Chapter 14
He went to New York alone on his usual fall business trip. He had to go to Paris after that and he thought the trip would be too much for her. He wanted her to rest, keep her feet up, eat healthy food, watch TV and relax after school, he said. And before he left, he told Jane to take care of her. She was stunned when they told her about the baby at first, but after a little bit she was pleased.
“Kind of like a big doll,” Bernie explained. And she was equally pleased that he wanted a little boy, and said she would always be his favorite little girl. She promised to take care of Liz while he was gone, and he called them from New York when he arrived. He was staying at the Regency because it was close to the store, and he had dinner with his parents the first night he was there. They met at Le Cirque, and Bernie walked in with a quiet smile, and saw them sitting at a table waiting for him.
He kissed his mother, sat down, ordered a kir, and his mother looked at him suspiciously.
“Something's wrong.”
“Not at all.”
“You got fired.”
This time he laughed at her, and ordered a bottle of Dom Perignon as his mother stared at him.
“What happened?”
“Something very nice.”
She didn't believe a word he said, and then observing him cautiously: “You're coming back to New York?”
“Not yet.” Though he wished that he would, but even that was eclipsed now. “Better than that.”
“You're moving somewhere else?” She still looked suspicious and his father was smiling. He had guessed their news and the two men exchanged a knowing look as the waiter poured the champagne, and Bernie raised his glass to them.
“To Grandma and Grampa …mazel to v.”
“So?” Ruth looked at him, confused, and then suddenly, like a bolt of lightning striking her, she fell back in her seat, staring at him with open, startled eyes. “No! Is Liz …she's …?” For once in her life she couldn't find the words, and tears sprang to her eyes as he nodded with a broad smile and touched her hand.
“We're having a baby, Mom.” He was so pleased he could hardly control himself and his father congratulated him as his mother jabbered incoherently and they sipped their champagne.
“I just can't imagine … Is everything all right? … Is she eating all right? …How does she feel? … I have to call her when we get home.” And then she suddenly thought of Jane, and looked at Bernie with worried eyes. “How is Jane taking it?”
“I think she was a little shocked at first. I don't think it dawned on her that we might do something like that to her, but we've been spending a lot of time explaining it to her, telling her how important she is to us, stuff like that, and Liz is going to get her some books to deal with whatever negative feelings she has.”
His mother scowled at him. “You're beginning to talk like one of them…. Californians don't speak English anymore. Watch out you don't become one of them and stay out there.” She had been worrying about that since he left, but now all she could think of was her grandchild on the way. “Is Liz taking vitamins?” She turned to Lou, without waiting for her son to respond. “You should talk to her when we call tonight. Explain to her what she should eat, what vitamins to take.”
“I'm sure she has an obstetrician, Ruth. He'll tell her what to do.”
“What does he know? For all you know she's going to one of those hippies in the pie plate shoes, rubbing herbs on her head and telling her to sleep naked on the beach.” She looked at her son ferociously. “You should be back here when the baby is born. He should be born in New York Hospital, safe and sound, where he belongs and your father can look into everything.”
“They have very good hospitals out there, Ruth.” The two men were smiling at her. She was beside herself. “I'm sure Bernie is keeping a good eye on everything.” And he was of course. He had already been to the doctor with her, and he liked the obstetrician she had found through a friend. They were going to do Lamaze training eventually, and Liz was determined to have the baby naturally, with Bernie helping her and holding her hand. It still made him nervous thinking about it, but he didn't want to let her down and he had every intention of being there.
“Everything's fine, Mom. I went to the doctor with her before I left. He seems very competent, and he's even from New York.” He knew that would reassure her but she wasn't listening. She was listening to something he had said first.
“What do you mean, you went to the doctor with her? You stayed in the waiting room, I hope.”
Bernie poured her another glass of champagne and smiled at her. “No. It doesn't work like that anymore. The father is part of everything.”
“You're not going to be there for the birth, are you?” She looked horrified. She thought it was a disgusting trend. They were doing it in New York too, and she couldn't think of anything worse than a man watching his wife give birth to a baby.
“I plan to be there, Mom.”
She made a face. “That's the most disgusting thing I ever heard.” She then lowered her voice conspiratorially. “You know, you'll never feel the same way about her again if you see the baby being born. Take my word for it. I've heard stories that would make you sick…. Besides”—she sat up again with a dignified sniff—“a decent woman wouldn't want you there. That's a horrible thing for a man to see.”
“Mom, it's a miracle…. There's nothing horrible or indecent about seeing your wife giving birth.” He was so proud of her, and he wanted to see their baby coming into the world, he wanted to be there to welcome him or her. They were going to see a movie of a baby being born, so they both knew what to expect. None of it seemed disgusting to him, just a little frightening sometimes. And he knew Liz was a little nervous about it too, even though she'd had one child, but that had been six years before. But it all still seemed so far away to both of them. They still had another six months to go, and they could hardly wait. And by the end of the meal Ruth had not only planned the entire layette and suggested the best nursery schools in Westchester, she was urging him to make his son go to law school when he grew up. They drank a lot of champagne and she was a little tipsy when they left, but it was the nicest dinner he had had with her in a long time, and he conveyed Liz' invitation to them. And he was just drunk enough himself that the prospect of having them stay with them didn't even frighten him.
