by Sue Watson
I glance over at her now, she can probably tell by the expression on my face that I’m worried.
‘What’s the matter?’ she says anxiously, moving out from behind her desk and standing in her office doorway, her right arm high on the door frame as she leans out. ‘Is it Chloe Thomson?’
I shake my head. ‘I think it’s Tom… he’s here.’
‘Shall I call the police?’ Sameera asks.
‘No, let me speak to him first,’ Jas says, moving out into the main office. ‘We can’t have all that again.’ Her long legs stride past my desk.
‘The temp says he’s on his way up, I’ll go,’ I say, half-heartedly, but Jas won’t hear of it, and before I can argue, she’s disappeared through the office doors to head him off.
I feel nauseous, I didn’t think this day could get any worse, but it looks like it just has.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Within a couple of minutes, Jas is back, and my heart’s in my mouth.
‘Different boyfriend,’ she says, and with that steps aside like a magician’s assistant and gestures towards someone standing behind her – Alex.
Me, Harry and Sameera are all looking at him with a combination of relief and surprise.
‘Nice to meet you, Alex. But call next time? You gave us all a bloody scare,’ Jas says, smiling, but I can see she’s irritated as she wanders into her office and shuts the door. She would normally want to chat, find out about him, and I’m sure she does, but I presume she’s annoyed at the fact he’s turned up at the office – and possibly just a little bit jealous. Jas is a great boss, very laid-back and friendly, but she has rules, and one of those rules is that we don’t allow friends to come into the office. The nature of our work means that everything is confidential. On the rare occasions we may have clients here, they may be distressed; social workers from other teams could be having private, sensitive conversations, and it just isn’t professional. It’s a testament to our friendship that Jas didn’t just refuse Alex access as she used to with Tom, but it doesn’t make me feel any more comfortable about him being here.
I walk over to him, feeling extremely awkward, aware the others are watching. I can’t see from where I’m now standing, but Jas is no doubt also spectating from behind her office glass.
‘What are you doing here?’ I ask, trying not to sound horrified, but I can see from his face that he realises I’m not pleased.
‘I brought the mountain to Mohamed – lunch,’ he says, holding up a large paper bag.
‘Oh… thanks,’ I say, forcing a smile.
‘What did she mean by, “different boyfriend?”’
‘Nothing, we… I thought it might be Tom.’
‘He still comes here?’ Alex says in a raised voice, causing Sameera to turn around.
‘No, no, leave it Alex,’ I mutter, embarrassed. I take the bag off him, hoping he’ll go, but he makes no attempt to leave.
‘Is that your desk?’ he says, moving past me and over to where I was sitting when he walked in.
‘Yes… yes, that’s my desk.’ I give an apologetic shrug to Sameera and Harry, who smile and get on with their work. ‘So, now you’ve seen where it all happens,’ I add, desperately hoping he’ll get the hidden farewell wrapped up in awkward smiles. ‘Thanks for lunch.’
But instead of leaving, he moves the papers on my desk, piles them up neatly, and sits on the desktop. ‘I see you’re as untidy here as you are at home,’ he says, playing to his audience of two.
I laugh, mirthlessly, and address the others. ‘He’s being very unfair, I’m very organised, aren’t I, guys?’
Harry rolls his eyes. ‘There’s stuff under that paperwork that’s been there for several years,’ he says. ‘In fact she lost a Twix a couple of weeks ago, and I’m convinced it’s under that pile of envelopes.’
Alex smiles politely, and I feel obliged to introduce him. ‘Oh, er, Harry, this is Alex…’ I say awkwardly.
Good old Harry steps into the breach, getting up from his desk, wandering over, shaking Alex’s hand. Why can’t everyone be as uncomplicated as Harry? I’m so grateful to him for easing the tension.
‘Nice to meet you, mate,’ Harry says, and pats him on the back, while Alex just stands there stiffly shaking his hand.
Meanwhile, Sameera’s in mid-stress about a client who’s run away from home this morning, not to mention a problem with her bridesmaids’ dresses. They’re ‘too purple’ and not the faded vintage lavender she’d imagined when she ordered them online. But she manages a smile and a little wave from her desk when I introduce her, then goes straight back to full on teenage runaway/too-purple stress.
