by Wanda Boyd
I do not know how long I sat there talking to Clarinha, telling how were those five years, talk about Mari, about things I can remember, I speak to her throat hurt. So I get up to leave, promising to come back another day.
I'm going back to the car, when a female laughter catches my eye, I go toward the sound and see the Cybele supported on a fence, Caetano is close by and I hear a sound of wood hitting wood and soon Antonio appears mounted a bull that shakes from side to side trying to oust him.
I fall to my knees on the ground, looking at that scene and feel cold sweat running down my body. I get caught in the eyes Antonio on top of the bull and other memory invades me.
- You are not going! - Scream grabbing his backpack and throwing across the room.
- Ceci, I will this rodeo.
- You almost died the last time you rode. For very little that bull did not hit the horn at some important organ. You will not this time.
-I'll be fine. And another, you will always be with me, why this time is different?
- Maybe because you are pregnant and do not want my daughter to be born without a father?
- Stop being dramatic, nothing will happen to me. Tomorrow I am back.
He picks up the bag and left the house, slamming the door. I hear his truck pull away and let out a scream. He had been hospitalized last time. I almost had lost and he insisted on riding. He would run the risk of getting hurt again, running the risk of leaving me alone creating our daughter.
I sit on the couch, staring at the door, waiting for him to come back, but spend forty minutes and nothing. Levanto sofa, determined to go to bed, but I feel a sharp twinge in his belly that hardens, let out a cry of pain and twice the body to try to soften. I go to the phone and call the house of Fatima, but no one answers. Probably everyone went to that stupid rodeo. I sit on the couch and try to calm down, but another pang invades me.
The fear that something happens to my daughter is so great that caught my purse and car key. I would have to drive to the hospital, on the way I can finally tell my mother that I'm going to the nearby town, since my doctor was on duty there.
I keep my attention on the dark road until I feel a warm liquid to drain, see the cow and I'm just hitting a tree.
The cry of uhu Antonio, takes me back to the present, look forward and see my husband embracing and kissing Cybele.
I had not left my husband, I was not going after Ignatius. I wanted to save my daughter and suffered the accident. I tried to run to the hospital not to lose Clarinha and on the way hit the car. In the end, I lost my daughter and my husband.
I see the hands of Antonio in the body of Cybele and my desire is to run to her and rub her face in the mud of the pigsty, but have no right to do this. The Antonio was playing his life and, despite being in love with him, I know I lost my chance.
- All right, Ceci? - Fatima asks and follows my gaze. - The two are seriously dating.
- I know. - Levanto the ground and look at her. - I got another reminder. I should tell him, but I have no strength to do it. And I'm afraid that he feels guilty.
- What you remembered? - She asks worriedly.
- I did not go though Fatima, I was behind a lover and not abandoned.
- Lover? - She asks blankly.
- On the day of the accident, he went to a rodeo - keep talking.
- Was - she agrees. - We all went with him, did not understand why you were not together. I wanted to stay with you, but he said it was better to leave her alone.
- We had a fight before he left. I do not want him to go because I was afraid of what might happen, he almost died last time. But the idiot wanted to go anyway. I begged him to stay, but he was not looking back. Forty minutes later, I began to feel sick. - Speak and she takes hands to mouth, trying not to cry. - I was suffering a miscarriage, as she was alone, I took the car and tried to go to the hospital in the nearby town where my doctor was on duty. Along the way, suffered the accident. I lost my daughter and hit the car because I was alone, Fatima. - Speak crying at the end, I know that practically was accusing and accusing her family. But that was the truth, if anyone had been left behind, if he had not gone to the rodeo, I would not have lost our daughter and would not hit the car.
- My God, Ceci. I ... - she stops talking and stares at a point behind me, I look back and see the stopped Antonio, looking at me with tears in her eyes and hugging Cybele.
- Anthony ... - I start to speak, but he closes his eyes, then I stop.
- It was my fault - speaking softly.
- You could not know.
- Still, you begged, and I went. It's my fault. - He walks away and Cybele tries to go after him. - I need to be alone - and she talks to. I see him walk to his house and I know going to the tomb of our daughter.
- My son must be destroyed by this news - Fatima speaks and look at the point where it disappeared.
- I do not want him to blame.
- I know not, dear. Despite all they wrong to leave you alone, I could not guess you would badly. - She hugs me and lay his head on her shoulder. - Nobody is to blame, it was inevitable.
- I'm the one to blame, Fatima, should not have exalted me, I should not have been left behind, and especially should not have picked that car.
- You have no fault, dear. You just tried to fight for his daughter, and the accident happened.
I walk away from her and go to my car. No matter what she speaks, I feel guilty and I know that Antonio also guilt. And that feeling only go away when he would forgive me and vice versa. It would be necessary to consider together, would only find peace when we forgiveness.
Chapter 34 - Ignatius
I'm sitting on the bathroom floor with water running through my body. I've lost track of time, but I'm here enough for my skin wrinkling.
