by Jeff Hale
“You two, get him to his room so he can get some much needed rest,” Merlin said as he motioned to Alex and Kat. As they walked over, Merlin looked back to me. “You keep doing what you are doing, but beware your emotions. Don’t let anything get you too worked up, doing so will invite… greater darkness within yourself. I fear if that darkness gets out of hand that other evils may find you an open vessel. I know you have felt your own darkness rising within from time to time, do not let that control you.”
“What is it? Why have I…?” I began to ask before he motioned with a hand for me to stop.
“Now is not the time. Let’s just say that I have placed something within your soul for safekeeping. I did so knowing that I can believe in your strength of resolve to hold it in check. That is all you need to know,” he said in a reassuring tone.
“Malachai. Why didn’t you tell me there were more?” I asked.
“I inferred it. Did I not tell you that there would be those that would challenge you and be your equal soon, and that is why I wanted you to concentrate on your combat arts rather than the Aetheric arts?” he reminded me dryly.
“I guess so. I just thought you meant challenges like demons. Not other Sentinels. Why would he work for Baba Yaga? If he is who he says he is, where’s his mother?” I asked.
“Questions that you will find answers to on your own, young one. You have much to learn, and before you ask, yes, Excalibur is the key to a lot of the riddles that you ponder over. But it is not yet time for you to find it. You are not ready. Your friend will arrive and you will train with her to round out your abilities, then you will reclaim the Sentinel Council, and then, and only then, will you be ready to find the Sword of Fae Kings,” he said, patting me on the shoulder.
“Wait. What friend?” I asked.
“A friend of yours from the past: Lancelot,” he said before vanishing.
“Wait. Lancelot? But you said… she…” The last word trailed off as I realized that he couldn’t hear me anymore.
Alex and Kat supported me with my arms on their shoulders and helped me get to my room. They laid me on the bed and Kat sat on it, motioning that it was okay to Alex, who quietly left, giving me a look of admiration as he did so. Kat pushed an errant strand of hair from my face.
“You going to be okay?” she asked, plainly concerned.
“Ye… yeah. Just… need… time,” I grunted out, barely able to talk without it hurting. Hell, blinking hurt right now.
“Okay. You rest. If you need anything, just text me if you have to.” She set my phone within easy reach on the nightstand. She left the room, giving me a last worried look over shoulder as she closed the door behind her.
I lay there for a few minutes, then grimaced in pain as I reached down and opened the drawer of the nightstand. I needed to read through Celeste’s diary to see if there were any clues as to where she might have gone. I opened it by freezing the lock on the front. I groaned in pain as I felt the Aetheric energy sear my brain. Too much. I let the sensation pass before opening the diary.
June 16th, 2005
Wow, I can’t believe that it’s 2005. Last I remembered it was still 2001. Well it was actually New Year’s Eve, so I guess it was going to be 2002. Something happened. I can’t remember what. My boyfriend, Travis, or at least everyone is telling me he’s my boyfriend, says that I was involved in a terrible accident and that I sometimes just forget everything every once in a while. He says I’ll remember everything eventually. I just have to take my medicine. I hope I remember everything. I can’t remember my name, or my parents, or anything. I’m scared. Something is missing and I can’t tell what it is. I just know that I was 16, I guess I’m almost 20 now. I’m supposed to start school again after this summer. Supposedly I’m studying to become a doctor, so I guess I’m in med school.
July 4th, 2005
The fireworks were pretty tonight. They reminded me of something. Sort of. I remember wanting to see fireworks before the accident. I remember leaving the house to go see fireworks and hearing…noises. Loud noises, and seeing one of those big power line poles falling, electrical lines going everywhere, snapping around like half-mad snakes of sparks and heat. Was I electrocuted? Yes. I was. Travis was a jerk tonight. He drank a lot and kept touching me in ways I didn’t like. I’m still a virgin, or at least that’s what Tiff tells me. She says she respects me for waiting so long. She told me I should just do it with Travis and get it over with. After all we’ve been together since middle school. Why don’t I remember that? Why do I feel like showering every time he touches me like that?