Harry lightens the mood, and gesturing towards the paper bag Alex is holding says: ‘You’re letting the side down mate, if my girlfriend finds out you’re bringing lunch for Hannah, she’ll expect me to do the same for her.’
‘Perhaps you should?’ Alex says, unsmiling. A moment passes and no one speaks, it feels like forever until he adds, ‘you’re always bringing stuff in for Hannah. Maybe you should do the same for your girlfriend.’ He delivers this last comment with a warm smile, and I don’t think he means it in the way it comes out, but if you didn’t know him it would seem like he’s warning Harry off. I can feel my face going red, and Harry looks a little taken aback.
I roll my eyes and try to make it into a joke. ‘Alex, Gemma’s the one who makes the lovely food, it wouldn’t make sense for Harry to take her anything. Coals to Newcastle,’ I add rather desperately.
‘Well, you’re a better man than me, Alex,’ Harry adds, walking back to his desk. ‘Not sure I’d spend my lunch hour playing waitress.’
Both men are smiling, so I’m going to hope Harry didn’t take Alex’s comment the wrong way and retaliate.
‘Oh – it isn’t my lunch hour,’ Alex says, replying to Harry, ‘I’ve taken the day off.’
‘Ah, I wondered why you weren’t dressed in your suit,’ I say. ‘I didn’t know you had today off.’ I’m surprised, he never mentioned it this morning.
‘Yes you did, I told you.’
‘I don’t remember.’ I smile, enquiringly.
‘Oh really?’ It hangs in the air as I remember it’s the anniversary of the day his marriage ended. But he never said he was taking the day off to commemorate it.
I’m not sure what to say, and there’s a really awkward silence. Harry and Sameera suddenly find something important to do and become engrossed in their computer screens. Our desks are all quite close, so they can still hear us, and I know if it were one of them, I wouldn’t be able to resist listening, however awkward it was. So now I feel really exposed and just want to get on with my work, but to suggest directly that Alex leaves now would embarrass him. He doesn’t seem to realise how difficult this is for me.
‘So this is where you come to every day when you leave me?’ he says, looking around at the shabby desks, the yellowing walls, the chipped mugs.
‘Mmm, it’s not exactly Google HQ.’ I sigh, opening up the paper carrier bag that Alex brought. ‘Thanks for lunch,’ I say, again. I’m genuinely touched by his gesture, but the circumstances are clouding it.
Sameera’s now on the phone, Harry’s typing, and Jas is in her office seemingly knee-deep in paperwork, but I can’t help but notice she keeps looking up. No doubt checking to see if Alex is still here.
‘Do you have plans for the rest of today?’ I ask him, rather pointedly, the implication being that I do – as he well knows.
‘No, I’m just going to do some thinking.’ He smiles, seemingly oblivious to my discomfort. ‘So, shall we eat?’ he asks, opening up the bag.
We?
I’m about to protest, to say again how busy I am and he really will have to leave me to work, but before I can even get the words out, he says, ‘I thought we might have a picnic at your desk?’
It’s a tiny office, we don’t entertain our friends here, we don’t even let them in, let alone have a picnic at our desks while everyone else works, but be
fore I can say anything, he continues. ‘Sorry about earlier. I’m just glad we’re okay again,’ he says, and leans in to kiss me on the lips.
I am so self-conscious, everyone can see us, and I feel like a teenager – not in a good way. If only I’d just accepted his invitation to lunch earlier on the phone, it would have been easier to slip out and spend twenty minutes in a café on the high street than this. And as I stand like an uncomfortable armed guard by my desk, he’s now reaching into the carrier bag and taking everything out. One. Item. At. A. Time. First a punnet of plums, then bagels, cream cheese and a pack of thinly sliced smoked salmon. He’s even brought a plastic chequered tablecloth that he’s now laying on my desk. Over Chloe Thomson’s file.
