“Have you had the Big Dress Rehearsal yet?” said Sam. Sam was a little worried. Each time Moxy practiced the piano, she played her part of “Heart and Soul” over and over. She never seemed to reach the end.
“I can’t start the Big Dress Rehearsal until our capes are ready,” said Moxy. “And our capes won’t be ready until they have a little fake ermine fur trim on them. And I can’t start making the fake ermine fur trim until Mark gets the old white towels from the guest room bathroom. And Pansy gets her pink paper-doll scissors and Ajax’s permanent black Magic Marker.”
“I’ll get the old white guest towels,” offered Sam.
“I’ll help,” said Pansy.
Mark said nothing.
“Thank you,” said Moxy. “But please be very quiet when you go up. We don’t want to wake Aunt Susan Standish.”
“Aunt Susan Standish is here?” said Sam.
Moxy nodded solemnly. Sam had met Aunt Susan Standish once. She reminded him of how Moxy would be when she grew up. Neither of them seemed afraid of anything.
chapter 40
In Which Pansy
and Sam Run into
Mrs. Maxwell’s Sun
When Pansy and Sam turned to go back inside, they found themselves face to face with the orange sun rising behind Mrs. Maxwell’s SMILE, YOU’RE IN MIAMI sweatshirt.
“Excuse us,” said Pansy without looking up.
Mrs. Maxwell stepped one step to her left. And Sam and Pansy stepped one step to their left and disappeared into the house.
chapter 41
In Which Moxy
Almost Cries
“What’s that?” Mrs. Maxwell said sharply.
“What’s what?” said Moxy.
“What you’re wearing.”
Moxy looked down at her cape—she had forgotten she had it on.
“Please don’t look!” cried Moxy. But her mother didn’t look away. So Moxy was forced to toss the back of the cape over her head—even though it hurt her neck—so her mother couldn’t see it.
Here is the photograph Mark took of Moxy hiding her face under her cape. He called it “My Sister Looks Better with a Cape Over Her Face.”
“My Sister Looks Better with a Cape Over Her Face,” by Mark Maxwell.
“Moxy, I am too tired to play games!” said Mrs. Maxwell. “If you and Pansy aren’t in that house playing ‘Heart and Soul’ all the way through by the time I count to ten, there are going to be consequences.”
(Mrs. Maxwell always counted to whatever age you were before she took action. Moxy could hardly wait until she was 100.)
But Moxy didn’t reply. Somewhere under her black velvet cape it sounded like she was starting to cry.
“Darling,” said Mrs. Maxwell, “are you crying?”
“No,” said Moxy, “I’m sighing. It was supposed to be a surprise!”
“What was supposed to be a surprise?”
“This,” said Moxy, flipping the cape from her head. “And it’s not even finished yet!”
“But it is a surprise,” said Mrs. Maxwell, looking at the cape. “What is it for?”
“It’s for me to wear tonight,” said Moxy. “Pansy has one too. But we haven’t even started to make the fake ermine fur trim yet.”
The porch swing was damp and covered with a light dusting of mud from the melted snow. It was also covered with seventy-nine straight pins that had spilled from Granny George’s straight pin container. But Mrs. Maxwell sat down anyway. Mrs. Maxwell really needed to sit down.
“I thought you were wearing the pink gobs-of-glitter dress tonight,” she said. She pulled a pair of straight pins from under her right thigh.
“I am wearing the pink gobs-of-glitter dress. But the cape goes over it.”
“For the recital?”
“And a crown, of course.”
“Of course,” repeated Mrs. Maxwell.
“And my silver tap shoes.”
“I see,” said Mrs. Maxwell, who did.
chapter 42
In Which
Mrs. Maxwell’s Eyes
Take a Little Rest
The swing was stirring in the slight (5 mph) breeze coming from the northeast. It was very restful. Mrs. Maxwell did not so much close her eyes as her eyes closed on Mrs. Maxwell.