September 9th, 2005
I know it’s been a while since I wrote in this, but I’ve been really busy getting my life back. I’ve been in school for a couple of weeks now, and I met some great people! Katelyn and her friend Kris are really nice, and they agreed to join the sorority, which will be nice. Tiff and Erin are my friends and all, but they sometimes treat me like I’m worthless. That and sometimes they’re too concerned about who they’re going to have sex with. I know they both have sex with Travis sometimes. I know I should be upset, but I’m not. I don’t know why either. Kat and Kris don’t do that. Kat has a great boyfriend that she’s waiting to come back from some sort of magic training in Colorado. She really loves him, and I hope he comes back soon for her. She’s really sad since he’s not around. She’s really loyal to him though and I’m glad that I met her because she’s proof to me that I’m not crazy because I think making love should be something special and not done with whoever because you just want to. I also met a boy named Kent and his best friend Lisa. They were really nice, and Kent is really, really smart! I mean I know I’m smart, but he leaves me in the dust.
October 8th, 2005
Well, it’s my birthday. Happy birthday me! Well not so happy really. Travis got rough with me again. I guess I made him mad. He told me I’d never be anything but a thing to him. He tried to have sex with me, but I kept telling him no. It didn’t feel right. I like him. A lot. But it just feels wrong with him. I still don’t remember him or any of my friends. That’s okay though because Kent was nice to me. He got me a present even, a stuffed manticore. That’s what he’s trying to do for his field study. He wants to find a manticore because everyone thinks they’re extinct. He’s pretty sure he saw one in the desert right after magic came to our world last year. Kat and Kris think that Kent is sweet on me. I think he just wants a friend.
On a different note, I have a vague picture of my parents in my mind, half-formed. I remember a house with lots of trees. And a pool. I remember hot, steamy summers, and cold winters. I remember a playground I used to play at a lot. I remember being there with someone. I can’t picture them, but they are close to me. I feel warmth from them.
December 5th, 2005
I had the most wonderful dream. I dreamt of this guy who I was so completely and madly in love with. I felt a connection with him that I’ve never felt before. Or have I? It seemed familiar somehow. I couldn’t make out what he looked like, but he was there. Holding me. Kissing me. Making love to me. And it felt so right. It wasn’t Travis. I know that, but I didn’t know who it was, just who it wasn’t.
January 1st, 2006
Well Christmas was okay, I guess. I usually love Christmas, but Travis, yet again, decided to be a jerk. I love him when he’s not like that, I really do. He’s a decent enough guy. But when he starts drinking he changes into someone else. He starts hitting me, kicking me, telling me that I can’t do anything right. That I’m not working right. That I’m supposed to remember this stuff by now, that the medicine isn’t working. Then he grabbed at my clothes, ripping them off, or trying to. He succeeded mostly, but I managed to fight him off. He kept telling me that he was going to violate me in ways I couldn’t imagine, because I was just this thing. Someone’s sick experiment. Why would he say those things to me? It hurts so much when he talks to me like that. I scream for him to stop, but he doesn’t. I tried to leave him… but he reassured me that I was his p
rincess and that he’d never do it again. Kent got me another present, but Travis found out and threw it away before I could open it. How was I supposed to tell sweet Kent that I didn’t have his present because it got thrown out?
Last night was New Year’s. The nightmares aren’t nightmares anymore. I can see them while I’m awake now. Bodiless heads screaming in silence at me, hands reaching from beyond somewhere else grasping for me. I try to tell Travis about my nightmares, but he just ignores me. I’m not supposed to be here. Something went wrong with me. The grey… it’s coming for me… I know it is. It’s going to swallow me again someday.
