by Kip Nelson
None of them had died for a noble cause. It was a stupid battle that never should have happened. Lisa and Lee had poisoned the minds of the people they led, had used them as pawns in their rise to power, and now it was time for them all to rebuild. However, Adam wasn't sure how people could rebuild in this world. There already had been so much sorrow, and it seemed as though it was unending. Spring seemed so far away, and he almost couldn't remember what a warm summer's day felt like. Everything was cloaked in misery. Everyone had lost so much and every day it felt as though another piece of their soul was lost.
Adam wanted to hold onto life, wanted to try remembering what was good about the world and the people around him, but it was so difficult when the malaise was so relentless. He felt a sadness swell up inside him. His body started trembling, then he choked out sobs and tears began running down his cheeks. His tears left tracks through the dried dirt and blood. Tara took him into her arms and they held each other for a long while. A sharp wind blew through the camp. Everything was quiet. In the distance, they could hear other people murmuring to each other, trying to make sense of it all. More loved ones had died. More misery would be shared. In his heart, Adam wanted to believe they could rebuild society, learn from history, and prevent the mistakes that had been made before. He wanted to believe the end of one world could have been the beginning of another, but as he wallowed in sadness he felt nothing but despair.
There always would be people like Lisa and Lee, those who sought to shackle people and rule over them, torturing anyone who did not agree with them. Surely, he thought, it only would be a matter of time until others like them came to this place and sought to break apart any hopes people had. He just wanted it all to end, for people to work together and be happy.
People were picking up the pieces around them and it seemed so senseless. “What's the point of all this?” he said in choking sobs.
Tara remained quiet for a few moments before she answered. “The point is that we're still here, and I know sometimes it can feel as if nothing we do matters, but if that's the case, then all that matters is what we do.”
She stood up and waited for Adam to rise with her. He looked up. She was dirty, her clothes were stained, her hair matted to her face, but she was the most beautiful thing he ever had seen. He thought about her words and knew them to be true. If he wanted to, he easily could have disappeared into the woods and shut himself away like a hermit, living out the rest of his days with only memories to nourish his soul. Yet, he did not. He could not. He loved people now: Peter, Diana, Annabelle, and Tara. He had attachments and wanted to see the people he loved be happy, in whatever shape or form that took. There were so many people who had lost so many things, but the ones who still were living had one thing in common. They had each other.
Adam stood up and took Tara's hand. He kissed her tentatively, his lips still aching when they pressed against hers, but he endured the pain. The two of them walked through the camp and helped people where they could, either trying to comfort them or helping them move the dead bodies. It was a somber mood that set upon the camp that night, but by helping others Adam's soul was soothed.
After Lee had died it still had taken a little while for the battle to settle down. Eventually, it became clear to the attackers that their leadership had been compromised, and since most of them were not warriors it hadn't taken much for them to set down their weapons and surrender. At first, they had snarled and gnashed their teeth, for they still were under the mistaken impression that Lisa had been wrongfully kidnapped. Diana, Stan, and Matthew had taken the responsibility of explaining to them the reality of the situation. Diana had some sympathy for them as she had been through the same feelings of realization herself. The guilt and shame still knotted in her stomach. It took a great deal of effort for her to push those feelings aside and focus on making it through the day.
Even though Diana thought Lisa's Machiavellian nature was evident, there still were those who were in deep denial about it. “You can go and ask her yourself if you like. See, we're not monsters like her. We don't sentence people to be killed,” she said, her voice laced with bitterness as she thought about how close Annabelle and the others had come to being killed just for opposing Lisa and threatening her rule. Nobody took her up on her offer, but a short time later Peter and Annabelle were walking together. They both had strange looks on their faces and Diana instantly knew that something was wrong.
Annabelle ran to her father and wrapped her hands around him. Diana tilted her head and looked at Peter quizzically. However, before he could answer there were calls from behind him. People ran forward and called out that Lisa had been killed in cold blood.
Not many people were surprised, although Matthew looked ashen. He had worked so hard to try upholding some sense of justice in this new world, yet it had fallen apart all around him.
“And you're really trying to convince us you're the good guys?” one of the prisoners said pointedly. Matthew had no response. He, Diana, and the others all ran to where Lisa was being held and they looked at the gruesome sight of her body slumped in the chair. Somehow, she still seemed to be sneering at them even though she was dead.
“He was the last to leave,” someone said, pointing at Peter.
“Is this true?” Matthew asked.
Annabelle was about to say something, but before she could Peter looked down at her and shook his head. Barely anyone noticed because they all were looking at Lisa, but Diana saw, and she wondered what had passed between the two of them. When Peter didn't say anything in response, Matthew cursed.
“I knew they'd be trouble,” another person said. “We're going to have to put them on trial now! Otherwise, we'll look like hypocrites.”
Matthew glanced at Diana, who in turn glanced at Peter. She had an idea of what might have happened, but she knew the protesters were right. She couldn't denounce Lisa for executing prisoners and then excuse her friend when it appeared that he had done exactly that. Matthew looked tired, as did all of them, and she felt sorry for him when he pinched the bridge of his nose. It was bad enough to live alone in this world, let alone actually to be responsible for an entire camp of people.