My fault!
I should not have left her alone in a state of nerves with that time of pregnancy.
My God! I blamed all the time, and she was merely a victim of my irresponsibility.
The hot water and the bathroom steam started to hurt me, and I know that my blood pressure dropped sharply. Finally I decide to get out of the sauna, get up slowly, because I do not feel strong right now.
Since my boxer briefs and throw myself on the bed. I go into a deep sleep, but that is soon interrupted by the doorbell.
I decide not to attend. I do not want to talk to anyone right now. The doorbell rings again.
- Anthony, I am. Please let me in!
The voice of Cecilia wakes me from my depressive state. She is the person I least expected to hit my door.
- Please Antonio! I know you are there. I see your car out here.
I get up, I walk to the door in stride and soon to open. She looks like a mixture of chaos with paradise. Will you ever my stomach will stop feeling butterflies when I see?
- I can enter? - she asks.
- Of course! - I say, and take a step to the side, so she can spend.
She walks into the living room and sleeps on the couch.
- You could sit here next to me, please?
Instead of answering, I just go to her and do what she asks. She looks at me with his eyes torturers for a while and then says:
- Look, I know you want to be alone, but I thought it would be better if conversássemos before. I had to come and to apologize, but could not sleep tonight.
- Apologize for what? How can you look at me without wanting to strangle me?
- That's exactly why I came here. I know how you're feeling. I know well, too much. But know that I do not blame you, Anthony. It was not your fault, you did not guess that I would barely. The fault is all mine. I get carried away by fear and exalted me for no reason. If I had not been so teasingly, I would not have been so nervous and ... and ...
- Do not even think about it, Ceci! You did not have any fault. You can not control the emotions - I say, unhappy with the fact that she still feel guilty, when it was so obvious that the cretin of the story was me.
- Of course it is po
ssible. I get carried away and, moreover, made the bad decision to drive, even in the state in which I found myself. I should have called an ambulance.
- You did what you thought was necessary to save our little girl - I say, with tears in his eyes, no longer supporting this discussion meaningless.
Then she opens her eyes wide and looks at me with so much pain that I feel my heart break even more.
- But I do not saved! I killed her! I killed our daughter, Antonio! - She screams and I pull her against my chest.
- Shiuuu! Calm! You did not kill her. At that time, it was inevitable to happen what happened. You do not have any guilt, get it out of your head - I say quietly as I stroke his back in an attempt to calm her.
- But it was also not her - she says.
I turn away to look into his eyes.
- I prioritized the rodeo. If I were there with you ... - my voice some excitedly.
We look for several seconds, until she finally says:
- I think it will not do to blame. This will not change what happened. What we really need is the forgiveness of one another, so we can forgive ourselves.
I caught her hands in mine and kiss repeatedly, as if asking his blessing.
- I hope one day I can forgive, Ceci. God knows how sorry I am and how much blame me.
- I also ask your forgiveness. I can never stop blaming me, but with your forgiveness, I may be able to deal with myself, alone. This will already be a big step for me. So know that I forgive you. I do not hold any grudges, I swear.
I did not restrain myself. The pull against me again, but this time with force, because the emotion of the moment.
- There is nothing to forgive you, my queen. There is no judgment or blame on you. But your forgiveness means the world to me.
Without departing, she sighs and says, next to my ear, still in my arms:
- I remembered us. In one of my memories you call me Queen, just call equal.
I pull away a bit to get look on his face.
- What did you remember?
It gives a mysterious smile.
- Of many things. Moments ours, Antonio! We loved each other so much ... I do not understand how I could forget this feeling before.
- How so, "before"? - My heart for a few seconds.
She looks inside my eyes and asks:
- The Cybele makes you happy?
I'm a little baffled by the question, but I decide to play fair.
- At times, I think so. Not that full happiness that consumes me, but as much as life allows me.
- Life is made of moments - she says, and I released an unexpected laugh.
- That's what I always say.
- I know! I remembered you said, so I repeated.
A glimmer of hope fills my heart.
- You're actually retrieving the memory? She is remembering many things, Ceci! This is a miracle!
She laughs and nods.
- Yes, it started after I hit my head last time.
- So you really remember our many things?
She blushes and this just an answer.
- Ceci, is that there is now a chance for you to return to me ... am - Her cell phone interrupts. She looks at the screen and says:
- I need to meet. Excuse me! - I consent and she answers: - Hi, Edgar! All right? - She walks away and my heart feels several stab wounds. My hope back to square one and I feel bad for having allowed me to fall back on that old trap. I was following my life very well, until now.
When she returns, she sits next to me, but I get up.
- Well, our conversation was great. I'm not even thank you enough for your forgiveness, but now I have some things to do.
It raises a little confused, but says nothing. She goes to the door and says:
- I wanted to thank you for never giving up on me. I never thought I'd say this, but now I see how much it was hard for you. You are a peerless man, Anthony!
