“Something changed for you at the wedding.”
“Yes. It finally hit me how much I was missing out on because I was afraid to take a leap of faith. I wanted you in my life so badly, for so long, and yet I let fear keep me from telling you how I felt. It’s the same for me with this job change. You’ve given me the courage to pull the trigger and go for it. Not only because of how happy you’ve made me, but because you’re living your life boldly, going for the dream career you want and you’re not letting anything stop you. I want to be like you. I want to be as brave with my life as you are with yours.”
Her heart swelled with pride. “That’s the best compliment I’ve ever been given. I bet you have the clinic all planned out, too. I bet you even have an office picked out.”
He grinned. “I do. Actually, I’d narrowed it down to two locations. One in Santa Fe and one in Catcher Creek. You moving here makes the decision a no-brainer, even though the timing is ironic.”
“How so?”
“Because I have your and Tommy’s futures to think about now. I know you and I have a long way to go to being a family, but I feel like we’re headed that way. I want to be able to provide for you, but giving up a great job in this economy seems outrageous.”
She splayed her hands over his chest and snuggled closer. “Not to me.”
“It wouldn’t bother you if I got poor all of a sudden?”
She chortled. “You know it wouldn’t. Look at me—I’m giving up free housing on thousands of acres to move into a tiny apartment in the city. Who’s the crazy one now?”
“Going after your dream isn’t crazy.”
She pushed up on an elbow and tapped the end of his nose. “Are you hearing yourself? It’s time for Mr. Conservative to do a little dream following of his own.”
She rubbed over the hair below his belly button and felt his cock grow until the tip touched her hand. When it came to sex, they were both insatiable. She loved that aspect of their relationship.
“With you in my life, I feel like I can do anything.” He pinned her beneath him and kissed his way across her collar. “Tomorrow, would you and Tommy meet me for lunch downtown? I’ll show you the storefront I have my eye on for the legal clinic.”
“Sounds wonderful.”
He covered her breast with his hand, tugging on the nipple. “And then Wednesday, I’m going to take off work. I’ll watch Tommy so you can go to your computer lab. Would that be okay with you? I know your friend Carrie’s parents offered to watch him, but I think some guy time with him would be great.” He curled his head down and circled her nipple with his tongue.
Love for him crested inside her. “Guy time. He’ll love it.”
“Good.” He moved to her other nipple and drew it into his mouth. “We need to take my bubbies to Torah study in the morning, but there’s a playground at the synagogue we can hang out at. Then, I was thinking he and I could go horseback riding and have a picnic lunch, if that’s okay with you.”
“Whatever you want. I trust you implicitly with him. I am a bit jealous he gets to meet your bubbies before I do.”
“They’re a crack-up. After my grandpas died, they moved into a condo together. Neither one of them has a verbal filter worth a damn. My parents invited us to their house for dinner on Wednesday, so I’ll make sure the bubbies get an invite.”
“Sounds like a great plan. I can’t wait.” She wrapped a hand around his hardened cock, reveling in its thick, heavy length. “Sounds like we’ve got everything worked out except how we’re going to spend the rest of the evening.”
He stroked her hair as her favorite lazy, lopsided smile spread on his lips. “Actually, I’m crystal clear about my plans for you tonight.”
“Is that so?”
He captured her mouth in a sweet kiss, then rose to his feet and offered her his hand. “I think it’s time I introduced you to my bed.”
She let him pull her up to standing and into a tight embrace. She looked over his shoulder at the moonlit wilderness, thinking that there was no more perfect place in the world for her and Tommy than this peaceful, magical land, alongside the man who called it home. It was all in her grasp—this place, Matt’s love, her future career—and all she had to do was make it through one more quick trip to Catcher Creek before she could escape that town and the ghosts of her past once and for all.
On Wednesday, Matt sent Jenna off to school early. Her class didn’t start until one, but he figured she could use the extra time to study, so he and Tommy waved her away after breakfast.
