by K. D. Kinney
Josh was right by my side and weaved his fingers in between mine. We walked so close that our shoulders kept bumping together. He pulled me to the bleachers. He sat down already drumming on his knees and bobbed his head up and down. I leaned closer, grabbed one of his hands, and squeezed it with both of mine to calm him down. After we listened to a few songs that weren’t great but were much better than Josh’s version, I turned his wrist to check the time on his watch.
“We need to get to the concert,” I whispered in his ear.
“What?” he asked.
I leaned close to his ear again. “We need to go.”
He shivered and smiled. “You gave me chills. I like the way your voice sounds that close to my ear.”
I shook my head and pulled him off the bleachers. He rested his arm across my shoulders and pulled me closer to him as we walked. Not able to walk in a straight line, I held onto his shirt and laughed as we walked. I happened to be stuck sideways in the corner of his arm. All of sudden he abruptly let me go and kept walking.
My hair covered my face and dread instantly washed over me. I pushed my hair out of my eyes and caught up to Josh.
“What was that for?” I looked all around us but didn’t see anyone I recognized.
“He went into the Exhibition building with his parents. I don’t think he saw us so don’t worry.” Josh rubbed his palms against his thighs and didn’t take his eyes off the doors as we walked past.
I had to grab his arm to steer him away from bumping into people. “Come on.” I pulled him and started jogging for the main stage.
Thankfully, almost running into Noah calmed Josh’s need to try to smother me. He was satisfied with handholding. I didn’t mind that so much.
When the concert started, Josh knew all the words to almost all of Weird Al’s songs. He was just as entertaining as Weird Al with all his play-acting with each song and didn’t sing quite as badly as he had earlier. The truth was when it was all over, I’d had the best time, my face hurt from smiling too much, and my belly ached from laughing. Josh hugged me as the crowd dispersed around us and I hugged him back just as tight. I was very well aware that he inhaled next to my neck again like the first time he hugged me.
“Do I need to take you home now?” he asked.
When Josh rubbed his thumb against the back of my hand, I couldn’t stop the ever-growing flutters it caused. I liked it when he settled down and gazed at me to wait for my response. Knowing he was so interested in me turned the flutter into a rush of tingles all over. I pushed thoughts of Noah out of my mind. It was Josh’s turn to have a night full of fun, good feelings, and hand holding. Besides, I wasn’t doing anything to feel guilty for. “No, I don’t want to go home yet.”
15
We held hands and quietly walked down the paths that were emptying of people. We intentionally avoided the Caravan. As we were heading closer to the side of the carnival where the one carnie worked, I stopped.
“What is it?”
“I don’t want to go by the games. The carnies are too pushy over there.”
Josh looked in that direction and then at me. He rested his hand against the small of my back. I inhaled. When he touched me there, I wanted to melt. He guided me towards the large animal barn where the cows and alpacas were kept.
“I don’t like most big animals, you know.” I grabbed his arm.
“We aren’t going there. There’s a trail you can’t see very easily from here.”
“Where does it go?” I slowed even more.
“There’s a paved path along the river that leads to the RV Park. We can go that way without running into everyone we know.”
He led me to an unlit dirt trail that met an asphalt-covered path with yellow marks down the center like a road. “This is a bike path that goes on for miles along the river. In the daytime it gets a lot of traffic.” Josh took a step back and pulled me with him as a couple of people on bikes with front flashing lights sped past us in the dark. “It still gets traffic at night too.” His fingers linked in mine.
“So what do you do when you’re not performing the show?” Josh asked as we walked slowly along the path near the river.
“We have a couple more places to go before we go back to Arizona to my uncle’s home. Unless he’s moved again. He’s real paranoid about the government knowing too much about him. We’ll park there and live in the house with him while he works on the Caravan and mom will get all our school lined out. She has me doing online classes now that I’m in high school and I think she’s about to start Cessie too. It makes it easier for her to make up new stories for the next summer’s shows and she can schedule them too. She likes to make sure we visit new places and she’ll also look into booking the ones that we want to return to.”
“Do you think she’ll come back here next year?”
“It depends on how well we do. I’ll try to talk her into it. She lets us give her some input sometimes.”
“Good because I hate the thought of never seeing you again.” He sat against a giant boulder next to the path, picked up a rock, and tossed it in the river.
We heard the splash when the rock hit the water before the river shushed us as it rushed by. The carnival rides in the distance lit up the sky just above the trees that lined the path.
I shivered from the chill of being near the river, stuck my hands in my pockets, and kicked at a twig on the ground in front of me. When I looked up at Josh, his eyes were glassy, and he sniffed. A heavy weight settled into my chest as I turned to stand in front of him. I took his hat off and placed it on my head backwards. I held his face.
“Why are you so worried about me not coming back? I’m not the only girl that will ever discover you’re lovable. Who knows what will happen over this next year. We’re only sixteen. You can have loads of good luck with girls this year. Here’s some advice, don’t try so hard to show off. When you’re like this and the way you were when we were having dinner, you win my heart. When you are making a spectacle of yourself, you are a lot of fun. But I like the quiet thoughtful you much more.”