Let us remember that Mrs. Maxwell had been up all night flying from Africa to Cleveland—it took twenty-one hours and two minutes. And she hadn’t had any sleep. And when she got home she didn’t go to bed. She stayed up to make 150 cupcakes with marshmallow frosting for Moxy’s party tonight.
Not that she was sleeping now, Mrs. Maxwell reassured herself. She didn’t have time to sleep. She had to make sure Moxy could stop playing her part of “Heart and Soul” because … because … because. Suddenly Mrs. Maxwell couldn’t remember why it was so important to hear Moxy stop playing “Heart and Soul.”
The reason Mrs. Maxwell couldn’t remember why it was so important to hear Moxy practice “Heart and Soul” was because Mrs. Maxwell had fallen asleep. In fact, she was already dreaming. She was dreaming there was a giraffe in the upstairs shower. It was singing “Heart and Soul.”
When Moxy realized that her mother was asleep, she took some of the leftover velvet from the capes Granny George had made and covered her mother with it so she wouldn’t get cold, even though there was only a slight (5 mph) breeze.
chapter 43
In Which the Word
“Intermission”
Is Explained
An Intermission is when you, the Reader, take a break from reading this book. Not a long break. You can’t, for example, go to Paris (unless of course you’re already in Paris). But you can get up and get some gum. Or pet the dog. Or call a friend who is also reading this book, to see if they’ve gotten to the Intermission Part yet. But then you must come back. Because the story is just heating up….
THE
INTERMISSION
PART
chapter 44
In Which
Mrs. Maxwell Wakes
The sound of Moxy and Pansy practicing “Heart and Soul” did not wake Mrs. Maxwell. What woke Mrs. Maxwell was the vibration of Granny George’s sewing machine.
The reason the sound of Moxy and Pansy practicing “Heart and Soul” did not wake Mrs. Maxwell was that Moxy and Pansy were not practicing “Heart and Soul.” They were upstairs in the guest room bathroom watching Sam cut the last white bath towel into five-inch strips with the sharp scissors.
chapter 45
In Which the Author
Repeats the Phrase
“with the sharp
scissors”
With the sharp scissors.
chapter 46
In Which
Mrs. Maxwell Yawns
and Asks That
Age-old Question:
“How Long Have
I Been Asleep?”
Out on the porch, Mrs. Maxwell yawned and asked Granny George that age-old question: “How long have I been asleep?”
“Two hours and twenty-one minutes,” said Granny George. Granny George paid very close attention to time.
Mrs. Maxwell had also been asleep long enough for Moxy to have almost finished making the fake ermine fur trim out of the old white guest towels.
In fact, at the very moment when Mrs. Maxwell was yawning on the swing, Moxy was perched on the edge of the pink sink in the guest bathroom. She was watching Pansy put black dots on the second-to-last strip of what had recently been a whole white towel. Pansy was using Ajax’s permanent black Magic Marker.
For his part, Mark was taking this picture of Sam cutting the last towel into five-inch strips with, as I say (and it bears repeating), the sharp scissors.
chapter 47
The Sharp Scissors—
a User’s Guide
The sharp scissors are so sharp that children under the age of eighteen are not allowed to touch them—even if they happen to find the sharp scissors in the middle of the living room floor standing on their head wit
h the sharp end sticking up.*
* WARNING: Children under the age of eighteen who touch the sharp scissors are subject to a maximum penalty of coming straight home from school every day for five years.
chapter 48
The Ins and Outs of
High-Quality
Fake Ermine Fur
Manufacturing
OR
What Exactly Moxy
Was Doing
Shall I go into detail about how to make high-quality fake ermine fur out of white bathroom towels? Or is it so obvious it would be a bore? If you already know how to make fake ermine fur trim out of white guest towels, please skip this chapter and go to Chapter 49.
Moxy Maxwell’s last-minute, high-quality fake ermine fur recipe:
What you’ll need:
Two old white towels.
One big (really fresh) permanent black Magic Marker.
One pair sharp scissors or small sword.
Granny George.
