by Jacki Kelly
The rich aroma of coffee greeted me as I walked into the bright yellow kitchen. I pulled my favorite oversized mug from the cabinet and poured a cup. After adding cream and sugar, I sat at the table with my mother. “You know, this wedding is keeping me really busy. I’m sorry I’ve haven’t been here sooner.” I sipped coffee and tried to give my mother a look that would make her feel sorry for me. “Where’s Dad?”
“He’s still sleeping. He’ll be stirring soon.”
“It’s nine, he’s usually up with the sun.”
“I told you he hasn’t been himself lately.”
“Can you believe he said he’d let me take him to the doctor after the wedding? But only if I take him to lunch afterwards,” I chuckled.
“It’s a good thing the wedding is soon. I can’t wait much longer.” She stood and poured another cup of coffee. “You want more?” She held the pot to me.
I nodded.
“It’s his way of controlling his life,” I said.
“He hasn’t gotten any better. He’s falling asleep right after dinner, and sometimes he sweats profusely while he’s just watching television. I guess a few more days won’t matter.” She paused for a moment. “Everything will be okay,” she finished slowly. Her look said she wasn’t pleased with the way I was handling this matter, but I didn’t feel like I had much choice. My love for my parents was unrelenting, but sometimes I felt like I was always letting them down.
“How’s my granddaughter? I’ll bet she’s so excited an elephant couldn’t hold her down.”
“She’s moving to New York.” The words caught in my throat.
“New York?” She set her cup on the table. “Why?”
“Max has been offered a job with a law firm. They’ve already found a place to live, and now Crystal is submitting her resume around town to find a job, too.” I tried to mask my unhappiness.
“Don’t look so sad. It’s not the end of the world.” She gave me a smile. “When you and Walter decided to live in Delaware, I thought I would die, but I made out okay and you will too. Look at it this way—at least now you get a nice place to visit.”
“You always try to find the bright side to everything, don’t you?”
“Might as well.”
My father walked into the kitchen. “Good morning ladies.” The sharp crease in his khaki pants and his fresh shirt made him look like he was on his way to do something important.
“You sure are dressed up. Where are you going?” I kissed him on the check.
“I like to dress up for your mother. Besides, I heard you down here, too.”
“I like it when you get all dolled up for me, honey.” My mother stood and kissed my father on the lips before opening the refrigerator. She removed eggs and bacon.
“It’s about time you got out of bed sleepyhead. I thought I was going to have to come up there and drag you down here.” I poked my father’s arm.
“I’m retired now, I can sleep as long as I want and get up whenever I want.
“I’ve made you an appointment with the doctor on Monday morning after the wedding. And before you ask, yes, I’m treating you to lunch.”
He clicked his tongue as he looked at me over his coffee cup.
My energetic parents were in their late sixties. But I saw a difference in my father. His sunken eyes sported bags and his darker coloring had a grayish undertone I hadn’t noticed before. Even though he had only descended one flight of stairs to get to the kitchen, a thin sheen of sweat peppered his skin. My mother was right to worry about him.
“Dad, are you feeling okay?” I leaned closer to him as if a better look would give me a diagnosis.
“There you go, sounding like your mother. If the two of you don’t stop nagging me, I’m going to cut off your allowances. Now that’s enough from both of you, questioning me every time I sneeze or have to sit down. I’m an old man, what do you expect? This is what old men do.”
“Okay…okay, Dad. I’ll be quiet, but you promised—”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Tracy.” He waved my comment away. “And nothing else about how I’m feeling until next week.” He punctuated his words with a final look.
I knew that look. I’d seen it before whenever he didn’t approve of something.
The only sound for several minutes was the clicking of the knives and forks against the plates and the cups hitting the saucers as we sipped coffee. It was then that I understood my mother’s worry. My father wasn’t being stubborn, he was in denial. What if something was really wrong with him? I put the thought away and picked up my cup.