The people around them started bickering and eventually Matthew had to hold up his hands. “I shall think about this. Right now, everyone needs to reflect on what has happened and we all need to make sure it will never happen again. But I'm afraid, Peter, that this can't be allowed. People cannot take the law into their own hands. If you don't have anything else to say to me, then I really have no choice but to hold you until we can figure all this out.”
It was clear Matthew dearly wanted Peter to say something and for all of this to be a misunderstanding. However, Peter did not say anything in response, and he was taken away to be held for trial. Matthew sighed deeply and walked away from the others, wanting to be alone to try figuring out all of this. Diana shared a look with Peter and wondered just what had happened. It seemed as though there always was going to be a shadow upon them, and while Diana understood why Peter would want to punish Lisa this way, she could not condone it. And yet, as they were walking to find Adam, she noticed how subdued Annabelle seemed to be. After spending so much time with the young girl, Diana knew how to read her moods, and there was definitely something more to this.
Stan held Annabelle's hand tightly. Diana wanted to talk to her, but it felt as though there was something more for Stan to do. Diana had been taking care of Annabelle for a long time now, so long that she thought of Annabelle as her own daughter. But Annabelle had been reunited with her father, and Diana knew enough when to step back and give them some space.
It wasn't long before they found Adam and Tara, who were helping other people. Diana pulled him aside and told Adam the news. He looked devastated.
“What?” he gasped. Tara was similarly shocked.
“I know,” Diana explained. “Matthew is holding him at the moment. It looks as though there could be another trial. They're saying they'll be hyp
ocrites if they just let Peter get away with this and, frankly, I can't blame them. Why would he have done this? After everything we've been through? He agreed with us that this was the right way. What could have changed his mind?”
“I don't know,” Adam said softly. “This has been hard on him you know. He used to be in the army, and he'd been trying to move on from his past. I know he blamed Lisa for putting a gun in his hand again, but I never thought he'd go this far. Just when I thought our problems could be over. It seems like they never end.”
“What are we going to do?” Tara asked.
“I don't know,” Adam said, “but I'm not going to let him be locked up. He's paid enough dues over the years, and he must have had a reason for this. I'll go to him and try getting him to explain himself, and if I need to, I'll defend him to anyone who will listen. I can't believe even after she's dead Lisa still manages to torture us.”
When he had been told that Lisa had died he did not feel anything for her but indifference. His main focus was on protecting Peter. His friend clearly had made a mistake. Maybe he thought killing Lisa would bring an end to the fighting. Maybe he had planned it all along, but no matter what, Adam would help Peter as much as he could. “I'm going to go talk to him now.”
“Wait,” a small voice said. Everyone was surprised to see that it was Annabelle. They all looked down at her. She licked her lips. Her voice wavered with uncertainty and she looked torn. Stan bent down.
“What is it, sweetie?” he asked.
Annabelle sniffled and cried, but eventually managed to speak coherently. She told Adam and the others what really had happened, and why Peter really had been there. Adam gritted his teeth and stood up. Then he said he was going to go talk to Matthew. In turn, Stan said he was going to take Annabelle home and talk with her. Tara and Diana were left to move through the camp and help where they could.
Adam found Matthew in the first place he looked, the cathedral. Once again Matthew was looking up at a carving of Jesus on the cross, making his ultimate sacrifice for the salvation of humanity.
“Do you really believe in that?” Adam asked. “I mean, I get that Jesus is supposed to be our savior, but as far as I can see, there still are plenty of sinners around.”
“I'm afraid it doesn't quite work the same as that, but yes I believe. I believe the Lord is all around us, and He has given us the strength to face the challenges of this world.”
“Even after all this time?”
“After all this time,” Matthew said softly, turning to face Adam. “I assume you're here about Peter, not a theological discussion.”
“Yes, and there's something you should know,” Adam began, walking closer to Matthew. His footsteps echoed on the stone floor. His eyes were transfixed on the eyes of the savior staring down upon them, pity in his eyes more than regret.
“I understand this must be difficult for you. Peter is your friend, and he has helped us out, but I cannot turn a blind eye to this. I am trying to build a society here, to lay out rules and guidelines for how we should behave. It is already a fragile thing for us to welcome you into this camp, and to forgive those who have attacked us. I cannot let Peter go unpunished. We must have some absolutes. Lisa faced this community’s judgment and she should have been punished according to that judgment. Her life was not to be taken into the hands of a vigilante. We already have lost so much, we cannot lose our morality. Otherwise, all this will have been for nothing.”
“You don't understand, Matthew. Peter only killed Lisa because he had no other choice. There was someone else there, Annabelle. She'd gone to kill Lisa herself. Peter prevented her from doing it. He only did it to save Annabelle, and from what Annabelle said, Lisa goaded him into it. I think she wanted him to do it, but would you rather Annabelle was the one to have pulled the trigger?”