DIRECTIONS:
Say “Please” and then ask someone to cut the white fluffy towel into long strips, perhaps 5 inches wide—perhaps more, perhaps less.
Say “Please” again and ask someone to make big black dots all over the strips of the old white towels using the permanent black Magic Marker.
Ask Granny George to please sew the black-and-white dotted strips of bathroom towels around the outside of the capes.
Add more dots as needed.
Yield: Enough ermine for two regular capes.
chapter 49
The Part of the Story
in Which
Mrs. Maxwell Begins
to Climb Slooooowly
Up the Stairs to
Find Out Why Moxy
Hasn’t Started the
Big Dress Rehearsal
chapter 50
Bad Times
OR
Moxy’s Mother
Arrives
Here is a picture Mark took of what Mrs. Maxwell saw when she finally reached the bathroom door. He called it “A Shot of Chaos.”
“A Shot of Chaos,” by Mark Maxwell.
Sam, put the sharp scissors down now!” cried Mrs. Maxwell.
It’s a good thing that Sam had great reflexes and a lot of common sense. Otherwise, he might have cut himself when he heard Mrs. Maxwell’s voice behind him. Instead, he stopped cutting.
“Now turn slowly around,” instructed Mrs. Maxwell.
Sam turned slowly around, keeping the sharp scissors in clear view of everyone.
“Easy now, Sam,” said Mrs. Maxwell as she approached him.
When she was absolutely sure Sam wouldn’t make a sudden move, Mrs. Maxwell took the sharp scissors from him.
Then she sat down on the edge of the pink guest-room bathroom tub.
“I’m sorry,” whispered Pansy. She was apologizing as much to Moxy as to her mother.
She was apologizing to Moxy because she had heard their mom coming up the stairs and she hadn’t warned Moxy. Pansy hadn’t warned Moxy because her heart had been bouncing around in her chest like a cartoon heart. And she had been afraid that if she opened her mouth, it might come bouncing out.
“I’m sorry too,” said Sam. Sam was very good with mothers.
chapter 51
In Which Moxy
(Almost) Takes
the Blame
“It wasn’t his fault,” said Moxy. “I mean [there was a slight pause], I’m the one who told Sam to get the sharp scissors.”
Mrs. Maxwell was suddenly alert. “Are you saying it was your fault?”
“Pansy’s pink paper-doll scissors wouldn’t cut the towels,” said Moxy.
“So it’s Pansy’s paper-doll scissors’ fault that you had to use the sharp scissors?”
“No, it was Sam who used the sharp scissors”
“But it’s not his fault?”
“No, I told him to.” Moxy was getting the teeny-tiniest bit impatient.
“You do know what happens to someone who touches the sharp scissors” said Mrs. Maxwell.
“Five years,” moaned Pansy.
Mrs. Maxwell looked at the mess on the bathroom floor. Then she looked at Moxy. “What are you doing up here anyway?” she said. “You and Pansy are supposed to be downstairs practicing ‘Heart and Soul.’ ”
“I know,” said Moxy. “But we can’t have the Big Dress Rehearsal until our capes are ready.”
“Yes, you can,” said Mrs. Maxwell. Her voice had a right now or else quality to it.
“Maybe we can,” Pansy suggested to Moxy.
chapter 52
In Which the Word
“Spit” Appears
Mrs. Maxwell looked at Pansy for the first time. “What’s on your face?” she said.
“My smile?” said Pansy hopefully.
“No, those black spots.”
“They’re ermine dots,” said Moxy.
Mrs. Maxwell pulled a crumpled Kleenex from between her wrist and the elastic on her SMILE, YOU’RE IN MIAMI sweatshirt. Fortunately for Pansy, the Kleenex was clean.
“Come here,” she said to Pansy.
Pansy moved almost an inch toward her.
“Closer,” said Mrs. Maxwell.
When Pansy didn’t move, Mrs. Maxwell said, “Well, I’m not going to eat you,” and reached out and pulled Pansy to her.
