by Jacki Kelly
“Hey baby.” I kissed Crystal on the cheek, but avoided her eyes when she got out of the car.
“Mom, you look fantastic.” She stared at me. “You’re almost glowing. What’s going on?”
Could she tell I was hiding something? I swallowed. “It was just another day. Nothing special. Are you ready to do this?”
“I’m ready.”
Soft classical music played in the posh showroom. After our first visit we knew why Jean-Paul was so expensive. But our only daughter deserved the elegant affair Walter and I didn’t have. Our shotgun wedding couldn’t compare to what we planned for Crystal. Walter was so afraid my father would shoot him for getting me pregnant that he stuttered all through his vows.
I wanted to take off my shoes and sink my feet in the deep pile carpeting. Original Wyeth paintings adorned the walls, and the receptionist sat behind a mahogany desk that was as wide as a king-size bed. The waiting room was decorated with Queen Anne chairs in a deep burgundy broche that matched the carpet and the thick velvet drapes. The room felt heavy and dark, but I was comfortable here.
“Have a seat please, ladies, Jean-Paul will be with you in a few minutes. May I get you something to drink?”
“Wine,” we responded at the same time.
This was our fourth visit to Jean-Paul Fairfield Events and we loved the wine. Besides, as much as we were paying for the wedding, we should have stopped by at lunchtime and chit-chatted with Jean-Paul while sipping his expensive vintage.
“You can tell we both had a rough day,” Crystal laughed. “You want to tell me about your day or should I go first?”
“You go first,” I said. “You’re not even working yet, so how bad could your day be?”
“Looking for a job is hard work.” She crossed her slender legs. “When was the last time you had to tell somebody how wonderful you are and why their business would fall apart without you?”
The receptionist handed us the wine flutes and disappeared into the back.
“Okay, you got me there.”
We clicked our glasses together. I took a long swallow of the white wine to calm my nerves.
“What time is Dad getting here?”
“He promised to get here by 6:30.” I looked at my watch. “So, I guess he’s going to be late.”
“Is Granny Baptiste staying overnight for the wedding?”
“Honey, you know Mom-Baptiste doesn’t talk to me unless she absolutely has to. She and your uncles are staying at the hotel.” I laughed.
“Aw Mom, you can put up with her for one night, can’t you?”
“Honey, talk to me when you have a mother-in-law.” I sipped my wine.
“I like Max’s mother, she’s always very nice.”
“Yes, but Mom-Baptiste isn’t nice to anyone, not even her own sons.”
The receptionist sauntered back into the room in her skintight pencil skirt and silk blouse unbuttoned at the right level to reveal ample cleavage. “Jean-Paul is ready for you now.” She led us down the mirrored hall. I watched her five-inch heels. With that tight skirt, I expected her to lose her balance when she walked.
When we walked in Jean-Paul stood up and shook our hands. Our thick file was open on top of his desk. The wedding was costing a small fortune and the file proved it.
“Okay, where are we?” Jean-Paul flexed his fingers before sorting through several pages.
Crystal sat on the edge of her chair with her list in her hand. “We’ve decided on the china and crystal patterns. We’re going with the Antique Scroll pattern for the china and the Connoisseur Gold Collection Glassware.”
I sat back in my chair, crossed my legs, and finished my wine. Marco’s comments played across my mind non-stop. I decided to take him out to lunch again on Thursday or Friday, the whole time imaging his large hand stroking my back or holding me.
Walter breezed into the shop in his pinstriped Brooks Brothers suit, crisp white starched shirt and expensive Bally shoes.
“Hey, sorry I’m late. I got tied up at the office and traffic was a bear.” He kissed Crystal on the cheek and gave me a weak smile, that didn’t even measure up to the greeting I’d received from Jean-Paul.
Walter waved his hand for us to continue the discussion.
“Do you think we have covered everything?” Jean-Paul asked.
