by Jacki Kelly
“I’ll stay here. Have a good time.”
“I tried to call you earlier.”
“What’s up?” I closed my eyes. Carla must have told her about our run-in.
“Just checking in before things got to hectic around here. We can talk later.”
I hung up and exhaled. This was getting harder. Tracy was getting more suspicious, always looking for something. With me, there was always something for her to see. I put the last of the dishes in the dishwasher, then turned the lights off and hurried upstairs.
Sasha was in the shower. I shucked my clothes, dropping them on the chair. The steam in the bathroom was thick, but I could see Sasha rubbing soap on her stomach. I climbed in the stall behind her. Her warm body was covered in rosy smelling bubbles and her eyes were closed. I cupped her stomach with my palms. It was only beginning to protrude. I pulled her into my arms and held her tight. She ran her hands along my back and the pressure in my chest eased a little.
I traced my finger between her breasts, her silky skin pebbled up with goose bumps. I cupped her firm, round buttocks. She released a deep moan and pressed against me. With a firm grip on my penis she stroked it. The smooth rhythm was like a potion, helping me to forget and relax at the same time. My body warmed under the hot spray of water. She had me right where she wanted me and I couldn’t resist.
“If you want to get clean, you shouldn’t do that,” I said.
“Getting clean is the least of my concerns.” She stood on her tiptoes and placed her lips against mine for several seconds before slipping her tongue into my mouth. The kiss was slow and gentle. Water cascaded over her shoulder as she increased the intensity of her strokes. Getting clean was the last thing I wanted, too.
I turned off the water and grabbed her plump breasts, rolling my tongue over each darkened nipple until they hardened. She gasped when I flicked her breast with my tongue, and moved up her torso. I planted a kiss in the small of her neck because it turned her on as much as it did me.
After grabbing a towel to pat her dry, I picked her up and carried her to the bedroom.
“Walter, I’m still wet and so are you.” Her voice was a faint whisper between short breaths.
“It doesn’t matter. I want you.” I sat on the bed, allowing her to straddle my lap. If everything had to be so different, then this moment had to be pure and satisfying. I captured her mouth and slowly slipped my tongue in, drawing out the pleasure for as long as I could. Even though my breathing was faster than my heartbeat, I let our tongues dance the slow waltz.
I slipped my finger between her legs and kneaded her moist folds. Her eyes glowed with desire, but she didn’t rush me. Allowing me to take my time. I lifted her just enough to enter her. Her muscles tightened around me like molten heat. Inside her, the world was beautiful.
The colors were stunning.
The sound was mellow.
Life was easy.
I tried to keep up with her rotating hips. The pores on my scalp prickled, the sensation slowly rolled down my back. I closed out the world and focused on the heat surrounding my penis.
Her hands raced across my back, blazing a trail of fire, consuming me with desire or pure lust. I didn’t care which.
She found my tongue and pulled it into her mouth. I lived for this ecstasy. I was willing to sacrifice everything, for moments like this. Sasha’s young, firm thighs caressed me and promised an even more glorious tomorrow.
She tightened her legs around my waist, drawing me into the depth of her beauty. My chest constricted, but that didn’t slow me. All I could think about was releasing the pain that was building in my body. Her body shuddered and my absolution immediately followed. I fell against the bed, drawing her down on top of me. The tightening in my chest was severe, but I didn’t want to move. Sweat rolled from my forehead like rain and I couldn’t control my breathing.
“Are you okay?” She stared down at me, her eyes large with concern.
I tried to answer but the pain constricted my words.
“Did you hear me? You couldn’t fall asleep that fast.” She nudged me.
Again I tried to tell her I was fine, I only needed to rest, but my voice wouldn’t come. My body shot full of pain, like splintering glass.
“Walter!” Her voice grew louder. “Walter, are you okay?”
Still my mouth wouldn’t work. She pushed off of me. “Walter, honey, what’s wrong?” Panic laced her voice.