And yes, Reader, even though there was running water on two sides of her, Mrs. Maxwell licked the Kleenex and tried to wipe the black ermine dots off Pansy’s face with her spit.
Then Mark took this picture.
“Mother Attacks Child with Her Own Spit!,” by Mark Maxwell.
chapter 53
In Which
Mrs. Maxwell Gets
Back to the Point
Mrs. Maxwell sighed. Then she said, “Who gave you permission to use the sharp scissors anyway?”
“I did,” said Aunt Susan Standish.
chapter 54
In Which We Meet
Aunt Susan Standish
When She’s Awake
Aunt Susan Standish was leaning casually against the bathroom door. Her white satin sleeping mask was propped on top of her head like a pair of sunglasses. Her pajamas were made from the same white satin as her mask—the pajama legs fell fashionably just below the knee. The pajama top had three-quarter-length sleeves.
Even when she slept, Aunt Susan Standish was très élégante, thought Moxy. In fact, if Aunt Susan Standish hadn’t been wearing a pair of green wool knee socks with a hole in the left big toe, you never would have known that Aunt Susan Standish was Moxy’s mother’s twin sister.
“Mind if I sit down?” said Aunt Susan Standish.
Mrs. Maxwell slid over so her sister could sit beside her on the edge of the tub.
Here is a picture Mark took of Aunt Susan Standish’s green wool knee sock with the hole in the big toe sitting next to Mrs. Maxwell’s right bunny slipper with the Green Grass Power Shake powder on it. He called it “The Sisters Go Toe to Toe.”
“ The Sisters Go Toe to Toe,” by Mark Maxwell.
“You told Moxy she could use the sharp scissors?” said Mrs. Maxwell.
“I believe so,” said Aunt Susan Standish.
“But I thought you were asleep,” said Mrs. Maxwell.
“I was,” said Aunt Susan Standish.
“Then how could you give Moxy permission to use the sharp scissors?”
“Aunt Susan Standish can talk in her sleep,” said Pansy.
Aunt Susan Standish stretched and then yawned. “I’m feeling much better,” she said. “Hello, everyone!” she added as she pulled out of a second yawn. Then she looked at her sister. Then she stretched again. And since her arm was already out there, she reached over and patted the top of Mrs. Maxwell’s head.
“Hello, sweet sister,” Aunt Susan Standish said. “You must be tired.”
“Actually,” said Mrs. Maxwell, “I’m counting to ten. One …”
Moxy was shocked. Her mother was more awake than she’
d thought.
“Two … if you girls aren’t down at that piano playing ‘Heart and Soul’ by the time I’m through … three … there are going to be consequences.”
It was hard for Moxy to imagine what could be worse than coming straight home every day after school for the next five years.
“Four …” Mrs. Maxwell was definitely getting her Mother Strength back.
“What consequences?” said Pansy.
“Five …,” replied Mrs. Maxwell. “Six … If you aren’t downstairs playing ‘Heart and Soul’ by the time I’ve finished counting to ten—seven …,” said Mrs. Maxwell, “I’m going to call Ms. Killingher and tell her you can’t be in the recital.”
“Eight” was the last thing Moxy and Pansy and Sam heard as they disappeared down the stairs.
chapter 55
A Few Statistics
About the Duet
Moxy and Pansy
Are About to Play
Here is what you, the Reader, need to know before Moxy and Pansy start playing their recital piece:
1. It is called “Heart and Soul.”
2. Moxy’s part starts a little while after Pansy’s part.
3. Moxy’s part is really really really really really hard.
chapter 56
In Which Sam
Is Helpful
As soon as they got downstairs, Moxy said, “Sam, would you please play my part of ‘Heart and Soul’? I have to run out to the porch and give Granny George this last strip of fake ermine fur guest towel trim so she can finish our capes in time for us to wear them for the Big Dress Rehearsal.”
Moxy Maxwell Does Not Love Practicing the Piano (But She Does Love Being in Recitals) Page 3