My mother got up from the table and began clearing the breakfast dishes. “What time should I get to your place tonight?”
“Ursula and Carla are calling all the shots. I don’t have to do a thing. All we need to is be there at seven. Do you want me to come back here to pick you up?”
“No, no. I’ll drive. I might leave after a short while. This is for you young people anyway. And I don’t want to leave your father alone too long.”
“Frances, go on down there and have a good time. I’m old enough to stay home by myself. Be there for Crystal. She didn’t put the cart before the horse. That’s something to be proud of.” My father laughed but we both knew he wasn’t joking.
It had only taken him twenty minutes.
I should have been used to the jab, but this time stung as much as all the rest.
I kissed my parents, promising to come for more frequent visits. Before starting the car, I pulled my prescription pills from my purse. With the bottle tucked in my palm, relief pulsed through me. I didn’t need the tiny white pills, but it was good knowing I could stop the unhappiness within minutes. I twisted the lid and extracted solace with my index finger.
***
On the way home, I stopped by my office to retrieve the banking information. It would have been easier to check from home, but Crystal had taken over the house to prepare for the soirée and I needed to stay out of the way. Besides, I didn’t want to be distracted again.
The joint account Walter and I shared popped up on the screen. I scrolled down the page to identify several of the transactions. The check to the caterer had already cleared the account. Jean-Paul wasted no time collecting his funds. I scanned the page, another large withdrawal for five thousand dollars trumpeted for my attention. It had cleared the day before the check to the caterer. I wrote down the transaction number.
I reached into the credenza to find the phone number of the bank. After several prompts, I spoke to a live person.
“Yes, I’d like some information on one of my accounts.” I provided her with the security details she requested.
“Got it. What are you looking for?” she asked.
“There was a large withdrawal made from my account last week. I want to know who it was made out to.” I tapped my pen on the desk while she pulled up my data.
“Check number 5672 was made out to a Sasha Samuels.”
“Is that S-a-s-h-a?” I asked.
She confirmed the information and disconnected the call. I scribbled the name onto a note pad, thinking I would recognize it if I saw it in print. Maybe she had something to do with Crystal’s wedding—the photographer, the florist, or one of the planners. We had written so many checks for the wedding, I was losing track. There was something familiar about the name, but I couldn’t remember what it was.
Marco stood in my door. “I thought I saw your car in the parking lot.”
I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him.
“I just stopped by to pick up some stuff I forgot.”
He walked into my office and stood at the edge of the desk. “Wow! You look nice.”
“Thanks. You look pretty hot yourself.” My seductive tone sounded like I was channeling Sharon Stone in her infamous leg crossing scene.
He inched closer to my desk, giving me the perfect view of his thick lashes and dark eyes. “Have lunch with me.”
“I…I…”
“Come on
, you have to eat,” he said with a crooked smile that I was beginning to look forward to seeing. “I’ll drive.”
I came within inches of saying no. My father’s words, Crystal’s move, all pushed my sensibilities to the recesses of my mind. For an instant I wanted to be selfish, to put what I wanted above anybody else.
“Okay.” I gathered the papers and my purse and followed him out of the building before I changed my mind. I scanned the street when Marco pulled from the lot. As long as the conversation stayed off of us, then lunch was just lunch.
“So, do you think Bill from accounting knows he’s wearing his toupee backwards?” I asked.
“You think that’s a hairpiece?”
“The man didn’t have hair last week, now he’s got a full head. Don’t tell me you didn’t notice.” I covered my mouth.
“Truthfully, I didn’t.” His hearty laugh tickled my ears.
Office politics kept us chatting until we pulled into the restaurant parking lot. With words I could defend my behavior to the Pope. If he saw my heart, I would be preached into hellfire and damnation.
There were only a few patrons in the restaurant, which allowed us our choice of seats. I picked a small table by the window. It was the furthest from the door.