In saying this, she opens the door and goes.
I've never met a woman as confused as Cecilia. She is able to make me go from heaven to hell in a matter of seconds.
Barely enough time for me to process all this talk, because my doorbell rings again.
I open in the hope that is Cecilia, but two bearded men appear in front of me.
- We learn of events. We brought pizza, beer and whiskey, if the thing is even ugly.
- Whiskey, please - say, pulling Diogo hand bottle.
The two look at each other, and I already know you're sorry for me.
- No need to feel sorry for me. I was a fool and my daughter paid for it. Score. I know it was an accident, but it will take a while to forgive me, you know?
They just keep looking at me, then the canoe goes into the kitchen and takes three glasses. Diogo takes the ice and serves us a dose. We do not toast, we had no reason to celebrate. We turn the dose at once.
Diogo takes the bottle and serve again.
We drank it all.
The canoe looks at me and think I need another dose. He picks up the bottle, but I decide to intervene.
- No, I do not want to get drunk. Just needed a hug liquid, if they understand me. The whiskey has that power. Besides, tomorrow is the rodeo, and I have to be sober. Although not even know if I want to participate. If not for the rodeo, my daughter ...
- No, do not come with it. - Diogo interrupted me. As you said, it was an accident. You will pro rodeo YES, even if I have to come here and drag you there. - Diogo says.
- And of course I turned to help Diogo. After all, you are nothing light. - The Canoa plays, and I end up laughing.
That night, I ended up telling them about every conversation I had with Cecilia. I told him about the fact that she was recovering memory and about forgiveness. They listened to me in silence, did not comment anything. Just asked if I would still take the Cybele for the rodeo. I nodded, and they said I was doing the right thing.
Diogo told me about him and Mari. The two make a lovely couple, those who have to loathe so much molasses. The canoe, in turn, does not have the habit of talking about his personal life. I think he still does not understand what you feel for Alana, but I'm sure it's the reason why. Maybe he has frozen his feelings until the possible involvement of the two is no longer a crime. I just keep quiet, watching him. But any sign that he gives, that is taking over my princess, I break both his legs.
The next morning, I woke up with the rooster crowing and began to prepare. I took a shot of eggnog, to give me strength and energy, did some sit-ups. I took a refreshing shower, I went to the big house and took a breakfast neat, specially made by Luzi.
Of course I fought with her, saying she needed to rest.
- But, my boy, today is a special day. I could not let go unchallenged. You had to take a champion of coffee, because that is what you are today. A champion.
I hugged her and then went to the grave of Clarinha. I told her I loved her and left a fresh rose. I have always considered the roses as the flower of love. When a man gives roses to a woman, it's because she stole his heart. So always insisted on giving roses to Cecilia, she even detesting the flowers. What about my daughter, I will pass my life bringing roses to her as a gift from my love.
Half an hour later, I park on the doorstep of Cybele. She leaves with a dress jeans and boots, and I admire her beauty. There is no denying that she's a wonderful woman. Red hair sway in the wind, and it looks like she's parading on a catwalk.
The image of Cecilia in my arms yesterday, appears in my mind. I struggle to concentrate on Cybele, because she's an amazing woman who deserves all respect I can give her.
- You look beautiful! - I say. She smiles, but I realize that is on the back foot. - Listen, I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I know you just wanted to help me, but I needed some time to absorb everything that is happening.
- Do not worry about it, I understand. Just do not know if you are prepared to ride a wild bull, and there are so many things on your mind right now.
I reflect on this, as I ope
n my car door for her to enter. Once the closure, I walk up to the driver's side and I take my place. We put the belt, but before I start the car, I turn to her and say:
- Do not worry, Cybele. No use I get rehashing the past, I can not change it. Now I have to live my life and try to be happy to the maximum, to honor the memory of my little star. And today I will honor it, when winning the race. And believe me when I say, because I'm really going to win!
She smiles and I turn on the car. This day promises!
Chapter 35 - Cecilia
I get out of Antonio's home with a lighter heart, I knew he needed forgiveness, as I also needed. I could not talk to Mari or Fatima, I think no one would understand what I was feeling, but him. Antônio began to fight with me, the pain of loss and grief. Only he could understand what was going on inside me.
I drive back to the city and find Edgar waiting for me, he had called warning that was coming to see me.
- Hi darling.
- Hi, you are waiting long? - I ask and give him a peck.
- No, just arrived.
I climb with him to the apartment and, as soon as the door closes, it pulls me against the wall and kisses me, I feel their hands go through my body.
- Wait a minute.
- What's it? - Question, and I see you're upset.
- I'm hungry. Let's eat something first?
- Of course. - He smiled. - Do you want to order a pizza?
We ordered a pizza and sit down to eat, using the table of the room.
- How was your day? - I ask.
- Tiring. We had some emergencies. Is that you?
- I had an important reminder. - I'll tell him everything I remembered, listening intently. - We understand each other and forgiving.
