“No! No, you’re wrong. This isn’t what we planned. This isn’t the deal I made. My life was supposed to stay controlled. I was supposed to walk away, and my life was supposed to continue turning on its normal axis, but then…”
I pause in my little monolog and sit on the one chair left right side up. I put my elbows on my knees and my face in my hands. I feel so out of control; I’m sick. I’m nervous and so full of fear that I’m going to lose this and never survive, yet I fear the consequence of allowing her all the way in. The ironic thing is I think she’s already all the way in.
“Drew, I…” I hear her start to say.
I can’t let her say it. I can’t take the chance of what she might say.
Abruptly, I stand up. “Don’t, Rosie.” My voice sounds off, and I know it, but I continue anyway, “You have no idea.” A laugh escapes me, but there isn’t anything humorous. My back is to her, and I suddenly feel her lightly touch my shoulder. I shiver. “You wanted me to teach you to be more confident. To be a person who is noticed. The ironic thing is, Rosie…” I whip around and face her, her hand falling from my shoulder. I continue, “The most laughable thing is you were always noticeable. From the moment I saw you dashing down the sidewalk in the rain, I knew it. When I caught you in my arms and peered into your whiskey-colored eyes, I was sure of it.”
I can see I’m scaring her. My words are scaring her because she’s afraid to hope for what they might mean. She’s afraid to believe in what they might mean. I’m afraid too, but I keep going.
“I’ve never met anyone who only had to walk into a room to so naturally and unintentionally command the attention of everyone in it. You touch people with a simple glance. They fall more under your spell with every awkward word that slips past your lips. I know I did. This is why I should’ve known when you asked me to be a part of this charade; I should’ve turned you down. That the moment I touched you, I mean really touched you, I would be ruined forever. But I was cocky. Arrogant. I made the stupid mistake of pretending you were like any other girl. The mistake of pretending I could walk away from this unchanged and back to my old life.”
After my little speech, I can see all of the emotions drift over Rosie’s features. Excitement. Fear. Doubt. I dare to hope.
“I think I fell…I think I may want more,” I tell her, still fearful of being completely open.
For some reason, this last statement changes something. She takes a step back. I’m not sure what I said exactly, but it was definitely something that just gave her pause. Suddenly, a loud laugh escapes. “You think? Did you just end all of that with you think you may want more?” she says angrily.
I flinch. I wasn’t expecting her anger. I didn’t mean it the way it sounded to her. I meant I do.
“Rosie, that’s not…” I start to tell her.
“Oh, that’s not what you meant?” she spits. She puts her hand up when I start to defend my words. “You’re wrong. You’re so very wrong. This is the exact purpose of our deal. I’m smarter about relationships. I’m more confident in who I am…more experienced. You were supposed to get your kicks and walk away, back to your fun, uncommitted bachelor life. You told me I couldn’t want more and I held up my end of the bargain.”
She’s got it all wrong, I reach for her, but she moves out of my reach, and I take two more steps toward her, keeping my hands at my side. “You don’t mean this…you have to know,” I try explaining, but it just isn’t coming out right.
“I do mean it,” she says.
“I won’t accept it,” I respond stubbornly.
She smiles a very un-Rosie like smile. I hate it. Placing her hand on the side of my face, she barely chokes out, “We were never meant to be more than this. Accept it, Drew.” She swallows then gives one final blow. “I have.”
She stares at me for one more brief second before turning and walking away. She may be fooling herself, but I’m done playing games with my own heart. For the first time in years, I want more.
I changed my mind. She looks at me warily as if I broke another promise. Like I broke her heart again. She thinks I’m still scared, but Rosie’s wrong. I’m not scared of how I feel. Or of how I hope she feels.
I had a momentary lapse of judgment when it came to deciding if it’s time. Not time to end things, but time to move forward. I didn’t want her to feel pressured; it’s the only reason I hesitated about coming in.
“Rosie, it’s not what you think,” I say to her as she stares at me from the other side of the threshold. I know I need to say more. I need to be clear. “I didn’t want you to feel pressured, so for a moment, I thought it was better if I didn’t stay, but then I realized I was wrong. There are things I need to say to you. Things I should’ve said a long time ago. Can I please come in?”
There is a momentary silence between us where neither of us takes our eyes off the other. Slowly, Rosie opens the door wider to allow me in.
Once she closes the door, I swivel around, and without hesitation, I lay out my heart before her. “The day you fell into my arms, I fell right with you. From that day and every day after, I was falling. Falling so quickly, I never had time to get my bearings.” I take a deep breath so she can catch up to what I’m trying to tell her then continue, “You see, I didn’t trust anyone enough to let them in. I have my reasons. I was hurt. I was lied to and made to believe what I am isn’t who I should be. I was just like you. And just like with you, they were wrong. We were wrong ever to feel that way because we were fucking perfect the way we were. The way we are. You never need to change. You captured my attention the moment I saw you. We’re even better together.”
Taking a step forward, I watch her tear-filled eyes brighten. She’s starting to accept what I’m trying to tell her.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to figure things out. I’m sorry I hurt you, but I promise I will never do it again,” I vow, pulling her to me and placing my lips over hers. She kisses me back, and I feel my heart become whole.
