by Jeff Hale
She shifted slightly, causing my part of the bed to move. I caught my balance on the edge of the bed, hissing in pain as my wound pulled. Serena gave me a look of concern, then after a few seconds’ hesitation, she reached out to me and put her hand where I’d been hurt. A moment later the green light sprang forth and the wound began to close. My eyes fluttered shut at the release of the pain and her soft touch, and when I opened them again I noticed that her robe had fallen partially open, revealing the soft curves of her body to me. She seemed completely unaware, focused only on healing me.
I averted my eyes; there was something about Serena, something almost angelic, that was having a strong draw on me. I suspected it had a strong draw on everyone else as well. “Aerick’s strong,” I said, trying to give her hope that what he’d seen hadn’t broken him. I felt like I was lying to her. “So are you for that matter, which is obvious if you can talk about this already.”
“There’s stuff I’ll nevah be able ta talk about. I’ll nevah be able ta erase what happened from mah memory.” She shivered.
“I sort of know how that is. At least to a small degree.”
“Ya do?”
“I used to… go to random parties with my friends. I didn’t get along with my father so I partied,” I admitted. “I guess I… I was trying to get attention? Anyway some of the guys at these things… they would… pass me around. Do what they wanted. I guess I let them. I never said no anyway. I just… I don’t know. Is it something I ever forget about? No. Is it something that still haunts me and always will? Absolutely. Have I been able to move on? Not entirely, no. It’s something that will always scar your life, mark who you are. But you learn to live with that scar. You don’t think you’ll be able to live with it, but you will.” I really hated comparing what she had gone through with my own not so horrible experiences, but it was the best I could do in trying to be sympathetic.
“I’m jus’ not sure I could evah have Aerick touch me again. I’ll jus’… contaminate… taint him. I can still feel all of it on mah skin. The shower I took earlier didn’t help any.”
“That’s normal. It’ll go away eventually.”
“Ya sure?”
“Yeah.” Maybe.
“There’s… there’s somethin’ else,” she said, turning away from me. I could see her cheeks turning bright red.
“Go ahead. It’s okay. You can tell me.”
“The… the girls. Tiffany and Erin. They… they touched me, too. I… liked some of it. Liked how they touched me. I… don’t know why.”
“Well, I have my theories on that, but they’re just that. Theories,” I offered up.
“Such as?”
“Only another woman can know how we like to be touched. Assuming they were actually trying to turn you on.”
Serena thought about it, then nodded. “I guess that makes sense.” She gave me a suspicious look. “Wait, are ya…?”
“Well, I’m bisexual, if that’s what you’re asking. I prefer girls over guys, but I think that goes back to how I was treated at those parties.” I half shrugged.
She moved away from me, pulling her robe tight around her and shrinking in on herself a little.
“It’s okay. I’m not planning anything with you. You’re Aerick’s girl as far as I’m concerned,” I said, holding my hands up in a show of harmlessness.
“But ya…. I… I was kind of…”
“Almost naked just now? Yeah, believe me, I noticed. I tried to ignore it as best as possible. You don’t need that right now.”
“It’s okay. I was jus’ surprised is all. I’m not going ta judge ya. Not going ta be as casual about mah state of dress or undress either. Ya understand,” she said, her face going red again.
I laughed. “I understand. It’s okay. I won’t bite. Or lick you. Or anything like that. Well, unless you and Aerick say it’s okay. Then maybe.”
“I doubt that will evah happen,” she said.
“That’s fine. We can just be friends. It’s okay. Really.”
“How do I know ya ain’t trying ta look down mah shirt or grope me when ya hug me or somethin’?”
“I don’t know. How do you know when it’s a guy?”
“Good point. I’ll jus’ have ta be a little less casual around ya than I would normally be around another girl is all.” Serena crossed her arms over her chest.
“Do what works for you. Look. I’d better get back to my room. We both could use some rest, I’m sure. Thanks for… tending to my wound.” I stood and walked to the door.