“Oh… there is one more thing I want.” Crystal looked over at her father. An addition to the mounting bill hung from her lips.
“What do you want now, Crystal? I know this is going to cost me.” Walter crossed his legs, but smiled.
“I want the chocolate fondue fountain.” She clasped her hands together pretending to pray.
Walter looked at Jean-Paul. “What’s that cost?”
I could have sworn Jean-Paul’s pupils turned into dollar signs. “I’ll have to check. Give me a minute.” He scurried from the room.
“You’re going to let me have it, Dad?” Crystal sounded elated.
“Let’s see how much it cost first.” He grinned.
Crystal jumped out of her seat and planted kisses on her father’s cheek. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” She swirled around the room and kissed me too, before taking her seat. Walter never denied Crystal anything. Even at five, when she demanded a television in her room, Walter brought one home the very next day.
Jean-Paul walked back in the room with three pieces of papers in his hand. Everything in his place seemed to cost one thousand dollars per page. I braced for his pronouncement and Walter’s rejection.
“We can do milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and white chocolate, with fresh fruits and an assortment of cakes in a porcelain swan fountain for three thousand five hundred dollars.”
“That’s what I want. Doesn’t it sound delicious?” Crystal’s eager eyes pleaded with us.
“Crystal, you’ll be ripping and running so much that day you won’t even taste the chocolate fountain.” I laughed at her innocence and excitement.
“Yes, I will. You know I can’t resist chocolate. Even when I’m wearing white.” She looked at her father with her huge brown doe eyes.
I was ready to write the check for her, myself.
“Okay Jean-Paul, that’s it.” Walter pulled out his black American Express card and held it over the edge of the vintage desk.
“Victoria will have a final invoice for you at the front desk. It’s going to be a glorious wedding. Money well spent.” Jean-Paul stood and shook our hands before escorting us to the front desk. “I’ll see you at the church on the 15th. The big day.”
Walter made the final payment, then held the door as we stepped outside into the humid evening night air. In the distance a night bird chirped—an odd sound. How could he be so happy when the rocks in my stomach continued to shift because we were losing our baby girl?
“I’m so tickled,” Crystal said. “Where are we going for dinner tonight?”
“We’ll go to The Savoy. Isn’t that your favorite restaurant, Crystal?” I asked.
“It most certainly is. Let’s ride in one car, that way we get to spend more time together. I’m in no hurry to get home tonight because Max is working late.”
The low hum of activity greeted us as we walked into the dimly lit restaurant. We were seated in a booth near the back.
“I’d like a bottle of Dom Perignon, we’re celebrating tonight,” Walter said as the server filled our water glasses.
We placed our orders for dinner while Crystal chattered non-stop about the wedding.
“Have you been able to find out yet where Max is taking you for the honeymoon?” Walter asked.
“Ah, yes, we’re going to Hawaii. Can you believe it? But please don’t tell anyone. He wants us to keep that to ourselves.” She squirmed in her seat. “But here is the best part…we leave Saturday night, right from the reception. We go first to San Francisco, where we will spend two nights. And Mom, you know while we’re there I’ve got to go back to that Macy’s in Nob Hill with that massive shoe department.” She swooned
in her chair.
“That was a fabulous trip. I still can’t get over the height of those trees in Muir Woods. But you’re right, that shoe department was the best. I think I bought three pairs on that trip.”
“No, the best part was the wineries. Nothing beats a whole day of wine tasting,” Walter piped in.
“Then we’re flying into Honolulu for three days, the Big Island for three days, and then Maui for four days,” Crystal continued.
I took a relaxing breath, my first one of the day. Contentment coursed through my veins. I listened to Walter and Crystal chat like two old friends. I closed my eyes to freeze this moment in my memory. Maybe Marco was right; maybe I was highly sensitive because so much was happening all at once.
“I don’t have to wait a week or two or a year for my honeymoon. It starts right after the reception. Isn’t Max great?” Crystal reached across the table and laid her cool hand on top of mine.