“Liz wants you to come out for the holidays.” He looked at both of them.
“And you don't?”
“Of course I do, Mom. And she wants you to stay with us.”
“Where?”
“Jane can sleep in the baby's room.”
“Never mind. We'll stay at the Huntington like we did before. That way we won't bother you. When does she want us for?”
“Her Christmas vacation starts on December twenty-first, I think. Something like that. Why don't you come out then?”
“She won't still be working, will she, Bernard?”
He smiled at her. “I've been surrounded by stubborn women all my life. She's going to work right up until the Easter holidays, and then take a leave from school after that. Her friend Tracy will substitute for her. They already have it all worked out between them.”
“Meshuggeneh. She should be home in bed by then.”
He shrugged. “She won't, and the doctor says she can work right till the end … so will you come?”
There was a twinkle in her eyes as she smiled at him. “What do you think? You think I'm not going to come and visit my only son, in the godforsaken place he lives?”
He laughed at her. “I wouldn't exactly call it that, Mom.”
“It's not New York.” He glanced around them wistfully at the cabs flying past, the people walking by, the little shops on Madison Avenue only a few feet from them as they waited for the doorman to find them a cab. There were times when he felt his romance with New York would never end, and San Francisco still felt like an exile to him. “San Francisco's not so bad.” He was still trying to convince himself
of that, in spite of how happy he was there with Liz, but he would have been happier with her in New York. His mother shrugged, and looked at him ruefully.
“Just so you come home soon. Especially now.” They were all thinking of Liz and the child she was to bear. His mother acted as though it were a gift especially for them. “Take care of yourself.” She hugged him tight as a taxi finally stopped for them, and there were tears in her eyes as she took a step back from him. “Mazel tov, to both of you.”
“Thank you, Mom.” He squeezed her hand and he and his father exchanged a warm look, and then they waved and were gone and he walked slowly back to his hotel, thinking of them, and Liz, and Jane, thinking how lucky he was …no matter where he lived. Maybe it didn't matter so much for now …San Francisco would be easier for Liz this year, better than slipping on ice, and battling the snow and the elements. It was just as well, he convinced himself…. And the next day when he left it was pouring rain. And the city still looked beautiful to him. It was blanketed in gray, and as the plane rose in the sky, he thought of his parents again. It must have been hard for them, having him so far away. He suddenly understood it differently now that he was having his own child. He would have hated his son to live so far away. And then he leaned his head back against the seat and smiled to himself, thinking of Liz and the baby they would have…. He hoped it would look like her, and he wouldn't have minded a little girl … a little girl…. He drifted off to sleep, and slept most of the way to Europe.
The week in Paris went too fast, and from there he went to Rome and Milan, as he always did. This time he went to Denmark and Berlin, as well, with a round of meetings in London before he left. It was a very successful trip and he was away for almost three weeks, and when he saw Liz again he laughed at her. Her stomach had suddenly exploded while he was gone, and she couldn't wear her clothes anymore. And when she lay in bed, she looked as though she'd swallowed a cantaloupe.
“What's that?” He grinned at her after the first time they made love again.
“I dunno.” She threw out her hands in ignorance as she lay naked on their bed, her hair in pigtails and their clothes strewn across the floor. They hadn't waited very long, and they were in a hurry before Tracy brought Jane home from an excursion they'd been on.
But when Liz got up and walked across the room, and saw Bernie watching her, she felt self-conscious suddenly, and she pulled his shirt on and covered herself. “Don't look at me …I'm so fat I hate myself.”
“Fat? Are you crazy? You've never looked better. You're gorgeous!” He came over and gently fondled her behind, and then let his hand drift over the cantaloupe with fascination.
“Any idea what it is?” He was curious.
She shrugged with a smile. “It's bigger than Jane was at this point, but that doesn't mean anything.” And then, hopefully, “Maybe it's a boy. That's what you want, isn't it?”
He cocked his head to one side, looking at her. “I don't really think I care. Just so it's okay. When do we go back to the doctor again?”
“Are you really sure you want to do that?” She looked at him worriedly and he was stunned.
“What's happened to you?” And then he understood perfectly. “Has my darling mother been talking to you?” She blushed and then shrugged again, trying to brush it off and explain it at the same time, and he held her close to him. “You're beautiful to me. And I want to share this with you …all of it…the good, the bad, the scary part, the wonder of it all. We both made this child, and now we're both going to share it as much as we can. Is that okay with you?”
She looked relieved and her eyes were bright as she looked at him. “You're sure it won't turn you off forever?” She looked so worried and he laughed, remembering their antics in bed only moments before. He waved at the bed and then kissed her tenderly.
“Did I seem turned off to you?” She giggled happily and hugged him tight.
“Okay …I'm sorry …” And with that, the doorbell rang, and they jumped back into their clothes again as quickly as they could, in time to welcome Tracy and Jane. He tossed the child into the air and showed her all the goodies he'd brought her from France, and it was hours later before Liz and Bernie were alone again.