“Yeah. No problem.”
“If you need anything, have nightmares, anything, you know where my room is. I’m available anytime you need me. For anything. Got it?” I told her.
“Yeah. Thanks.” She stood too.
“You’re a sweet girl, Serena. I can see why Aerick would do anything for you.”
“Except leave me alone.” She let out a little breath of air.
“Well. He thinks he can help you and protect you. Can’t blame him. You seem to bring that out in people. Night, Serena.” I opened the door and stepped into the hallway.
“Night, Valencia,” she said, holding the door from the other side.
“Call me Val.”
“Night, Val.”
____________________________________
The next week went by pretty quickly. I spent a lot of time with Serena, sharing stories of our pasts and our respective experiences with being violated against our will. She had gone through far more than I could ever have imagined, but she seemed to find hope in my words of wisdom.
Alex came by to visit Serena briefly on Saturday, and it seemed to perk her up a bit, seemed to make her think she might be worth something again, at least for a few hours anyway. Darien, Kat’s werewolf boyfriend, also stopped by to check in on Kat, but I had only heard about it second hand.
In the meantime, Kat had spent the entire week in her own room here in the Velvet Flame, counseling Aerick in the same way I was counseling Serena. She seemed to be the only person who could get anything through to him. He didn’t like the situation, and never would, but he would respect Serena’s wishes.
It was a Friday and I brought lunch down to Serena’s room after having a short chat with Kat about Aerick’s progress. He was doing a bit better, and seemed to be able to control himself a bit more. They were going to test just how much by having him visit Travis in his cell in the basement.
“Lunch is served,” I said as I entered the room.
Serena was sitting on the edge of her bed, still wearing her robe. She usually changed by lunch time, but today seemed different. It had fallen off of one shoulder, leaving it bare. The soft line of her shoulder and neck enticed me, but I quickly squelched it, especially since she seemed to be crying. I approached slowly after setting the food tray on the nightstand. She was holding the picture of Aerick and staring at it.
I came around into her field of vision, and she quickly hugged the picture to her chest. I sat down next to her, and she started weeping again. I put my arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. She rested her head on my breast and just cried noisily for a while.
She became quiet at some point, unmoving, and I thought she might have fallen asleep. I glanced down at her, breathing out a little sigh, and then Serena’s head moved and the next thing I knew I felt her lips on mine. Much as I would have liked to continue, I pulled my head back quickly.
Pink suffused her cheeks and she gave me a look of mortification. “I… I... I’m sorry, I… I don’t…. It’s jus’ that ya…. I…”
“No. It’s okay. I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to do something you would regret.” I carefully set her away from me and stood, pacing the room to give my sudden energy an outlet.
“I don’t know what came over me. You’ve been so nice ta me, and you’ve taken care of me… and you’ve helped me so much and… and…. I miss Aerick,” she said softly.
“It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong.” I smiled at he
r to reassure her. “You’re just a little lonely and confused.”
“Don’t tell Aerick. Please?” Her eyes were wide and worried.
“I won’t. Besides, I’m sure he still has his own issues to deal with, without adding this to the pile.”
She nodded absently, then a thought seemed to hit her. “Who’s been talkin’ with him? You?”
“No. A girl we both knew in high school. Katelyn.”
“Why her?” Serena seemed suddenly suspicious and a little bit angry.
“I don’t know, but she seems to be the only person he can stay calm around. He flies off the handle at any one else.”
“Yeah. I’m sure.” She looked at the picture of Aerick, which she had set back on the nightstand, then made a little noise in her throat and knocked it to the floor.
“What? What’s wrong?” Something’s got her pissed off all of a sudden.
“I’m sure she’s keepin’ him ‘calm’,” she mocked, using air quotes to emphasize her sarcasm.
“You think there’s more going on up there?”
“With her up there? Yes.”
“You really think that anything would happen when all Aerick can do is think of you?”