“Okay, I guess,” Walter teased. “He’d better take care of my daughter. As much as we’re spending on the wedding, he’d better plan something spectacular for the honeymoon.”
“Daddy…don’t start.” Crystal shook her finger at him.
“You deserve the best. He needs to know that from the beginning.” Walter picked up his glass and took a long swallow. “He’s off to a good start.”
We finished our entrees. My pants grew so tight I wanted to come out of them. I needed to slip on something with rubber in the waist. A nice pair of sweatpants would have felt just right.
“Would you care to see our dessert menu?” the server asked.
“I can’t eat another thing. I can’t gain an ounce or my dress won’t fit,” Crystal said.
“Same here,” I said, even though I wanted to order something rich, thick and sweet.
“Since no one is ordering dessert, I’ll have a cappuccino.” Walter sat back and placed his arm over the chair.
“I have something I want to tell you guys.” Crystal’s eyes shot from me over to Walter.
“Oh no. How much is this going to cost?” Walter slid down in his chair.
“Oh, Walter, stop it!”
“Okay…” Crystal hesitated. “It’s like this. Max accepted a position at a law firm in New York City. He starts in mid-July.”
It felt like someone had poured ice water down my back. I shivered and sat ram-rod straight, afraid to breathe. The entire restaurant grew silent. I saw lips moving but I couldn’t hear a sound. I dug my nails into the palms of my hand. Crystal and her father sat face to face, making happy gestures, but I couldn’t make out their comments. A bell rang in my head and grew in intensity.
“New York, Crystal?” My voice came back in a tenor that sounded foreign to me.
“Yes, Mom. Now don’t start getting all sentimental and stuff. It’s only a two-hour drive. You and Dad go to New York several times a year anyway. Now you’ll have a place to stay. Plus, this is an excellent firm. There’s a chance Max could make partner. I’ve got some interviews scheduled with a couple of investment firms right after the honeymoon. So everything is going good.” Crystal talked fast when she wanted me to agree with her.
“Hey, that’s wonderful. You’ll love living in New York. There’s so much going on and so much to do.” Walter leaned over and hugged her.
“Last week we looked at apartments. We found this really nice loft in Morningside Heights overlooking the Hudson River. It has two bedrooms and it’s huge by New York standards.” Crystal looked at me. “Mom, you’re too quiet.”
My heart slowed to a problematic beat. “I’m a little surprised. I didn’t know Max was looking for a job in New York.” My voice sounded distorted and heavy.
“He’s been sending his résumés out all over the place, and so have I. Aren’t you happy for us?”
Her giddy excitement twisted my stomach.
Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes. In a tight voice, I said, “Yes baby, I’m very happy for you. Very happy.”
“Crystal, you know how your Mom is. She’ll be weepy for a day or two but she’ll get over it. This is great.”
The waiter set the cappuccino in front of Walter. After adding a teaspoon of sugar, he sipped it.
I shot him a cold stare. He had no idea how I was going to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward, and neither did I.
“I’m a little shocked, that’s all. I had no idea you guys were considering moving away. I’m going to be fine. I’ll just come up to visit you every weekend while your father is at work.” I tried to smile, but my lips couldn’t cooperate.
During the drive back to the caterer’s office to pick up our cars, I sat in the front seat with my arms crossed over my stomach, watching life whiz by at a dizzying speed. My body screamed for the anxiety pills buried in my purse. I clamped my hands together and regulated my breathing until I got back to my car.
Walter cruised through the streets of Wilmington, catching every red light. I chewed my bottom lip as he expounded on all the wonderful museums and theaters in New York. The placating sound of his voice felt like daggers in my ears.
When he pulled into the parking lot, I released my breath.
“Mom, see you at the soiree.” Crystal leaned across the seat and kissed me on the cheek. “You know we’ll be okay, stop looking so sad.”
