Jenna propped a hip against the side of the house. “Are you hungover?”
Jake scratched his fingers through the hair on his chin. “I wish. Hell, I’d be drunk right now except I couldn’t find any liquor in Kellan’s place. The man’s a fucking saint.” He squeezed his hands together, hunching into his elbows, eyes on the ground.
Matt and Jenna shared a look of concern. Not counting the fact that he’d walked in on the guy banging his sister, Matt liked Jake. He’d driven through the night to make his brother’s wedding, pulled off a great speech along with the rest of the best-man duties, and kept his personal troubles under wraps so as not to darken Kellan’s big day.
He eased onto the top porch step and mimicked Jake’s posture. “What happened?”
“My partner died. His sister called this morning. He didn’t make it.” Sniffing, he wiped the back of his hand across his face and shook his head.
Oh, man. That was brutal. Jenna made a sound of pain and frustration. Her arm fell around Jake’s shoulders in a hug that he didn’t return.
“His last word was calling my name. Back in the alley. I turned around and he was on the ground, eyes rolled back, the freakiest expression on his face. And now he’s gone.”
“I’m so sorry,” Jenna said.
Jake indulged in more head shaking. “His family’s taking him to Cheyenne to be buried. I got a message from my department that the squad’s holding a service too, but I already told his sister I’d be at the memorial in Cheyenne. To represent, you know? I don’t know if I have it in me to do both.”
Matt and Jenna nodded in tandem because that was what Jake seemed to need, even though Matt couldn’t possibly relate to what he was going through, having never lost anyone close to him. The only grief he felt was for a dream of fatherhood, as if a dead dream could possibly compare to the loss of a life.
Tommy and Max came running up, the dog far older and grizzled than Matt recalled. Nevertheless, it matched Tommy’s stride, woofing and hopping with glee, too excited to keep all paws on the ground.
Jenna met them before they’d reached the porch and knelt, petting Max and accepting sloppy dog kisses on her chin.
“How’d you end up at Kellan’s ranch?” Matt asked.
“With Kellan on his honeymoon, this seemed like as good a place as any to crash while my car gets fixed for the trip to Cheyenne. Tara gave me a lift on her way out of town. I figured I’d get one of Kellan’s workers to let me in, but the door lock was easy enough to jimmy. You country people are the worst when it comes to home security, by the way.”
So he and Tara had spent the night together, which Matt could’ve lived without knowing, but oh well. “Don’t I know it. If your car’s not ready by next week, then I’m sure Kellan wouldn’t mind if you took his truck.”
“Yeah, I figured that, too. What are you and Jenna doing here?”
“Jenna was going to house-sit for Kellan to take care of his dog, but it looks like now she doesn’t need to.”
Jake cursed under his breath and hung his head lower. “I don’t want to interfere with your plans, Jenna.”
Jenna took a break from petting Max to give a wave of her hand. “I don’t mind. In fact, it’d really help me out if you could keep an eye on Max this week. I’ve got a lot going on and work is always easier to do at home.”
“What?” Tommy threw his hands up and drilled Jenna with a look of pure, childish outrage. “I want to stay at Uncle Kellan’s house. That’s not fair.” He stomped his foot. “You’re so mean.”
Jenna braked so hard her boots turned up the earth below them. “Excuse me?”
If Matt were Tommy’s dad, he’d have grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt and hauled him behind the barn for a private talking-to about respecting his mom. But all he was at liberty to do was watch along with Jake.
He wished he could’ve seen the look on Jenna’s face that accompanied her next words. “You’ve got about two seconds to apologize before life as you know it gets a whole lot harder.”
The stubborn kid narrowed his eyes at her and stomped his foot again.
“He’s dead meat,” Jake whispered.
Matt nodded, expecting Jenna to make a move toward Tommy, but she folded her arms over her chest and shifted her weight to one hip. “What gets taken away first?”
Just like that, Tommy’s posture deflated. “My Transformers.”
“That’s right. And what’s next?”