A tear escaped the corner of his eye. He tried to turn away but I wouldn’t let him. I wiped it away with my thumb. He pushed my hand away.
“You’ll probably run with my fantastic advice and next year you’ll have had all these girlfriends. When I show up, I’ll take away the time that you could be spending with girls you could date longer than a week. Or you could wind up not interested in me because you finally have a steady girlfriend. Then what’ll happen is I’ll be back to having no friends except Cessie. That’s how it usually is anyway.”
“I’d never let that happen.”
“Guys always say stuff and make promises like that when they’re feeling all the things. When those feels go away after I’m gone, you won’t remember those promises when something better comes along. There are lots of girls better than me.” I rubbed my chest, hoping to make the giant ache go away.
Josh’s hands fell to my hips. He pulled me closer and hugged me around my waist. “What makes you think I wouldn’t keep that kind of promise?”
“Because men always make promises they intend to keep but don’t.” Now I wanted to pull away. “My dad always said he loved me and misses me. Now he only meets his financial obligations. Every promise he made to come see me because he missed me so much, he broke. If he really loved me, he wouldn’t do that every single time.”
“I understand those promises and why they are so important to keep. My parents have done the same. I won’t break my promise.” He rested his forehead against mine. “But your heart isn’t mine to make that kind of promise to, is it?” His mouth turned up a little to the side, but there was no humor in it.
“No,” I answered. I tugged on the collar of his shirt before I ran my hands down his chest. My mind was all muddled with confusing thoughts. I pressed my hand against his heart. It pounded so hard and fast. Mine started to race too. I bit my upper lip. I really liked Noah more even though I still hadn’t
heard anything from him. His silence created a nagging pain that had been building all night. Josh was so sincere about how much he liked me. He also had no one to compare me to, unlike Noah. In that way I was more like Josh and recalled all too well how much I wanted Noah to like me so much that he would kiss me. Josh and I were still sort of pretending but if things started differently, perhaps I might have picked him.
He stopped holding me so tight.
I swallowed hard. “I don’t want to end tonight with any regrets.” I looked Josh in the eye. “I don’t want to go home right now and then leave on Monday wishing things were different or that I had given you more of a shot.” My hands started to tremble a little. I steadied them on his shoulders. “This has to stay between you and me.” I waited for him to nod. He gave me a confused look instead. “A secret between friends. I might even be a little crazy right now.” My heart was about to pound out of my chest. “Will you keep a secret? One you can’t even tell Noah? That’s most important.” I was about to lose my nerve.
When Josh finally caught on, he nodded, and drew in a deep breath.
I had never been the first to initiate a kiss before. I leaned in, turning my head slightly when my lips met his. So soft was his kiss. My hand slid up to his cheek then onto the back of his neck. The short hairs prickled my fingers. I gently kissed him again. His hands were in my hair and he pulled me closer. I melted onto his chest as we kissed some more. I opened my eyes when I pulled away.
Josh kept his eyes closed, pressed his lips together, and was breathing fast. When he finally opened them, he pulled me close tucking his head beside my neck. He inhaled before kissing under my ear and whispered, “Thank you.” He held me tighter and it felt like he never wanted to let me go. I was all right with that. He also smelled really good.
We were quiet for some time with only the river shushing everything around us as if it was helping keep our secret. I clenched my fists when my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. I didn’t want to have regrets over never kissing Josh. However, not telling Noah might be something I’d struggle with. My phone vibrated in my pocket and it made me jump.
Noah: Sorry for not texting. Missed u. Family is gone. Did u and J have fun at Weird Al?
It took everything I had to not burst into tears and ruin the time I had spent with Josh. More like being sneaky. I didn’t know what to say. Josh looked at the screen.
“He has incredible timing, doesn’t he?” He rubbed my arm.
I looked at him speechless.
He took the phone from me and texted. He showed me what it said.
Me: Had a blast. Missed u 2.
He waited for me to nod before he sent it.
“Do you regret kissing me now?” Josh handed the phone back to me.
“No, of course not. That was unexpected, though.”
“If you run into him when we walk back, will you fall apart?” He pulled me close to him again.
“You didn’t make me kiss you.”
“Did you do it because you felt sorry for me?” He let me go when that revelation struck him.
“No. I really like you. I’m just confused now.” I paced the path and made some hasty decisions about my feelings. I pushed Josh back onto the rock. “All right. I like you and I like Noah a lot. If neither one of you had tried so hard to flirt with me and wound up just being my friends, I’d be fine with that too. This whole boyfriend stuff just gets messy.” I grabbed fistfuls of his shirt. “There are only a few days left. I want to make the most of it. Kissing you was just as nice as kissing Noah. Don’t make this complicated and don’t mess up our perfect night. You weren’t the third wheel, you were my one and only tonight and I loved every minute of it.” I kissed him again, pressing my lips hard against his. “Now the clock is about to strike twelve and you’ll just be the side-kick comic-relief friend again. Are you okay with that?
“I’m going to have to be, aren’t I?”
“If you want to stay my friend forever after this, yes.” I put my hands on my hips and tapped my foot.