I faced the ceiling, gripping my chest and grunting in agony. She looked down on me. Tears from the corners of her eyes fell on my face. My body wouldn’t cooperate. I wanted to fold my arms around her and hold her. To tell her not to cry but nothing worked the way I wanted. If I moved my hands from my chest, my heart would rip through the flesh.
She picked up the phone and spoke to an operator. I wanted to tell her not to do that. Tracy didn’t know I was here and if I needed to go to the hospital, it had to be from my office. But Sasha wasn’t looking at me.
I tried to shake my head.
Couldn’t.
What would Tracy think if she saw me now?
What about Crystal? I struggled to get up. I needed to dress. Pain pinned me to the bed like nails on a cross. I gasped for air.
I rolled my eyes towards the heap of clothes on the chair. I wanted my pants. I didn’t want anyone to see me naked.
On the bed.
Like this.
Sasha grabbed my face between her palms.
“You better not die on me, Walter.” She was screeching, her face contorted with fear. Tears spilled from her eyes and landed on my nose. She ran out of the room. I’m sure I had the ability to move, but I couldn’t tell my body what to do.
Sasha came back into the bedroom tugging on her pants. Her areolas were darker than normal and standing up, I wanted to tell her how much I liked that, but the words were trapped in my head.
Except for the fear in her eyes, she was beautiful. She looked down on me. Tears flowed freely. Before I could tell her not to worry the doorbell rang and she ran from the room. I focus my attention on my hand, on my index finger. All I needed was to move it an inch, just enough to cover my penis. Nothing. My body was stiff. The pain took my breath, silencing my voice and my movement.
Suppose this didn’t pass. What if I was trapped in my body forever? How would I explain this to Tracy? How would I tell her I was sorry? How would I ask her to forgive me and love me?
I didn’t want to sleep. I strained to keep my eyes open. But the room grew dark. Behind my eyelids I saw a bright orange glow like a pile of burning leaves. Gradually the color darkened like someone had pulled down a shade.
Chapter Seventeen - Walter
Euphoria surrounded me, so it had to be a dream. My favorite one. A vision of me sitting in the back seat of a car, happily waving goodbye to my mother’s stone-faced expression, came into focus. Seeing her stand so stoically on the front porch, her arms pinned at her side, filled me with elation as the car pulled away.
I struggled to open my eyes. Not quite ready to relinquish the peacefulness.
After several attempts I parted my eyelids a fraction of an inch. The blinding light made me squint. I could hear people talking and lots of unfamiliar noises that seemed to rise and fall at regular intervals. The bed was much harder, smaller, and positioned at an odd angle. I was in the hospital. There was a clip on my index finger like a clothespin and an I.V. in my arm.
I exhaled a deep breath. At least I wasn’t naked anymore. A faded blue and white paisley hospital gown thin enough to see through swaddled me. I tried to turn away from the light, to find a more soothing place to focus my attention. In the corner, Sasha was slumped in a chair beside the bed. Her head was thrown back and her legs dangled over the arm.
I tried to pull myself up in the bed without waking her, but an agonizing bolt of heat blazed across my chest making it impossible. She woke up, rubbed her eyes, and stretched. Her full round belly peeked from under her top. Tracy had worked so hard to disgui
se hers behind big tops and loose pants. Sasha flaunted her stomach like she flaunted the diamond on her finger and her new bracelet. I preferred Tracy’s way better, which labeled me an old man. The finger clip and the monitor beeping reinforced my opinion.
“Hey.” Sasha came to stand beside the bed. Even though she sounded chipper, her face looked distressed. “How do ya feel?”
“What happened?” My voice sounded deeper, or maybe I was talking too loud. Sasha rubbed my arm, the one free of hospital contraptions.
“The nurse said the doctor would be back in a minute. No one will talk to me about what happened.”
“What did they tell you?”
“No one will talk to me because I’m not your wife.” She drew out the words as if to emphasis her unfair treatment.
