by D. C. Gomez
“Thank you, that helps. By the way, nice clubs.” I pointed toward the back of his Jeep with my head. James gave me a half smile.
“You play?” he asked.
“Just started.” I was still really new.
“If you ever want to play, give me a call. Shorty has my number. Hopefully, you won’t be on business and look like a cop.”
So that’s what made him so nervous.
“We’ll see. Thanks again.” I waved at him as he climbed into his Jeep. I looked over at Shorty, who was smiling wildly. “Shorty, what are you doing here?” Shorty walked all over Texarkana, but this was a little too much of a coincidence.
“Bob said you were here and I have some info for you.” Now that made a lot more sense. “By the way, James is a cool guy. You should take his offer.” Shorty was waving at James as he pulled out. Why did everyone want to play Cupid for me?
“Shorty, focus. What do you have for me?”
“I heard rumors there’s a new guy in town. Tough guy with a huge crew. Might be your guy.” How did Shorty know all that already? Wait, why was I questioning Shorty’s method? That was insane on my part.
“Do you have an address?”
“Will have it soon. Just checking to see if you want it.” Shorty smiled very proudly.
I looked at my watch. It wasn’t even ten and I had plenty of time before my crazy date. I decided to head to the library. I hadn’t been there for a few days and I still wanted to find new things to read.
“Yes, that would be great. The sooner the better. By the way, I’m heading downtown. Do you need a ride?” With Shorty, it was hard to figure out where he was heading, but I could always drop him off.
“Hell yeah.” He was climbing in before he finished talking. “Boss lady, are you going to finish your cookie?” By the time I got in, Shorty was inspecting my lunch bag.
“Nope. I’m supposed to have lunch in a little bit. Would you like the rest of my burrito and milk? I didn’t open the milk.”
I had a bottle of water with me so I could survive. Shorty took the burrito and milk and emptied the content of the bag on his lap. He knew the lunch bag was a gift from Bob so he would never ask to take it.
“Thanks, boss lady.” He was used to riding with me so he put his seat belt on without being told. Now that Bob had his place, Shorty took regular showers, so he always smelled fruity now.
“Shorty, I have a question. You know who I work for. You’ve even met Constantine. How come it doesn’t bother you?”
Shorty was the first real human who knew about us and he never changed. Shorty got serious for a moment.
“Miss Isis.” He never called me that directly so now I was nervous. “I met a lot of people in my life. When things took a wrong turn for me, all my so-called friends left me. Your boss and Constantine have never judged me. They see a man full of potential, not a drunk on the streets. Nowadays, when I find genuine people, I hold on to them. Even if they come in the shape of a cat. You know what I mean.”
The last part wasn’t a question but a statement. I knew exactly what he meant. It was hard to be accepted, especially if we had a messy past.
“I know. It’s hard to find people like that.” I smiled at Shorty as I spoke. I was wondering what had happened to him. What was his story?
“OK now, boss lady, let’s not get emotional. We got work to do and not a lot of time.” Shorty was back to his smiling self. He and Constantine had that devious little smile that made you wonder what were they up to.
“So true, Shorty.” I glanced at him one more time before putting Ladybug in reverse. He was eating his cookie with milk. He looked like a happy seven-year-old.
CHAPTER 15
I loved libraries and bookstores. There was something about books that was comforting. After dropping Shorty at the Jeep dealership, I headed to the library downtown. The dealership had moved to Walton Drive around the corner from Walmart. Shorty said he was meeting a guy there for business. I had learned it was safer not to ask too many questions when it came to Shorty’s business. I did not want to be accessorized with any unnecessary information. The dealership was nowhere near where I was going, but it wasn’t like I was walking. So taking him was not a problem. The ride was not boring; I got to hear his theories on the alien takeover. Even Shorty had crazy conspiracy theories; I hope they were just crazy theories.