She curled into bed next to him, and they chatted for a while, about his work, the store, the trip, and the child she was carrying. She seemed more interested in that than anything these days and he didn't mind. It was his baby too, and he was so proud of her. He pulled her into his arms, and they went to sleep, as she purred contentedly beside him.
Chapter 15
Bernie's parents arrived the day after Christmas vacation began, and Liz and Jane drove out to the airport to pick them up. She was five and a half months pregnant by then. And Ruth had brought everything from a layette from Bergdorfs to pamphlets about her health that she had forced Lou to bring her from the hospital. She had advice for her that dated back to her own grandmother, and after a close look at Liz' profile in the baggage claim she announced that it was a boy, which delighted everyone.
They stayed for a week, and then went to Disneyland with Jane, to leave Bernie and Liz alone for their anniversary. They celebrated three nights in a row. On their anniversary they went to L'Etoile, and came home and made love until all hours, the following night they went to a huge charity affair given at the store, and on New Year's Eve they went out with friends, and wound up in the bar at L'Etoile again. They had a wonderful few days, but when Ruth and Lou came back, Ruth told Bernie she thought Liz looked terrible. Pale and tired and worn out. And she'd been complaining of pains in her hips and back for the last month.
“Why don't you take her somewhere?”
“I guess I should.” He'd been working so hard, he hadn't really thought of it, and it was going to be difficult for him this year. The baby was due exactly when he made his usual trip to New York and Europe. He was going to have to put it off until after the baby came, and somehow he had much more to do at the store just then. “I'll see if I can.”
His mother wagged an angry finger at him. “Don't overlook your responsibilities, Bernard.”
And he laughed at her. “Whose mother are you, anyway? Hers or mine?” He felt sorry for Liz sometimes, she had absolutely no family at all, except him, and Jane, and his parents in New York. As aggravating as his mother was at times, it was still nice to know that someone gave a damn about him.
“Don't be so smart. It might do her good to get away before the baby comes.” And for once, he took his mother's advice and took Liz away to Hawaii for a few days, and this time they didn't take Jane, although she pouted at them for several weeks because of it. But he came home from the store with stacks of tropical maternity clothes for her, and the reservations already made. He faced her with a fait accompli and three days later they left. And when they returned, she was brown and healthy and relaxed, and she felt like her old self again. Or almost, except for heart-burn, insomnia, back pains, swollen legs, and increasing fatigue, all of which were normal the doctor said. The pains in her back and hips were the worst, but that was normal too.
“God, Bernie, sometimes I feel like I'm never going to be my old self again.” She had gained more than thirty pounds, and she had two months to go, but she still looked cute to him. Her face had filled out a little bit, but it didn't spoil her looks, she just looked younger than she usually did. And she always looked neat and well dressed. He thought she looked sweet that way, although he was aware that his desire for her was waning. But it didn't seem to be a time for that, although she complained sometimes. He was afraid he would hurt the child, especially if they got too enthusiastic, which they often did. And eventually, Liz didn't care about making love anyway. By the end of March she was so uncomfortable, she could barely move, and she was grateful that she didn't have to go to work anymore. She couldn't have stood another day of trying to stand on her feet, keeping the kids in line, or teaching them simple math or their ABC's.
Her class gave a baby shower for her, and everyone brough
t something they'd made. She had booties, sweaters, hats, an ashtray, three drawings, a cradle someone's father had built for them, and a tiny pair of wooden shoes, along with all the gifts the other teachers had given her. And of course Bernie brought home more baby clothes from the store every few days. Between what he brought home, and what his mother sent from New York, she had enough for quintuplets at least. But it was fun seeing it all, and now she could hardly wait to get it over with. She was getting nervous about the birth, and she could hardly sleep at night. Instead, she would roam the halls, sit in the living room and knit, watching late-night TV, or go and sit in the baby's room, thinking about what it would be like when the baby was born.
She was there one afternoon, waiting for Jane to come home from school, sitting in the rocking chair Bernie had painted for her only two weeks before, when the telephone rang. She thought about not answering it. But she always hated to do that when Jane was out. You never knew when something would go wrong, or they needed her, or she got hurt coming home from school, or it might have been Bernie and she loved talking to him. She pushed herself out of the chair with a groan, rubbed her back, and lumbered slowly into the living room.
“Hello?”
“Good afternoon.” There was something familiar about the voice, but she wasn't sure what. It was probably someone trying to sell something to her.
“Yes?”
“How've you been?” Something about the voice gave her the creeps.
“Who's this?” She tried to sound casual, but she felt breathless as she stood there, holding the phone. There was something ominous about the voice, but she wasn't sure what.
“You don't remember me?”
“No, I don't.” She started to hang up, hoping it was just a prank, but the voice was quick to grab her back.
“Liz, wait!” It was a command, and the voice suddenly lost its fluidity It was sharp and brusque, and suddenly she knew, but it couldn't be … it only sounded like him. She stood very still holding the phone, and said nothing at all to him. “I want to talk to you.”
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