Chauffeuring the bubbies was uneventful. They were delighted that Tommy laughed at all their jokes, and he was delighted when Bubbie Roenick produced a peppermint candy from her purse. There were a couple other kids at the temple’s playground and Matt moved off to the sidelines with the other kids’ dad, like it was the most natural thing in the world to stand there with other parents and watch their kids play. Matt was in heaven.
After packing a picnic back on the ranch, Matt and Tommy drove the mile road to the stables near his parents’ house to select the horses they’d take on their ride. Though Matt had woken up early from his excitement about their picnic, Tommy was decidedly more jazzed about visiting Mrs. Carrots and her kittens.
They were grooming Hershey and Toby when Matt’s mom popped her head in, waving a bag full of cookies. “Hi there. I brought you a fresh supply of snickerdoodles since I heard all about Tommy’s sweet tooth. Is it just you boys today?”
“Yes, Jenna had to go to Albuquerque.”
Tommy brushed Toby’s flank with erratic circles. “My mom’s going to school. She doesn’t think I know, but I figured it out.”
Mom grinned, amused. “You’re pretty smart like that.”
Puffing out his chest, Tommy shrugged. “Not really. She has books all over the living room and sometimes I open my door and lay in bed and listen to her talking about school with her friends. She doesn’t ever mention it, so I don’t think she wants me to know. Don’t get me in trouble, okay?”
“You don’t have to worry about that. Your secret’s safe with us,” Matt said.
The night before, Jenna had agreed with Matt that it was time to tell Tommy a modified version of the truth about her schooling. His little mind didn’t need to know all the details or that Jenna had been working toward her degree for four years. Someday, Matt would make sure Tommy understood how hard his mom had worked to give him a good life and follow her dreams, but for now, all he needed to know was that she was going to school and when she finished next month, they were having a big celebration.
He could tell that, for Jenna, the idea of telling Tommy even that much was scary for her. She’d kept the secret for so long, it was hard to get out of that mentality, he supposed. She’d committed to talking to Tommy about it on Thursday, since Wednesday was busy from morning until Tommy’s bedtime.
“School?” Mom asked.
“We can talk about it later.” Behind Tommy’s head, he gestured to his ears, then pointed to Tommy, hoping to convey that there was more to the story that Little Big Ears didn’t need to know.
Mom nodded her understanding. “She’ll be back in time for us all to have dinner together tonight, I hope? I’m making my famous bleu cheese burgers.”
Score. “Yeah, she should be back before six. I love those burgers. Good call.”
“It was your father’s idea. So what are you two gentlemen up to today?”
“We’re taking Hershey and Toby on a ride through Aldra Valley to my super secret picnic spot.”
“Sounds like a great way to spend the afternoon. Don’t forget sunscreen.”
“We didn’t,” Tommy chimed in. “But I wish Mrs. Carrots and her babies could come with us.”
“It’s not safe out in the big, wide world for her little ones yet. There are a lot of scary predators out there for tiny, defenseless kittens.”
“That’s what a mommy cat is for. She’s their defense shield,” Tommy said in a matter-of-fact tone. “
If they had a daddy cat, they’d be even safer.”
Mom’s expression lengthened. “Matt, could I speak to you in private for a minute?” When she got that tone, every one of her kids, grandkids, and employees knew a lecture was coming. Matt was so sick and tired of being given a talking-to like he was still a kid. His mom’s eternal baby boy, without a family of his own. The accident hadn’t helped him escape that image, either, setting back any strides toward independence he’d made in college. He’d had to regress by necessity, counting on his parents for help bathing and feeding himself. He hadn’t been able to drive for months. After that, the dark place that the news of his infertility had catapulted him into only made the situation worse.
He followed Mom out of the stable and around the corner. “Mom, please don’t spoil my good day.”
“That’s not fair. What makes you think I was going to do that?”
Matt sucked his cheeks in and counted to ten silently. “Sorry. What’s up?”
“I know you’re happy to have Jenna and her son here—your father and I like them a lot—but don’t you think this is too fast? You’re basing your decision on your legal clinic location on your girlfriend of the moment.”