But I wasn’t in a mood to pamper her back to euphoria. I needed some answers.
Without the benefit of softening my voice to coddle her, I said, “How long have I been in the hospital, Sasha? Has anyone called Tracy?”
She gave me a quizzical look and studied my face. “Walter, you came here last night. You don’t remember?”
I was talking to a stranger. Sasha didn’t seem to understand the importance of my questions. Her youthfulness prevented her from seeing how this situation could collapse my world and hers, as well. I tried to talk with authority, but wearing a gown with my butt exposed didn’t make it easy.
“Sasha, how long have I been here and what is wrong with me?”
“Walter, you’re scaring me? Don’t you remember?” Tears gathered in her eyes.
“Dammit, Sasha how long?”
“Last night. We’ve been here a few hours. It’s seven o’clock in the morning.”
Only a few hours. I expelled a long, slow breath. Some comfort washed over me knowing I didn’t have to fashion another excuse for Tracy. I was so tired. I wanted to sleep for the rest of the day. I shifted my weight and tried again to sit up.
“I’m fine, I’m feeling fine, Sasha”
She fingered the edge of my gown. Her bottom lip trembled, either with fear or she was about to cry. Would she leave me now that she knew I was defective?”
A doctor walked into the room, flipping through documents on a clipboard.
“Good morning, Mr. Baptiste. How are you feeling?” He never looked at me. I ignored his jocularity.
He made notes on some of the pages and nodded, giving me the impression he wanted to be somewhere else. Like the golf course.
“Well the good news first, you’re alive. The bad news is we aren’t sure what caused your attack.”
I closed my eyes and swallowed. Not once did I imagine I was lying in this hospital bed because of something serious. When had I reached the age of having attacks? I was too young to have a heart condition or any other major health problems. I grimaced at the thought.
“What happened? Why?”
“The test isn’t definitive. You’re not overweight. Your blood pressure is normal. You’re not a smoker. So we need to run more tests. We’ll keep you another day and check you out. Have you recently experienced personal loss or some significant life change?”
I looked at Sasha, who stood beside the bed wringing her hands. I reached for her hands to hold them still.
“No, we’re going through some turmoil at work, but I’m handling that quite well.” I shifted my weight again. “Look, doctor, I can’t stay here overnight. Is there some other way we can get these tests taken care of? Can’t I just go somewhere and have the test taken?”
The doctor ignored my question. He scribbled notes on the clipboard. “Something triggered the attack. Have you started any new medications lately?”
“No.”
“Heart disorders sometimes run in families. Is there a family history?”
“No.” I couldn’t mask my impatience.
“How about stimulants? Has there been an increase use of caffeine?”
“No. None of those things.”
“Like I said, we’ll run some tests.”
“Doctor…by the way what is your name?”
“Delaroy, Dr. Delaroy.”
“Look, Dr. Delaroy, I cannot stay another night. Please write me out a prescription for something and I’ll see my family doctor to get the tests you suggest.”
“Walter, don’t you think you should listen to the doctor?”
“Look, both of you, I can’t stay another night. I’ll see a doctor tomorrow.”
“Fine. I’ll write it all up in your release papers. You’ll have to sign a document releasing the hospital from any liability if something happens to you.”
“Just bring me the papers and let me get out of here. I need to leave.”
“The nurse will be here in a minute with the papers, and then you can go home.” He looked at Sasha. “When you see your dad overdoing it, you have to remind him to slow down, to take it easy.” He walked out of the room.
“Did that asshole say Dad?” I swung my legs over the edge of the bed.
Sasha patted my hand to dismiss the comment. “Forget about it.” Her smile was anemic.
“Please tell me you brought some clothes for me to wear home. I want to put on real clothes.”
“In this locker.” She pulled the suit and shirt I’d worn to work the day before. I dressed as quickly as possible, feeling like a thief. The icy fingertip of my mother pressed on my chest.