“This place is more upscale than the deli I selected.” Marco fingered the linen tablecloths and napkins. “I was afraid if I picked this fancy last week, you’d go running in the opposite direction.”
“I’m not that bad, am I?”
He flashed a broad smile. “Pretty much.”
“I didn’t run when you told me how you felt.”
He leaned across the table, his face inches away from me. “No, but you wanted to. It’s a good thing I had the car locked.”
“How is it you’re so easy to talk to?”
“I’ve had a lot of practice.” He pushed his face closer to me, his features softened. “You look like something’s bothering you today. Want to talk about it?”
I ran my hands along my lap. “I’m fine.”
“If you keep fidgeting with your dress, it’s going to be a rag by the time we finish lunch.”
I looked up long enough to see a furrow between his brows.
“Tell me something. If you’re unhappy, why do you stay?” His eyes challenged me to tell the truth.
I pushed a curl behind my ear and focused on his face. “It’s not so bad. We have a nice house. We take nice trips, and there’s Crystal. Besides, my parents never thought it would work.”
He nodded but there was no pity in his eyes. “So you’re staying in an unhappy marriage to prove your parents wrong?”
I cleared my throat. “I don’t expect you to understand. I’m not sure I do.”
He reached across the table and cradled my hands. I’d love to fall into his arms every night, wake up to his touch every morning. But my marriage came first. It always had. But now…
Chapter Fifteen – Tracy
After lunch with Marco I should have felt ecstatic. Instead, I was coming up short and couldn’t explain why. I sat behind my desk waiting on the phantoms clawing at my stomach to settle down. The message light was blinking. I ignored it for several seconds, not wanting the real world to interrupt.
“Tracy, call me when you get a chance,” Carla sounded rushed. “I have something to tell you.”
I deleted the message and pulled out the pad with Sasha Samuels’ name. Maybe Crystal knew if she was one of the vendors we were using for the wedding. As I picked up the phone to call Crystal, Ursula walked into my office.
“I saw you coming back in with Marco. You two looked pretty cozy.” She sat and crossed her legs. “I thought you were on vacation this week.” Her high pitched voice was filled with suspicion.
“I am. But I can in to get some stuff and he—”
“Yeah, yeah, Tracy’s human.” She threw her hands in the air. “After what you’ve been telling me about Walter, I’m not surprised. You two make a good-looking couple. I think he’s got a thing for you.”
“I haven’t done anything that can’t be printed on the front page of the paper.” I paused. “But I feel guilty because I certainly want to.” I know I had a silly dreamy look on my face, but I couldn’t mask my emotions. Whatever whacky thing going wrong in my head and heart that caused these feelings would straighten out soon. I was sure of it.
“All I can say is, think about it before you do. If Walter finds out, he won’t be nearly as forgiving as you were.”
I shook my head. Ursula was right. I wouldn’t cheat on Walter. And I wouldn’t leave him. But I wondered how many sacrifices I had to make. Did I have to live my life regretting the choices I’d made? I was only enjoying my daydreams for as long as I could. “Anyway, I need to get out of here and run some errands before the soirée tonight.”
“Look, before you go I need to tell you something.” She paused.
“Oh shit, Ursula, I don’t like the sound of this.”
“I’m leaving the company.”
“What? Why?” My hand flitted around the desk not certain where to land. Ursula had been in shouting distance of me since grade school. Growing up, we lived a few doors from each other. We went to Spellman together. We started working at the company within weeks of each other—her first, then me. She was an extension of me. The sister I wanted but never had.
“Tracy, I’m in love with Anthony and—don’t lecture me okay? I’m going to take a job in Philadelphia.”
“In Philly? Why?”
“Anthony and I are getting very serious. We think this is the best thing. He helped me find the job.”
“Why doesn’t he take a job in Philadelphia so you can stay here?”
“Don’t do this.” Ursula shook her head. “We talked about it and he was willing to leave. We were both looking for jobs. I found this one first. Plus it pays more and offers more opportunities. I’m not moving away, I just won’t be working upstairs from you. That’s all.”