I feel hot, my face must be scarlet. I can see Jas watching this display from behind the glass of her office with barely concealed horror. What if the regional boss walked in now? She’s been known to make surprise visits, especially on a Friday afternoon when she has more chance of catching us on the hop. Today she’d get quite a shock to see one of her senior social workers enjoying a ‘romantic’ lunch atop a chequered tablecloth with her lover. And the thing is, I’m not enjoying any of this.
‘Look, Alex, this is… really lovely,’ I say quietly, not wanting to embarrass him in front of the others. ‘But it isn’t allowed.’
He stops what he’s doing with the tablecloth and looks up. ‘What isn’t?’
‘This…’ I gesture towards the desk, helplessly.
‘What, lunch? You’re telling me lunch isn’t allowed?’ he says with incredulity, as if he can’t even begin to comprehend what I just said. Then he reaches back into the bag and pulls out a bottle of something fizzy. He twists the cork and loudly pops open the bottle. I am dying.
I see a glance pass between Sameera and Harry. I look at Alex over my pile of paperwork, my flashing phone and a thick layer of stress and embarrassment.
‘We can’t have alcohol!’ I hiss, horrified at the spectacle of him now pouring what looks like bloody champagne into plastic flutes.
‘I’m not an idiot,’ he says, pleased with himself, ‘it’s non-alcoholic.’
I nod without smiling.
‘I bought the smoked salmon you like.’ He’s smiling, proud of his selection, spreading the goods out before me, desperate to please. And suddenly I feel such emotion, I want to hug him, he’s doing all this for me. If he’d taken a picnic to Helen’s office, maybe she’d have welcomed him with open arms. I shouldn’t take him for granted and behave like a spoiled bitch and keep rejecting him. This guy cares about me enough to bring me lunch, no one’s ever done that for me before, no one’s ever cared enough about whether I’ve eaten or not. Even my mother. And yes, it’s slightly inappropriate, and to everyone else it might even be a bit weird, but how can I deny this man? I know it’s a thoughtful gesture. And I do have to eat.
I reach out and touch his hand, then start to eat the food he brought to share with me. I try to ignore the looks passing between Sameera and Harry. I particularly ignore Jas’s obvious glances through the glass. She knows my workload today and like me is probably wondering how the hell I’m going to finish it on time to go out tonight. But I’m entitled to a lunch break, and Alex can be trusted in our office of secrets – he’s not a criminal, he’s a bloody lawyer, for God’s sake.
After we’ve eaten, he carefully tidies away the wrappings into the carrier bag. I hate to say it, but I’m glad it’s over because I’ve felt under scrutiny by the others the whole time. I don’t blame them, it’s been quite the spectacle I’m sure. But now I watch him wiping crumbs from my desk and feel mean, for not appreciating him more. He’s only done this for me, to make me feel special, loved, and it’s all I ever wanted, so why can’t I be grateful for that and stop worrying how it looks to everyone else? He catches me watching him and he smiles, a kind and genuine smile, and I remind myself that despite the recent revelations about Helen, he isn’t a bad person. He doesn’t tell lies exactly – he just doesn’t always tell me what he thinks might hurt me. I should be flattered that such a lovely guy would be bothered to do all this for me, and I’m sure that behind their smirks, and glances, both Sameera and Jas would love partners who did such thoughtful things.
Alex is standing by my desk now, and I stand up to walk him out, but before I can move, he puts an arm around my waist.
‘Alex,’ I murmur, ‘if Jas sees she’ll be really pissed off.’
‘Why?’ he whispers in my ear. ‘You’re my girlfriend.’ His eyes are twinkling, he’s amused by this, and he brings me in for a kiss. A long, lingering kiss on the lips, which I have to reciprocate.
‘You’re pushing it,’ I whisper under my breath, smiling.
‘She’s not my boss,’ Alex says as he holds me by the waist with one hand, and waves to her through the glass with the other.
In response, she lifts her hand in a half-hearted wave, and I give her an awkward smile while walking him out.
‘I can feel the resentment emanating from her office,’ he’s saying as we walk to the door. ‘She’s so jealous – like she can’t accept that she’s not number one in your life any more.’