Chapter Eighteen – Walter
I felt like I had been paroled from prison as Sasha and I stepped out into the oppressive June heat. I stopped to look up at the sky. I inhaled what seemed to be the freshest air in the world before grabbing Sasha’s hand. We walked to her car. The pain in my chest subsided a little.
At Sasha’s house, I showered and changed clothes. Before joining Sasha in the kitchen, I perched on the edge of the bed. The mussed sheets felt warm to my palm. Life threatened to swallow me whole without providing an escape. Even though I didn’t love Tracy with that burning passion that I once had, life with her was simple and uncomplicated. With her, I wasn’t always expected to perform, I didn’t have to try so hard, or suck in my gut whenever she was in the room. The thought of raising another child scared the shit out of me. Instead of directing my path, I always seemed to be following someone else’s direction. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t getting my footing right. My mother’s words echoed in my head as I rubbed my hands over the sheet. “Don’t be foolish, boy.”
“Fuck,” I uttered to myself as I finished dressing and went downstairs.
“You feel okay?” Sasha’s eyes were red, like she’d been crying.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” I sat down to the plate of eggs and bacon she placed on the table. I pushed the eggs away but ate the bacon. “Once the wedding is over and the layoffs at work are done, I’ll be able to relax. Maybe we’ll go on a trip just before the baby comes,” I said with a mouth full of bacon.
“Uh-huh.” She gave me weary smile.
“What?”
“Stop making promises, Walter. Right now I only want one thing. One thing in the whole world and that’s you. Permanently.” She sat across from me and held my hand.
“I know. Soon. We’re this close.” I measured with my thumb and index finger. “Look you must be tired. Why don’t you call Ella and let her take care of the store today.”
“That’s a good idea. I am exhausted.” She pushed away from the table. Her stomach looked twice as large as it did last week. The sight of it made me rub my chest.
“You know I’m going to be out of pocket for a few days. With the wedding and all. Call me if it’s an emergency. I’ll try to call you every day. But I won’t be able to come by.” I stared into her eyes. “You understand, don’t you?”
“As long as it gets us closer to being together forever, I can handle it. It’s only for two or three more days, right?”
“Right.” I was getting so good at lying I was beginning to believe myself. In two or three days something magical was bo
und to happen.
She waved good-bye to me as I pulled out of the driveway.
Beverly was already at her desk when I walked in the office. “Your wife called, she wants to talk with you as soon as you get in. She said to call her at home.”
“What did you tell her?”
She arched her eyebrows. “I told her I’d give you the message.” She handed me the message and turned around to her computer.
“Thanks, Beverly,” I said.
She didn’t look up.
I placed my briefcase on the desk and turned my computer on before dialing Tracy’s number. I’d checked my messages and knew I was in for a lot of questions. “What’s up?”
“Good morning, Walter. How are ya?”
“I’m stiff from sleeping here on the couch, but I’m fine.”
“What kind of excuses are you going to give me about not answering your phones last night when I called?” There was no anger in her voice.
“I told you I was going to be working. Why did you call?” I had enough edge in my voice to let her know I didn’t feel like being cross-examined.
“Walter, where were you last night?”
“Right here asleep on the couch. Why didn’t you come down here again looking for me? Or maybe you could have sent that loud mouth bunch of friends of yours to hunt me down.”
“Why didn’t you answer your phone?” She asked again in the same even tone. “Even if you were screwing somebody, can’t you stop long enough to answer the phone?”
“Tracy, I was exhausted, I put the phones on vibrate so I could get some sleep. Why did you call?” My irritation grew.
“Carla told me she saw you at the doctor’s office. What was that about?”
I knew that loud mouth was going to tell Tracy before I could blink. With everything thing going on I didn’t know what to say, so I decided to give a very casual reply. “Yeah, and what else did she tell you? Did she tell you what I was wearing? Every fricking time I turn around you’re questioning me or tracking me down. Damn woman, you’re worse than my mother.”