He laughed at me. “I won’t ruin any of this.” He covered his mouth and pushed off the rock. I knew he was remembering our kiss.
My phone vibrated again. It was Mom asking if I was behaving myself.
“What should I tell her?” I giggled. I was full of mischief making all of a sudden.
“Of course you are.” He tugged my hair. “We need to head back, don’t you think? Before Noah gets suspicious.”
I texted Mom that I’d be home soon and nodded to answer Josh.
“Wait. Won’t it look weird if we go this way to the RV park?” I stopped Josh once we started walking.
“Right, we should go back the way we came.”
16
We were on the path that led back to the Caravan when I told Josh I was close enough and he could head back to the RV Park. He hugged me goodbye. I was still wearing his hat so I took it off and placed it back on his head, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and waved as I walked away. I was halfway home before he jogged off. Hearing a noise nearby, I checked to see if he had changed his mind, returning for one more kiss, but he was gone.
Someone grabbed me from behind, slamming my back against the brick wall of a maintenance building. I thought at first maybe Noah had caught me. I screamed when it was the carnie.
He covered my mouth and yanked my hair. “Shut-up. It’s my turn, gypsy girl.” The carnie slammed me against the wall again, knocking the wind out of me. He grabbed me around my middle, trapping my arms. His other hand covered my mouth, holding my head tight against his shoulder as he carried me back to the river.
There was no one around because it was so late. I gasped for air, not able to scream or fight back from the impact on my back. As soon as he had me on the paved path near the river, I was able to struggle. He wasn’t that much bigger than I was but he was determined.
I screamed as loud as I could. With the trees and the river drowning me out, I knew it was pointless to wait for rescue. He smelled of alcohol and some other horrible stink came from his mouth. Maybe it was rotted teeth. A few of them were black. I arched my back forcing him to take a few backward steps and then curled forward making him lose his balance. He loosened his grip. I grabbed his arm, swung him away from me, and ran. He caught up to me fast on the path. I darted through the trees, running down to the riverbed, and slid in the mud with each step I took. Splashing deeper into the water, I ran along the river’s edge, spraying water everywhere. I screamed for help but it only slowed me down and he was keeping pace with me in the tree line. I tried running across the river to the other side. The water deepened rapidly and the current was strong. I didn’t want to be swept away. It was too hard to run in deep water and I wasn’t faring well. I changed direction and ran along the water’s edge. He was in the water chasing after me. I turned to the side as he lunged for me. He missed, but I lost my balance and struggled to stay on my feet. The carnie stumbled into deeper water, nearly falling in. I screamed again once I was out of the water, running through the trees. He tackled me and I landed hard in the dirt.
Kicking and struggling flat on my stomach, I wasn’t able to fight him off. What good was an Avengers shirt if you couldn’t act like one? I slid my knee underneath me, pushed up and was able to elbow him in the sternum. He backed off as he gasped. Finally someone finally yanked him off me the rest of the way.
I rolled over, pulling my shirt down, and gasped for air. It took me a minute to focus on Josh as he punched the carnie. He ran after the guy once he took off. I struggled to my feet and wavered where I stood, suddenly all alone in the dark.
When Josh returned, I almost tackled him, burying my face in his neck as I sobbed.
He stroked my hair and kissed my face. “I’m so, so very sorry I didn’t walk you all the way home. There was no one around when I left, though. I’m so sorry.”
“What happened?” Noah stood only a few feet away.
“Here, take her while I go find the guy that did this to her.
” Josh’s voice was shaky as he handed me to Noah. I clung to him and cried even harder. My tears weren’t only for what had almost happened to me, it was so much more.
Noah ran his hand through my hair. “Oh my gosh. You’re soaking wet.”
“My back really hurts,” I said through my sobs.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” He held me out in front of him to look me over. “Your face is bleeding some.” Noah took off his button down shirt and used it to dab my face. He dried my tears with it too.
Frick, he looked really hot in just a T-shirt. That made me weepy all over again.
“How did you find me?” I asked.
Noah hugged my shoulder against his as he walked me out of the woods, back onto the path. He brushed off the dirt and leaves that covered my shirt.
“Bree found me and told me someone was attacking you.” He looked me over again in the light. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”
My stomach stung and so did my legs. I lifted my shirt. I had a few scratches and my legs were bleeding a little. “How bad is my face?”
“It looked worse with the blood. It’s not that bad. Just a couple of scratches. Probably from a tree.”
I nodded. “I don’t want my mom to know.”
“Why not?”
“It’ll cause a lot of trouble. We just need to tell his supervisor. He’ll make sure to call the police. They’re really good at taking care of those things when they need too.” I was making stuff up. However, there would be a big investigation if I called. It would show up on a report when Mom applied to other gigs. Also if Mom knew, she wouldn’t let me out of her sight for the rest of the week. “You guys got to me in time. I’m fine.”
“I don’t want that guy around trying to hurt you again.” Noah held out his shirt for me to put on.
I shivered as I slipped my arms through the sleeves. I actually wasn’t cold. Holding his shirt tightly closed, I hugged it to my chest. I didn’t need to press the fabric against my nose to know it smelled like him.