Tommy’s eyes morphed from dragon to puppy dog. “Not dessert. Please don’t take away my dessert.”
An index finger speared toward the house. “Then you’d better apologize to Uncle Jake and Matt for your outburst, then get your butt in the car. Uncle Jake’s going to stay at Uncle Kellan’s house for a few days. It’s a grown-up decision, so you’re going to have to live with it.”
“I wish I was a grown-up.”
“Someday, sweetie. Now do as I said and apologize.”
Tommy trudged to the porch stairs and mumbled the most insincere apology Matt had ever heard. In his periphery, he saw Jake’s body shaking and looked up to see him in the throes of silent laughter that looked suspiciously like crying except for the pained smile on his lips. He swiped at his watering eyes.
Matt held his hand out, palm up, to Tommy. “Give me five, buddy. Sorry it’s not going to work out like you want, but you can’t sass your mom.”
Tommy slapped Matt’s hand, his hangdog expression lengthening. “I know. Now my Transformers are going in a time-out. At least I still get dessert. Bye, Uncle Jake. Max likes to sleep in the kitchen so don’t forget to leave a light on for him.” He shuffled to the car, his head hung so low that he couldn’t see where he was going and bumped into the car door.
Jake snorted in amusement at Tommy’s blunder, then stood and wiped his eyes. “Jenna, I don’t want to disappoint Tommy. I can get a hotel room.”
Shaking her head at his request, she bridged the distance to the porch. “Giving in after a tantrum like that wouldn’t do him or me any favors. Besides, I was serious about this helping me out. I’ve got a lot on my plate this week.” She threw her arms around Jake. He didn’t exactly hug her back, but he didn’t balk either. “We’re family now, Jake. Don’t forget that. Whatever you need, you let me know, okay?”
“Thanks.” His voice was gruff with emotion. Rubbing his head, he turned away, climbing the stairs with heavy footfalls like he needed a moment to regroup.
“Are you following me out?” she asked Matt.
He shook his head. “Thought I’d stick around, unload the groceries, that kind of thing.” Jake might not consider himself a people person, but there were times in every man’s life when being alone wasn’t the wisest choice. Fully aware that Tommy was watching from the car, he made do with pecking Jenna’s cheek. “I’ll stop by your place tonight before I head to Santa Fe.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
Matt waved the pair away, grabbed the groceries from his car, and set them near the front door, then joined Jake where he’d resettled on a wicker porch chair.
They sat in silence, staring out at the expanse of land that stretched as far as the eye could see in every direction, dotted with buildings that were part of Kellan’s beef business—a double wide trailer that looked like office space, a large building Matt thought might be the slaughterhouse, and a smattering of worker bunkhouses and storage sheds. Other than that, all he could see was high desert prairie, a maze offences, busy workers, and grazing cattle.
Sitting there, Matt’s mind inevitably wandered into the unsavory territory of his conversation with Jenna that morning. He’d laid everything on the line for her—his heart, his secret, his future—and put the ball in her court. What would she choose once she had the time to mull over everything they’d discussed?
Thinking about kids and the future was a lot to ask of a woman before they’d really spent much time together romantically, but he had to know where Jenna stood before he fell even more deeply
in love with her. More than anything, he didn’t want her to feel like she was settling by being with him. He didn’t want to be with someone who felt like she was sacrificing her dreams if she chose to be his wife. That wouldn’t be fair to either of them.
“No offense, man,” Jake said, cutting into his ever-darkening thoughts, “but I’m not really up for company.”
Matt nodded. He wasn’t the best company right now either, it turned out. “Didn’t figure so. But I have a proposition.”
Jake scowled. “Shoot.”
Matt propped a boot up on the porch rail. “That’s exactly what I was thinking. Are you in the mood for some hunting?”
“Now?”
“Yeah, now. Why not? It’s hot as hell, but I don’t mind. Do you?”
Jake tipped back in his chair. “Heat doesn’t bother me. What do you want to hunt?”
