she had shared with him wasn’t always a lie. Aurora was a walking talking example of the best parts of them and as much as Breeze wanted to, she couldn’t be selfish with that type of love.
For the first time since the day she walked out on Zyir after finding out he was a snitch, Breeze made up her mind to go back. Not for herself, but for their daughter. This didn’t mean they had to reunite, but she owed it to her child to give her a father. Although Zyir had broken the rules of the street she had no authority to punish him by removing his right to father their child. Butterflies formed in her stomach. Just the thought of seeing Zyir made her nervous. It was miraculous that he was still alive. After a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head he was supposed to be dead and now she had to face him knowing that she had left him there to die.
CHAPTER 17
This was a day that Breeze never thought she would see. As she stood outside the rehabilitation center she tried to talk herself into walking inside. Just put one foot in front of the other, Breeze thought. It had been so long since she had seen his face and still she couldn’t find forgiveness. This was a meeting that could no longer be avoided, however. Breeze stood frozen in place as Aurora held her hand.
“Breeze?”
It hurt her heart that Aurora wouldn’t call her mommy, but she wouldn’t force it. She knew that everything had happened so fast for her baby. They both needed time to adjust to their new life together and Breeze would be patient. She prayed that she could nurture her relationship with Aurora.
“Yes, baby?” Breeze answered, slightly distracted as she stood outside the building, looking up at it in intimidation.
“Where are we?” Aurora asked.
“This is where your daddy is, baby. I think it’s time you meet him,” Breeze said.
“I have a daddy?” Aurora asked in shock. She put her hands on the side of her face as her mouth fell open in surprise.
“Of course, you do and he loves you so much. We both do,” Breeze assured her. “You want to go meet him?”
Aurora nodded her head in excitement as she pulled Breeze down the long walkway that led to the door. Breeze was glad that Aurora was so eager. If it hadn’t been for her, Breeze would have certainly changed her mind.
She walked into the building and was greeted by a friendly face. An older black woman sat behind a desk wearing scrubs and a smile.
“Hi, I’m here to see Zyir Rich.” Breeze said the words in a whisper as butterflies danced in her stomach. She had spent so much time hating him that she had forgotten how much she loved him. Thoughts of the days when she used to worship him played through her mind and she drew in a deep breath to try to calm herself. There was no making sense of the many emotions she felt. It was because of Zyir that the feds had gained leverage on the Cartel. He was the weak link that caused the chain to break and Breeze had judged him heavily for it. His character was flawed and even though he did it all for her, she still blamed him for it all. So many people had suffered from the fallout from Zyir’s actions. Aurora was one of them.
“Wow. Mr. Rich hasn’t had a visitor the entire time he has been here. It will be good for him,” the woman responded. “I need you to fill out these forms and I will let his recovery team know you are here.”
“Thank you,” Breeze replied. Breeze remembered the day she had left Zyir as if it had happened yesterday. It was as if years hadn’t passed them by. As if the wound from his betrayal was still fresh. Breeze had left him upon discovering his deceit and when she heard the gunshot ring out as she stepped into her car, she assumed he was dead. Zyir had lived, but Breeze hadn’t even gone back to make sure he was okay. She simply walked away and tried to erase him from her memory. Her family, her brothers came first and a part of her felt guilty for putting her family name over her given one. There was no way the daughter of Carter Diamond could be with a snitch; but as she sat silently waiting for this reunion, she realized how much she still cared.
A doctor came out. “Mrs. Rich?”
“It’s Diamond, but you can just call me Breeze,” she said as she stood and shook the man’s hand. “This is my daughter.” She paused. “Zyir’s daughter, Aurora.”
“It’s very nice to see you both. I want to prepare you for what you are about to see. I know it’s been some time since you have seen Zyir. He is healing, more and more each day, but he still has a long way to go. He is very lucky to be alive. He has had twelve surgeries since the shooting so there are some scars and there was damage to his—”
“Please, just take me to him,” Breeze insisted. If this doctor kept warning her she might lose her nerve.
The doctor nodded in understanding. “Of course. This way,” he said.
Breeze picked up Aurora. Her three-year-old frame fit awkwardly in Breeze’s arms. Aurora was too big to be picked up. My mother would call it spoiling her, Breeze thought, but Breeze had lost so much time with her daughter that she made an exception. She wanted to feel like she could get those vital years back. She had missed so many important things and as she walked toward Zyir’s room she wondered if they would ever be able to get back what they had. Breeze knew they couldn’t, but she couldn’t help but wonder what their life would be like if Zyir hadn’t turned on the family.
The doctor led her to a room at the end of the hall and knocked once before entering.
“Zyir, you have some visitors today,” he announced.
Breeze’s heart felt as if it was caught in a vice grip. Her queasy stomach made bile back up in the back of her throat. She stepped inside the room and everything she had rehearsed went out the window.