“You sure you want to do this?” I reached for her hand. “Are you really sure?” I knew she wouldn’t change her mind.
“I’m sure. It’s a bigger company. I’ll be Director of Finance with an opportunity to make Vice President. That’s if Anthony and I don’t decide to start a family.” She looked at me with a twinkle in her eye.
“Not you, too. You’re older than me, you can’t be serious. You don’t even like kids.”
“I’m just kidding,” she laughed. “You know I don’t want children. Being a godmother is good enough for me. I adore Crystal.”
I sat back in my chair and took a breath. “Is he going to marry you?” I tried to negotiate with her, equating marriage with love. My marriage didn’t have any resemblance to love lately.
“Maybe you ought to ask if I’m going to marry him.” Ursula placed her hands on her hips and looked indignant.
“Are you?”
“He’s asked and I’ve said yes.” She laid her left hand on my desk, flashing a huge diamond ring.
“Oh Ursula, get outta here! When did this happen?” I dashed around the desk and swept her into my arms.
“Last night. We’re thinking about getting married next year.”
“I thought you were never getting married.”
“I know, but—”
“How many carats is that ring and who helps you carry it around?”
“It’s three carats. Isn’t it exquisite?” She wiggled her freshly manicured fingers.
“Ursula, it is absolutely fabulous. And even though I’m upset that you’re leaving me here all alone, I really am happy for you. I really am.” My voice sounded genuine, but Ursula couldn’t see the havoc tearing at my insides. The fortress of friends and family that held me up was slowly crashing into rubble.
“You won’t be alone, you’ll have Marco,” she giggled.
“Oh girl.” I poked her. “But you know…”
“Yeah, yeah, I know, you’re married.”
We sat in my office talking about her relat
ionship with Anthony. She couldn’t stop gushing about all the wonderful things they did together, how he was willing to do anything she wanted. How they stayed at her house eating microwave popcorn while they watched Schindler’s List. She’d asked Carla and me to watch it with her years ago, but we always had an excuse. She was bursting with happiness. She reminded me of me when I started dating Walter. We could have rolled the clock back twenty years to when Ursula and I sat in our cramped dorm room. I was the one gushing about Walter while she had her nose wrinkled with questions.
She stood to leave. “See you in a few hours. Don’t be late.” She hugged me. “Stop looking so sad. I’m only getting married, not moving to Hong Kong.”
“Yeah, but everything is changing. Changing so fast.”
I couldn’t budge from the chair. After she left, I continued to sit opposite my desk with my hands folded in my lap, staring. As long as I sat there, time stood still. Crystal was my little girl, Walter loved me, my parents weren’t getting older, and my best friend lived close. I could slow time just for a moment if I didn’t budge from my seat, setting the world back in motion.
By the time I had roused myself, then bought gifts for Ursula and Carla and had them wrapped I was almost late for my hair appointment.
When I arrived home Carla and Ursula were already there along with a caterer. The living room was transformed into a spa with a massage table. The smell of eucalyptus scented candles and oil permeated the air and smooth jazz filtered through the stereo. The family room was turned into a salon with a manicure and pedicure station. Water bubbled in the foot tub. A multitude of nail colors lined the mantel.
The savory smell of delicious food filled the house. I drifted into the kitchen to see what activity was going on in there. The kitchen island was laid out with seared foie gras. I immediately loaded some on some a cracker and popped it into my mouth. The delicate pate melted on my tongue. Poached Maine lobsters, tempura soft shell crab, and braised short ribs looked just as tempting on the far counter, but I resisted the urge to gorge until the party was in full swing.
With the precision of a welder, the chef ignited a torch and began caramelizing the tops of individual chocolate crème brûlée. They smelled so decadent, I had to push myself out of the kitchen. Leave it to my two best friends to create such an elaborate soiree.