Matt ground his molars together, shaking his head. Wow. Girlfriend of the moment. How could Mom think that? He’d phoned his parents that morning to share the good news that he’d put in an offer on the storefront in downtown Santa Fe the day before, and here she was throwing the news back in his face. “You said you weren’t going to spoil my day.”
She pressed her lips into a thin line. “Your father and I worry about you. You can’t fault us for that.”
“I know. And I love you for it, but it’s gotten to the point where I feel like I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t in your eyes. Jenna’s not my girlfriend of the moment, so please don’t talk about her like that. And if I want to make a choice to build a business in the city I was born and raised in, I don’t think you need to criticize that, despite the assumptions you’re making about my motivation.”
She wrung her hands together. “Matty, you’ve gone through so much and been hurt so many times. Watching you . . .” She shook her head. “It’s hard, son. That’s all. It’s hard to watch and be powerless to help your baby with what he’s going through.”
He bet it was. It still didn’t give her and Dad the right to hand over judgment of him all the damn time. Despite the lawyer part of him pushing him to keep battling until he won the argument, he knew deep down that there was no sense driving himself crazy trying to persuade his parents to change their mind-set.
Only time would prove to them that he could manage his own life just fine. Eventually, they’d figure out that his relationship with Jenna wasn’t a passing fancy and nothing he could say would speed up their acceptance of that.
The shitty thing was a part of him still agreed with his mom. He was rushing into things with Jenna. And, yes, he did have a history of being hurt—badly. After all the heartache he’d been through, he couldn’t escape the nagging fear that all he and Jenna had done was build a house of cards. Because the truth was that he hadn’t been bold enough to tuck Tommy into bed either Monday or Tuesday. When it came right down to it, he didn’t need his parents introducing any more insecurity into his mind—he was doing a bang-up job of that all on his own.
“I know, Mom. It’s okay. Thank you for caring about me so much. I love you. Tommy and I need to get on our picnic. We’ll be at your house at six tonight for dinner.”
The trail was wide enough that Matt and Tommy were able to ride side-by-side as they descended into the valley. The sun was shining bright and hot, a smattering of white clouds dotted the sky, and Tommy was in a fantastic, chatty mood. Still, Matt stewed. He couldn’t stop thinking about his conversation with his mom, considering that maybe she had a valid point about him rushing into things with Jenna and Tommy too fast.
“Was that your mommy?” Tommy asked.
“Sure was. And you met my dad the day you got here. He was the old guy with the big ears and black cowboy hat. Remember?”
“He was nice. I’m like one of Mrs. Carrots’s kittens,” Tommy announced.
“How do you figure?”
“They don’t have a dad either.”
Matt’s mouth went dry. Keep it cool, man. “How do you feel about that?”
Tommy fiddled with the rein, looping it around his middle finger. “Daisy’s dad takes her camping. They make s’mores.”
Fair enough. It wasn’t like he’d expected a heartfelt speech from the little guy about the lack of a father figure in his life. “Have you ever been camping?”
“No. My mommy says we’ll go someday, but she doesn’t know when. She’s really busy.”
I would take you. I’d take you all the time, as much as you wanted. We would roast s’mores and fish and shoot targets with BB guns and tramp all over the countryside. “You’re right.” He cleared his throat. “She’s really busy, and that’s why you and I have such important jobs.”
Tommy looked his way, squinting at the glare of the sun. “What jobs?”
“Keeping her happy. That’s what a man’s job is, you know. Keep the women in his life happy.”
Tommy screwed his mouth up, thinking, then his whole face crinkled in a cringe. “Does that mean I have to eat broccoli now?”
Matt chuckled. How could he not? The kid was adorable. If he’d been Matt’s kid, he would’ve gathered him into a bear hug and made some sort of secret rewards deal for eating his veggies without complaint.