“My God,” she whispered. She had never allowed herself to think about Zyir. All she knew was that he had survived, but as she stood here in front of him, she felt the need to mourn. This beautiful man, who had loved her, held her, encouraged her, taught her, had suffered greatly. She crossed the room without realizing it. She reached out to touch his face. His handsome face was swollen from the most recent surgery he had endured. White bandages covered one side of his crooked face. His eye drooped on one side. Breeze’s lip quivered as her eyes teared.
“It’s been three years. I didn’t expect—”
“The healing process is extensive. He came out of surgery to reconstruct the right side of his face. The trajectory of the bullet left him with no bone structure around his eye socket. We had to go in and reshape his face. He lost half his tongue, and half his teeth were blown out. He had to learn to walk again, to control his bodily functions. The brain is the computer to the body. We had to teach him to recode it. He has been through a lot and has come a long way. It’s been three years but it’s been a very long three years,” the doctor explained.
“Who is she?”
His voice made her heart flutter. It had been so long since she had heard it, but the words he spoke caused a devastation so great she had to put Aurora down. Breeze wasn’t sure she could support her own weight. Her legs were weak.
“It’s me, Zy. It’s Breeze,” she whispered. She stared in his eyes as she touched his face gently. He rested his head in the palm of her hand, leaning into her.
“His body language shows that he is familiar with you. He is comfortable with you, but he can’t remember who you are. The bullet damaged his temporal lobe, which affected his long-term memory. He’s fine with everything that happened after the incident, but people, places, names, everything before the shooting is lost to him. It would have been beneficial if family would hav
e been here as visual cues to help stimulate that part of his brain when it first happened, but it’s been three years.”
“He doesn’t know me,” Breeze whispered in disbelief as she began to cry. “Zy? How can you not know me?”
He stared at her blankly.
“It’s me. Zyir?”
“Don’t apply too much pressure on him. Patience is important,” the doctor said. “I’ll give you some time with him. Just call a nurse if you need anything.”
Breeze willed herself to stop her tears. They wouldn’t do anyone any good. She didn’t want to make him feel as if his progress so far was not enough, but finding him here, like this, was devastating. She felt empty. All this time he’s been here like this and I’ve been hating him. This is punishment enough, she thought.
“Who are you, ma?” he asked.
The question made her smile. He couldn’t connect to his memories of her but indirectly he still touched her soul.
Breeze didn’t know how to answer the question. How do I tell him that I divorced him because he snitched on my family? How do I tell him about the family, the drugs, the money, the wars if he doesn’t remember that stuff …
“We can start with your name, beautiful,” Zyir said, interrupting her thoughts. It was hard for him to speak clearly with the bandages wrapped around his head and face. He sounded different, more guttural, as if talking took effort. His smooth voice was now a deep baritone that Breeze barely recognized.
“My name is Breeze and we used to be—”
Before Breeze could get her answer out a nurse walked into the room.
“Hey handsome.”
Breeze frowned at the informal greeting as a beautiful woman walked into the room. Her dark skin was flawless and she had the darkest eyes Breeze had ever seen. The dimples that sunk into her cheeks as she smiled complimented her petite lips and perfect teeth. Breeze recognized the look in the woman’s eyes. It’s what it looked like when you were loved by Zyir Rich. Jealousy seared Breeze.
“Hey baby,” Zyir responded.
His greeting caused Breeze to recoil as she drew in a sharp breath. She watched as the nurse leaned over to kiss his lips. She was so comfortable—too comfortable—with Breeze’s man. Breeze was sick to her stomach.
“Let me introduce you to somebody,” Zyir said. “What was your name again?”
His question reminded Breeze to breathe and she exhaled, trying to manage the infection of heartbreak that was spreading through her.
“Breeze,” she said in a low tone. “I’m Breeze.”
“Breeze, this is Kai,” he introduced. Breeze could tell from the tone of Zyir’s voice that he had no idea how badly he was breaking her on the inside. “The woman who saved my life. She hasn’t left my side since the day I got here. Even on her off days she sits here, all day and all night. She’s fed me, bathed me, prayed over me. I heard her voice when I couldn’t open my eyes and it kept me from walking over to the other side. She’s always here when I need her.” There was so much admiration in his voice. So much love in his face as he gazed at this woman.
“Stop it Zyir, you make me sound like a stalker,” Kai responded. She smiled and Breeze was taken aback by her beauty. Breeze didn’t even want to shake the woman’s hand as she extended it. Reluctantly, Breeze accepted the greeting. “It’s nice to meet you, Breeze. I’m so glad someone from Zy’s family is here. Are you his sister?”
Breeze wanted to pop this bubble that the girl lived in. Bitch, I’m his wife, she thought. She wished she could haul the words at this beautiful, regal queen, but she couldn’t. Breeze wasn’t Zyir’s wife. She had made sure of that, but now that she sat there looking at Zyir love someone the way he used to love her, she mourned. She wanted to be mad. She wanted to fuck this woman up and reclaim her spot, but how could she? This woman had been by Zyir’s side during the most trying times of his life. She had nursed him back to health. She had stuck by him and done the job Breeze had refused. So instead of throwing her real identity into the mix, she simply smiled. “Just an old friend.”