“I’ll be fine,” I whispered, not trusting my voice.
“Don’t forget, Dad, you can’t come to the soirée.”
“You can always come home, Walter. But you might want to stay out of the way,” I said to him as I got out of the car.
Crystal planted a kiss on his cheek. She looked at me for a long moment then jumped in her car. Walter backed out of the parking lot before I could even get into my car. I watched their tail-lights pull out of the lot. My hands shook as I fumbled for the pills in the bottom of my purse. Unbelievable sadness clutched me. I swallowed it without water, the bitter residue exploded in my mouth.
I drove home with only the sound of the wind rushing through the window. Visions of my past life flashed before me like a silent movie. Happy times with Crystal and Walter, the house bursting with smiles and laughter, teenage girls lounging around the pool, birthday parties, sleepovers, camping in the back yard. It all faded into a solid gray haze with an empty house, a distant husband, and years of nothing stretching ahead of me.
Marco’s comment about how his marriage was over long before they acknowledged the end made me wonder if Walter and I were in the same state of denial.
I walked in the house and opened the refrigerator. I grabbed a bottle of wine and filled a water glass. Leaning against the kitchen counter, I twirled the wine and contemplated my life. Maybe taking Carla’s spinning class could shift my state of mind. At least it would get me out of the house.
When the glass was empty, I set it next to the sink and swiped tears before they landed on my cheeks. On my way up the stairs I could hear Walter in his office, pounding out a message on his keyboard and talking on the phone. I started to tell him goodnight but it didn’t seem important, or necessary, and I didn’t care if his night was good or bad.
After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I climbed between the sheets. I picked up the phone and dialed Ursula’s number. When she answered I said, “Can I have an affair with Marco?”
“Yes. Want me to call him for you?”
“I’m serious.”
“I know you are. You’ve been lusting after him for years, but if you’re asking the question, something else must be wrong. So what’s the matter? What did the bastard do this time?”
“Walter didn’t do anything specific but everything in general. He’s in his own world and I’m alone in mine.”
“Marco is the person you want in your world?”
“He’s a good choice. He meets all the qualifications.”
“Then give it a try. If you get caught, tell Walter it’s payback.”
“What should I tell my father? I could go to hell for having these thoughts.�
� I chuckled and wondered what Walter would do if he caught me having an affair.
“You can always repent at the last minute. Are you going to be okay tonight?”
“Yeah. I’ll be fine,” I managed.
“Hey, Tracy, can we talk tomorrow? Anthony just walked in.”
“Crystal is moving to New York,” I blurted.
“Oh no, Tracy. Are you falling apart? Want me to come over?”
“No.” I couldn’t stop the cascade of tears. Ursula made cooing sounds but she didn’t have what I needed. “Go to Anthony,” I finally said, and hung up.
Chapter Thirteen – Walter
Every seat around the large oval table was filled. This meeting was merely a formality. I’d completed my list employees to be terminated, weeks ago. Now I only wanted to validate my assumptions. So far my instincts were right.
“What do you think, Walter?” Thompson’s questions drew my attention back. He’d been posturing all morning, trying to secure his position. But he needed to sit down and shut up so I could end the meeting.
I rolled my thumb over the crystal of my watch, keeping my eye on the second hand. “This meeting has already run longer than I had scheduled. I have an appointment, so we’re going to have to reconvene later today.” I stood up and placed my palms on the table.
Thompson held his pencil up in the air to get my attention. “Excuse me, Walter, we need to get our numbers and names submitted to Personnel first thing tomorrow morning.”
“I’m aware of that. So this afternoon, when we get back together, each one of you needs to come into the meeting with a list of under-performing employees. I’m not going to help you put together that list look at the employee performance reviews for the last year and compile your list. Those will be the names submitted for termination unless there are extenuating circumstances we need to discuss as a group.” I surveyed the room. “Are there any questions?”