Matt shrugged. “The rabbits will be out around sundown to feed, so will the coyotes. As long as we stay on Kellan’s land, we can pretty much shoot whatever we want. I figure we can ride out and see what we find.”
“Ride?”
Here’s where he might lose Jake’s buy-in, but Matt didn’t feel like walking and trucks were too noisy. “On horses.”
Jake snorted and dropped the chair back onto all four legs. “Horses aren’t my gig.”
“You’ll like it, I swear. I’ll set you up with a good, even-tempered horse. Kellan’s got lots of horses to choose from.”
“What if I hate it?”
Matt smiled. “Then I guess you won’t have to eat barbecued rabbit for dinner.”
“Say I do go along with this crazy-ass plan. I have my department-issued piece”—he flipped the hem of his shirt up to reveal a black pistol in a black nylon belt clip—“but that doesn’t cut it for hunting game and it doesn’t help you out any. Where are you going to get rifles or shotguns on such short notice?”
Matt lowered his boot and leveled an Are you kidding me? look at him. Only a city slicker would ask a question like that. “You haven’t spent much time in the country, have you?”
Chapter Eleven
Jenna passed the rest of the day in two places at once. Half her mind remained in the present with Tommy while the other half was stuck on the conversation she’d had with Matt that morning. She’d been serious when she’d told him that she knew better than to pine for what she didn’t have at the sacrifice of the blessings she already had in her life, but she’d always assumed she’d have more kids.
Not that Matt had intimated that they wouldn’t have kids. Quite the opposite, actually. It was just that they couldn’t conceive them biologically, and so the issue weighing heaviest on her mind was about adoption, which she’d never given much thought to. Adoption was a scary idea filled with problems and concerns that were borne mostly out of her ignorance on the subject, but they were concerns nonetheless. There was something satisfying about the idea of adoption, though. Giving a loving home to children who needed it was a worthwhile argument to consider.
It wasn’t like pregnancy had been the most glorious feeling ever. With Tommy, she’d been sick and bloated for months, feeling like a whale, even after she gave birth. It’d taken her nearly six months to lose the baby weight and feel normal again. She would miss nursing, one part of her body’s transformation she’d loved. And she’d really miss feeling a baby kick and move inside her.
Though she diligently considered the many facets of the issue throughout the evening, her mind kept looping back to how screwed up it was that she and Matt had spent only one night together, yet she was already having to think about what she wanted in a forever sense. It was too much, too fast. But wasn’t this what she wanted? Matt, however he came. She’d told him he could take it to the bank that he could trust her with his secrets and she took that promise very seriously.
Matt had texted her that afternoon that he and Jake had decided to go on an evening hunt on Kellan’s land, so he’d be later to her house than he’d expected and would call when he was on his way. Killing cute, innocent animals as a way of dealing with grief was the most screwed-up thing Jenna had ever heard, but she wrote it off as guy logic, which would be a waste of energy trying to understand.
At seven thirty, she tucked her curious little guy into his bed with lots of kisses, hugs, and promises to answer the rest of his questions about the wedding and Jake in the morning over breakfast. She closed his door, then gathered dirty laundry and toys in her arms as she walked to the living room. Cringing at the disaster her cottage had become while she’d given all her focus over to the wedding, she managed a quick tidying of the areas in the living room that were in view of the webcam in preparation for her virtual study group, which started at eight.
She reawakened her computer and found her notes from last week’s lecture on microcontroller architecture in her desk drawer. Midterms were next week, which seemed impossible given that the two summer-school classes had only started a month ago, but these accelerated summer courses were fast and intense.
Those were two words she could use to describe her and Matt’s relationship, now that they’d decided to make a go of it. Situations like this were probably how the adage Be careful what you wish for got started.