“And is that your daughter?” Kai asked.
Breeze picked Aurora up and nodded. “Yeah. It’s getting late and I really should get going,” Breeze said as she stood to her feet. Breeze knew she had no right to walk back into Zyir’s life demanding a position. He still had a lot of healing to do and he had found someone who could help him do that. Breeze felt selfish for wanting to interrupt that. She hadn’t wanted Zyir. She had deemed him unworthy of her because he had snitched. She had written him off and erased him from her life with ease. It wasn’t until she saw him happy with someone else that she realized what she had lost.
Kai frowned. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your visit. I can come back. You should stay and finish spending time with him,” she offered.
“Yeah stay, I feel like there are things you haven’t said,” Zyir interrupted. “Like I can feel that we used to be close, but I just need you to fill in the blanks.”
Breeze sniffled as a tear fell and she quickly swiped it away. “There aren’t enough words to fill in all the blanks and all the things I want to say,” she whispered. She cleared her throat. I can’t interrupt his life, his recovery, his relationship with this girl, Breeze thought. She wanted to be bitter. No, she wanted to slap the perfect smile off this girl’s face, but she held her tongue. I made my choice. Now I must live with it. This girl was taking her place, loving her man, and there wasn’t a damn thing Breeze could do about it. To do anything other than walk away would be selfish.
An awkward energy filled the room. “Maybe I should come back later,” Kai said.
“No—”
Kai stopped Breeze from speaking. “No, I insist.” She bent down and adjusted Zyir’s pillows before kissing his lips quickly. “I’ll be back handsome.”
Breeze watched her walk out. “She seems nice.”
“Yeah, she is,” Zyir answered.
He stared at Breeze, unflinchingly, making her look away first. It was like he was beckoning her with his eyes. Even under all the bandages he was still the puppeteer to her heart. “I used to love you,” he said, in a matter-of-fact way.
“In the most perfect way,” Breeze replied. “You were my very best friend, Zy. I know you don’t remember what happened, but when you think of me, know this. I’m sorry.” Breeze was crying effortless tears. They just fell from her eyes, like a leak from an old sink, one after another. She carried Aurora’s dead weight in her arms and she was grateful that the sandman had lulled her daughter to sleep. “I love you and I’m sorry. I’m glad you found a woman like Kai. She feels right for you.”
She saw the confusion in his eyes and she turned for the door. As she opened it his voice stopped her. “I don’t know much, but I know I love you too. That’s the only way to explain this heaviness in my chest and every step you taking to walk out right now is making me feel like I can’t breathe ma,” Zyir said.
Breeze turned to face him, but she didn’t close the gap between them. Everything in her wanted to run to her man. She wanted to confess her love and fix things between them, but to do that she would have to explain to him where things had gone wrong. She would have to dig up the past and tell him who he was before he had swallowed a bullet. She would have to admit that she had left him there to die. Breeze had been so callous that she hadn’t even gone back after hearing the gun go off. Breeze would destroy the promising love he was growing with a woman who genuinely loved him, to rekindle a flame that she had purposefully snuffed. So instead of doing what she wanted, she did what was right. “Goodbye Zy,” she whispered sorrowfully. Breeze rushed out of the room before she changed her mind. She sobbed the entire way out.
When she got to the parking lot she heard a voice calling her name.
“Breeze!”
She turned to see Kai chasing after her.
“That’s his daughter, isn’t it?” Kai confronted.
“I don’t know you. This isn’t your business,” Breeze defended.
“Look, just go back in there. You’re asking for something that you don’t want. Just take care of him. He deserves to be happy,” Breeze said.
“How can I keep this secret from him? How can I go back in there and build a relationship with this in the shadows?” Kai asked.
“Because this is the only way you get to have a relationship with him!” Breeze shouted in frustration. “If I tell him about who I am, about who this little girl is…” Breeze paused as she lowered her voice. She wasn’t trying to fight with this woman. “If I bring out those emotions and those memories in him, you won’t stand a chance. The love I have with him is like the sun. It burns everything up in its path. It’s consuming and brilliant and intense and…” Her voice drifted because she could go on and on. “If I tell him, he will love me with every piece of himself and that leaves nothing for you. If he has to choose between his old life with me and a new one with you, he will always choose me. So just thank me and let me walk away,” Breeze wasn’t being arrogant, she was simply telling the truth. No matter if he remembered her or not, his heart could feel her and Breeze would bet her life on it.
She could tell that her words had injured Kai, but she had asked and Breeze had answered.
“If you’re so sure then why are you running away? Why not just take your man back?” Kai asked. Breeze could see that Kai was threatened. It wasn’t her intention, but Kai had every reason to worry.