With this revelation Matthew sank down with his head in his hands. “What is happening?” he asked. Adam wasn't sure if he was speaking to him or to the Lord above. “This world...it's trying to change us all. Even the children aren't safe.”
“They are if we do all we can to protect them. Annabelle, she's a special kid you know. Peter was only doing what he could. I'm not saying he was right in what he did, but it was all to protect Annabelle's innocence. Can't you give him some leeway? He doesn't deserve to be in there. He's a good man, better than most, and this all just has been one terrible ordeal. I know that killing is wrong, but isn't there room for forgiveness? Can't we all just try moving on? Lisa has ruined so much for so many people. Please don't condemn Peter for this. If you do, then you'll have to condemn a lot more people. We've all done things we're ashamed of in this world. Maybe this is the day when we all can stand together and say 'no more'. This is going to be a new beginning, and we can all move forward.”
Matthew stared at Adam after his impassioned plea, and then looked up at the depiction of Jesus again. “I'll try talking people down, but it's not going to be easy. I don't want to come across looking as though we're going back on our word. It's only going to make it more difficult for you to settle in here, and I don't know what it's going to mean for the people you used to live with.”
“I'll take it,” Adam said, beaming, and then rushed to tell Peter the good news.
Meanwhile, Annabelle and Stan had returned to Stan's home. Annabelle still was shaken by everything that had happened that night. Stan had been apart from Annabelle for so long he almost had forgotten how to be a father again. After everything that had happened, he never thought he'd have to use those skills. His hand had been taken from him, and his eye, but those losses were nothing compared to the loss of his wife and daughter. Yet now that Annabelle was back with him, he felt complete again. Although there had been some initial awkwardness between them, he felt as though they were getting closer, and the past was flooding back to him. He remembered all the times he and Annabelle had been camping out in the woods and he had been teaching her about the world.
It was time for another lesson.
“Annabelle, come and sit down,” he said, patting the cushion on the couch beside him. Annabelle did as she was told. She had been sobbing and sniffling quietly all the way home.
“Do you want to tell me what happened tonight?”
“I told you what happened,” she said.
“I know, but I want to know the part before that. I want to know why you went to where Lisa was being held.”
Annabelle stayed quiet for a few moments. Her body was rigid. Her eyes darted about furtively and a few expressions flashed across her face before she spoke. “You always told me people weren't always good or bad, and that sometimes it was hard to tell the difference, but Lisa was bad. She did bad things, she hurt lots of people. You heard everyone in her trial, and I watched her. I watched her that whole time and she didn't even care! She just sat there with that stupid smile on her face and then she got to live when everyone else was dying. She didn't deserve it and she knew it.
“I know you tried teaching me the right way to go about things, but I know that's not always possible. I don't see why it's okay to go hunting for some food, but it's not okay to kill someone like her. You taught me these things. You taught me how to live in the wild, and you said there was a balance, and that animals kill because it's necessary. Well, this was necessary. She only was going to hurt people again. If a wolf attacked you, then you wouldn't even think about killing it. Why is Lisa so different?”
“Honey, she's not an animal,” Stan tried to say softly.
“No,” Annabelle said, her eyes raw with tears as she looked at her father.
“She's worse. Animals don't choose who they attack. That's what you always told me. It's just their nature. She chose to be like she was. She wanted to hurt people, and if nobody was going to do anything about it, then I was! It felt right,” she said, “I wanted to do it for mom...” she added, her voice so quiet it was barely a whisper.
Stan looked at her and pressed his lips together. He wrapped his arms around her and h
eld her close. She had done and seen so much in this world, but as he held her he remembered that she still was his little girl. There was a long way to go before she was grown up yet.
“I know it's not always easy, and sometimes things seem simple like that, but that’s not the case. Believe me, I wanted to make her pay for everything she did to all those people, and it frustrates me as much as it does you, but there are ways to go about it. One thing you must learn is to respect authority. Matthew is the leader here, and as long as we live here we have to follow what he decides. I trust him, and I believe in him, and I think we can make this place better than it is.
“I'm not going to punish you, Annabelle, because I don't think that will work. Hell, I barely know what works in this world anymore, but you don't have to take these things into your hands. You have me, Diana, Adam, and all the others around to help you. As for your mother...I don't know if that's what she would have wanted for you. I knew her a long time, and she wouldn't want you to do that. I think you know that as well.”
“What's going to happen to Peter? It's my fault he got in trouble.”
“I'm sure Peter is going to be fine. If Adam can't persuade Matthew, then I will, because he owes me one. These people have been good to you, Annabelle. They looked after you when I couldn't, but I hope that now that we're back together we can try being a family again. I know it won't ever be the same because of all that's happened, but you're still my little girl.”
“And you're still my daddy,” she sobbed as she flung her arms around him and buried her head in his chest.
He rose and lifted her up, then carried her to bed. She was so tired she needed to rest. As he tucked her under the covers and planted a kiss on her forehead, he felt as though there was a chance things could get back to normal. For the first time in a long time, he felt like the man he had been before the world had gone dark.
Chapter Eleven