My reading selection had drastically changed, something that was driving me nuts. I couldn’t find a new genre that was fun and didn’t make me think of work. Even the mystery cat books that were my regular easy read were hard to follow after living with Constantine. I stumbled into the arts and craft area and decided to pick up a hobby. Photography sounded like fun and they had tons of books on how to take and develop black-and-white photos. It appeared I had found a new area and something to do. It was a win-win.
I was still pretty cheerful when I pulled into PetSmart’s parking lot. The boys’ mystery man sent me a text to meet him in front of this chain store at twelve thirty. Who meets at PetSmart? Maybe we were going to the restaurant next to it, the Catch. Then again, if we were going there, why didn’t he just say that? I was super nervous and today I hated my obsession with being early. I didn’t want to get out of Ladybug so it was precisely twelve-thirty when I walked over. It was adoption day at PetSmart so they were groups outside with the cutest puppies. I wondered how bad Constantine would take it if I brought a dog home.
“Isis, is that you?” A nasal voice called me from behind. I turned around a little worried.
“Yes, can I help you?” I asked.
“It’s me, William. Didn’t Bob give you my picture? He sent me a copy of yours.”
William was my date and true to his word he was holding a smiling picture of me on his phone.
“No, he didn’t. He probably forgot as we’ve been so busy.” Sure thing he forgot. He didn’t show me a picture because I would have never ever shown up. William was different—a weird combination of Shelton and Steve Urkel with a pair of BCGs on and red hair. BCG stood for Birth Control Glasses as the soldiers called that style. He was skinny, maybe five feet seven inches, and he looked fragile. I probably could break him in half.
Now he was smiling like crazy at me. “Well, I’m glad he sent me yours. This could have been awkward. Nice to meet you.”
He extended his hand. His grip was like a wet fish, totally limp. Oh, I was going to kill the boys.
“Nice to meet you.” I wanted to wipe my hands on my pants, but that would have been rude. “So Bob said we were having lunch. Do you have a place in mind?” How was I going to get out of this?
“Yes, we’re going to my favorite place, Cici’s, across the street. I hope you didn’t mind meeting here. I needed to pick up a few things for my cats and didn’t want to forget.”
I was speechless. We were going on a date to Cici’s, the buffet pizza place? Was he kidding?
“Oh, no, not at all.” I finally noticed the two bags he was carrying in his left hand. He had some strange string toy sticking out of one of them. “How many cats do you have?” He did say cats, right?
“Not many. Just six. They are all pure-breed Siamese.”
Oh lord, what was I doing here? I have heard of cat ladies, but was there such a thing as a cat-gentleman or cat-man? No wonder Constantine liked him. He was a cat magnet.
“That’s…That’s impressive.” I was hoping a car would drive by so I could jump in front of it. I looked around and the street in front of the store was deserted. Just my luck. “So, William, do you want to drop that off in your car? So you won’t lose it.” I was terrified to see his car.
“That’s a great idea.” He crossed the street and headed toward a gray Ford Focus. I followed a few feet behind him. He was a single guy, who according to his background check made really good money. Why was he driving a family car? This had to be a joke. I was looking for the cameras to show up any minute. “OK, I’m ready.” We walked across the parking lot to Cici’s.
> “So Cici’s. Was Chuck E Cheese packed this time of day?” I knew I was nervous because I was cracking jokes. I wasn’t expecting his reaction. He stopped in the middle of the parking lot to look at me.
“No offense, but Chuck E Cheese is not for first dates. You have to build to that.” He shook his head and started walking again. It took me a minute to process all that. He was serious. I was in the twilight zone. I needed to find a fast-moving vehicle soon and put myself out of this misery.
We made it to the restaurant and he opened the door for me. That was a small blessing. I smiled, but I wasn’t sure how to act. I’ve never been to an all-you-can-eat pizza place for a date.
“I hope you didn’t mind that I opened the door for you. Bob mentioned you were a very progressive kind of girl. So I figured we would go Dutch, so I wouldn’t insult your liberal ways.”