February 14th, 2006
Valentine’s Day! I love Valentine’s. Travis is being really nice to me today. He’s such a romantic when he wants to be. I think he’s hoping to get something from me, I’m still not really sure about that though. I have some memories now. Travis took me to the doctor and got my meds changed up. I can remember being in class and seeing him, Kevin, Tiff and Erin. I remember lots of things now. We had good times and bad times like any group of friends. I remember pool parties and I can remember the accident better now. The wind was blowing really strong that night, and the power lines had snapped and I got hit by one. It had ‘rebooted’ my brain from what the doctor said. Could have been worse. I could have died.
Here I noticed a notation to the side that was more rambling than anything. Something about the hands trying to drag her back to the nothing. It was nearly illegible. Obviously she had had a nightmare, woken up and scrawled it in her diary.
March 31st, 2006
We had a frat party to raise money for our houses last night. Kat finally gave up on her boyfriend returning. Looks like she might have gotten together with Warren. Hope he treats her right. He seems like an okay guy. Travis got onto me about not drinking again. He said it was embarrassing for him to have a girlfriend who didn’t drink or have sex, he was much more obscene when he said it though. He hit me, and was going to beat on me again, I could tell by the look in his eyes, then some cute guy saved me. Or tried too. I got the beating later instead.
May 20th, 2006
We had our End of Semester frat party last night. Travis got drunker than usual. He went off about how I was broken again. Worthless, useless. I was sleeping with everyone else and not him. He told me I was looking at Kat and Kris’s boyfriends because I wanted them in me. It’s not true! They were cute, sure, and they were nice, but I would never do that to a friend! I wouldn’t do that anyway. I haven’t met the right person yet. I know Travis isn’t the right person. He beat on me. This time making sure that he hid the bruises he left. He thinks I told Kat and Kris that he hits me, so he started hitting me in places they don’t see. He kicked me in… that area. It hurts so bad right now. I’m not sure if I should see a doctor or not. I know that I’m not supposed to be bleeding from there. At least not yet.
I went to Kat’s last night. I was so mad at Travis. Her boyfriend, Darien, and that cute guy who saved me before, were there. His name is Alex. Darien said he would kill Travis. I had to tell him that Travis was a good person, he didn’t mean it. They didn’t believe me. I could tell. Alex followed me home. Just in case.
June 1st 2006
I had another dream with that guy. I could make him out this time. Like he was closer to me, or I was closer to him. He was tall, much taller than me. Of course I’m only like 4 foot and 11 inches, I like to round up though and say I’m 5 foot even. Anyway he was kinda big, like he might play sports or work out or something. He had long dark hair and bright blue eyes that captivated me whenever I looked into them. He was familiar, and I knew that he would never harm me ever, though he seemed dangerous. I knew he hadn’t always been like that, that at one time he had been softer, like something, some tragedy maybe, had hardened him against the world, and now he was dangerous because of it, like he could hurt people and be okay with it. In other news, I started working at the nearby Sonic restaurant today. Yeah its fast food, but it’ll get me on my feet so maybe I can move out of the house I share with Travis. Kat’s been trying to set me up with Alex. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.
June 3rd, 2006
I saw him today! My dream guy. He was in the Mall. Oh my God, he was perfect! I had no idea how perfect he’d be. I think he saw me, but I had to get away. I could barely breathe when I saw him, I didn’t know what I was going to do if he tried to talk to me. Could you imagine that? Him. Talking to me. Just thinking about it takes the breath out of me. Didn’t matter in the long run anyway. I had Travis, who I was in love with, even if he drank too much and turned into a rotten jerk.
He heard me talking about my dream guy with Erin and he took me into his room. He told me that if I was going to drool over some guy that he was going to get his. He ripped my shirt off and tried to pull my bra off. I tried to fight him off while he groped at me. I have a bruise on my left breast now because of him. I need to talk to Kevin about getting him in AA or something. I’m worried about him.