“Oh, I’m sure she has him so wrapped up in what they’re doing that I probably barely get a second thought. Or a first fer that matter.”
“There’s more to this than you’re telling me,” I surmised.
“You’re damned right there is! She has no right being alone with him like that!” She stood up and kicked the picture against the wall. “He should be working on his own problems from what we dealt with! She has no idea what we went through! She didn’t go through it! We did! She has no right being up there, distractin’ him, spreadin’ her legs like a common harlot, and… and… and fuckin’ him! Doesn’t she have any idea what I’m going through here?! Doesn’t she know I’m going through enough without her up there seducin’ mah boyfriend?!” she screamed.
It was the first time I had ever heard her raise her voice, or swear for that matter. It stunned me into complete silence. She was clearly extremely upset, and I had no idea how to placate her.
“Calm down, it’s okay. Nothing is going on up there,” I said, backing up a step as she turned her glare onto me. If looks could kill and all.
“Oh, I’m sure you’ve been told ta keep me in the dark ‘bout all this! But I’m goin’ up there right now and find out the truth!” She stormed past me and before I could react, she was already out the door and halfway up the stairs at the end of the hall.
“Serena! Wait!” I called as I turned to catch up. I knew there was a possibility that Aerick might be in the club proper. We were allowing them out in turns for a break from their rooms. When I caught up to her she was halfway up the stairs where she had collapsed into a bawling mess. I approached her and put my arms around her and held her.
“She… she cain’t do this ta me. I cain’t believe ya guys would jus’ let her do this. I… I love him so much. I don’t want ta lose him. Especially not ta someone else. But I cain’t blame him I suppose. I’m dirty now. Tainted. How could he want me now?” she sobbed, taking deep shuddering breaths.
“Because. I love you, too. No matter what happens. I will always love you,” I heard from the top of the stairs. I looked up and saw Aerick, sitting on the top step, watching us from a distance. He started to stand and I felt Serena shrink back from him.
“No. No. Don’t let him see me. He cain’t see me. I don’t want him near me,” Serena whispered to me. I waved Aerick off, and I saw his face harden before he stomped away.
“Come on, let’s get you back to your room.” I stood and helped Serena stand and we made our way back to her room.
“I’m goin’ back ta bed,” she said sullenly. She crawled under the covers and turned away from me. She still had a long way to go and I wasn’t sure she’d ever be right again.
Over the next couple of days I tried to convince Serena that nothing was going on, but it wasn’t something I could prove or disprove. After all, I had my own suspicions. I hadn’t gone up to his room myself, unsure how Aerick would react to my presence, but Lily had mentioned that Aerick had had a visitor.
After a particularly frustrating session with Serena on the third day, where she had swung between unreasoning rage and morose depression, I went back upstairs, surprised to see Kat sitting at the bar, looking frustrated. I sat next to her and Lily brought me a Sprite before I could even ask. I sipped it as I glanced at Kat’s face, noting fresh tear tracks.
“That bad?” I asked.
“Yes and no, worse sometimes,” she said in a low voice.
“Want to talk about it? I haven’t really seen you to discuss him. Lucien says he’s been a bit of a handful.”
“He believes that Serena never wants to see him again. That she will never be with him again. Breaks my heart to see him hurt so much. And it does hurt him to think that she wants him gone. A lot. I will admit that the depression is better than the uncontrollable rage he was having and he’s even coming out of the depression now.”
“How did he react to Travis?” I swirled my straw in the glass.
“He tortured Travis.” A ragged breath escaped from her. “I couldn’t stand it. Can’t say I blame him, I guess, but I would think he would take the higher ground. Guess I just need to learn that violence is in his nature.”
“Not like you didn’t torture Travis a bit in my car,” I reminded her evenly. It was unfair of her to be upset at Aerick over something she was just as capable of.
Her hands clenched and unclenched where they rested on the counter and I could see little half-moon indents in her palms. “Maybe it’s in my nature too,” she admitted sadly. “Doesn’t mean I have to like it. Just can’t believe Lucien would be okay with it.”