Pulling back, I look down at her. “I want a new deal. I want you. Only you. I want dates. I told you once I was going to like kissing you regularly. That’s what I want. I want to kiss you regularly. I want the late-night snuggles. And the mornings after. I want it all with you,” I confess to her.
Rosie’s face lights up. “Are you sure you can handle this kind of arrangement? I’m not sure this is your kind of thing,” she teases, a smile wide on her face.
“I can, and it is,” I reply. “The question is, are you sure you want to risk making this deal with me?”
Rosie shakes her head and rolls her eyes. “Is that even a question? Drew, I’ve been waiting for you. I know I promised not to fall in love with you, but I did. I only stepped back because I wanted it to be real. I wanted it to be permanent. I wanted you to be sure about what you were feeling.”
“I’ve never been surer about anything in my life,” I confess.
Rosie takes my hand and leads me toward her bedroom. I pull her to a stop just before we get to the doorway. “Rose, we don’t have to do this now. We have plenty of time.”
She grabs me by the front of my shirt and yanks me through the door. “I know, and I’m ready to get started on this new kind of more, now.” I wasn’t expecting her to pull me so hard and we both start stumbling. I wrap my arm around her waist and help steady the both of us.
Her body now flush against mine, I can feel every inch of her curvy body pressed against me. It feels good. Right.
A surge of lust moves through me, and I can’t wait another second to have my lips on her.
She comes willingly, matching my own need to be closer. The last month has been torture, keeping my feelings at bay, pushing aside my desire for Rosie so I could prove to her I want more than the physical relationship we started months ago.
I want to savor her, worship her, so I slow my movements, kissing her softer yet deeper. “Rose, I want to go slow, I don’t want to rush.” Without a word, she pulls me gently closer. Her hands move under
my T-shirt, lifting the hem of it. I raise my arms until it’s all the way off. She runs her soft hands down my chest and places her lips against the skin of my ribs.
We slowly peel away every barrier between us until we are standing inches apart with nothing but a burning desire. I take her in my arms, pushing away every doubt, every deceit, every unkind word or broken commitment before we found one another.
I caress her face, and she leans into the palm of my hand, closing her eyes. I can’t take my eyes away from her. This girl who rescued me. Who gave me a reason to be the person I really am.
“I fell in love with you, Rosie,” I reveal reverently.
Her eyes flash open. Raising her head, she stares at me, first in shock, then her gaze is full of admiration. “I fell in love with you too, Drew.”
A new kind of hunger ignites inside me, one only she can satisfy.
I take her hand, and together we lie down on the bed, facing one another. Our breathing is slightly more labored than before as we lie horizontally, our bare skin brushing lightly with every breath. I reach out tenderly, gliding my hand over every curve, moving around her and pulling her even closer to me. Her leg slides in between mine; our bodies entwine into one.
When a soft moan escapes her pink lips, I bring my mouth and cover hers to capture it. Our kiss is sensual, pure, gentle, and full of fire so bright I can feel the burn to the deepest parts of me.
When we touch and kiss every inch of exposed skin, I roll us until I’m hovering over her. Dipping my head, I kiss her hard and deep, our tongues dancing to a new, more urgent rhythm. I hook my hand behind her knee and push into her, groaning at the rush of satisfaction filling me. “Drew.” She gasps when I reach her very center then begins moving beneath me.
The passion I feel for her takes over, and we begin moving together, whispering each other’s names with each thrust. Watching her flushed face, I’m struck by the love I feel for her. Not only the love but the connection. A connection I’ve never felt before and one I haven’t hoped for in more than a decade.
I move faster and harder with the new revelation of feelings, enjoying every sound coming from her, and I bring her to the edge. Silently, I promise never to stop letting her feel my love and devotion for her. We consume one another until no one else exists.
“I love you.” She gasps, and I push into her deeper.
Her words put me on the verge of my release when I feel Rosie tremble beneath me, moaning my name until the only sound coming from her mouth is a satisfied sigh. With a few more thrusts, I fall over the edge with her.
I allow myself to fall to her side, pulling her with me. “I love you too, Rosie. I’ll never stop holding you close.”
“And I’ll never stop letting you,” she whispers back.
Closing my eyes, I breathe her in, tightening my arms around her. She makes content sounds, and before long I can tell she has fallen asleep. So this is what it feels like to really love someone and know them. It’s effortless to love her. This happened naturally between us. I’ve never been so happy.
My lips tip up in both corners, and I fall into a deep, contented sleep.
Before I open my eyes, I listen to his heart beating beneath my ear as I lie across his warm chest.
I’m waking up to our morning after. Our first real morning after. And I need a minute. Just one. To savor the feeling of having him here with me without doubts. Without unspoken words. Without any rules dictating how and what we should or can feel for one another.
Forty-five seconds to listen to him breathe. To enjoy the sound of his calm.
Thirty seconds to embrace the start of something new. Something wonderful. Something I can trust.