June 16th, 2006
Kent hasn’t been in class. I don’t know why either. He said something about going on a hunt for that manticore. I hope he didn’t find it. They’re supposed to be dangerous. He really is a sweet boy. Maybe Kat and Kris are right though, and maybe that’s not a bad thing. Maybe Kent would make a better boyfriend than Travis.
Travis has been drinking a lot again. He beat me around the living room for a bit before curling up on the couch and going quiet the way he does sometimes. I tried to go to bed, but a few minutes later he was in the bed next to me, holding me with one arm, making it hard to fight him as he put his hand down my pants and… rubbed me. I hated it. I hated more that it felt good. I feel dirty now. Cheap. Worthless. I don’t know. Only the thoughts of my dream guy keep me from feeling like a complete tramp. I know that he knows I’m worth more than that. I saw him again earlier tonight. He was working security at the Vixens concert. I had no idea why vampires would need a regular person as security, but he seemed to know the strange fae woman that was also security, so maybe he has special training or something.
June 19th, 2006
What a day. What a night! I met my dream guy! He stopped into my Sonic with his best friend. His name is Aerick. Wow. That was a random spelling of his name. Why did I spell it like that? Anyway he’s supposed to come to the annual summer bash the sorority and Travis’s frat house throw to raise money for extracurricular activities during the school year. I invited him because I was a complete idiot and didn’t think about his feelings and what I was saying. I guess I look and act like this girl Serena he used to be with. I guess she’s dead now. He also said he was going to be going to the short session classes too. Maybe he’ll be in one of my classes! I caught Travis having sex with Erin earlier today. It made me feel sick to my stomach. They just looked at me and laughed. Travis told me I should come join them. I left.
June 21st, 2006
He was in class today! Kat said that he was an ex of hers, but I am really curious about him. It got us in trouble because we were talking and Miss Haid hates it when people talk in the middle of her lectures. Anyway, so I went to my next class and he talked to me while we were waiting for the professor to show! He was asking about Kent because he says that Kent is his cousin. I really wonder what happened to poor Kent. Anyway he asked if he could sit next to me! I almost didn’t know what to say, but I said yes, and he did! Wow, having him that close every day in class was going to be…well, I don’t know, but I’m happy, and excited and feeling…I don’t know weird. Like I’m not sure how to act around him.
June 26th, 2006
This past week has been wonderful! I’ve gotten to know Aerick while we’ve been in class together. He’s really smart too, and he promised to help me with my cryptobiology stuff. I get things pretty quick, but for some reason this stuff really confuses me, but he aced our pop quiz on his first day and he had never taken any of the classes before this one! Anyway, he’s been really nice and he’s been great to talk to! I hope he st
icks around. He left class early and I haven’t seen him in class for a day or so now. I really want him to come back. I kind of miss him.
June 28th, 2007
I saw Aerick at the Mall again. This time he was talking to one of those fae things. The world sure has changed a lot in the past few years. I knew that these things hadn’t been out in the open before. I knew I always believed that they were out there. I always dreamed of the fairy world and what it’d be like. I never thought that it was possible for me to meet one though. This fae had big stone arms, but otherwise looked like a skin-head Nazi. I didn’t approve, but I wasn’t going to be judgmental. To each his own, otherwise I’d be like them.
Aerick was talking with me, telling me he works as a bodyguard for famous people, which must be exciting. Then he got all weird and distant and walked away from me while I was talking to him. He started talking with this guy in a fedora hat and the guy in the fedora hat gave me a lewd look. I can’t believe that Aerick hangs out with people like that! I got mad and left.
P.S. I just woke up after the strangest, most wonderful dream. I was at a pool party, but one I don’t remember ever having. It was for my 15th birthday. It was in the summer even though my birthday is in October. My sister knew I had always wanted a pool party for my birthday so she set it up for me, especially so that Aerick could be there too. I didn’t know I had a sister. Aerick did show up, though I called him something else. Like Ricky or something. He didn’t like it. We played some pool games, some little guy almost knocked me into the pool edge and Aerick wanted to beat him up but I wouldn’t let him.