“Lucien has a close connection with Aerick. I’m sure that he has his reasons.”
“Well, who am I to question a god?”
“He’s not a god exactly.”
“Demigod, whatever. Let’s not split hairs here.”
“It’s hard to explain, but I guess god or whatever is as good a word as any. You want him back. Don’t you?” I asked.
“What? Who?” Kat gave me a confused look.
“Aerick. You want to be with him again. Don’t you?”
“No. Yeah. I guess. I don’t know. I love him. I really do. And I know he still loves me… but there’s Serena. I can’t compete with that, and I have no intention of trying to. It’d be pointless.”
“Probably a smart idea. Look, just so I can be a hundred and fifty percent sure, there’s nothing going on with you and him, is there?” There, I’d asked.
“What? No! Of course not! He talks about her way too much for anything to happen,” she said, eyes dropping. She wasn’t exactly lying, I could tell that much, but she was hiding something.
I took the risk of pissing her off. “So you aren’t sleeping with him, then?”
She looked back up at me and I saw something in her eyes, something that frightened me a little and had nothing to do with being angry at me. She shook her head. “No. I haven’t had sex with him.”
Kat was telling the truth on that, I was certain. But something had happened between her and Aerick, something she wasn’t about to admit to me. I didn’t pry. I’d found out what Serena wanted to know and that was enough for now. “Good. Serena has some warped idea that there is something going on, and judging from her reaction I’m thinking she’d like to tear your face off and feed it to you if there was.”
“Wow.” Kat blinked at me and chewed at her lip. “That’s... graphic.”
“Yeah, well, you didn’t see or hear her rant the other day, right before she ran off and saw Aerick on the steps.” I shuddered.
“It couldn’t have been that bad. She doesn’t get angry really. Upset, yes, but not really angry.”
“Well, she was screaming and accusing you of fucking him, her own words mind you.”
“Oh come
on. Wait. What? She actually said that? No frickin’ way! She doesn’t talk like that! Wait, are you sure?” Kat didn’t seem to be able to wrap her brain around the idea of Serena using cuss words.
I couldn’t blame her, I wouldn’t have believed it either if I hadn’t seen and heard it myself. “Yeah.”
“That makes no sense. Why would she say that about me? What has her so upset that she would actually use that word?”
“It’s probably hard for her to ignore her paranoia right now. She’s still trying to get a grip on what happened to her, and it’s going to take a really long time.” I shook my head. As I glanced around the bar, I noticed that Lily was gone. Odd. Not that I really minded. It gave me some alone time with Kat and I leaned a little closer to her.
“Aerick’s getting through this, slowly but surely. He’s good at compartmentalizing, I suppose,” Kat noted, but I could tell that there was something underlying her comment. Like she didn’t completely believe it herself.
“It’s the MAGE training, I bet,” I guessed.
“Probably.”
I stood up, smiled at Kat, patted her on the shoulder and I gave her a look for the briefest second that spoke of my longing for her before I shrugged and laughed.
“Well, I better get back to Serena. She’s still trying to decide whether or not she even wants to come up. You should probably go make sure Aerick hasn’t disappeared on you.” I looked down at the floor, then back up to Kat. “Look, if you need anything, anything, or need to talk, just let me know, okay?”
“Sure,” was all she said before I made my way back to my room. I wanted to let her know just how badly I wanted her, but I was afraid to, and it was frustrating. That, and we didn’t need to complicate things with everything else that was going on.
Damn, after being that close to her for that long, I need a cold shower.
The next morning I finally went to pay our resident psycho Sentinel a visit. I had wanted to visit Malachai for a few days now, but I had had my hands full with Serena. She was taking a nap and I took advantage of it to sneak away. I wanted to pick his brain, find out if I could get him to unwittingly slip any information he personally had on Sentinels my way. He struck me as too smart to fall for something like that, but I had to try.