Fifteen seconds to remember I’m here because he loves me. The real me. The awkward, plain, and often scattered me.
Five seconds to remember I love him. The charming, occasionally cocky and laid-back Drew.
I take in my entire minute until there are no seconds left. But, it’s okay because I’m the same girl who he fell asleep with last night and the same girl he woke up with this morning.
We’ve laid it all out. All the fear is gone. It’s just the two of us.
I close my eyes and drift back to sleep. Feeling safe.
I’m pretty sure Rosie was awake and just fell back to sleep. I can feel it in the way her breathing has changed. I don’t open my eyes, though. I didn’t let her know I was awake because I want to enjoy this moment of having her all to myself. In this quiet. Lying next to me. No panic. No fear.
I just need one minute. Only one.
I want this minute to appreciate this thing between us isn’t about whether or not we can fall in love anymore because we’ve already fallen.
Forty-five seconds to recognize we’ve fallen slowly and freely.
Thirty seconds to remember I never want to experience another second without her.
Fifteen seconds to smile because I’m confident I won’t ever need this kind of minute again.
Five seconds to repeat in my head, she loves me…she loves me…she loves me…she loves me…she loves me.
Reaching for her, I roll over and pull her to me. Closing my eyes, finding comfort in having her in my arms, and settling into a deep sleep.
When I open my eyes, Rosie is no longer lying beside me.
Drew: Where are you?
Rosie: I’ll be back soon. Go back to sleep.
Drew: Nice try. Why’d you leave me?
Rosie: I didn’t leave you. I went to get us coffee and breakfast. In fact, look up.
When I do as she says, Rosie is standing in the doorway to her bedroom, giving me the most beautiful grin.
Drew: Hi.
Rosie: Why are you still texting me when I’m standing in front of you?
Drew: It’s fun.
She doesn’t text me back. She doesn’t say anything. Rosie only watches me, a content look on her face.
Drew: What are you thinking about?
The corner of her mouth quirks up and she shakes her head.
Drew: Seriously, what are you thinking about?
Rosie: The morning after. You. Us. Our relationship.
Drew: What about the morning after? Me. Us. Our relationship.
Rosie: The morning after feels good. You’re incredibly warm. I like us. And our relationship feels both new and old. Old, good. Not old, bad.
I release a loud laugh.
Drew: Okay. I get it. I never realized I liked morning afters until today. I think our relationship feels comfortable, which is why I’d like to think you think it feels old.
Rosie: How did we get here?
Drew: Fate?
Rosie looks over at me for a brief second and smiles.
Rosie: Fate? Really? What have you done with the commitment-phobe Drew Nallen I know and love.
Drew: You’ve cured me.
Rosie: That’s sweet. You’re sweet.
Drew: Describe our relationship in five words starting from the first moment we met until last night.
Rosie: 5 words!!! Are you kidding me? This is going to be hard.
I hear her sigh deeply from across the room.
Drew: Hurry!
Rosie: Fine, here I go. Embarrassing. Friendly. Passionate. Longing. Whole.
I’m stunned. She said it would be hard, but the words she chose are perfect. They let me know how she was feeling and I can pinpoint what time frame each represents, beginning to end.
Rosie: Your turn, mister.
Drew: I’m not sure I can beat those, but I’ll give it a go. Taken. Interested. Desire. Fearful. Brave.
Almost immediately, Rosie jumps on top of me. As she looks down into my eyes, I see joy. Her eyes shimmer a little with tears.
“Drew, thank you for finally trusting me,” she whispers, pressing her lips to mine.
When she pulls back, I smile up at her. “Rosie, I think I’m the one who should be thanking you for showing me I can love. And that love can be honest.”
My hands cup her un
der her perky breasts, traveling over her rib cage, to her hips. She leans forward, touching her mouth to mine in a deep kiss. I pull her closer, and together we fall.
I always love this part because honestly, I wouldn’t be able to do half of what I do without this support.
Thanks for my two compadres, Trish and Kristen. It’s an understatement when I say I wouldn’t be doing this without you guys.
Christine, you are the best. I know we joke, but let’s be serious for one second. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting up with me.
A huge thank you to Laurie, Chelle, and Andee for being awesome betas!
Murphy Rae, I appreciate you and all you do for me. I can’t wait to marry you one day.
Julie Titus, you make the book world a more beautiful place and my life so much sweeter.
“Andy,” my favorite Starbucks barista, thank you for being a light in my life and the world. You are precious.
And, finally, to everyone who reads my books, thank you for allowing me to take a piece of your day.
Shirl Rickman is a writer, a dreamer, and an optimist. A small-town Texas girl currently residing in the San Francisco Bay Area, Shirl adores her husband, daughter, and two crazy dogs. When she’s not dreaming up new love stories, Shirl can be found reading, drinking her favorite coffee, Kona Blend with coconut milk. She loves kindness, laughing, and meeting her readers.
Website link:
https://shirl-rickman-author.squarespace.com/
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/shirlrickmanauthor/?pnref=story
Free Falling (Falling Novella Series Book 2) Page 9