Then again, Jenna had a terrible habit of overcomplicat-ing issues. Maybe the situation with Matt was simpler than she was making it. Maybe her choice to give up the dream of having more children of her own came down to the fact that she couldn’t imagine standing in front of Matt and telling him that he wasn’t enough. Not because she pitied him, but because she cared about him so darn much. Besides that, she didn’t like what it would say about her if she’d willingly give up the love of a great man who’d be a great father to Tommy because bringing one healthy, beautiful baby into the world had left her wanting more. How greedy would that be?
It wasn’t like the world was teeming with men she was perfectly compatible with, who would also love her son, support her career, and had solid careers of their own—and who loved to dance. Yeah, Matt was one in a million. One in a billion, more like it. She’d be a fool to let him go.
She pulled up the video chat forum on her computer with ten minutes to spare and spread her notes and index cards on the table. How was she supposed to focus on studying with so much else happening in her life?
Headlights shone in the driveway at the same time she heard the rumble of a car engine. Her heart flip-flopped. Matt. He’d forgotten to call first, but no big deal. At least he’d come after Tommy was in bed so they could give each other a proper parting kiss . . . or perhaps a quickie to tide them over for the week. If she was a couple minutes late to study group, then no big deal.
She lighted to the door. Out of habit, she peeked through the blinds of the window. The vehicle was a hulking black truck she didn’t recognize, and that put her instantly on alert. Who would dare come around without calling first after dark on a Sunday evening?
She looked again. It was tough to see beyond the glare of the headlights, but sitting in the driver’s seat she could just make out the silhouette of a man.
She double-checked that the front door was locked, then flipped the blinds closed and jogged to the bookshelves on the far side of the room. Standing on her computer desk chair, she grabbed the shotgun from the top shelf, behind the row of books. She could call Rachel and Vaughn for backup once her gun was loaded, cocked, and ready for action.
Her heart pounding like crazy, she jumped down and darted to the kitchen for the shells that were in a locked box on the shelf above the refrigerator, cursing herself for childproofing her emergency defense system so completely that it wasn’t much good for defending her and Tommy unless the emergency was happening in slow motion.
A knock sounded on the front door. A light, friendly knock—two raps with a knuckle, like a neighbor might do. But she wasn’t taking any chances. Shaky with adrenaline, she fumbled with the combination lock on the box of shells and had to start over twice.
Finally, the lock gave wa
y. She grabbed two shells and loaded one after another into the shotgun, then cocked it. The knock came again, louder and less polite this time.
She didn’t have a peephole. So few people came to Jenna’s house, it’d never been an issue. Looking out the window adjacent to the door was good enough. But she wasn’t about to look out the window and put herself face-to-face with the unexpected visitor. She stuffed her cell phone in her pocket, ready to call for help if need be, then pointed her gun at the door and crept closer.
“Who is it?” she called.
“Open up, Jenna.”
The man’s voice was unfamiliar. A brand-new fear crawled up her spine to hear her name from a stranger.
She stood on a chair to look through the blinds without opening them. When she saw who it was, the shotgun fell from her hands. A strangled gasp was all she was capable of as her soul, her very life, drained out of her. The shotgun landed on the ground with a deafening bang.
Flinching in shock at the unexpected sound, she stumbled, falling with flailing arms and legs from the chair. She landed hard on her back with the wind knocked clean out of her.
“Jesus Christ, did you just try to shoot me?” he hollered.
She lay on her back, staring at the ceiling and gasping for air, too terrified to move. Holy fuck. Holy, holy fuck.
The doorknob rattled; then the door burst open. “Oh, shit! Did you shoot yourself, Jenna?”
He dropped to his knees next to her, looking over her body with wide eyes and his hands out in front of him as if he was scanning for injuries through the air with his palms.
“You’re too pale. Can you talk? Were you shot? You better tell me or I’m going to start stripping your clothes off, looking for blood.”
He touched her shoulder and she nearly jumped out of her skin. Please let this be a hallucination, a nightmare, anything but real. His face was fuller than she remembered, with a hint of facial hair below the skin of his clean-shaven face. Laugh lines bookended his lips and he wore a military tattoo prominently on his arm.
How to Rope a Real Man Page 15