‘She’s not jealous…’ I murmur.
‘Believe me, she is – that woman is obsessed with you,’ he hisses.
I turn around and glance back to her office, to see Jas watching me through the glass.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
After I’ve said goodbye to Alex, I go back into the office to find Harry and Sameera deep in discussion. Tellingly, they go quiet as I sit at my desk.
‘He seems nice,’ Sameera eventually pipes up. Someone has to say something, it’s the elephant in the room.
‘Yeah, he’s lovely,’ I say. ‘I hope him being here wasn’t too distracting,’ I add. She shakes her head. But clearly it was.
‘Oh my God, what the hell was that?’ Jas’s voice booms from her glass cage, as she wanders out into the main office. ‘Has your butler gone now?’
The others laugh, and I smile but prickle slightly; they’re laughing at Alex.
Jas gestures towards the door with her thumb. ‘Bloody hell, what’s he like? Turning up like the royal butler with his picnic hamper for Princess Hannah.’ She laughs again, and the other two giggle.
‘Yeah sorry, I didn’t know he was bringing lunch,’ I say, still not joining in on the hilarity.
‘Lunch? It was a bloody banquet – and did you see him sniffing the loaf?’ She picks up my stapler and puts it to her nose while the others crease up laughing.
I don’t laugh. For the first time ever in this little group of people I spend most of my life with, I feel like I don’t belong.
Later, when I’m alone making a coffee in the kitchen, Jas comes in. ‘You okay? You seemed a bit pissed off before.’
I nod. ‘Yeah I’m fine. I know you probably think Alex is a bit much… and he is. But it’s just that he wants to do stuff for me, and he’s only being kind, but the way you were making fun of him – I felt attacked.’
‘Well, perhaps next time just meet him somewhere else for lunch and you won’t feel that way – okay?’
I know she doesn’t like people in the office, for good and professional reasons, but the mean way she delivers this, no smile, just a glint of something in her eyes, makes me wonder – is Alex right, is she jealous?
I don’t even get a chance to respond, as Sameera pops her head round the door to ask Jas’s advice about a client, and she leaves the kitchen.
I feel stung, and Jas has never made me feel like that before, even when she’s had to say something difficult to me regarding work. I can’t understand why she’d be so against Alex, and against my relationship, and it makes me sad because I should be able to share with my best friend the fun of being in love.
And it is love, not just infatuation or lust, and it’s clear Alex feels the same. Even when things haven’t been straightforward, I feel like he’s magically restored my faith in men and love. I had begun to think there
was no one for me, that all men were out for themselves, afraid of the commitment they were unable to give. In fact, I’d been starting to speak from the same script as Jas, which I now realise is negative and pointless. I’m realising a lot of things about Jas – there’s no rational reason why she should have taken against Alex like she has. She hadn’t even met him and she was telling me to ‘be careful’ and putting her spin on everything I told her about him. It makes me wonder if Alex wasn’t too far from the mark when he said she was obsessed.
I’m hard at it all afternoon, but when the others start moving from their desks at 5.30 to go to the wine bar, I still have another hour’s work to do, so promise to join them later. To be honest, I’m glad to finally be alone; it’s seemed like they’ve been judging me recently, and today was the worst. I feel myself flush when I think about the way Jas made fun of Alex bringing the picnic – and the other two laughing along.
When I arrive at the wine bar, they greet me like a long-lost friend. I feel welcomed, warm and forget the earlier sense of exclusion. I feel lucky to have them in my life. After a few drinks and the meal, Jas too seems a little softer and we sit together in a little huddle.
‘Sorry about before, babe,’ she says, touching my arm.
‘Oh, it’s okay,’ I say. ‘I just felt a bit hurt and—’
‘Yeah, yeah, I was a bit sharp, but you know I love you, don’t you?’
‘I do.’ I smile. ‘I can see why you were pissed off, but I didn’t ask him to come to the office, he just turned up.’
‘I know, I just feel like he’s a bit fake… He was looking at me like he’d won some victory over me, do you know what I mean?’