It was a blessing I got paid well or I would make Constantine and Bob reimburse me for this disaster.
“Sure thing.” We headed to the register to pay.
“Hi Mr. William, welcome back,” the very cheery teenage girl behind the register told my quirky date. “Your regular booth is open.”
“Thanks, Margaret.” He gave her a huge smile which was a little creepy for my taste. “I got connections here,” he whispered to me.
I was hoping he left them a great tip. Margaret was not nearly as friendly to me.
I followed Mr. Charisma to his favorite booth and was amazed how everyone knew him. I was wondering if this was how I looked when I went to Big Jake’s. I was praying it wasn’t so. The place was pretty packed for a weekday. It seemed like all the stay-at-home moms were here with their kids. Every once in a while a new lady waved at William and he gave them a casual nod of acknowledgment. I guess if you were the only man in a group of women with kids, you got it going on. Maybe that was why he liked this place. I, on the other hand, felt old and out of place.
“So how do you like your job? Cause I love mine. I got to meet all sorts of interesting people and see cool places. One time…”
I blanked William out. I made all the appropriate sounds like I was listening. Instead, I started paying attention to all the other patrons. There was no need to hear what he said. Every question he asked, he answered it himself. This was going to be the longest lunch of my life.
“William, are you OK?” I asked him after twenty minutes of his nonstop talking. He was sweating profusely. His skin had taken on a weird yellowish color—almost jaundice.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I went to the doctor four days ago. I think I have the flu again. I was feeling achy, shivering, runny nose. I tested negative for the flu. Today I feel better, that’s why I didn’t cancel. Now I just have a bit of a headache. Nothing major.”
William was starting to shake. If this was nothing major, I didn’t want to see him when something significant happened.
“Maybe we should go. You’re not looking too well.” And I didn’t want to catch whatever he was carrying.
“I am…”
William never finished his statement. He was looking at me one moment and the next one his head hit the table. It sounded painful.
“Ouch. William, are you OK?” I touched his shoulder, hoping he wasn’t passed out. That was my big mistake. William raised his head slightly. And the guy looking at me wasn’t William.
“Holy cow!” He was going straight zombie on me. I needed to do something. “Sorry, William,” I whispered. When I thought nobody was looking, I slammed his head on the table hard. This was the worst first date ever. I jumped from my side of the booth to William’s side before anyone could notice. “Oh, William, you look awful, let’s take you home.” I made sure everyone heard me.
“Is he OK?” asked one of William’s admirers.
I smiled at her as sweetly as I could. “Oh, he just has the flu. He can’t keep anything down, but he wanted some pizza. I need to take him back.” I was pulling William out of the booth as I spoke. I was giving God thanks that I was so much stronger than him. I left a twenty on the table and rushed him out the door with the excuse that he needed to puke.
I made it to the end of the block without drawing too much attention. I did not want to take this semi-zombie in Ladybug. If he woke up, he’d kill us both in a traffic accident. And I didn’t have enough trunk space to stick him there. Maybe I could put him in the trunk of his Focus. Those things could fit a couple of bodies. I just didn’t want anyone to notice. I didn’t want to end up in jail for kidnapping.
I was almost dragging him across the parking lot when a Dodge Ram extended cab headed straight for us. Here was a fast-moving vehicle now that I didn’t need one. The truck stopped abruptly in front of us.
“Boss lady, do you need a hand?”
Was I seeing things? From the driver’s side Shorty jumped down.
“Umm, Shorty. Whose truck is this? Never mind that, why are you driving a truck?” I knew I left him at the dealership, and they sold trucks there, but who would be crazy enough to give a truck to Shorty? I was pretty sure he didn’t have a driver’s license or even believe in traffic laws.
“The boss man hooked me up.” Well, that explained it. Only Constantine would think it was safe to put Shorty behind the wheel. I rolled my eyes in worry.
“I’m your new cleanup crew.”
“Cleanup crew? What are we, the Sopranos?” Honestly, my boys had lost their minds.