Panic struck his heart like lightning. His parents were right. He was rushing things with Jenna and if things went south now, it would be the worst heartbreak of his life to lose her and Tommy. He wanted to be Tommy’s dad so badly it stole his breath clean out of his lungs. He and Jenna were so very new and new meant fragile. Shit. What had he done? He felt like a man on a high-wire with no safety net below him.
Heart pounding, he kept his fingers laced tight over the horn of his saddle and broadened his smile. “Aw, now, how can you think like that? Broccoli’s delicious. I bet your mom makes it real good.”
Tommy sighed and melted over his saddle, exasperated as only a kid could be. “Okay, fine. I’ll eat broccoli, but no asparagus. Bleh.” They rode in silence while Matt talked himself down from the panic attack.
After a few minutes, Tommy added, “You could be my dad, you know. If you wanted.”
Matt’s chest tightened painfully again. Yeah, he wanted.
Above them, the clouds stretched and morphed. The long grass rustled in the wind and the trees grew denser as they descended into the valley. He had to choose his response carefully. For all he knew, he was the first man Tommy had ever voiced that invitation to. Not something a man could take lightly. It’s not up to me would make Jenna the bad guy if things didn’t work out. We’ll see was glib and didn’t address that tagged-on qualifier Tommy had added. That would be great might inflate his expectations.
He wiped sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand and released a slow exhale. He refused to let fear rule his life any longer. He refused to be cynical like that Lynch guy at the wedding even if it meant sticking his neck out with nothing but a prayer to guard against it getting cut off.
“Thank you,” he said. “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a better offer than that. You are one special kid, that’s for sure. The tricky part is that your mom and I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future; there are a lot of grown-up choices we have to make that aren’t easy. But I’ll make you a promise. When I figure out what’s going to happen, I’ll tell you right away, okay?”
He held still and silent, awaiting Tommy’s reaction.
Tommy scratched his cheek. “What about s’mores?”
Matt’s breath came out in a huff of anxious laughter. “You sure are single-minded about sweets, buddy.”
“I know,” Tommy replied heavily, like that was his burden to bear.
“I’ll see what I c
an do about the s’mores situation. Maybe tonight we can rustle up some supplies after dinner, if it’s okay with your mom.” After a second’s hesitation to let the panic pass through him, he threw his arm around Tommy and gave him a giant, one-arm hug and a kiss on the hair. “Have you ever sung ‘The Cowboy Lullaby’?”
“Aren’t lullabies for babies when they’re going to bed?”
“You’re right about lullabies being sung before bed. But my nieces and nephews are older than babies and they still love me to sing them ‘The Cowboy Lullaby’ when they stay the night at my house. I figured you and I could practice right now so you’ll be prepared tonight. We can sing it to your mom when we tuck you in tonight.”
“Does it have a horse in it?”
“And boots and spurs, too. It’s a real cowboy song from back in my great-great-grandfather’s pioneer days. It starts out like this.” He took another fortifying breath, smiled at the little boy who was hanging on his every word, and started to sing. “When the prairie moon shines in the prairie sky, that’s when cowboys sing a lullaby . . .”
Chapter Seventeen
The best, most logical way to stay on the pulse of Catcher Creek gossip was not by grabbing a beer at Smithy’s Bar, as many of the men in town claimed. They could have their delusions about saving the world one brew and bowl of pretzels at a time, but football scores and steer prices didn’t delve into the heart of the town or the people in it. If one wanted to be privy to the private matters that happened behind the closed front doors of the homes and ranches scattered over the Quay County countryside, then you had to devote the fourth Thursday of every month to Bunco.
At its heart, Bunco was a big ol’ excuse for ladies to get together and dish on friends, family, and neighbors wrapped in the guise of a dice game with rotating tables of players. Jenna was the youngest player by several years, but she’d signed up with the Bunco powers-that-be the week after her twenty-first birthday and had been one of the town’s most devoted participants ever since. She enjoyed the occasional win and getting out of the house away from her schoolwork. And she loved the gossip.
How to Rope a Real Man Page 22