“Well, I can leave, but how are you planning to carry that guy?” Shorty was eyeing William very suspiciously. I thought about it for a minute and realized Constantine was right. It wasn’t like I could go driving around picking up zombies in Ladybug.
“Good point. Help me get him in the back.” Shorty ran around and opened the tailgate. Between the two of us, we lifted zombie William into the truck bed. “Don’t stop anywhere and get him to Reapers, ASAP. I’ll be right behind you. I don’t know how long he will last like this.”
“Moving out, boss. See you at Reapers.”
I barely had time to close the tailgate, and Shorty was already in the driver’s seat. Without another look, Shorty took off, driving like the proverbial bat out of hell.
One good thing had come of this mess: I now had another reason not to date. You never knew when the guy might turn out to be a zombie.
CHAPTER 16
By the time I got to Reapers, Bartholomew and Bob were dragging William from the back of the truck. I was surprised I had caught up with Shorty. He was an absolute menace in that truck. I prayed Constantine had added extra insurance to the policy. We were probably going to need it. I pulled up next to Shorty’s truck, ready to jump out and help. I had my window down by the time I stopped.
“Isis, we got this. Meet us inside.” Bob was right. Between him and Bartholomew, they had everything under control. Then again, William was tiny, so even Bartholomew could move him alone.
“OK, see you guys inside,” I told Bob. “Thank you, Shorty.”
Shorty was already in the driver’s seat, ready to take off. He rolled down his passenger window. “Going to make some rounds and see what else I find. It’s going to be a busy week.”
I was afraid Shorty was right. I waved at him and drove around to the back of Reapers to the vehicle’s entrance.
After Ladybug and I had cleared all the securities, we slowly pulled up to our spot. Bartholomew and Bob had dragged William to the practice area and laid him on a bench. He looked like a rag doll, lying around all limp. Constantine was sitting on the opposite side of the bench, looking down on the poor man. I jumped out and walked over to the boys. As I made my way over, Eugene was coming out of Bob’s apartment. He was wearing jeans and a Beatles T-shirt. He looked so young in his casual clothes.
“What’s going on? Who’s the guy?” Eugene asked as he got near. I was staring at zombie William, who was looking worse by the minute.
“Isis’s date,” Bartholomew immediately replied, being the kind of twelve-year-old that he was.
I glared at him.
“It was a blind date, thanks to those two.” I pointed at Constantine and Bob for extra effect.
“Hey, he looked normal in uniform,” Bob replied.
“Besides, his resume, background check, and credit report were excellent,” Constantine added.
“Newsflash, gentlemen. Everyone looks great on paper. But in case you both missed it, it was a date, not a job application. I wasn’t looking for a secretary.” For such a wise group of men, when it came to dating, they were worse than me.
“We might need better interview questions,” Constantine told Bob.
“You guys interviewed him?” Why was I asking? I didn’t want to know. “You know what? Never mind. Don’t tell me.”
Eugene was inspecting William very closely. “What happened to his face? That bruise looks fresh.”
“I slammed his head on the table,” I replied almost to myself. Unfortunately, they all heard it, and they were staring at me.
“Really? Was it that bad of a date?” Eugene was the first to recover.
“Well, he did take me to Cici’s and we went Dutch. Really, how cheap can you be? But that wasn’t why. He started turning into a zombie.”
All the boys took a step back from William. Even Constantine took a backward step on the bench.
“I thought you said his drug test was negative,” Bob asked Bartholomew. They were not kidding when they said they conducted a background check.
“He looks a little too nerdy to do drugs. Besides, he said he wasn’t feeling too good and thought he had flu symptoms three to four days ago.” Eugene was back to examining him.
“Hey, you have your live specimen now,” I told Eugene.
“I’m impressed you thought about it.” Eugene looked amazed. “If my date had turned zombie on me, I doubt taking her for testing would have crossed my mind.”
I had to smile. “You’ll be surprised the things you think about on this job,” I answered.
